Sunday, May 29, 2005

REALLY freaking hard!

The newest protocol for the comprehensive exams has replaced the proposal (traditionally about 12-15 pages, though some people have exceeded 30!) with the "field statement". Why? Well, for one thing, they probably don't want to read those long proposals anymore, but even more disturbingly, because a field statement leaves them far more room to maneouver in asking questions. If your field is Victorian Literature, for example, any text that could be considered Victorian literature is fair game, as is any of the major critical approaches to those texts.

Big area! Really. Freaking. Big.

Okay, so here's where it stands: they decide to make this change this year. Not next year, for the class of smart kids. This year. When I'm the one who has to try to pass these exams.

Being a guinea pig profoundly disturbs me. It makes my innards feel like I just went off a cliff.

At least I won't set the bar too high for anyone who follows!

So, okay, I've got to deal with this change, and although I think it spells bad news for me, I'll have to suck it up and deal with it, right/eh? My problem is that I took a stab at the field statement this weekend. Now usually, my problem with writing stuff is that I don't have anything intelligent to say, or that I don't actually understand the stuff that I'm supposed to be writing about. I've spent the last eight or nine years trying to fill up page requirements!

For the field statement, it goes one further. I have to summarize the entirety of a theoretical field, or a century (and more) in 250 words.

If you haven't had to word count lately, to give you an idea of what 250 words is, go to Word (or another word processing program), open a new document, and start writing about your favorite subject - Star Wars, gardening, scuba diving, soccer, poetry, photography, comics, you name it - stop at half a page (about the equivalent of ten minutes of typing, depending on your speed). Now give it to an expert, someone who gets paid based on the subject matter you wrote about.

Did you cover everything having to do with your subject? No? What do you mean no? There's too much to say? Posh! You should be able to encompass everything within that field in a half a page. What? No, it is not a ridiculous request! Easy-peasy. What? Have I ever done it? Well, no, but there's no reason why it can't be done. Such is the rationale.

I've written for the newspaper - I know how to be succinct (no, don't look to my blogging for conciseness - here's where I get to cut lose and yabber away), but this?

This is really freaking hard!

Friday, May 27, 2005

I have arrived!

I have officially joined the ranks of the neurotic and insecure doctoral student! Well, at least that's what I'm calling it.

I had the strangest experience yesterday morning. I dreamt that a professor (who I'll probably never see again) had me (and my family - that was odd) come over to his house for dinner. [Not that odd, it does occasionally happen with people who you work closely with.] But during the course of the evening, he asked me what my fields were for the comprehensives and I was trying to articulate them, thinking on my feet, and having the sense that for the first time, I was trying to clearly spell out what it was that I was doing. Okay, so the weird part was, I'm telling him this in my dream and I wake up thinking the rest of what I was saying. No clear transition - one moment I'm talking in my dream, the next, I'm awake and thinking about the comps.

Now, there's something just a little bit creepy about waking up thinking the comps. Let alone the freakiness of dreaming about it - I've dreamt about tests before, but never about the actual content of what I study.

So, I was really a little weirded out by this experience, thinking that I'd finally stepped off the edge into the gorge of absolute academic geekiness but then I talked to two other students who have survived the comps and they told me they experienced the same thing! One even starting keeping a notebook at the side of the bed for that reason.

So I guess I've arrived. Where it is that I am, I still do not know. All I know is that I'm in good company!

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Sheesh!

See that date? May 25th. The twenty-fifth day of May. June is only a week away.

Now, traditionally, in northern parts of the continent, May is heralded as the beginning of spring, with the ritualistic doffing of clothing accompanied by the first stirrings of sun worship.

However, something terribly wrong is happening this year. There's a hush at the swimming pools and beaches that remain empty of visitors, the Swimco sales staff nervously peer out their windows, hoping someone, anyone, will enter the store, and even the old ladies with their stands of petunias and tomatoes are wondering where there customers are.

What has happened? Where are the spring celebrations? Have the terrorists declared war on the celebratory return of life and greenery to the region? Has Bill Gates finally taken over not only the virtual world, but the natural one as well, painting everything that godawful Microsoft blue?

No one knows.

All I know is that I was wearing my winter coat and gloves today and still felt cold, wet and miserable.

At least Star Wars last night was cool!

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Boredom

I'm getting tired of reading today - but with the rain and no car, there's not much else that I feel justified in doing, so I'm still slogging at it. And I hate going out in the rain. But I wish I had something really kick-ass interesting booked for this week to look forward to. I do next week, but not this one. So I've been rather distracted and find myself thinking about other things when I should be reading.

I was thinking about how much I miss the movie afternoons we were doing last term - we went through a Christopher Guest phase with Waiting for Guffman, Spinal Tap, and even The Princess Bride - and then I opened my email (it's been piling up over the last few days) and found this wonderful tidbit from a friend:

From Salon.com:
Ron Wood on the Rolling Stones' most "Spinal Tap" moment: "We were doing drugs in the dressing room [at a concert in the early '80s]. Suddenly the tour manager stuck his head around the door and said, 'The police are here!' We all panicked and threw our drugs in the toilet. Then Sting, Andy Summers and Stewart Copeland walked in." (Guitar World magazine via Rush & Molloy)

Just a series of associations relevant for a thirty-something (I can still say that!) from movie watching last month back through one of my favorite bands in the 80s... and please note: I said, ONE, not THE ONE!

Monday, May 23, 2005

Happy Victoria Day!

Yeah if you had today off - celebrate! (whatever you're supposed to celebrate on Victoria Day - a dead queen for a dead political affiliation... but whatever)

Good thing is you have the day off! I on the other hand worked today - very early - ugh! But I get next Monday off, so I'll hang in there till then.

I've been a bad blogger, I know, I know... and right now I'm just in a funk even though I'm also pleased. I'm pleased because we reformatted the hard drive on this things and it's working better now - knock on wood - and in a funk because although I backed up everything - or thought I had - I can't find one file... one single solitary file... which is very weird, and if I don't ever find it, it'll take me about four hours to reconstruct it. Which isn't so bad, but I'm behind yet again - in part because I now have a fabulous and comfy new bed (which makes that getting out of bed to work in the morning even harder now!) which required an entire rearrangement of the bedroom/study to accommodate it (and we have LOTS of papers and books that had to be shuffled out and then back in) but the other part is just 'cause it seems like all of a sudden everybody needs to be driven everywhere and all kinds of non-student things seem to be demanding my attention - which is a fabulous break from the academic stuff, but tends to screw with my reading schedule. Oh! and I went to this entirely mind-numbing eight hour meeting last week that amazed me in that I had never truly experienced hypnosis before - took me two beers just to feel normal again after that one - yikes!

So you take the good with the bad when you're getting by, right?
*sigh* but I will be a better blogger... soon...

In the meantime, check out two new blogs on my blogroll - both by friends and fellow lit geeks who have nothing better to do than blog (um, yeah, sure): Jumbotron6000 and this is your brain on grad school.

Monday, May 16, 2005

Twinkle twinkle little star

Six + hours on buses/train today.
Man! Do I wish we had a second car.

Fits and Starts

My life feels a bit unreal right now. I think it's because I'm doing things that I haven't done in years - liking it - but have got out of the habit of doing, so it feels a bit odd. I actually did very little studying this weekend. In fact, I've done very little reading for about a week.

What have I been doing instead?

Well, on Thursday afternoon, I drove up to New Hampshire to meet with a woman who's working on her PhD in educational psychology. She's researching and writing about Americanization programs in the early part of the century. I met with her because I answered an ad for an academic writing group, and even though most people would only join such a group if they were already working on the dissertation, I thought it would be worth checking out a group while I'm still slogging through the comps proposals. Of course, now that the comps proposals have been scrapped, I have no need to write anything till at least next spring, which makes joining the group a bit of a moot point. But her chapter that I read was very interesting, and we found a lot of points of intersection to talk about. And she gave me some great feedback about a paper that I've been working on sporadically for the last year. Gave me a good reason to get off my ass and do some work on it too - which is part of the reason why writing groups work! Don't know if we'll keep working together (right now, the group is pretty much non-existent with just the two of us), but I enjoyed hearing about someone else's experience in academia - particularly because it was from someone in a different discipline and at a different institution.

Friday was just messed up because I spent most of the day tagging along behind D - I certainly didn't expect the day to go to waste the way it did.

Saturday was cool though 'cause I went with some friends to see a soccer game. The Revolution were playing D.C. United, and although the game was "lacklustre" (good word use, R) I enjoyed myself immensely. I had intended to go home and get a whole bunch of reading done in the evening, but one of the kids ended up grounded by the end of the night, and the circumstances surrounding that grounding made it pretty much impossible for me to concentrate on reading that night.

Then on Sunday, some good friends introduced us to a great little pub in JP - I had steak & eggs, something I haven't eaten since the last century, so it was about time I had some - and they were fabulous. We had a good time, though I felt a little distracted by all the crap the night before, so I'm afraid I wasn't terribly good company. Then you'd think I'd go home and read, but instead I spent the night making room for our new bed - we still have to arrange for delivery, but we found a really good place to get it from, and we're hoping to get it brought by in the next couple of days.

Weird part about the whole weekend is that I did very few student kind of things, which is something I haven't done in a long time... or at least feels like a long time.

But now I need to get back to work!

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Running around

It's been a busy couple of days and the weekend is going to be fairly busy as well. I knew this would happen once D finished all his exams, 'cause there's been a bunch of family- house-related stuff we've needed to do, so that's part of it. But it also is just a bunch of things kinda coming together at the same time.

Which always makes me a little edgy, even if I'm enjoying myself, because I worry that I'm going to fall even farther behind than the position I already seem to be slipping into.

I'm also worried about when I'll actually get around to writing these exams, because I didn't get anything remotely like what I wanted for teaching assignment this fall. In fact, if you had given me the exact opposite of what I wanted, you'd be accurately describing my schedule. I asked for: two days a week, one course, no 8 am. I got: three days a week, two courses, and 8 am. I mean, really, if you're not going to pay any attention to my preferences, why ask for them?

The three day a week - two courses schedule is also for a new course that I've never taught before. AND, of the three new courses being introduced this year, I indicated I would be interested in teaching two of them. Guess which one I got assigned to though?

So maybe I'll have to be squeakly wheel, because teaching two sections of a brand new course three days a week will not be conducive to writing my exams as I plan to in the fall. That is, if I actually get to the point where I could realistically write these exams by then.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Ouch!

Have you ever gotten a shock from a piece of electronic equipment? A stereo, a television etc.?

My walkman just shocked me... through the headphones. I wonder if extra bits of electricity travelling between my ears is really terribly good for me?

I'm developing an allergy to health

or at least, to making health care appointments. I've just spent a half hour on the phone trying to book immunizations for oldest daughter when she goes to Honduras.

Last time I booked immunizations, I did it for all three children at one time. I made one phone call, which took about ten minutes, directly to the Health Clinic.

This time, I had to call the PCP, the Travel Clinic, the insurance company, and then the PCP again, to find out where she needed to go, make the appointment, find out if we're covered for it, and request a physician referral authorizing the immunizations.

Can you match the story to the country?

I suppose if I ever need a team of highly trained specialists to put my body back together after some horrific accident, that I will be grateful for the thousands of dollars I'm spending on insurance. But for the little stuff, it's an effing pain in the ass to stay healthy.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Mom's late

which actually doesn't happen too often, but I realize I'm two days behind on blogging Mother's Day.

That's not to say I won't mention it.

Got a lovely email (that I just opened today - give you three guesses why I haven't checked email in two days - first two don't count) from a colleague that said that being a mom and a grad student was amazing, wonderful etc. (to which I agree, of course).

What I didn't say in my reply is that I don't know that it's that great, since I suspect that I do neither job terribly well.

Regardless of how well I do it, my family was appreciative on Sunday, and the girls even managed to limit their fighting to a mere ten minutes each in honor of my (rapidly diminishing) sanity. As punishment, I made them go with me to see Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (which I saw for the second time), though at least one enjoyed it, so it wasn't much of a punishment. I can't recall ever seeing any other movie twice while it was in the theatre and I think this movie thus has the honor of being a Michele's first. Congratulations HHGTTG!

Saturday, May 07, 2005

Relative Pleasure

No, not the pleasure of relatives, but the relativities of pleasure.

The first soccer game of the season that I was able to get to was this morning in the wind, rain, and cold. By the time I'd been there for twenty minutes, I was thoroughly chilled. Kiddo managed slightly better since she was the one running around.

We decide on hot chocolate when we get home, but find that there's none left in the house, so we embark on the experiment of making it the old fashioned way - from chocolate. Wow! I have never tasted such a delicious, creamy mug of hot chocolate. Hang the extra time it takes, I think I'll only drink real hot chocolate from now on. And being thoroughly chilled and soaked made the warmth of the house and the drink that much more heavenly.

And oldest child reports that she thinks she did well on her SAT exam this morning, even though she ran out of time for the writing sample. I'm glad she feels positive about it - now we just have to wait to see if her feeling matches her score.

Friday, May 06, 2005

Metal

Angela got braces today. She's not thrilled, but she did admit that it's not as bad as she thought it would be.

Don't get excited

about this blog post 'cause I have nothing interesting to say. I am back on my laptop again - the one I thought was entirely pooched - and which I'm still really, really leery about using 'cause I know it's gonna crash on me again.

[nice computer, *stroke* nice computer]

It was a month ago that I first took it in to be 'repaired', just after that conferencing spree, and then they brought it back, and then in crashed again. At that point, I stopped using it and spent a day setting up a profile for myself and transferring all my software and files over to D's computer which I've been using since then. But last night, he brought it back from a final go round to the IT guys and they can't find a single thing wrong with it. I suppose when it freezes up suddenly in the middle of a sentence, it is my imagination? I don't think so! A bit like taking your car to the mechanic and he can't get it to make that godawful sound it makes everytime YOU drive it...

Most annoying part is getting used to this keyboard again. Mine is set up with shortcuts for äccénts, but they're keyed through the " key, which means I need to differentiate between an accent and a " - I have to hit the space bar after entering a quotation mark if I want to quote somebody rather than accentuate the next letter. Most other computers don't have that shortcut, and it's always an adjustment moving from one to another (not that I don't love the accent shortcut - I do, and wouldn't change the keyboard set up for the world).

If you made it to the end of this boring and really inconsequential post - congratulations! You're ready to sit through the most boring B&B lecture conceivable!

On a not so boring note - I did one of those getting-to-know your friends things the other day and sent it to people who I haven't heard from in a while (or who I'm pretty sure I've never sent one of them to) and got some great responses - it was wicked cool to hear from people far away... and I learnt something about my friends too. And okay, I'll admit it - brown is not boring - but for the record, I've always thought it was a good school - don't confuse me with my offspring!

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Is Spring actually here?

In a supersitious effort to spur on the full-blown arrival of spring - it's been kinda here one day gone the next for the last month - I started digging in the garden today. I didn't get far - there's an awful lot of weeds and crap in there, but at least it looks like someone is taking care of it, which hopefully means that the idiots who do the landscaping around here will realize that and stay out. [Last year, they came in and ended up pulling out all the alysum when they trimmed one of the bushes, which really pissed me off, since I was having problems coaxing it to grow in the first place]

I'm hoping it will be more successful than last year - though I'm not feeling super enthusiastic about it like I did last year. I'm hoping the simple act of working on it will get me excited about it again. Last year, I only got a couple of things out of it, and the one thing I was so proud of growing - a green pepper plant - had its only fruit eaten by an animal - I can only assume one of the squirrels that my neighbor feeds, and thus encourages to hang around the house. Grrrrr.

I also started peppers and tomatoes from seed in the house - I haven't done this in ages, and often haven't had success with it, but I figure it's worth a shot - I can always buy bedding plants if mine won't grow. I don't doubt that I know what I'm doing, but our place really is quite dark, and I don't have a good window that gets more than a few hours of sunshine every day, so I'm not holding my breath about the seedlings. I'm also chalking up the relatively poor performance of the garden last year not only to the fact that it is under a tree (so not a lot of sun) but also because I was still on the learning curve of what and when to grow things in New England.

And if you come to my house and see nothing but some spindly, pathetic plants growing by the back door, please be kind enough to not laugh in my face, okay?

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Pretending to be all grown up

First day of summer semester.

I already have developed a disliking for the class. Mostly because it's at 8 am. If you know me from real life, you know I don't like mornings. I do them, but I don't like it.

Youngest daughter said I looked like a teacher this morning, and since the look matches what I was supposed to be doing, I figured that was a good thing. I asked her, "If I told you to do your homework looking like this, would you do it?" She said "yes". Perhaps I'll need to keep this outfit on till she gets home, since I might need to tell her that when she gets home.

Last time I taught summer upperclassmen, it went really well... much better than teaching freshmen during summer, so I'm hoping for a repeat. It is a bit weird however that all my class are the same major and they all have the same schedule this summer. I've already been told that they won't come to my office hours since they have class then. I'm thinking that's just fine with me...

I also had a 'request' from one of the students that I do what all their other instructors 'might' do this summer and give them a week off in the middle of the term. Then they could just make up the week at the end of the term. Nuhuh! I am in no mood to spend an extra week on this class, particularly feeling the way I am now - that the break between last term and this was waaaaay too short! I know I had almost two weeks, but that was still too short. I was looking forward to the month off between summer and next fall and damned if I feel like giving it up because some other instructors all decide they don't have lives. I mean really, if all the other instructors jumped off a bridge, do you think I would too?

Blackboard is forcing me to use a new user ID and account now with my courses, which is a bit annoying, because now I have two different email addresses to keep track of, and I know I'm gonna forget one of the passwords sooner or later. Why did they give me one email address (as a student) if they were just going to force me to use a different one (as an instructor)? And why now, three years later, is it suddenly a problem? I tell you, the right hand has no clue what the left hand is doing in this place (and it's not just the IT department either... don't get me started about student ID numbers...)

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Coffee!

thanks to my wonderful partner, we now have coffee! and it's a very funky space-agey looking coffee machine that now matches my cappuccino maker - yeah for coffee!

Monday, May 02, 2005

Ghetto coffee

I arose from bed, dressed, wandered downstairs and into the kitchen. Filled the coffee pot with water, measured out coffee, inserted water and coffee into the machine. Pressed the button. Sat down. Stared vacantly into space, trying to remember what needed to be done today. Remembered. Gradually became aware that the beloved gurgling sounds and fragrant aroma of coffee brewing were not coming from the kitchen. Walked into kitchen. Turned machine off, then on again. Checked breaker. Turned machine off and on again. Plugged machine into another outlet. Stared at empty pot with something like incredulity. It gradually dawned on me. The coffee maker isn't working. But I want coffee. I like coffee in the morning. I need coffee in the morning. Making coffee usually requires a machine. I want some coffee. The machine that would usually make my beloved coffee isn't working. Which means no coffee. I would really like some coffee this morning. But wait, all the machine really does is heat the water and pump it through the grounds. I really, really want coffee this morning. There are other ways to heat water and pour it through grounds. They involve waiting. I don't want to wait. I want coffee. I hate instant coffee. I hate waiting. But I hate instant coffee more. I turn on the kettle. Eons later, I finally have a cup of brewed coffee. Where's that coupon for 20% off my next purchase at Linens and Things?