Next week is Banned Books Week

Hearing about banned books always shocks me in the way that sticking a knife in a toaster might. For me, the thought that a book, any book, should not be read, shocks me in the way that you would be shocked if your grandmother told you she was an international spy - not in the past, but right now. It's the kind of thing that doesn't even enter into my imagination.
Sure, there's lots of books that I don't like (see my description of She under Books that I'm reading), and other books that I think are really a waste of paper. There are books that bore me to death (I never have finished Moby Dick, though I've tried more than once), or that I don't understand (Gravity's Rainbow) and consequently make my head hurt. But I never doubt that there's someone in the world who loves these books... hell, for these two examples, I know people personally who love them.
But just because I'm disgusted, or bored, or confused by a book, is no reason to try to impose my taste on someone else. So banning books always puzzles me - I can't understand the motivation.
Most challenges to books come from parents who think their kids shouldn't read them.
Yes, there are plenty of books that should only be read in an age-appropriate context - kids have to be ready for the themes of some young adult and adult fiction (no, not "adult" but for-people-over-ten kind of adult fiction).
But some of the challenges go beyond questions of age appropriateness. One, a challenge brought by a mother on behalf of her daughter who asked to ban Huck Finn because of its rampant use of 'nigger' produced an interesting discussion on the part of the court justices who set down their decision. The excerpt follows:

We close this part of our discussion with two observations.First, we view with considerable skepticism charges that read-ing books causes evil conduct. It is all too easy to allegecause-and-effect when one event follows another. Here, forexample, Monteiro alleges that racial harassment, includingverbal insults, increased "as a result of" the assignment ofHuckleberry Finn and A Rose for Emily. The "as a result" linkis wholly unsupported by any factual allegations. If racialharassment indeed increased during the school term, there aremany other more likely causes that all of the interested partiesmight do well to explore. Second, the function of books andother literary materials, as well as of education itself, is tostimulate thought, to explore ideas, to engender intellectualexchanges. Bad ideas should be countered with good ones,not banned by the courts. One of the roles of teachers is toguide students through the difficult process of becoming edu-cated, to help them learn how to discriminate between goodconcepts and bad, to benefit from the errors society has madein the past, to improve their minds and characters. Those whochoose the books and literature that will influence the mindsand hearts of our nation's youth and those who teach youngpeople in our schools bear an awesome responsibility. We canonly encourage them to exercise their authority wisely andwell, and to be sensitive to the needs and concerns of all oftheir students.

I especially like what they say about good and bad ideas. After all, that's what education is all about, isn't it?
Last year, our department fielded a complaint from the parent of a student about an essay written by Edward Said from States asking us not to teach the essay because of controversy surrounding Said, his political beliefs, and questions regarding the validity of his facts. We were told that if we want to teach the piece, we should warn our students and discuss the issue with them in class.
Well of course we should! Just as I warned students about the controversy provoked in Smith's Dogma about his depiction of the church - it produced some interesting talk and I think the controversy made the whole experience much more valuable for the students... at least for that discussion period. Makes me want to use Said's essay simply because it will get students thinking and talking.
You can find a list of the top ten challenged books last year at the ALA website.

Rain

Poetry slumbers within the busy soul.

Or in other words:

In his discussion about how stories are passed on, oral stories that are rapidly disappearing from our culture in favor instead of the printed word, the novel, information, Walter Benjamin describes how the listener makes the story her own:
This process of assimilation, which takes place in depth, requires a state of relaxation which is becoming rarer and rarer. If sleep is the apogee of physical relaxation, boredom is the apogee of mental relaxation. Boredom is the dream bird that hatches the egg of experience. A rustling in the leaves drives him away. This nesting places - the activities that are intimately associated with boredom - are already extinct in the cities and are declining in the country as well.

Walter Benjamin, "The Storyteller" Illuminations (1955)

Drowning

I was so delighted when I found that I had a two day a week teaching schedule this term. I imagined how much work toward my exams I would get done the other three days of the week - three days! luxurious time! - but as with all dreams, reality is much different.

Last week I went into Boston five days of the week - that's 5 times the 3 hour round trip - 15 hours of walking to the bus, waiting for the bus, riding the bus, walking from the bus.... well, you get the idea. But I consoled myself that I would have three whole days of study to look forward to this week.

Ha!

Things that are stealing away my study time:
groceries
auto inspection (due by Thursday)
soccer game
dentist appointment (2 - one for me and one for a child)
wine transferring (it will be vinegar if I don't deal with it soon)
haircut (DESPERATELY overdue!)
winterizing supplies
mandatory (extremely annoying) and long teaching meeting
marking papers
weeding the garden before the rain forecast for the rest of the week
laundry
covering someone else's class

That doesn't even include the things that I would enjoy having cut into my study time like going to the gym, watching movies, watching my kids' sports, writing, answering email from friends who must think I'm dead, spending time with my great husband....

All I can do is hope that next week I have my three days free.

Now here's a question...

I'm on the bus coming home when I hear sirens. My book is pretty boring anyway, so I look up to see a fire truck coming toward us on the street.

Then I realize an ambulance is coming up behind us.

My question: Who gets the right of way?

Answer: I still don't know, but in this case, the fire truck went first.
Is that just 'cause he's bigger, or because he had his lights and siren going and the ambulance only had lights on?

How do they decide?

Something to ponder next time you're stuck in line at the DMV.

Spelling woes

Forwarded to me via email:

John Kerry said that the W. in George W. Bush stands for "Wrong" -- "wrong choices, wrong judgment, wrong priorities, wrong direction for our country." The Bush campaign responded saying that it was just the opposite, that the W. actually stands for "Write".

Ouch!

You can test whether you're a better speller than Dubya at the Guardian's spelling quiz

I'm afraid I have to admit I didn't get them all right... I guess I, like many others, have gotten way too dependent on spellcheck.

What the hell?

I dreamt about doing laundry last night... It wasn't even my laundry, or anything that I would recognize as something that I own, and for some reason I spilled water all over the floor when I opened the machine.

What the hell was that about?

Mood: Good

I realize "good" is a pretty plain word, but as I tried to insert other words, they all fell short of what I was feeling. I'm just feeling good.

Spent most of yesterday surrounded by the smell of ripe grapes (not the sterile, tasteless and odorless kind you get in the supermarket) that I first picked, then destemmed, and finally crushed. It's a heady scent.

Guess why?

Wine, of course!

First time I'm trying to make grape wine from scratch, so wish me luck...

And the night before, I felt at least partially vindicated for losing the Stanley cup with Canada winning the Worlds! Really fun game to watch too - mostly fair calls, no dirty fights (well, no fights at all), and some really good skill-work and a couple of dynamic checks. A great game!

Today, I get down to work. I'm hoping to put a big dent in my schedule this week and maybe recoup some of the speed I lost this summer and the early part of the month.

Weird part is, I'm actually looking forward to it!

Status: Busy

Wow! Leave town for a week and all hell breaks loose!

Found out when I got back that I had to entirely rewrite the syllabus (you've already heard this one) I'd prepared on the plane to accomodate department requirements that were unknown to me at the time (the email came in on Monday and because I was away, I didn't see it till Wednesday)

Rewrote the syllabus (which took much longer than I expected and involved the wee hours of one morning)

Attended two meet 'n greet type functions (one at BU and the other for NEU) in two days. Lots of smiling and making nice.

Started panicking about book reveiw due on Monday (yes, tomorrow). I think I bit off more than I can chew with this book review, and although I finished reading the book weeks ago, I'm having difficulty writing anything that doesn't sound entirely too elementary to make a good impression.... hell, at this point I'll go for not looking like a complete fool.

I asked to review the book because I'd read the previous volume put out by these editors and thought this one would be interesting - which it is. Problem is, I feel under-qualified to comment on the position of the text within the scholarship that it represents. So I'm not writing as confidently as I otherwise would - which annoys me.

Also tallied up the losses from working dumb ass summer jobs. I'm now three full weeks behind on the reading list I set up at the beginning of the summer... mind you, losing a week to unexpected travel and the prep for it accounts for part of it, though I'm still a good two weeks behind. F***.

If I don't post for a while, it's likely that I'm not dead, just attending to all this stuff and the people in my life who I see face to face instead of virtual.

More drivin'

Okay, so it's not my imagination - ranked in order of difficulty to naviagate as a driver:

Bert Sperling's Top 10 Most Difficult Cities to Navigate
1. Boston, MA
2. Washington, DC
3. San Francisco, CA
4. Baltimore, MD
5. New York, NY-Northeastern NJ
6. Ft. Lauderdale-Hollywood-Pompano Beach, FL
7. Los Angeles, CA
8. Seattle-Everett, WA
9. Providence, Pawtucket RI-MA
10. Norfolk-Newport News-Virginia Beach, VA

At least I don't feel so bad about how many times I've gotten lost in this city.

Info from Sperling's Best Places.

Drivin' me ______

You fill in the blank....

It was only five days, but driving in Calgary for five days was long enough for me to really notice the difference when I headed out to the grocery store - had to brake for a guy running a red.

In only five days I'd gotten used to (again) people actually following traffic laws.

Back home

The weekend was full of activity, people, and emotions.

The girls came through with (what looks like) flying colors being on their own. Yeah!

111 emails.

One of which requires me to entirely rewrite the syllabus I put together on the plane and with a timeframe for the first assignment that is so tight, I have no idea how to implement it.

*sigh*

Weird intersections

Games.

They seem to be everywhere: the latest fiction book I'm reading The Player of Games, an sf novel about a perpetual game player; I watched David Cronenberg's eXistenZ the other night; and the library just emailed me to tell me a book I asked them to hold about four months ago is now available: Rules of Play: Game Design Fundamentals.

Not that I know much about game theory, or am even terribly good at playing the things, but its weird how some things come in threes.

From eXistenZ:
Ted Pikul (disgruntled game player): I don't like it here. I don't know what's going on. We're both stumbling together in this unformed world whose rules and objectives are largely unknown seemingly indecipherable or even possibly non-existent. Always on the verge of being killed by forces that we don't understand.
Allegra Geller (game designer): Sound like my game alright.
Pikul: Sounds like a game that's not gonna be easy to market.
Geller: But it's a game everybody's already playing.

Sad news

We learnt yesterday that Dwayne's mother died. We were expecting it (see last month's archives), but it doesn't make it any easier, particularly since now he has no parents.

I'm gonna share mine with him.

So... we wanted to get out of the city for the Labor Day Weekend - looks like we're gonna get really far out now. If anyone's gonna be in Calgary this weekend, maybe I'll see you there.

Good advice

I must remember this tip for saving my ass. With my paranoia about this place, it may just come in handy.

Thanks Jen!

I'm early but I'm celebrating!

I know I have one more excruciatingly looooong day tomorrow of being nice to strangers, but I feel free! I am no longer selling my body for dollars. (believe, it has really only ever been my body that's engaged in these jobs) I felt so good about it, I started studying this afternoon.

[How's that for a bizarre reward....!]

Countdown!

Only one more week of wage-slaveness! Whoopee! It will be very nice to actually have to hunker down with books again and use my brain. I'm afraid it's starting to shrivel like a grape left in the sun too long!

16 more hours unpacking boxes/running a scantron & 14 1/2 more hours answering telephones and being nice to customers (that last one's the hardest part - I can do it, but it takes an awful lot out of me to sustain niceness for more than a few hours at a time).

Then I can get back to being a poor student instead of just a poor wage-slave.

Water fountains and Pay phones

Two things that seem to be harder to find the older I get. Maybe that's because people mostly drink bottled water and use cell phones. But for somebody who rarely does either, the dearth of pay phones and water fountains is an irritation.

The Eastern Time Zone is big!

How big is it?

The sun went down in Buffalo almost a half hour later than it did here even though we're in the same time zone. Wish we had the later sunlight here - maybe we should join Newfoundland and get the extra half hour back.

Well worth it!

Rush was definitely well worth the full day of driving to get to it and back.

While there were plenty of songs I wish they would have played but didn't, I'm not complaining since if they were to play every Rush song that I like or think is essential to their oeuvre, they would've been on stage for six hours. And there wasn't anything they played that I thought was a waste of their time.

Their stage show was very cool too - low key, not huge props etc., but a great pyrotechinics and laser light show combined with clever video. A good rocker stage show.

Their latest album is a cover album, and except for one song that I'm just not sure of yet, I like Rush's version of the song better than the original in every case.

But maybe that's 'cause I'm a Rush fan.

Driving through upstate New York was nice too - lots less traffic on the Interstate, and fewer trees - you could actually see something other than trees as you travelled. I think that's the thing that bugs me most about travelling in MA - you only ever seem to see trees - exit - trees - exit - trees - exit - trees... well, you get the idea.

Maybe its just 'cause upstate NY looks a lot more like home.

Being with Dwayne all day was cool too - when we're at home, there's always something that needs to get done, kids that need (or think they need) attention, stuff to get done, but in a car for fourteen hours, all that goes away. It was a very nice escape.

And I discovered that I'm not too old to stay up all night - we drove back right away and got in at 6:30 this morning. I was hoping to catch the sunrise, but it's cloudy and overcast. Good day to catch up on reading before working twice as long at work tomorrow to make up for taking today off.

Survival and Reward

So, survived tax holiday day - mostly because everyone made such a big deal about it that they planned ahead... and put extra staff on.

My reward will be seeing Rush in concert tomorrow in Buffalo, NY. We've been wanting to see them for two years. Last time they toured, they were in Boston when we were still in Calgary, and in Calgary once we got to Boston (yeah, the timing sucked).

Yes, it's a seven hour drive, but to see Rush it will be worth it.

A good reason NOT to get up in the morning

Tomorrow is a sales tax holiday in Massachusetts - no one will have to pay the 5% sales tax tomorrow.

I work Saturdays in a tile showroom - our customers typically spend thousands of dollars with each order... I'm guessing lots of our customers would like to save money on such large purchases... The rest of the staff is guessing the same.

I'm not looking forward to work tomorrow. It's likely to be busy, which means lots of grouchy people - and I'm at the frontlines.

The good news is, by the end of tomorrow, I will be halfway through my summer-work-arrangements-from-hell. The end is in sight.

Perspective

My friend's brother was killed earlier this week. He was being a good Samaritan, doing the right thing, but he was hit and killed by a car doing it.

My petty griping is put into its place - there's nothing more to say.

Lesson in change

All inhabited space bears the essence of the notion of home.

Gaston Bachelard The Poetics of Space

Ugly Day

So far, today has been ugly. Not in a bad/disastrous/I'll look back on this and laugh kind of way, but in a dull/boring/wasted kind of way. There is nothing memorable - good or bad - and I feel like I'm prostituting myself with work, doing anything to pay the rent. That's a horrible feeling.

Pressure

Right now I'm timing out a Practice SAT exam for Sandy. She'll need to write the exam this year if she wants to apply to any U.S. schools, so she needs to begin practicing writing the standardized test.

She's getting a bit annoyed at the process. Well, frustrated and angry are probably better words to use. I believe during the last break she said the test was "hella stupid" and while I might agree that standardized tests don't necessarily measure how smart you are, if you want to succeed in North American society, you're going to have to write some kind of standardized test at some point.

So, we practice.

She also told me that she just wasn't going to apply to U.S. schools if she had to take the stupid test. And while I would certainly be absolutely fine with her going to a Canadian school (tuition is SO much lower!), if she wants to get an atheletic scholarship to a U.S. school (which she does), she'll need to write the SAT to get in. And if she gets a scholarship and wants to go that route, I'm all behind her too. I just want her to keep her options as open as possible.

So it looks like we'll need to do more practicing over this year. Another thing I'm going to make her do that she doesn't want to do.

Guess that's what parenting's all about though, right?

Lovely day

Trying desperately to stay awake and get something accomplished this evening... though if the coffee dosn't kick in within the next hour, I think I'm going to give it up as a lost cause and go watch a movie or something equally thought-less.

I should've known all that sun today would make me feel sleepy. The girls and I went to Hampton Beach in New Hampshire. The place was pretty crowded, and although we started getting our stuff together early, by the time we got there we had to park out along the highway.

But we enjoyed ourselves. I'll have to see if I can get pictures to attach properly and show you - but please don't be too disappointed if my meager technological skills mean I can't manage it.

I got a bit more sun than I wanted to - in part because the girls decided they needed 'one more swim' and that put me in the red zone - hence, the tiredness. But I will persevere with the coffee and try to write up the latest book I read Bringing Down the House at the link to your left. If you don't see it till later, well, you know I gave up and curled up with a good book instead (or a mindless movie - sometimes that's just as good!)

Rhetoric

Watched Kerry's nomination acceptance speech at the DNC last night (on tv, not there obviously). The consensus in the room was that he hit on some of the issues he needed to (though the room was entirely Democratic, so that was to be expected).

I was struck by one thing he said, that internationally, America needs to recover its position as a nation that people look up to, not just fear. I wonder how true that sentiment might actually be of international politics.

Caveat: I only know my sense of things - and I'm no expert in international politics.

Sometimes as a Canadian, looking to the U.S. feels a bit like watching the pit bull in the neighbor's yard - you're pretty sure the fence is secure, but it still makes you a bit nervous. Being here sometimes feels a bit like standing behind the bully of the playground. As long as he isn't looking at you, you're okay. But when he turns around - all hell's gonna break loose.

But maybe that's just me.

Sorry kiddo

Oldest daughter: People always say I look like my mom when she was younger.  What do you think?
Her boyfriend: (looking first at her, then at me, then back to her) Yup.
Daughter: (grimacing) Ugh!
Me: Sorry kiddo!

Chins up and all that jolly good stuff...

I'm trying hard to stay positive about the way my summer has turned out.  But mostly it's not so good - at least, I sure figured some of it would be better.  One of the things I hadn't figured on was the kind of job I've got.

When it gets bad, I console myself with the thought that there are thousands of other people like me who are working well below their capacity in America. 

(But it doesn't really help)

Don't get me wrong - the people I work with are really nice - they're all very dedicated and eager to help and show me stuff.  And it beats digging ditches, or working retail, or waitressing.  But the job is, well, it's not really the kind of thing I imagined I'd be doing, even if only for a few weeks.  Today, I spent most of the day putting stickers in books.  That should give you some idea of what the job is like.  I'm not exactly taxing my brain.

Then again, that means I have plenty of brain power left in the evening for studying. 

But since I'm depressed at my relative lack of job-getting, I hardly feel motivated to do anything more intelligent like what I'm actually here to do.

 

Coincidence

At a birthday party last night, a friend told me about an interesting coincidence.

She's volunteering for the DNC here next week and during training they had one of those icebreaker/learn to talk to strangers kind of exercizes where she was paired with an Irish man who had been at Northeastern.  So, having taught English classes there herself, she asked if he'd taken any and he'd said he took the Middler class last year.  And because the exercize required them to keep talking, she asked who his teacher was... you guessed it, yours truly!

Weird coincidence!  I really enjoyed that class, most of my students were international students (and most of them were Irish).  I learnt a lot from them, and at least from the report of this student, they learnt some from me too.  But it was an interesting coincidence.  Out of all the volunteers for this convention (and there's lots!), these two sat beside each other and each knew me. 

Kinda cool. 

Beginning and End

Sunday afternoon, I drove two towns over to a friend’s house to see their brand new baby.  He was not quite three weeks old. 
 
He was sleeping when I arrived, and I looked down at him, marveling and being reminded at how small newborn babies are… they grow so fast, it’s easy to forget how little they are when they’re born.  [When you’re having them though, they feel huge!]
 
He woke up a short time later, and my friend passed him to me.  His mother said something about how neat it is to see someone who knows what they’re doing pick up a baby, but I didn’t respond because I was almost overwhelmed by the memories that I was feeling.  Yes, I did mean feeling.  It wasn’t that I was remembering particular instances of holding a baby, but holding babies in general.  Which is a visceral thing – my body was remembering what it felt like to hold such a small baby, to carry it, to nurse it, to care for it.  It was a bit overwhelming to tell the truth.
 
I was there a bit longer than I had expected, which was still a rather short visit, but during my short time there, a host of other memories were dug up by our conversation.  I was… well, I’m not sure of the right word for it – jealous is too strong a word since it’s now after-the-fact and there’s no reason to wish things were otherwise for me – nostalgic might be the right word, though nostalgic in the sense of longing for something in the past that you never had in the first place.  You see, they both share so equally in the childcare duties, everything possible short of sharing the breastfeeding duties.  Even that, they work at sharing with dad giving his son a bottle on a regular basis.
 
I never had that.  Though in all fairness, I never expected that.  I grew up expecting there was a rigid gender division in household and childraising duties = the woman did all the work and dad got the fun stuff.  So I can’t really say I’m jealous, because my life has changed and I no longer feel like I’m flying solo in childrearing, but it’s not really nostalgia either, since I never had or expected equality when the kids were younger.
 
But that aside, it was a very satisfying experience to see their son, to see them working together, to see their happiness and pride (behind the slight sheen of exhaustion).
 
Sunday night, I answered the phone to find my husband’s brother on the other end.  I was a bit surprised since we had just gotten an email from him a few days before and calls weren’t too frequent, but it was nice to briefly chat with him before handing the phone over.
 
When my husband came down the stairs asking if he could direct dial to his cousin’s house in Saskatoon (we recently changed long distance providers, so he wasn’t sure what plan I’d gotten), I knew it was bad news.  And probably about his mom.  Though since he didn’t look particularly upset, I guessed that she had just taken a turn for the worse.  My guess was right.
 
He’s now gone to see her.  She’s been ill for a long time now and while I didn’t know her and she didn’t know me because of it, it’s still hard because I know how hard this is on him.
 
Life – we use this word so frequently and casually as in “it’s my life” “what are you doing with your life?” “that’s life!” that it’s easy to forget what it represents until you’re reminded of its beginning and its end.  And sometimes it feels like it will never end… like when you’re stuck in a line, or a boring job, or waiting for something to happen… but it does.  And we tend to forget that.  We don’t want to think about the end because we’re supposedly having such a great time living it that we don’t want the downer of thinking about when it all stops. 
 
Our reluctance as a society to talk about death, even to name it – we have way too many euphemisms for it – does us all a disservice because it is true that you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.  But if it’s you’re life, after it’s gone, you have no way of appreciating that sage piece of advice.  And if you don’t see other people die, if we don’t talk about it, if we don’t think about it, then we can’t really appreciate the life that we have, can we? 
 
Even when birth reminds us of the beginning of life, a child’s potential and all of that, it still is easy to think about other things than life when someone has a baby.  When I saw my friend’s baby, it reminded me not of life, it’s beginning, it’s potential, but of me, of how tired I was for the first months, how shocking it was to find oneself a parent, how much my life changed.  Even for my friends, I am thinking about how their lives have changed, how they’re working together, how they’re adjusting.  I am thinking almost nothing about their son’s life. 
 
Maybe the difficulty is that it’s so hard to tell how someone’s life will turn out, to predict what choices they’ll make, what experiences they might have.  And maybe part of the problem in even thinking along those lines, trying to guess what a child’s life will be like, depends so much on class issues that we’re afraid to talk about it.  We’re afraid to recognize that there are class differences.  That the dream that “anyone can grow up to be President” is in fact a falsehood.  Class is very real in North America, even if we don’t name it like the Brits do.  Not everyone has the same advantages.  No matter how hard you try to change that.
 
My children have never grown up with money.  They have had every advantage I have been able to afford them, and I’ve been lucky in some ways in the way my life turned out because I was able to access resources that they and I might otherwise not be able to afford.  Living in the break-even housing at the University meant I paid just a little less for rent than others and had the extra $50 to enroll them in gymnastics class or swimming lessons at the same place.  And they went to an inexpensive summer camp for a few summers because I knew about it because I had been to the same camp when I was young.  But there are still things that my children have not had.  Experiences they have not had that other children have.  I’m not complaining, I think I did well with what I had, and they certainly have had more experiences than other children have.  But to predict their lives as infants would have meant taking my income into consideration.  And that would mean recognizing that I was living below the poverty line.  And recognizing poverty in North America is an unpopular sport.
 
But life happens, every minute, every day whether we think about it or not.    

Coming and going

I pick up my daughter from the airport at 6:30 tonight.  She's been gone for a month and it will be nice to have her home.
 
I will be there three hours earlier to drop my husband off.  His mother is dying and he is flying home to see her.
 
It'll be nice to see the daughter who I've been missing, but now I'll be missing my husband.

To amuse and delight...

Found one of those interminable questions about getting to know you that seemed rather amusing (well, okay, the first line is what caught my eye, but I'll give you the whole thing):
 
1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4 Write down what it says: "paint-and-plaster medieval jumble" it's a book of poetry that I'm trying to write a paper on.
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first? my Running Room CD holder (courtesy my good friend Allie, who I think about everytime I put it on) and running hat
3. What was the last thing you watched on TV? South Park's "Extreme weekend"
4. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? Fan.  The bedroom tends to be hot, even with the a/c on.
5. When did you last step outside? To cook chicken and baked potatos for dinner.
6. Before you came to this website, what did you look at? Email - invite to a birthday party... poor sucker, he's only turning 30 and stressing over it... wait till he's facing 40!
7. What are you wearing? Khaki short with spagetti strap stretch T - as I said, it's hot today.
8. Did you dream last night? Don't remember the details, but I woke up feeling disappointed.
9. When did you last laugh? At Angela and her friend's antics playing at the pool this afternoon.
10. What is on the walls of the room you are in? Beige - it's a rental.
11. Seen anything weird lately? Can't say I have.  Oh, well, if you include coincidence.  Yesterday on the way to work, I followed a silver Porsche SUV from Minnesota through the square going out of town... and followed the same vehicle on my way back from work!  Can't be too many silver Porsche "Cayenne" SUVs from Minnesota out here in Massachusetts, can there?
12. What do you think of this quiz? Better than some, worse than some
13. What is the last movie you saw? Theatre: Spiderman; Video: The Thirteenth Floor (if you liked Dark City or Lawnmower Man, you might get a kick out of this one too)
14. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first? Car that works.
15. Tell me something about you, that I don't know? Since most everyone who reads this is a good friend, and I like to talk, this could be hard... I wrote a short story this week... how's that?
16. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics what would you do? Eliminate the idea of 'nation' - it's at the root of way too many problems.
17. Do you like to dance? Yes, but I'm not too good at it.
18. George Bush is he a power-crazy nut case or someone who is finally doing something that needs to be done for years? Just nut-case....
19. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? Since she was, her name is Sandra.
20. If he's a boy? Since I've had a tubal... fat chance.  But when I was having kids, I wanted to name a boy Anthony.
21. Would you consider living abroad? Since I have, and I am right now, Yep!

I am Ghandi

According to the Famous Leader test, I am Ghandi

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com


Ghandi... does that mean I have to go on a fast/hunger strike? *shudder*

Summer sun and spicy beans

Dreamt last night I was walking with friends down 4th street back home and we stopped in a Original Joe's to enjoy the long summer night with one of their fabulous spicy bean Caesars (mmmmm).

*sigh*

Missing people, missing familiar places, missing long summer nights. The sun is down here at around 8:30 these days. 8:30! I really am missing those long Calgary summer evenings!

When the kids were little, they were actually a pain in the ass 'cause the kids didn't want to go to sleep while it was still light. But as an adult (especially one who likes spending evenings with good conversation and good drinks) I really miss those leisurely evenings. Gets too dark too fast here.

Not that I actually have any sort of social life anyway...

Gendered books?

I ran across this story in the Guardian written by Rachel Cooke about how bibliophile couples need to work together to minimize the number of books they take on vacation.

Okay, a little boring, but I'm procrastinating actually writing the paper proposal that I'm supposed to be sending off today...

What got me wondering is the fourth rule: "There are many books that he might like but which you definitely won't, and must therefore be banned: anything by Paul Auster; sci-fi by Philip K Dick; anything involving Nearly Falling Off a Mountain; all 'cyber-punk' (whatever that is); Titus Groan; business books. Then again, if he wants to pack any of the above, ditch him and go away with a Carol Shields-loving girlfriend instead."

Except for the business books, the rest of it sounds very appealing. Are my reading tastes wrongly gendered? Or am I just not Rachel Cooke's 'type'?

Just more work

Talked to my supervisor... who is making it pretty clear she doesn't want to be the dissertation supervisor... about what direction I should take in compiling these goddamn reading lists for next year. It was a good conversation, but it didn't really get me any farther ahead than I already am. In fact, in some ways, it feels like I now have more work to do.

The two contradictory aims of these exams are to: develop broad competancy in an area, and to prepare for the dissertation. I had a pretty good idea of how I might actually achieve the broad competancy in an area by arranging the century into eras. But she's suggested the dissertation preparation is more important, and that means I need to rearrange the list. Which also means I need to read a huge pile of novels in order to know which ones should go onto the list (and the new categories that I need to arrange the list into).

And I've had to fight with the library just to get access this summer.

Apparently, in this capitalist fun-for-all that is private post-secondary education, if you're not registered for classes, you're persona non grata in the library.

Even if other parts of the university think you're important enough to invite down from another country AND give money to! Grrrrr.

I also do not have gym access. Okay, I can buy that - it's not necessary like the library. But if I want to optionally purchase it for the summer, it'll cost ~$400! At U of C it was what... $20? ...to add on gym access for the summer.

Coming from a country with a strong socialist background (and I use the term in the nicest, humanitarian sort of sense, where you take care of your citizens instead of throwing them to the dogs), I never gave it much thought. But my experience here is bringing out the latent socialist in me. The 'everyone pays all of the time' mentality here really pervades absolutely everything.

I've acclimatized pretty good - I can actually navigate without a map much of the time! - but I still experience culture shock at having to pay for everything all of the time.

Bear Calling

Got a letter today from the oldest daughter.

In it she describes the nice dog at Basecamp and the time she called the dog to come to her from out of the woods only to realize it wasn't the dog but a black bear she was trying to call.

I sure hope she comes back in one piece!

Fixed!

I can blog again! Yeah!

I have managed to fix the problem that was keeping me off blogger and in limbo. (It was also keeping me away from my Favorites list, so now I've got some serious catching up to do as well.) What was very odd was that it was also preventing me from loading my bank webpage - bank and blogger - I would never have put them together on a list of similar sites.

My only problem is that I ended up getting rid of my pop up stopper in the process and I desperately need a new one. So off I go to hunt - if you have recently discovered an excellent - and free - popup stopper, let me know!

Long weekends are great!

Yes, not very imaginative post title I agree.

But I thought I should post something since I have access. That love/hate relationship with Blogger? It's turned into an all-hate relationship. I'm hoping blogger, or the guys at BU tech tomorrow can help me figure out what the problem is.

Went to a fun Independence Day BBQ yesterday - you can see the pics here - no they're not mine... but there are several amusing/humiliating ones of me. Way out of town - took an hour to get there. Nice little town though - wouldn't mind living in a space like that... just wouldn't like the commute. Played kickball and soccer. Man! Have we ever got to get back to the basketball, 'cause the long distance running does not get me in the right shape for the kind of short sprinting that those sports require.

I was talking to another guest there about marathoning. He ran his first marathon this spring. He made the training sound so easy, I'm actually considering prepping for one next year. No, not the Boston Marathon - way too many people - tough to get into also. No, the one he ran was in Maine - mostly level course, only a couple hundred participants.

I'll have to think about it - I think I came into the running game too old to be able to take up something like that now. We'll see.

Other than the two BBQs, it's been a nice relaxing weekend. Not too much work - lots of down time. What a fabulous change from the usual!

Happy Canada Day!

Yes, I know I'm a day late posting, but my computer seems to have a love/hate relationship with Blogger and refused to load the page yesterday.

We did have a great Canada Day BBQ though... yes, Canada Day in Boston. My American friends were amused. And most of them are like me - any excuse for a party! You can see pics of the night here.

The only thing missing was fireworks.

But I imagine I'll get those on Sunday with the celebrations for the Fourth. I saw the barge had been set up in the middle of the Charles River for launching the fireworks here. But we're going to be in southern Mass at another BBQ - I don't think you can ever have too many BBQs in summer, do you? - so I don't know if they'll be any fireworks there.

Maybe I'll just wish everyone a blanket Happy-independence-from-England/Europe-day!

Do you ever wonder

what your life would've been like if you'd gone the other way for one decision?

I spent Saturday proctoring a practice MCAT exam. Seeing all those wanna-be-s reminded me of taking the exam myself; many of the students in the room looked like my peers who I wrote the exam with. None of them really looked like me though.

I never even considered taking an MCAT prep course - not at $1500. I settled for buying a second hand copy of a prep book for $20 - that was more my speed. [I actually made out okay - my physical science mark was average, but verbal reasoning and bioscience were above average, and I rocked the written part - 99th percentile!] I found myself wondering as I watched the students sweating it out (it's a seven hour exam) what they were thinking about the class, their desire to be a doctor, whether they were footing the bill for the class, or if someone else was. I find it hard to believe that students might have that kind of money themselves, though I'm sure there are some who do.

That's when I got to thinking about decisions.

When I was in grade eleven, my father sat me down and told me that he would not pay for my university education. He said that I would value it more if I paid for it myself.

I suppose I have valued it more since I'm the one footing the bill... but my bill would've been so much smaller if I had gone to university after high school instead of after I already had three kids and a husband on Workmen's Comp. But then I wondered. Would I have been unappreciative if he had helped me pay for university? Would I have made different choices?

I know at the end of high school, I wanted to go to university to study social work (hehe... and what did I end up working in for many years? human services jobs... no coincidence I suppose). Part of the reason I didn't apply was because I didn't have a lot of money saved up (I had some, but not enough for the whole bill) and I was a bit intimidated because I had heard the social work program at U of R was tough to get into. [I should note that I just assumed that meant I wasn't good enough to try to get in - I didn't even try applying]

Since I didn't think university was in the picture, I saw myself with two other options that I wanted: go to trade school in photography, or start a family - those were the only other two things that I wanted.

The rest I suppose is history. I got married - moved to a city that didn't have the kind of technical photography program I wanted, had children, and then came to the slow realization that the Leave it to Beaver life that I had tried to create wasn't working.

I wonder how many of those students I sat watching will actually make it into med school?

Dear....

To the person who created the virus(es) infecting my computer -

I have kept the address of this letter intentionally definitive instead of descriptive or imaginative. I am sure there are many other titles you would rather be known by, but in an effort to be as inclusive as possible of a subgroup within society, I am refusing labels and merely describing the actions of the person or persons who I wish to address.

As you can also likely tell by this point, I know far less about computers than you do. I'm willing to admit it. You know much more than I do. I do know a bit more than simply how to turn it on, and I can do more than just play Solitaire, but I'm sure I know far less about computers, their systems, their software, and their operation than you.

If your goal in creating computer viruses and sending them out to unsuspecting people is to demonstrate your knowledge, you have done so. I concede.

The damage to my computer has been minor. Most of the cost associated with the viruses it was infected with involved me spending some time deleting, cleaning, and reformatting parts of my computer. It was annoying I'll admit, but I didn't lose any data (in part because I backup on a regular basis and use virus detection tools and such to minimize such disruptions).

If your goal in creating computer viruses and sending them out to unsuspecting people is to create broad and highly disruptive chaos, you haven't done so, at least not for me.

During my quest for solutions to the problems I encountered as a result of the viruses my computer contracted, I learnt some new things. This is because I am highly intelligent - I may not be as knowledgeable as you about computers, but I'm very, very good and finding and decoding information. It's what I do for a living.

If your goal in creating computer viruses and sending them out onto unsuspecting people is to increase fear and stress for users, you haven't done so, at least not for me. And by the way, thanks for creating the opportunity for me to learn more about my computer.

The only reason I can think for why you create computer viruses and send them out to unsuspecting people is because you're bored. That's the only other reason I can think of. I have a hard time believing it, but it's the only rational explanation I can come up with. I'm not sure why someone would do what you do, since there are so many other amusing things in the world. I certainly am never bored enough to sit down and plan how I might disrupt someone else's life - there are far more interesting and rewarding things for me to do with my time.

But then again, that may just be because I'm a highly intelligent, sociable, skilled and eloquent person. I don't know what you are like. Do you have other skills? Perhaps you can correct me if I'm wrong about your motivation. If there is some reason other than boredom and a lack of any other useful skills why you create computer viruses, please let me know.

Stop right there!

My life seems to have come to a screeching halt.

Last week, I was teaching four days a week, working the Writing Centre another two days every week, tutoring, and working that boring-ass reception job on Saturdays. Plus helping three kids organize their lives and finish up the school year.

Now I have no demands on my time.

I sent off the oldest child on a plane yesterday (don't ask, it wasn't pretty), the next one is babysitting today, and the youngest and I are staring at each other wondering what we're going to do all day.

I have nothing but reading to do.

And I've done it... for ten hours.

And now I'm bored of it.

I suppose I could go grocery shopping. Not that we really need anything, but it would be something to do.

Compliments make the world go round

Three people today said they liked the dress I was wearing.

That made me feel pretty good 'cause I made it myself.

It's a long green sundress with a flounce at the bottom and an abstract leaf/water design. I have christened it my "mermaid" dress because of its color and shape.

It feels nice to know people like my creation.

Mood: Brown

Not Black, 'cause that would be a bit more fatalistic than I tend to... but not sunny, happy yellow either. But maybe that kind of brown you get when you mix the two - actually, it tends to be a brownish-grey come to think of it.

Anyway, I'm in a bit of a funk... nothing in particular has set it off. Maybe I just "woke up on the wrong side of the bed". What does that mean anyway? I always get out the same side of the bed 'cause someone else sleeps on the other side and I'd either have to roll across a lot more bed to gain the floor, or roll over him to get out, so the side I'm sleeping on is easiest one to roll out of.

I suppose it just refers to those days (like today) when nothing seems to go right, but it's all just little shit not worth griping about. When from the moment you open your eyes (or even before, if the first thing you're aware of is kinesthetic or aural) everything seems to be more annoying than usual. But why?

So is it something that you dream and forget about that puts you in the kind of mood that predisposes you to be annoyed by the kinds of life-annoyances that would ordinarily just wash over you? I wonder.

Either way, it's still an odd saying.

Now I shall go work on increasing my zen-ness and recuperating the afternoon.

Snippets of conversation

Oldest child to youngest child: "You smell like a balloon"
Youngest child: "That's because I'm rubbery"

Networking isn't just for geeks

So in my desperation over the state of my finances this summer, I emailed everyone I could think of who I know in the area telling them I'm looking for work and if they have leads to pass them on.

And I got one! Okay, so it's only a part-time gig, but they're looking only for summer which is ideal for me... the pay isn't as much as temping, but it's flex hours, and a lot of independent work, which suits me just fine. The office is real casual, and I already know two of the staff. Pretty cool, eh?

I can fit the hours in over two or three days a week, which means I could still take the occasional one or two day temp job if I really want the money. Or I can take those extra days off to spend time with the girls since they'll be around all summer, or to study, which I need to get on pretty quick anyway.

You know, it's not ideal, but at this point, I think it's the best offer I'm gonna get.

The Pros and Cons of Work

So the job I worked on Saturday was okay (well, as okay as receptionist work can ever be - it's just really not my thing). I'm scheduled to go back next week.

While there, one of the staff mentioned they are looking for someone for the month of August.

Hmmm... now do I want to take a job like this if they offer it?

Pros: Money, what else!
It's near home
It's steady work

Cons: It's boring work
It pays less than most other temp jobs (but better than minimum wage)
I won't have much time for study

I hope they don't request for me too soon - I'd like to hold out for the miracle-job that I know I won't get for a little longer. (Yes, I do occasionally play psychological games with myself - far less crueler than messing with other people's minds though, wouldn't you say?)

Work sucks!

Busy house

This is going to be a busy weekend... but that's like most weekends around here. Wanna hear about it?

Today, I hugged my oldest daughter and told her I would see her on Sunday morning. She's participating in a 24 hour relay to raise money for cancer. Her shifts runs from this evening till about 9 am tomorrow morning when she runs over to the Children's Theatre dress rehearsal to photograph it. She has a couple hours off in the afternoon and then has to tape the performance over the evening.

I'm at home tonight (obviously, right?) "reading" (i.e. blogging)... but I am reading too... but tomorrow the temp agency's sending me out on a job and then I'm going straight to a dinner in the evening that is likely to go for most of the night. So I won't likely see her till Sunday morning.

Even though I have to work early, I can't go to bed till late 'cause I have to pick up the next daughter from her bus when it gets in at 11:30. She's been in Washington for the whole week on the end-of-middle-school field trip. And I know she'll be very talkative when she gets here, so we won't go to bed early.

My husband will work all day tomorrow too, so the youngest two will have the day to themselves (to clean up that never-ending mess of a room is my goal for them... their goal is to put off cleaning it up for as long as possible).

My youngest daughter has her last soccer game of the season tomorrow - I'm sorry I'll miss it, but I've enjoyed the season so far... well, mostly, anyway.

On Sunday morning, I'll need to get groceries for our picnic, and I should weed the garden, and then we'll go to the end of the season soccer party. The oldest daughter will go to a friend's grad party. Then in the afternoon, we'll go out to the beach (with the picnic and her friends) in a delayed birthday celebration.

If we get home early enough, I'm going to have to rack off the wine too.

Whew! When did things get so hectic? Is this what the rest of the teen years are all going to be like? No wonder people go gray when they have teens... between the mood swings and the schedule I'm surprised parents dont' spontaneously combust!

Crisis of confidence

While applying for jobs I reread a recommendation letter from a former employer. She asked me to write the letter myself, made some minor editorial changes and signed. What strikes me is the confidence that the letter exudes - it makes me sound like I could do anything.

At the time I thought I could. The letter showed me the extent to which my confidence was utterly shattered by this big change in my life. Judging by the tone of that letter which I wrote before moving, I am only beginning to recover.

Disappointment

According to Princeton University's wordnet, disappointment is "a feeling of dissatisfaction that results when your expectations are not realized". That's about what I feel like. Thing is, the blame for disappointment is rather non-specific. It can happen because your expectations were unrealistic and therefore not realized, or it can happen because someone else who was supposed to deliver on a reasonable expectation, didn't do so.

I got real excited yesterday when my daughter took a message a woman called about a job offer. We played telephone tag only for me to find out that she was a nice lady calling to tell me she's filled all her positions. It was very nice to know she looked at my resume and had the courtesy to call and let me know it. But I can't help but wonder. Did the time it took to play telephone tag mean I missed out on an opportunity? It was a pretty cool job - short term, but with long hours. Don't know what the pay would've been. But a cool job description.

Too bad - it would've been a neat job. In the meantime, I got a two-day offer from the temp agency. It's boring reception/greeting type work, but it's money, right?

And then the Flames lost last night. I never imagined they would.

And then today, I walked into class and cancelled it because no one had done the work I had expected them to do. Usually I tell slackers to pick up the pace and just keep going, but my class is so small that only a quarter of the students were up to speed.

I felt like a parent, having to lecture them about getting their ducks all back into a row and getting back on track, but I don't think I had much choice. Tomorrow, they shall get no mercy from me.

I'm also disappointed that I haven't got much of my own work done in the last little while with all the running people around I've been having to do. Aside from Dwayne's trip to tutoring, and mine to the court to play basketball, I put on 200 kms in the last three days in errands and chauffering (don't worry, there's more yet to come this week as well). And in this town, each one of those kms is hard won.

Happy Michele

Michele is happy, happy today! (despite road work and an unexpected phone call this morning)

Happy Birthday to my birthday girl!

The Flames won game 5 last night, and I reconnected with a friend who I'd lost contact with when I moved. She changed workplaces and emails, and I just rediscovered where she's at. Yeah!

I felt really bad about losing touch too, 'cause the last time I talked to her, she called to ask if we could meet for coffee one last time before I left, and I was pulling the moving truck out of a Tim Horton's on Seventeenth Ave S.E. heading out to the #1. And after I left, I never was able to reconnect - I figured she was probably pissed at me.

But she replied to my email, and now we'll talk (at least electronically), and I can find out what's happening in her life, and she can read this and talk to me on email and find out about the bits of my life that don't make it onto this page. And I won't have lost another friend to moving 'cause losing good friends when you move sucks.

If I knew how to do cartwheels or a handstand or something else equally expressive/impressive, I would do so. I am so, so, so happy to rediscover my friend. *big smile*

The new Me Generation

Is it just me, or does it also strike you that there's something really screwed up about this student who "wanted some time without stress"?

This student disappeared for three weeks after skipping graduation and even though he heard through the media that his family was worried about him, he didn't call home because he didn't want the stress?

Did I miss something? What about the stress to his family? Did he just not care that they were worried? Having survived an undergraduate degree that included a divorce and periods of time where I was also the sole provider for three kids, I think I have the experience to say that the stress of this student's degree was by no means greater than the stress he would have inspired in those people who were wondering whether he was alive or dead.

When people you love are missing, regardless of how capable you think they are, or how likely it is that the rational part of your brain that says they're all right is correct, you can imagine some of the worst possible things.

Granted, this student has got to be at least 22, 23 years old - old enough that his parents shouldn't have to worry about him not being able to take care of himself, but I still read this story in utter amazement at the selfishness that seems to lie behind this student's actions.

I must admit I'm curious about the story that must be behind this - what kind of a relationship did they have? Why didn't he call, when the report says he hugged his parents when reunited with them? What kind of stress could someone be living under that would warrant such behaviour? Was this a case of parents who are too involved in their children's lives?

Very odd.

Working stiff

Yeah! My work permission arrived!

Now I just need to see if there are any decent summer jobs left - wish me luck.

Ebay

I have mixed feelings about the whole ebay phenomena. I first discovered it/used it in March when I needed to replace the hard drive to my computer and found the same hard drive for 1/4 the price the dealer wanted.

I've already ranted here about the idiot who sent the hard drive because he sent a different model number than the one advertised. It had the same specifications, so it worked, but I thought it rather sloppy of the seller.

Okay, so as a first experience, it was so-so. But I've had ebay cancel a transaction because it wasn't listed in the correct category, and I've also not received merchandise I've paid for.

In one case, I needed a book for my book club, and since I was really busy and was having problems getting to the bookstore, I went onto ebay. Imagine my delight to find someone selling an e-book version for only $0.99! I would pay almost nothing for the book, there would be no delivery time, and I would get the chance to try reading an e-book, something I've never done before.

So I put in my bid, waited, won it, and sent my money - within about three hours of the bid closing. And then I waited some more. I sent emails asking where it was. I sent emails asking when I could expect it. I sent emails asking for a refund. I finally borrowed the book from a friend.

The seller was booted off of ebay, so I guess that's a good thing, and it was only a dollar, but I'm still annoyed.

In the meantime, I've had several successful interactions and been pretty much satisfied with the whole process. Until I bid on a semi-hard-to-find Victorian book that I was happy to find at less than $5. So again, I sent off the money right away and nothing happened. I sent two emails asking what was up and got nothing. I figured it was the same kind of whatever it is attitude that the previous bad seller had, but then it got interesting.

I got an email from the seller asking why I had given him a bad rating when he was the one who had never received payment from me. He said he could understand how I thought I'd paid him and never done so and could I please remove the bad rating.

My reply e-mail included a copy of the paypal record of my payment, which I confirmed with the bank, and I told him that if he would send me the book, I would remove the rating. He indicated he would send the book in the interests of good customer service, even though he made it sound like he thought I was scamming him. That was three weeks ago. I'm not getting my book, am I?

Jerk!

Do they congregate on ebay, or just in the bookselling section?

Mundane is beautiful

My god that post on Saturday was long! Congrats if you actually read the whole thing!

I'm amused at myself - that post was probably the most academic thing I did all weekend. But man oh man did the weekend feel good! It felt so normal and weekend-ish. On Friday we did grocery shopping, saw a movie and picked up transit passes for this week. Saturday was full of soccer game, cleaning (my) house and then going to a housewarming party - which was highly amusing - nice mix of people.

Sunday we went out to Walden Pond for a picnic (just Ange, Dwayne & I since the other two were 'working'), did some soccer drills/goofing around (okay, truth be told, it was mostly just goofing around), and watched movies. Today, the girls and I went shopping, I refilled the propane tank on the BBQ, planted the rest of the bedding plants and will watch game 4 tonight.

So I know you're bored by the description of my weekend, but to me it was an absolute delight! There was no intellectual work involved (okay, except for marking student papers that I squeezed in here or there, but that takes more patience than brain power).

Sweet!

The truth is stranger than fiction

This has got to be the oddest story I've heard in a long time - a boy plotting his own murder. Why would he do this, you ask? Good question! Seems to me that more than one player in this story has a screw loose.

I'm makin' a list...

...and checking it twice, and then a third time, and a fourth, and a fifth, and a... well, you get the idea.

This list generating stuff is gonna drive me insane! I feel like I've just been thrown out into library stacks and told "pick good stuff" without any sense of rhyme or reason.

The stacks of books around my desk are piling up as I pull them off my shelves, or borrow them from the library, trying to figure out if they need to be included on a 'comprehensive' list that, if I read it, will presumably make me an expert in three clearly defined areas and give me permission to go on to the dissertation. [And I don't even want to think about the headaches that process will bring with it.]

You know, most of the time, I'm not at all jealous of Dwayne's work - the volume he has to read (and memorize! something I never have to worry about) is prodigious. But at times like this, I am jealous. He may have a lot to read, but at least he knows WHAT he's got to read to pass exams. I've not only got to read and respond to the questions at the end of this year, but I've got to guess right about what I need to read in order to make things profitable.

Grrrrrr. I've felt really unsupported by the department/faculty before, but this really feels like I'm being thrown to the lions.

There is one lining in the cloud - I won't call it silver, 'cause it's probably more like a kind of graphite-grey color (you know, the color of silver when it gets tarnished? or maybe the color of a new car?).

When I first sat down with these lists, I had no clue what to put on them. I would look at the topic and think "I know nothing about this", but then I would start with a title or two, or an author or two, which would lead to another, and then another, and then another,... which was kinda cool 'cause it made me feel smart (or at least well read). But after about a hundred 'anothers', I started to panic again. How do I whittle this huge list down to size? Ideally, I figure about 20 primary texts plus the same number of secondary sources in each of the three areas is going to be the maximum I can read while still taking my exams by next summer.

...Okay, so I checked and the list is actually only about 46, not a hundred... but that's still twice as big as it should be.

And I figure I should have a list of only about 12-15 when I submit it to my supervisor, 'cause I know she'll add to it. And if I give her a list with 30 things on it, I'll get a list with 50 back! [I learnt that lesson with that monster reading course I did last term.]

Speaking of which, I finally got an email back from the prof - something to the effect of "I just read through all of your bibliography and I'm glad I gave you an A 'cause this is good work" - note the past tense of the verb: "gave". Nice to know I'm getting good marks after careful consideration... or maybe he was just impressed by the number of pages I turned in...

There's three lists. The Victorian one, I'm pretty cool with - my supervisor for that area gave me some good suggestions, and with my own interests, I think I've rounded out the list of primary texts. I'll still need to read/re-read them, find secondary sources, read them to decide if they need to go on, and then compile that half of the list, but that will just be time-consuming. I at least know what I've got to do there.

The Narrative theory list will be fairly basic also, though it will take me a lot more time since I've only read a couple of the theoretical works. But I've got a clear plan of action. I'm going to read excerpts of the key writers from two anthologies, and then decide whether I need to read their full book, or just an article - that will then become my list. Straightforward, but a lot of time - even more than the Victorian I figure.

It's the third list that's got me buggered. I want to read and test in twentieth century British prose fiction.

Problem is, there's a helluva lot of British prose fiction written in the last hundred years. Even trying to fashion an area based on a potential thesis on the failures of realism in the British novel still leaves me a lot of categories to cover. I need to include the big names of the post-war period, Amis (both of them), Sinclair, McEwan, Swift, Banks, Barker, Rushdie, Byatt, etc. to name a few, but also can't totally gloss over the modernists like Joyce, Woolf, Conrad, and for continuity-sake with the Victorian, should include the Edwardian period (though I may try to shoehorn them into Victorian to balance out the lists, if I can figure out a way to justify that).

But I also want to look at sf, magic realism, and fantasy... something necessary if I'm going to discuss realist and non-realist text. So okay, maybe I include Lewis Carroll and Tolkien and C.S. Lewis (but you notice the children's lit angle beginning here? not a path I want to go down), but then I also want to include sf, which in some ways is fairly straightforward Aldis, Wyndham Lewis, Lessing,... but do I then also go into utopian/dystopian by including Orwell, Huxley etc.? I'm thinking of putting William Morris on the Victorian list, so if I include a Victorian utopic, do I need to include the twentieth century ones? After all, utopia/dystopia starts to leak into the political, which really has nothing to do with realism [anything you read into that is fully intended...]

But then with the magic realism you get into the thorny question of defining it, and when you start to define it, you start to define a postcolonial/colonial reading list, and then the list really does grow, because you start including Commonwealth stuff like Hulme, Carey, Achebe, Okri, Ishiguro, Lowry, Naipaul etc.... and that could be a list all on its own.

I suppose someone wise might advise me to go talk to my supervisor about all this, right? Right! That would be great advice!

Problem is, I've already talked to her twice about setting up this reading list. The first time, I got the distinct impression she was suggesting I find someone else to supervise this area. Second time, she told me that I needed to decide what I wanted on the list. Umm.. yeah,... that's kinda what I'm trying to do and having problems. Can you help?

Grrrr... for the second time in one post.

Perhaps something fantastical will happen and make this all a moot point... like a jet engine falling through the roof of my bedroom....

Cold

It's 64F in the Writing Centre where I'm working. That's 18C for the rest of the world.

A nice temperature if you're going for a run, or you've just come in from the beach in summer.

Not a nice temperature when you are sitting in it for hours inactive. It's May and I'm shivering.

Time Warp?

There may be a wormhole somewhere over the Charles River.

Today I left home 5 minutes later than usual... and got to work a half hour late.

Wormhole. Definitely. Or space alien abduction... and I just don't want to go there.

Hockey night in Boston

Nope, it doesn't have quite the right ring.

But it will be hockey night in Boston as we watch the Flames and Lightning begin their respective quests for the cup.

The New York Times sports writers filled a page and a half in anticipation of the series beginning tonight. From their article, they discuss the economics of a league that's grown radically in the last 30 odd years: "[Ignila's] team with a relatively low payroll in a relatively small city, is one of the 12 clubs to have made the conference finals in the last three seasons. More than some sports, hockey's competitive balance offers championship possibilities even for frugal teams in small markets.
On the other had, franchises in New York, Chicago and Los Angeles failed to make the playoffs this season. For the Rangers, it was the seventh consecutive season without postseason exposure..." The Rangers? Where do they belong in an article about the playoffs? I mean, I realize this is the New York Times, but its the Boston version - if they want to at least mention a team that made it to the post season, they could mention the Bruins (even if they didn't last long). There's more to hockey than the Rangers.

But wait, it gets better...."Although neither the Lightning nor the Flames are familiar to the sports world at large..." What? Which sports world? Oh, right, the sports world of the Yankees and the Knicks. In Hockey world, rest assured, the Flames are well known. You know, the Hockey world that supplies half of the NHL's players.

New Link

So instead of boring you if you don't give a damn what I'm reading, I've included it as a link on the left. If you're curious about what I read and what I think of it, you can read it.

If you're not curious, you can avoid scrolling through the periodic, and sometimes long, posts about books I've read.

Because I intend to continue rambling on about books.

Kinda makes sense given the sheer volume of time I spend "with my nose in a book" as my family puts it. Personally, I don't think that's a terribly dignified description of what I do, but I can only argue with the semantics, not the sentiment, of the phrase.

Morning music

Okay, so for the last couple of weeks, I have occasionally woken up with a song running through my head.

Why might I make note of this?

Because I realized that the song that has played in my head this week in the early morning is off an album that I listened to on the weekend. And I know it's from the album because the one this week is from an old album and there's no way that song got airtime or I heard it from somewhere else.

Weird. Of course I like the songs - I wouldn't have listened to them otherwise, but it's awfully weird.

Pictures finally

The girls at Niagara falls during our cross-continental trek.

Obsession

Still waiting for my work permission. I'm almost obsessive about it. Ok, well, yeah, I am obsessive about it. I'm like a dog when I hear the mailbox lid clang. I almost run to the door.

I'm starting to wonder if I'll even get the permission. I'm starting to lose hope.

And even if I get permission, can I get a job?

The really good jobs, the teaching ones, are all gone by now. That's bad 'cause they pay real good and that's what this whole thing is about. But since I teach all year, it would be kinda neat to get a different job.

The other kinds of jobs that I might like to do are starting to dry up as well though. Pretty soon it's gonna be nothing but landscaping and retail, neither of which really float my boat. Or I'm really very good at.

Did I mention I'm not a very patient person?

I like English, but...

I'm not trained in teaching English as a Second Language. As a native speaker of the language (despite having to provide the secret "eyebrow" password to be allowed to teach last year), I know how to use it, but I'm not always good at explaining why the phrase is "obligated to" and not "obligated for", and other such interesting ESL confusions.

My university, in its infinite wisdom, and despite complaints from our department, has decided to integrate ALL freshmen, including ESL students into the regular English classroom. And since the English courses I teach are both required courses for EVERY undergrad, that means they're landing in our classrooms. I just spent an hour and half trying to figure out what this student was trying to say, when I only spent 15 to 20 minutes reading everyone else's papers.

It's gonna be a long semester... even if it is a condensed one. I need a drink.

Same-sex marriage

Yesterday, Massachusetts became the first state to legalize same-sex marriage in the U.S. - not civil unions, but marriage.

Protests seemed rather tepid - perhaps people just expect that this is inevitable. But this is from the same state that only just this year made it legal to purchase alcohol on a Sunday.

And that's about as political as I'll probably ever get on this blog.

Time

Time really annoys me some days.

The worst part about it is that something that is so abstract can actually be so annoying. Rude drivers are annoying, pop cans that spray when opened are annoying, screaming children are annoying, junk mail is annoying. These are all very tangible things.

Time is not tangible. Yet we treat it as if it is. We talk about spending it, saving it, stealing it, "clocking" it, having it (whether good or bad), marking it; it can both fly and crawl, it heals all things, we designate particular segments of it to die, to live, to reap, to mourn, to sow, we divide it and multiply it, add and subtract it... we even average it. We try to match it, to beat it, and usually are unhappy with the amount we have - we either want more or less of it.

Right now, I have too much... so I blog.

It's gonna be a hot summer

Ack! We hit 31 c today but I can't find the storage bin with my shorts or summer tops. I'm gonna cook this summer if I can't find them soon!

Dilemmas

I know it's not really a dilemma, since my guilt-ridden-mother conscience would never allow me to stop doing it, but I am sorely tempted to quit driving my kids to stuff.

I've spent about ten hours in the last couple of days driving people places...and the weekend calls for even more. I'm sorely tempted to hand them each a bus pass and say 'go for it'.

But I of course won't do that. It is taking a huge chunk out of my week just spending time chauffering people around - it's going to become a problem if it continues. I can't keep up this chauffering pace and still do all the studying I need to do. But it feels selfish to tell the kids they can't go to stuff because I have to study.

In all fairness, they've done a pretty good job of getting rides etc. when necessary and it's probably just the out-of-the-ordinary nature of the things I have to drive them to that's got me freaked out. One has three soccer practices and the other has a bunch of activities all having to do with her trip to Colorado this summer, most of which take place in a part of boston that is far away from our end of the world. Yesterday, it was driving 45 minutes each way in rush hour traffic, only to find out the group we were supposed to meet weren't there.

I hope this is the last busy driving week... *sigh* though I suspect it won't be.

Still waiting

I'm still waiting to find out if I'll have permission to work this summer. Which isn't a positive thing since the longer I wait, the harder it will be to find a good job. I was expecting to hear back in the middle of April, which was late enough. [I had problems getting information from the Alberta government that I needed with my application, so I submitted it much later than I had planned.]

I heard from them, but it was a request for more information. They said it could be as little as two weeks and as long as two months before I hear back. I'm getting edgy. Summer jobs are hard enough to find around here, but if I can't even put myself in the running for another month, I'm gonna end up scooping ice cream for tourists for $5/hr.

Working for peanuts in an unchallenging job seems hardly worth it. In that case, it might be better to spend the summer studying and try to shorten up the time it will take me to finish this degree so I can find (hopefully) a real job!

Subliminal messaging?

I found this photo while conducting a search for 'genre theory', so I don't exactly recall the connection that got me there... not that it's important.

At first I had no idea what the image was supposed to be showing, probably because I was thinking lit theory, and the title didn't really make sense to me at first, but then I realized the French writing was longer than the English on the tag and also realized that it wasn't exactly washing instructions in the last few lines. My French isn't so good, but I think I got the gist of the message.

I am amused.

Good food & energetic kids

Went to the Summer Search spring event last night. What is Summer Search you ask? It's a scholarship program that sends eager, good students with leadership potential on wilderness expeditions that usually involve a human service component.

Sandy's going through them to Colorado this summer.

We're still waiting to hear which program she'll attend, so we don't know the dates or the sequence of activities, but she'll be in Colorado or surrounding areas in the backcountry for somewhere around a month.

Scarier sending her away for a month to someplace I've never been than sending her and her sisters back home for a visit last summer.

But last night was a potluck dinner for the students and their families. Some of the students have some amazing stories. One student who spoke after the dinner was the first in his family to graduate high school, let alone go to college (which he's doing on a full scholarship). Another student was a former gang member who now attends Harvard Business school. Amazing kids...and mine is one of them.

Funders also attend the event, and students were encouraged to go talk to them and thank them for attending. Sandy's response to this? "No problem, I learned how to talk to adults because of all the parties you've thrown". Hmmm...is that actually a good thing? *grin*

Had lots of great food and heard some neat stories. I'm looking forward to Sandy's stories when she gets back home.

Happy Mother's Day

Don't know what I'll be doing for the rest of today. I was sick yesterday, so I still feel a bit shaky and it's raining so the outdoor plans the girls had made are out, so we'll see what is new.

Got breakfast, which was nice. But they were fighting about how to make the pancakes, which was not nice.

I know it sounds so sappy (and perhaps is unrealistic, but hey, it's my day and I can engage in flights of fancy if I like) but I think I would be thrilled to get a day at home where everyone tries really hard to get along. That would be a great mother's day gift!

The blind leading the blind

There's an institute for the blind that I pass on my way to school most days. Today, I saw two people heading toward it, both sporting white canes.

You know the saying "the blind leading the blind"? There's always the implication that the people or situation it's applied to is rootless, uncoordinated, or otherwise a useless, or ill-advised venture.

After seeing this couple, I don't think that saying 'means what it thinks it means'. They had a system that worked fabulously from what I could see, and seemed to work better with two of them than singly. The man was leading, sweeping his cane from side to side, as usual. The woman, because she was grasping his elbow (as she might another other person guiding her), was a half a pace behind, and she swung her cane in a half-arc, from the middle to the outside, away from the side her guide was walking on.

This way, they increased the width of sidewalk they were able to gather information about, and ran less of a chance of running into stuff. And with her half arc, she kept him from underestimating how much room she had between herself and obstacles without constantly hitting him in the process.

Looked pretty efficient to me. That saying is going to mean something different to me now everytime I hear it.

Body needs

My body needs food and rest. I think I can manage the first one pretty quick, but the second one will be a long time coming. Summer classes have begun, and NU is hosting the Cultural Studies Association conference here starting today, so I'm pretty busy.

I am NOT a morning person - these 8 am classes feel really brutal... and yesterday's felt especially brutal since I stayed up till the early morning hours watching the Flames kick the Wings collective asses with that fabuous last minute goal in overtime play. Sweet!

You know, the best thing about hockey is being able to share it with other people. I tell someone around here about the game and they just look at me with puzzled looks on their faces. Maybe its just English geeks, maybe its because its not the Bruins, maybe hockey culture is just that much more pervasive in Canada. Who knows - the result though is that I had nobody to share the excitement of the game with.

Since I can't get sleep, and can't find someone to talk hockey with, I think I'll go get food...

While I mess around with pictures

I've been trying to find a place to put pictures so you can see them ('cause I'm cheap and don't want to pay for the FTP version).

While I mess around and get more frustrated, I thought you might as well be entertained. I was highly amused by this summary of The Simarillion. Boiled down to 1000 words, it still captures the essence of a very long and detailed book!

Language adjustment

I was searching through archives for an event that I was hoping I'd blogged about so I could figure out the date when I noticed that the language I use in my blog varies considerably from month to month and even from day to day.

Sometimes I avoid swearing either by choosing other words or inserting those annoying symbols, and other times I just let it rip.

I suppose it comes from trying to imagine who will read that particular entry. Some of the people who I know have access to the blog detest profanity, others probably wonder why my language is so sanitary, when it isn't in real life.

My language in general is far cleaner than it used to be. I don't know whether that's because a) I'm getting older; b) I have kids; or c) I'm entering a profession that frowns on swearing (especially in front of the students!). Perhaps it's all three. With the kids, you know, I've given up on trying to suppress all my swearing because I know its a lost cause.

Besides, they'll probably all experiment with swearing at one point or another. Growing up in a house that was squeakly clean, I remember clearly the thrill of how illicit it felt the first time I swore... and that's probably why I got to sounding like a sailor at one point (working in an all-male auto body shop probably had something to do with it as well). If I can teach my kids judicious swearing... as something that must be used sparingly for finely-timed emphasis, then maybe they'll be better off. Or at least that's what I tell myself.

So what does that have to do with my blog? Probably nothing. But I'll likely continue to waver between sanitary and gutter.

You've been warned.

More books

See? Titles... so you can decide whether you want to read the rest of the post. But I should warn you that just because I've felt the need to add titles does not mean I feel the need to strictly adhere to them and not wander off into talking about other things.

Having said that, I haven't written about books for a long time - over a month, so here's what I've been reading:

Finished:

The DaVinci Code - Dan Brown
Walking on Glass - Iain Banks
Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
How the Dead Live - Will Self
The Day of the Triffids - John Wyndham
The Picture of Dorian Gray - Oscar Wilde
The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde - R. L. Stevenson
Five Children and It - E. Nesbit

Reading:

A Wrinkle in Time - Madeline L'Engle

On Deck:

[Ha! This is actually a very long list, but I think I'll start with the following:]

Dracula - Bram Stoker
Narrative/theory - David Richter
Lullaby - Chuck Palanhiuk

So, The DaVinci Code was interesting, but it's definitely plane-material. It's got some cool ideas, but doesn't make you think to hard about them. And even though it's long, it's also a really quick read. That some of the far out stuff mentioned in the book actually takes place outside literature (i.e. the real world) is slightly disturbing in a fascinating kind of way.

Walking on Glass was cool in a alternate-world-intersects-with-thought-process-of-insane-person kind of way. A neat premise and also a fun read. Quick too because it's short. Only problem is that I think I had to special order this one if I remember right because it's out of print. Maybe I could do a documentary about it in a kind of Stones of Summer (which is also on that summer list, but I'll read it later when the pool opens) way and get it back in print!

The Victorian stuff, Dorian Gray, Jekyll & Hyde, Tess, are actually not very Victorian (i.e. they weigh in at less than the usual 800 pages) and I have a newfound respect for Hardy that I had lost reading Jude the Obscure. I actually found myself empathisizing with Tess and really getting involved in her problems, feeling the injustice of her position and such, something that I rarely lose myself to in Victorian lit, so I was duly impressed by the book.

I did not feel that How the Dead Live or Day of the Triffids wasted my time, but unless you want to read a lot of obscure sf, don't bother. If you are into obscure sf and you like old sf film, then you definitely need to read Triffids and then see the movie adaptation.

I'm looking forward to rereading Dracula, since its been a very long time and too many film adaptation screenings since I read it to really remember it well. Hopefully I'll get it done before next weekend when Van Helsing opens, since I'm DEFINITELY going to see that.

I can't believe my week is almost over. I had so many things that I wanted to get done. Not that I didn't get them done, I actually scratched a lot of stuff off the to do list, but most of it was the boring stuff. And I go back to teaching on Tuesday with assignments still waiting to be written. UGH!

I'm also feeling really sleepy - I think I got too much sun yesterday... yes, the weather's gorgeous here this week. I spent most of the early afternoon cleaning the weeds out of the garden at the back door. It's not very big, about 10x12, and there are some shrubs and the A/C ground unit that I can't move or replace, but it will do for growing some veggies, herbs and maybe even some nice flowers. I like digging in the dirt - I haven't had a garden for about four years, so I had great fun cleaning it out and dreaming about what I'll put in there. Now I just need to go get the plants - maybe we'll do that this weekend.

I also got lots of sun while playing basketball. In playing with my friends, I've come to the conclusion that it was probably a really good thing that I wasn't into sports as a kid. I'm clumsy enough as an adult, but as a kid, I would've just been one big messed up body of injuries. Only yesterdays scrapes and bruises weren't my fault... no, honestly. We played next to the track field here in Watertown since Sandy & Steph were both there at a meet (Steph) and practice (Sandy). I even managed to surreptitiously watch Steph's high jump without messing up my own game, but then as I went for the ball, Sandy called to me and I got distracted. I rolled. But basketball courts are pretty hard. At first I thought the scraped up knee was the worst part of it, but then a couple hours later I saw the bruise, and now that leg from knee to ankle aches. Dammit. I don't like injuring myself, but I do like the games. Sucker for punishment I guess.

Oh, and before all this, before the distraction and my lovely rolling, when we first got there, I said hi to Sandy as she walked past. She looked a bit puzzled because I don't think she'd expected to see me and then looked over my shoulder toward the basketball court and said, "Oh! It's the old people!"

I think it was Alex said I should ground her for the comment. I'm seriously considering it.

I guess after all that, I can't complain about not getting fun stuff on my to do list done, since I had a really good day yesterday, but that leaves me with mostly boring stuff to do today. Which I of course am procrastinating about.

I've had coffee on my mind for a while I guess. Must be the Tim Horton's I got! I like coffee a lot. I often get energetic and make my own capuccino at home, or Irish coffee *mmmm*, which is especially good with a quality whiskey (or scotch, though then I suppose it's scottish, not irish coffee) and lots of whip cream. Just writing about it makes me want to got get one. Anyway, took one of those ubiquitous quizzes that tell you what kind of all sorts of things you might be.

Turns out that I'm Plain.

You Are a Plain Ole Cup of Joe But don't think plain - instead think, uncomplicated You're a low maintenance kind of girl... who can hang with the guys Down to earth, easy going, and fun! Yup, that's you: the friend everyone invites. And your dependable too. Both for a laugh and a sympathetic ear. What Kind Of Coffee Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

Ever wonder about the word "plain"? Say it three or four times. It starts to lose its meaning doesn't it? Odd how you can take a word for granted and then when you really focus on it, repeat it over and over, you sort of unhook it from its usual meaning and it seems alien and strange. Plain. It kinda is a weird word.... and its a homonym (which is another weird word). So, today's weird word of the day is plain.

I had such an odd weekend.

On Friday night I came home from school, did the dinner thing, read some of my book, The Iceman Cometh (okay, its actually a play) for the Book club last night, cleaned up some stuff, watched some tv.

On Saturday, I helped friends move, went to see The Punisher, and had dinner at the Elephant Walk (mmm, very good) with another friend to celebrate her birthday. On Sunday, I finished reading the play, cleaned up some more (since the book club was meeting at my place this month), met with them and then read the last couple of weeks of The New Yorker, which I'd put aside because I didn't have time.

What was so odd about that, you ask?

It was so bloody lovely ordinary! That's what was odd. I cannot remember the last time I had such a wonderfully mundane weekend.

I have to do this more often!

I had such yummy coffee this morning! It was Tim Horton's coffee and it was absolutely fabulous!

A friend who was in Maine last week had heard (from me, of course) that there was a Tim Horton's there and she bought me a tin of coffee. Ah! Tim Horton's coffee. Beats Dunkin Donuts hands down any day of the week. What a great way to start a Sunday!

I feel a little lost.

I have no deadlines hanging over me... well, other than having to read the book for the Book club (which I'm also hosting this week, so I can't just bag it). It's a weird feeling - I haven't not had some kind of deadline looming for a couple of years now.

And since it looks like I'll have July & August off, I'll not have anything to do then either.

Good news is that the pool opens Memorial day! Yeah!

So since I have nothing pressing, I was surfing - since I'm always looking for film adaptations, well, okay, in this case, a condensation, I just had to share. The possessed bunnies are quite amusing.

Done the papers! Yeah!
Now I have to mark student papers to submit final marks before tomorrow. Boo!

It really is a small world you know. One of my students wrote a paper on home schooling and quoted an article from a couple of weeks ago in the Calgary Herald. Cool! Mixed feelings. Happy memories & homesickness.

Speaking of which, I had a dream the other night that I came home and all my very bestest friends were there. I woke up happy.

Since my brain is dead right now, I was doing a little mindless searching when I came across this on Book TV from one of my favorite authors. I knew there was a reason he was one of my favorite authors!

I'd put in a profanity warning on this, but its no worse that what you might get reading this blog, so fuck it.

Halfway through the last papers I will ever have to write... yeah, yeah, I know I have to write the dissertation and I have to write the proposals for my exam areas and I have to write the prospectus, but leave me my fantasy that these are the last papers I'll ever have to write.

One down, one to go. Man! Will it be nice to finish this!

Been reading lots of disaster fiction lately, you know end-of-the-world-as-we-know-it kind of stuff. Where something happens and most of the population is gone and people have to start all over. Got me thinking how useful I'd be if everything came crashing down. I think I'd fall into at most a moderately useful range.

My friends and family who would be really useful: the mechanic, the dentist, the engineer, the veterinarian. Those of my friends and family are teachers, well, we'd be useful for the next generation but not immediately. The social workers, political scientists, computer programmers and us teachers would presumably have other skills though - at least I know how to grow vegetables and then how to preserve them, how to sew clothing and how to bake bread. All rather domestic skills, but necessary. Not unique though - many other people have the same kinds of skills.

How would you fare?