Involuntary changes

This year has been an exciting and interesting year at work with the temporary full-time position I've had. I've learned a huge amount during the year, had some great conversations and gotten a really good idea of what it will be like to be an assistant professor.

But I had harboured a hope that this would be the first step to a more permanent position or at least a first year that would lead in to a second and then perhaps on to something more stable.

Unfortunately, that didn't happen. I will finish off this year and then go back (hopefully) to a part-time position. Which really feels like a bit of a step back. When I first realized my secret hope of progress wasn't going to pan out, I got really bummed. But I've been coming to grips with it, and most of the time, I'm okay with this change of plan. I realize that I shouldn't think of it as a step back. It's just something different.

I'm doing okay with that for the most part. But the hardest part is attending meetings. I can participate in planning, but every conversation like that reminds me that I won't be part of those same kinds of decisions next year. And that's not my choice. Sometimes that's tough.

The Old and the New (and the Dead I suppose)

I recently marked two student papers on Dylan Thomas's "Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night" (1951) and in re-reading the poem myself, I was struck in both cases at the sheer skill and beauty that Thomas employs in this villanelle, one of the more challenging poetic forms to use.

DO NOT GO GENTLE INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rage at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Dylan Thomas 1951

I was reminded of the poem and its expertly conveyed sentiments when I was later listening to Great Bit Sea's "Here and Now" (2007) which parrots Thomas's line about raging against the dying of the light. Of course poor or substandard song lyrics can be sometimes partly rescued by a great sound track, and I do like the one that Here and Now is set to. But when looking at the lyrics more closely, I was surprised at how poor a job those boys from Newfoundland do at capturing the sense of passing time that Thomas captures so well.

Here and Now

The sun must set to rise
The light will leave your eyes again
Then breaking like morning's dawn
Does summer feel the winter come

The hardest part of life
Is to live while you're alive my friend
So sing an unwritten song
Or repent for the deeds you left undone

This is Here
This is Now
It's the moment that we live for
And we just can't live without
It's all clear to me now
We've already started dying
And our time is running out
Oh, Right Now

Time is ours to steal
She's a secret to reveal my friend
And when your children have all grown
You'll wait by the window
And wish them all back home

Walk a little further off the beaten path
And we'll drive on even if we get there last
Our backs against the wall
And we will lunge and bite
And we'll rage, rage, rage
against the dying of the light

Great Big Sea 2007

Don't know that I had anything profound to say about the two - just that I was struck by the difference. Perhaps my appreciation of the Thomas poem is simply because I've been writing about zombies lately, and the sentiment to "lunge and bite" or to "live while you're alive" just seems to cliched to really express the agony of a death that comes too early or unexpected. Maybe it's just because I'm just an old, crusty English prof. Maybe I'm just tired. Who knows?

Doctoral sabbatical?

So at places that offer them, professors get a sabbatical once every, what, 6, 7 years, right?

I began doctoral work in 2002.

I'm just saying...

Classes are over!!

I have not met the end of a semester with such relief in a long time. But come to think of it, last time I was so relieved to see the end of a semester was one where I was also teaching 4 classes. I suppose that tells me that 4's my limit.

Note to self: 3-3 would be ideal; 4-4 manageable (but you will be exhausted come April).

There's a huge stack of marking sitting on my desk, but it's my work desk. I deliberately brought none home this weekend. I figured with the yard in desperate need of springtime attention, two social functions (one full day one) and an R&R that needs to be completed in the next couple of weeks, I had more than enough to worry about.

And it's immensely satisfying to not even have the marking hanging around. Of course it will greet me Monday morning - four large piles of marking sitting right there, front and center when I open the office door - but it's really nice to have left it and to not have it hanging over me for two days.

Hmmm. Must remember how good this feels and have grading-free weekends more often.

Here and There

The "here" being blogging and the "there" being facebooking, I feel like I'm neither here nor there these days. When the productivity on this blog fell off, I thought it was due to facebook. Which to some extent it probably was.

But I've realized also that I was far more prolific a blog writer when I was in the researching/reading stages of comps and dissertation than when I was writing my material up. So maybe it's just that spending days writing - editing - writing has meant I have less energy for the blog writing.

I suppose we shall see, since I submitted the final version of the dissertation last week. Now I just need to wait will the defense rolls around.

Sure, I need to write up something to present during the defense, but I've pretty much chosen what I want to present and moulded it to fit the allotted time. So it really just needs tweaking.

At the same time however, I am experiencing a convergence of previous work - some of it older (i.e. pre-doctoral research that I'm continuing to work on) and some of it coming out of side projects I've inevitably undertaken during the doctoral work. What this means is that I have two pieces of published writing to undertake - one R&R and one revision of a conference paper to article length for consideration. Both have looming deadlines.

There's also the matter of two more conference papers to write up. One is an exploration of a side note in a dissertation chapter, so the foundation is there. The other consists of applying some of the arguments I made in the dissertation to a new area/set of texts. So both are material I've worked with, but pretty significantly modified for a new venue/purpose, which means there's a good bit of work to do there yet.

What I'm saying is that now that I'm not writing the dissertation, I may have more time/inclination for blogging. But then again, I've got enough other writing to do that I won't clear off my plate till mid July, that it might not make a difference.

We'll see. I suppose.