Books, books, books

We attended the giant annual book sale in town here this last weekend, and despite our vows to bring home fewer books than last year (we'd had to buy another bookshelf to accommodate them all), we still came home with a lot. In all fairness, there were three of us searching this time, so we did meet our goal in per capita terms!

But in the traffic jam on the way there, we began talking about the physicality of books, in part because we'd both heard of California's proposition to require electronic texts in all its public schools. News: Here and here. Although we both agreed that digital text is becoming more prevalent and can be useful, we both wondered at the timing of the move.

The Husband (TH) tried the electronic textbook route for one year of dental school and switched back to paper the next because of the headaches using digital texts created. This was about five years ago, so no doubt there have been technological developments. But I have to wonder whether they are enough. If a highly intelligent health professional finds electronic text difficult to work with, what chance does an elementary school child have?

I don't mean from the perspective of familiarity with online venues. Even though I think the idea of 'digital natives' is a fallacy, setting that aside and accepting that perhaps there is indeed something different about the experience of growing up reading paper texts and growing up primarily online, the devices on which online textbooks rely are fickle indeed!

There's no information on how the content will be delivered, but technology inevitably breaks down, often at inopportune times. If the students will access their texts online, they will need to have access ($$$) and that access will need to be reliable, unlike the previous city where we lived. We had to call out the repairmen 3 times in one year to repair our internet connection, and each time it took an average of 5 days to get someone there. If my kids had needed that access for school, we would've been scrambling to get it.

But there's another phenomena that both TH and I, as well as other friends that I've asked experience which has to do with the physical nature of the book itself. Both TH and I have had the experience of recalling something we've read by its physical location on the page. We've remembered for example that it was the second paragraph from the top on the right hand side of the page about 2/3 of the way through the book. A quick flip in the right general section leads you to the source you wanted.

This is because memory is highly influenced by space. It certainly is true that in navigation or danger avoidance, being able to remember *where* those dangers are is an excellent skill, and we all develop this kind of spatial memory, whether or not we apply it to reading. If you can't find your keys, you replay the memory of your actions when you last knew you had them until to you come to the part where you 'see' where you put them down.

What happens to this memory aid on an electronic screen? I understand about the search function of a website - that could act as a replacement for the spatial memory cue. But unless a whole site has its own search function (not impossible), you'll need to rely upon a search engine, so that your search terms will need to be quite specific. Either option requires wading through a lot of other instances of the keyword coming up. Now a persistent person might keep going till they find just the right reference they were thinking of, but if my students are any any indication, they don't bother with much more than the first three hits on any search.

I will admit that it's possible I'm an old fuddy-duddy and the way that I learned to learn does not apply to 'digital natives'. But even so, subjecting all the public school students of California to this grand experiment - and it is an experiment - seems like a premature move on the part of the governor.

Meanwhile, I lugged about 50 lbs of books home. Perhaps I can at least get "pumped" as a result of my love of the physical!

Human Body Parts R Us

*spoiler alert*

I finally went to see Terminator Salvation over the weekend, and found that everything critics were saying about the movie was true. Most critics pointed to its weak plot, which I'll grant was weak, mostly because it was axed in favour of loud explosions.

(Speaking of which, just what were all those Resistance soldiers shooting at in the background during the escape from the compound? If you've got a spotlight on the people you're trying to kill, why is stuff in the background blowing up? Is your aim seriously just that bad? If so, how did you survive against the machines for so long?)

What I am interested in is the final scene, which the filmmakers seem to present in an entirely un-ironic way, but which actually raises some interesting questions that could've re-injected the plot with some life.

The scene I'm talking about of course is the final one where John Connor has been beat about by the Arnold-Terminator (T-800) and is dying because "his heart can't take it". (How cliched!) But aside from cliche, the scene is meant to be a sad one. John's pregnant wife stands next to him, reporting this sad news as his physician to his friends.

Upon hearing this news, the Marcus-Terminator (infiltration model) which has been equipped with the cloned heart and mind of the original, organic Marcus, offers up his heart to John, saying that everyone needs a second chance.

This is where the film loses me.

First, I'm not sure what "second chance" Marcus is referring to. Is he referring to his own second chance, that he has successfully navigated in redeeming his humanity by saving Kyle and John? Or is it John who needs the second chance? And if so, why does he need a second chance? The notion of the second chance is not the same as the notion of another life - the second chance is necessary to correct a wrong done the first time. But in that case, what did John do wrong?

From where I'm sitting, it looks like John did exactly what he needed to do: a) find a way to attack Skynet, b) save Kyle Reese in order to send him back so that he can be conceived. What more does he need to do? He has already fulfilled his destiny.

I leave aside the fact that he is about to become a father himself. While the nuclear family (ha!) narrative is sentimental, frankly, if he were to die, his child would still survive, so he has still been successful there. So since he's provided the military with the tools to beat Skynet and has impregnated his wife, he is in some ways redundant at this point - others *could* take over just fine for him.

Second, and this is probably more important, the transplant itself is problematic. Leaving aside the fact that they are in a battlefield surgery, that there is a need for extensive testing to ensure donor and recipient are compatible, and that heart transplant surgery requires extensive specialized training, the idea of the transplant itself counters the entire message of the film.

The film carefully constructs an antinomy between the organic humans and the mechanical machines and cyborgs. It reifies the natural born human as the ultimate expression of humanity (it's in our face with John's wife's pregnancy), so that this final act of the film seems to fly in the face of what the film has been celebrating the whole time.

In the slap-dash manner that the heart transplant is plotted, the film suggests that humans are just like machines. You get a defective part, you just pop it out, pop in a new one, and you're off to the races again. In some ways, the John (who presumably will survive the transplant, otherwise what's the point of it anyway) at the end of the film will be part cyborg himself. He will have had an artificial organ implanted in his body, making him not much different than the Marcus who has mechanical parts integrated into his.

Unfortunately this movie is not sophisticated enough to make this into some kind of interesting philosophical observation. It really does present the scene in an un-ironic mode. Too bad. There was a lot that could've been done with this idea if they'd just stopped blowing things up (and sentimentalizing family and romantic love) long enough to actually contemplate it.

The RYS post I'll never send

This is a draft of a post that's been sitting in my queue for a long time, and since I know I will never teach public speaking at this place again, I suppose now is the time to post it. Enjoy.

Dear Arrogant Coat-tail rider -

Yes, you. The charming one. Or the other charming one. Either of you. I'm sure when you walked into class that first day and flashed your charming smile at me, you thought you had me in your pocket. But you haven't been around long enough to realize that someone like me has seen your kind before, and I know what you're all about.

I know that the smiles, and the jokes, even the compliments, have all worked on the past, especially as you work your way through the bar, practicing on all the young hotties the lines you're going to use for your debut on Keys to the VIP, but I'm no longer a young hottie. And I saw you coming a mile away.

Your descriptions of the palatial home your parents live in and the expensive cars they've bought you are awe inspiring and I'm sure they work well on the cocktail circuit. But in the classroom, they don't go over so well.

Have you ever taken the time to get to know some of the other students in the class? Do you know about the guy who sits in the row behind you, runs off to work a full-time shift right after class and whose student loan payment hasn't arrived yet? Or the single mother who runs into class just as it starts because she's had to wait for her ex to come pick up their child so she can attend? Do you think about them when you complain about how you're driving a loaner because the beamer's in the shop? Or when you breeze in ten minutes late because you didn't want to rush through your expensive lunch downtown?

Your speech in which you gave detailed descriptions about all the properties and cars your family owned went over like a lead balloon. But I don't think you noticed. How could you? You only had eyes for you.

While I'm asking questions, can I ask one about your writing? Why is it that no matter what the topic, you manage to find yourself inserting a paragraph about how rich your folks are and how hard it is for you living in the apartment they paid for without mom to cook for you like she used to? Is there nothing else in that pretty little head of yours, or is that the only thing you ever think about? It's getting a bit monotonous I must say. I keep telling you it isn't interesting, or even relevant to the assignment, but you don't seem to be paying attention.

I am curious about your parents though. I wonder how much they know about your life, and why they continue to pay your bills? Does the charm work on them? Do you just lie to them most of the time so they don't know that you're pissing away their money by failing all your classes? Or do they just not care? Now, THAT I'm curious about. But whether your beamer's in the shop? I could care less.


Dear Odious Orator -

I know you're much to smart to be taking this class, which is why you've applied to take the proficiency exam in order to bypass taking it. I know you're too good to sit through the 14 weeks of class like everyone else, and I'd never dream of imagining I could teach you anything new if you did come to class.

Several months ago when I gave you several dates when you could come in and deliver the speech component of your proficiency exam, I expected you would choose one in good time and we would make the necessary arrangements. I never realized that your fabulously fun-filled life would make it impossible for you to call until this week. Calling me three times in the last two days demanding to know which days are available next week for your performance might seem like a great idea on your part, but the reason your bright idea looks so dim from here is because that privileged little head of yours is very far up your ass.

The rest of the students in the class have planned ahead, delivered their speeches on time and we've kept to the very tight schedule we've been given this year. But of course we'll chuck it all to the wind to make sure you can present next week before the break. I'll also be sure to mark your performance within an hour of your delivery so that there's no delay in getting you the mark you so richly deserve.

Far be it from me to stand in the way of someone so obviously good at communicating that you have no need to learn anything about the difference between a friendly and a hostile audience.

Ships passing in the night... or something like that

I just completed my writing task for the day as the last person in the family headed out to start her day.

I've tried over the last month to write for at least an hour every day first thing in the morning. Sometimes it ends up being two or three hours like it was today. When I get up, I turn on the computer, make coffee, haul a cup up to the machine and start typing. So far it has worked remarkably well (except for the occasional travel or meeting hiccup to get in the way). I find I write well in the morning (provided it's not too early!) and having accomplished my writing task for the day first thing means it's not hanging over my head all day.

But it's an odd feeling, knowing that I've accomplished what I wanted to today before at least one other family member's day had even begun.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, start all over again

Dissertation re-writing continues apace. I am finding it very slow going on the first chapter revision since it is essentially a new chapter I'm writing, though all the research is there and ready to be inserted as necessary.

The first chapter is the one that I envision laying out the kinds of issues specifically raised by the technologies that are represented in the later chapters, so I had originally written it as a kind of taxonomy of technologies. There were two problems with this:

1) Since I wrote it quite early, I included technologies that I probably don't need to include, and purely as a taxonomy, it became simultaneously dry and rambling. Double whammy for the reader, right?
2) It also was divorced from the literature. In its original incarnation, there was no mention of literary texts or how this would apply. This was because a) I wanted the introduction to deal with the connection between literature and social/technological issues, and b) as a taxonomy, I thought it would be too confusing to try to relate everything to a relevant literary text.

So I was really quite unhappy with the product (and the comments I got from early readings bore that out), but I didn't know what to do about it and it was hanging over my head as I continued to write subsequent chapters.

Luckily, another problem that I encountered when writing the last chapter provided a (potential) solution to the problem of chapter 1. When I was writing the science fiction chapter, I initially wanted it to address three novels (yes, I know that's a lot). Of course as I began writing, I realized I would be at the 70 page mark before I even dealt with the third one of those novels, so I knew I would have to cut one.

I had good reasons for having all of them in the chapter, so it was difficult to decide. But since I had written conference papers on two of the novels (The Calcutta Chromosome and The Stone Canal), I started writing up those ones for the chapter. Then I got to the 60+ page mark like I mentioned and realized the third wouldn't fit.

Then I had an epiphany while sitting on the beach in Barbados. What if I made the third novel, Natural History, the literary model for all that taxonomy stuff I want to do in the first chapter?

Since it had pretty much every kind of posthuman character in it, created by pretty much every emergent technology that I wanted to talk about, it seemed absolutely ideal as a way of modeling all the technologies while connecting them to a literary text.

I got terribly excited at the idea. Yes, I went geek-crazy over a potential solution to a writing problem. But I also immediately started worrying about it. After all, I don't think I've really seen this kind of move in a book before.

Now I know the dissertation isn't a book, but all the same, I'd never really seen someone start off a project talking about just one book to introduce the argument of the project, and then go off to talk in more detail about other books.

So I ran the idea past my advisor in that very hesitant I-have-this-crazy-idea-that-maybe-I'll-do-and-what-do-you-think kind of way. Surprisingly, she gave (equally hesitant) confirmation that that *might* be the way to deal with the problem in chapter one.

So here I sit, trying to match up all the technologies to all the characters and situations in the novel. It's matching up surprisingly well, but there is that little voice in the back of my head saying that maybe once I spend a month doing this, it won't actually work out the way I planned and this version of the chapter will be just as useless as the previous one.

But even if that little voice is right, I now have two versions of the first chapter to work with if a third needs to be created using a different strategy. So it's all good. I'll recycle what I can and rethink what I can't.

Thing is, the more I work with it, the more it seems to do what I want it to do, so I'm hopeful.

But, boy, is it a lot of work to entirely rewrite the thing from the ground up!

Bioethics and PMS

I have been ripping apart the first chapter of the dissertation. I'm essentially rewriting it from the ground up, which means I'm also revisiting many of my old sources. Perhaps because I'm finding a congruence between personal experience and academic reading, I've found the following two passages about pharmacological enhancement from Beyond Therapy: Biotechnology and the Pursuit of Happiness by the President's Council on Bioethics particularly interesting today:

"This enhanced ability [in drugs like Ritalin] to make children conform to conventional standards could also diminish our openness to the diversity of human temperaments. As we will find with other biotechnologies with a potential use beyond therapy, behavior-modifying drugs offer us an unprecedented power to enforce our standards of normality" (103).

and

"...behavior-modifying drugs might not only deprive that child of an essential part of this [socialization] education. They might also encourage him to change his self-understanding, by coming to look upon himself as governed by chemical impulses and not by moral decisions grounded in some sense of what is right and appropriate... technologies aside, merely regarding ourselves and our activities in largely genetic or neurochemical terms may diminish our sense of ourselves as moral actors faced with genuine choices and options in life" (106).

While this isn't the first time* I've read an argument that Ritalin is tamping down our children's abilities to experience a full range of emotions, I'm interested in the connection to morality in the second half. And my first thought is that the writer must be a man if he can't see that it is possible to understand the influence of brain chemistry on emotion while AT THE SAME TIME understanding that it is not the only force controlling behavior.

Any woman with PMS knows what brain chemistry is capable of doing to her emotional stability. But most women learn to control those impulses. There are times of the month where I want to hurl the salt shaker across the table at someone just for talking to me. But I don't. Because I know *I* don't really want to do that, it's just the whacked out neurochemicals that make me feel that way.

In fact, I think that experiencing such forces makes it easier to see how one can choose to entertain emotions or choose not to let them dictate your behavior.

That's not to say it's easy! Don't ask my parents about hurling things - they have some embarassing stories to tell from when I was younger! But without having to overcome those urges and not allow them to dictate behavior, you do become more aware that you do not have to be blown about by the turbulence of neurochemistry.

This is also why I get so angered at men who have assumed that as an angry woman, I'm just experiencing PMS. For me at least, it takes immense amounts of self control at times to not express the emotions I'm feeling, so assuming that I give in to them is insulting. It of course also assumes that they haven't done something to warrant being angry at, which is a whole other story!

This post isn't really about men and women or PMS, but I did find it interesting that the kinds of arguments against using pharmacology as a technology of enhancement for children actually seems to be about more than just children and individual parents' choices about whether to use those enhancements or not. It seems the more we imagine how to get to the "better" posthuman, the more difficult it is to ascertain what we mean by "better."

*The first time I came across the argument, it was actually that Ritalin makes little boys sit still and calm down, while Prozac makes grown women perk up, which pushes both groups towards a homogenous middle. Interesting thought.

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Just a quick note since it's been over a week since posting to update that
1) conference went well
2) visiting doctoral institution and friends in the area was great!
3) I'm glad to be home again!

Sightseeing

I wore myself out today traipsing around Ottawa. It is a really good-looking city, and I really appreciated how the combination of the Rideau Canal and the river really makes for a lot of green spaces. With Gatineau (formerly Hull) right across the river, there are some great Quebecois influences, including some really good boulangeries in the Byward Market area.

The Parliament buildings are more impressive in person than on all those postcards, news clips, and other pictures I've seen over my life. I took advantage of being here in Ottawa to take a tour of the centre block. 

I found it quite impressive to see the House of Commons up close and personal. Of course there was nothing going on today, but seeing the chamber in person reminded me that all those images that you see on television or the internet can't substitute for actually being in those spaces.

There's really no substitute for being there yourself. 

The Peace Tower itself offers a pretty amazing view of the city and Gatineau across the river, including at least one set of locks in addition to the ones on the Rideau Canal. I was disappointed to see that the stairs were only considered an emergency exit. I think it would've been neat to climb the tower and see the bells up closer than the quick glimpse through the elevator window that you get on the way up.

But the thing that I was most looking forward to seeing was the Parliamentary library. The structure was originally designed based on the British library (obviously the old one, not the spankin' new one) in 1872 and it is the only part of the building that survived the fire of 1916 because the head librarian had insisted on metal doors being installed, which protected it when the rest of the structure went up.  Quite impressive.

I had seen the Library of Parliament on a list of top ten most beautiful libraries in the world, so when the tour guide confirmed we would be going to the library, I was tickled. 

Yes, I'm a geek.

I actually had one of the security guards remind me that I needed to stay with the tour group because I lingered just a bit too long at the end, reluctant to leave! But it is an absolutely gorgeous library. Of course someone in the group said it looked like a Harry Potter library, which at first I found annoying since the films were based on real libraries, but then I realized that perhaps that was indeed the only context that person had to compare this library to. Regardless, I'd love to wander it unimpeded, but the public has not access to the stacks of this library.  Too bad.

My feet are well worn after trucking from the university to the Hill, through the market and back down Sparks street.  But it was still a good day!

Take off

Just about to take off for Ottawa. I've never been there before, and I've never flown Westjet, so we'll have to see what all the fuss is about. A lot of friends swear by Westjet and swear at Air Can, so I'll be interested in seeing how different the experience might be. Personally, I'd rather fly Air Can than some of the US carriers - I've got an intense hate on for at least one of them - so I'm curious to see how much better Westjet might be!

Past and Future

I'm not thinking of the present right now, since that always seems to consist of dissertation editing. Actually, editing doesn't seem the right word, since it's basically a complete rewrite - at least for the first chapter and introduction, which are the two places where I'm focusing right now.

So I give you the past and the future instead, since they're far more interesting!

Past: I had a good, long weekend, with just the right balance of work and play.

• The new Star Trek movie was good. Better than I thought it would be. Given the number of things the movie had to accomplish: cater to existing fan base, attract new, younger fan base, provide back story for existing characters without irrevocably damaging continuity with the older selves of those characters and plots, I think it pulled it off fairly well. I've seen the criticisms and the praise, and must say that I fall mostly on the side of praise for the flick.... But then again, I've always been more of a fan of Star Trek than Star Wars, so I wanted it to be good.
• I think I've finally really accepted that we own this house we're living in. I've rented for so terribly long that when we moved in, I left things pretty much as they were. We tended to use existing holes for hanging pictures, and I realized the other day that there's a poster on the garage wall that I really don't like - I just never took it down after the previous owners left it behind. This weekend, I felt like I was really starting to accept that it is ours to do with as we please when I dug out a bush that I've never liked, even when we first viewed the place. It feels good to have the horrid little thing gone!
• Went for the first hike of the season. There was still a lot of snow, though it was mostly manageable. In fact, it wasn't the snow that was the problem, it was the run-off that made our trekking difficult. Despite the hike actually only being a short one, all three of us who went are still sore two days later! But it was nice to get out there.
• I finally got to go to dinner with my dear friend from when we lived here before. Both of us have pretty busy lives, but hers is one that I do not envy in the least given all that she does. All the more reason to admire her grace in managing it. I know I could not pull it off as well as she does. But it does mean we don't hang out near as often as either of us would like to. After several weeks of not seeing each other, and several false starts, we finally met for a long and refreshing dinner on Sunday night. Good friends, like family, are one of those things that make all the other stuff in a week worthwhile!
  

Future: this week is a fairly busy one... but in a good way.

• I need to go to the school to talk to the department chair about my brand spankin' new full-time position that will begin in the fall! I'm excited enough to have done a little dance for the benefit of my family when I told them I'd been offered the position at the end of last week. It is just a 10 month term, but it comes with more opportunities and responsibilities than I have had to this point, so that's terribly exciting. I need to meet with the department chair to talk about the details this week.
• I fly off to a conference down east this weekend, so I have to do a final run-through of the paper to make sure it flows properly as spoken word. The argument seems to have shaped up quite well, though I could do with three more minutes of time in order to make it. But overall, it's ready to go. I'm trying out an idea I want to introduce in the second chapter of the dissertation, so I'm really hoping I get some good feedback from the audience about it.
  
• After the conference, I'm heading down to meet with my committee members about revision plans, where to go from here, and now that I've got this new gig, tips about the job I'll be expected to undertake. Heading to my doctoral institution means I have a list of books and resources I want to access that I can't get at here (or not inexpensively), and a short list of red tape to work through, which always goes so much faster in person!
• I also will get to see some people who I haven't seen for over a year, and I'm really looking forward to hanging out with them! I just about talked another far-flung member of our graduate student group into returning at the same time, but she's swamped with work, and thinks it's prudent to get the work done instead. I can't argue with that logic, though I'll miss getting to see her too.
  
• I need to meet with my new boss at the e-learning company. The structure and focus of the organization have changed over the last month, and coupled with a new full-time position - even if it is temporary - will require some adjusting. I'd like to have an idea of what that would look like before I leave town for a week and a half.
  

So that's my life right now. In between the past and the future, I continue to revise the dissertation while trying to complete other writing projects that I've committed to and enjoy my life beyond work. So far, the rain (and snow!) this spring have made it easy to stay in and work...!

Wow, just wow

From one of my favorite diversions (The customer is) Not Always Right when I'm in the throes of hard revision.

I didn't come to college to learn anything!

RBOC: Spring version

I have a few blogs posts floating around my head, but instead of coherent posts, I will provide bulleted snippets of thoughts until they coalesce into something worthy of a single blog post.

• spent the last few days in the mountains, driving in and out for a faculty retreat, and it made me realize spring in the mountains is a very different creature from spring on the prairies
• heard a great presentation by a politician (I know! a politician who was interesting to listen to... rare bird!) on the connection between education and politics - it wasn't just about policy but about the philosophical connection between the two, which actually gave me some things to think about. This might be a future blog post if I can put my thoughts to paper (so to speak)
• youngest daughter's drama production last night was intelligent and fun - the students had actually written parts of the play, and frankly, their parts were the best ones!
• even though I have very clear ideas of how this dissertation draft needs to change before it gets resubmitted for additional revisions suggestions, putting those ideas into practice is proving even harder than I expected (and I had expected it to be hard!)
  
• I had a lot of great conversations at the faculty retreat - a couple of not so interesting ones as well, but mostly, really stimulating and interesting conversations! I'm really glad I made the hour and a half trek out to the site each of the last two days because it was worth it!

That's all I got now folks. Here's hoping I can pull together a better blog post over the next few days.

Milk... does a body good!

Reviews of milk. Not "Milk" but milk.

I especially like the poetic ones...

Well, that's over, whether for better or worse

So the interview went fine. There was a question from the HR rep that I hadn't anticipated, so I answered a variant, which unfortunately ended up being the answer that I should've given to the next question.

Dang.

And I of course thought of a wonderful, brilliant answer a half hour after walking out of the room.

Darn.

Oh well. The teaching demo went better than I thought from my end - I actually found it fairly easy to "teach" to people I knew had already mastered the material. I did discover that the examples I used were less-than-useful because they did pose a bit of a challenge to the "students". That could be a bad thing if it made them feel confused or frustrated by those examples. I think that could actually sink the interview.

The good news I learned after the interview was that they should have some part-time work for me in fall, which is good to hear because I didn't get anything in the first go-round of course assignments in April. So I will be working there in fall - the question is just whether it will be full-time (with all the other tasks/responsibilities that go with that) or adjuncting again.

The weirdest part of the whole thing is that I walked out of the interview over to the department office to mark a deferred exam from last term. Weird to interview and then be reminded that you already work for them at the same time!

More nervous than I have a right to be

On Friday I got a phone call for a job interview, and since then I've been trying to decide if I even mention it here. You see, I've got this fear that if I mention the interview, I'll jinx it, not get the job, and then feel like a big loser for not getting it.

But it's also been consuming much of my waking thoughts over the last several days. Perhaps just because something is consuming all my thoughts isn't enough reason to blog. But then again, blogging is a slightly narcissistic activity, so why isn't all-consuming-thought a good reason for a post?

Anyway, it's a one-year teaching job here in town. The thing that's freaking me out is the teaching demo. I have to prepare a 10-12 minute lesson on transitions for a first year writing class.

Sounds simple.

It is.

But I'm still a little weirded out by it. It's not like I'm nervous about the idea of teaching - I'm not. Nor is it that I don't know how to teach such a lesson - I do. I've actually planned out the lesson for within the allotted time. I'm just nervous about trying to do it in front of an audience who I KNOW aren't students. Particularly since it will be an interactive activity. I just know that the killer for the teaching demo will be if I allow myself to dwell on the fact that the "students" for this demo are the people judging whether I'm a good teacher or not!

I know students evaluate our classes, but they don't really know anything about pedagogy and, really, for all the groaning we as adjuncts might do about student evals, there isn't that much riding on them (or at least, not JUST on them).

But it's hard to teach to people who you know already know the material. Especially if you suspect they actually know the material BETTER than you do! I've done workplace training before where I've known some of the trainees already knew the material - it's an awkward experience at best.

I tell myself it doesn't matter if I don't get the job (though it would be nice). I tell myself that the interview and demo itself are great experience, since this certainly won't be the last time I do either.

But that doesn't make me any less nervous.

All I can do is keep practicing the demo and answers to sample questions. And try not too think about how much I really would like this job!

Poor confused bunnies

The rabbits that frequent our neighborhood are in the process of changing colour from white to brown. So they're sort of mottled right now.

They are starting to blend into the browns of not-yet-awakened spring vegetation.

But since most of our precipitation this month has been in the form of snow,* the poor bunnies must be awfully confused about what colour they need to be!

*the snow isn't terribly cold, and it doesn't really stay long on the ground, but seeing white flakes coming down day after day has sure made it seem like spring is far away!

Now it makes sense

I just figured out via an email exchange who it was who probably pushed for that very disappointing reversal of job market support last year.

It wasn't who I thought it would be.

Not that it makes much difference. What's done is done. But by the sounds of the exchange this week, it appears that I may face similar opposition this year.

I must tread carefully, even though part of me wants to yell in frustration. Instead, I must be deferential and meek. I must do nothing to antagonize.

And here I was just starting to finally feel confident about the project. Now to know there's still doubt about it, even after all the work I've done since last fall, is disheartening.

My first response was "I'll show you". Which is probably a good response.

But that little voice in the back of my head whispers, "but what if you can't?"

I'm trying to ignore it.

Anybody got a pair of ear plugs?

How I feel this morning

Blood and Ice Cream Trilogy announcement

So, the title of the final installment of the Blood and Ice Cream Trilogy will the The World's End.

Much speculation is ensuing in the blogsphere about which genre Pegg and Wright will tackle next. Having tackled the zombie movie parody in Shaun of the Dead...









...and then the buddy cop movie in Hot Fuzz




Many are wondering what's next. My first thought was science fiction. With a title like The World's End, that would fit. But parodying science fiction can be a tricky thing. Remember Galaxy Quest?

At least it's not gone that far yet

I had a dream last night that I was at a conference flipping through the program when I came a across a whole section of full page colour ads from job hopefuls, advertising their specialties and how attractive they would be as faculty. In the dream I wondered how much those ads would cost and who I might know who could help with the design.

At least the job market in academia hasn't got THAT competitive... yet.

Zotero saves the day!

I downloaded zotero today - a Firefox extension that promises to help me organize my notes in exactly the ways I've been wanting to.

I've been searching for the last few months for some way to make my new Mac more useful to my academic work. Specifically, I was looking for a way to take notes like I do in Endnote on my PC. I really love my Endnote, but I started checking out sente for the Mac after a friend recommended it.

But ideally, I wanted the flexibility to be able to transfer my files from PC to Mac and vice versa. I won't be able to dump the PC for a while, since I have to interface so much with PC-related programs for my e-learning job. But I wanted to use my Mac for more than just writing. It's been great to use for the writing, and I love the versatility of the machine, but I wanted notetaking capability too.

I'm almost skeptical because zotero is looking like it's absolutely everthing I want. I can create libraries, conduct searches and enter notes like I can with Endnote. Although it's a browser application, you don't need to be connected to the internet to use the files, so even when I'm cheaping out on the $15/night that hotels charge for access (what is that about anyways?!), I can still use the application.

As well - and here's where I'm breathless in anticipation of the possibilities - it can run on both my Mac and PC because it's a browser application. Not only that, but if I download the beta version, it promises to sync each computer's content with the other! Sync it every time I open one or the other! So that I'll always have a complete library of resources, regardless of which computer I'm working on. No worrying about whether I've updated all the files and transferred them from one computer to another. How cool would that be!? Of course I have yet to download the beta version, but I'm already super-duper impressed with the standard version.

And the best part? Transferring all my Endnote library to zotero is just a matter of a couple of clicks.

I can see this product making my research much easier in the future... the only thing cooler than discovering it now would've been discovering it a year ago!

Repetition avoidance

You would think that the part of my elearning job that requires me to review the website material before releasing it to the client would be easy. After all, it involves clicking through all the components and then listening to whatever audio and/or video components are on the site to make sure they say what they're supposed to say.

The only problem is that at the end of the project, listening to those audio and video components AGAIN is about the LAST thing I want to do! At the end of the project I've already:

• read through the materials provided by the client and/or discussed the project content with them
  
• scripted the content for audio/video appropriate format/language
  
• been at the video shoot/audio recording, including all the re-takes/re-records
  
• (in some cases) been in the editing suite while the editor completes final edits of multimedia content
  
• listened to/watched all audio or video to ensure it was recorded correctly before sending it to the web developer
  

So the final quality assurance of the video and audio component will be at minimum, the sixth time I've heard the same material.  

Sometimes, it's just really hard to listen to it just ONE more time...!

email's great... email sucks

Two emails this morning have got me realizing how good it is for some things and how horrible for others.

The first is a complaint about grades. I began to compose an answer explaining why they student's grade kept going down from first draft to second to final (hint: no change/improvement!) but then realized, I'm not about to defend my grading criteria via email, so erased all of it and told the student to make an appointment. If he shows up, I'll talk.

The second is a series of emails from the web developer for the online work I do, asking for "descriptions" of each of the sections of a course we've developed. I've said in at least three emails that the title of each section is pretty descriptive of what's within it. Since the developer has all the titles, I figure it would be easy to replicate that in the description. But I still keep getting emails asking for the description of each section.

Finally, I spent a half hour taking the document that lists all the titles, and adding a description line. Each line looks something like this:

[title] "describes [title]"

Seriously.

Somehow I suspect walking down the hall to the developer's cubicle to explain this would've taken much less time (not to mention my frustration) than having to write out an entire page of titles with the word "describes" in front of them!

Email's great for some stuff - I love it and regularly communicate by it, even sending off long missives... after all, I organized a whole conference long distance via email! But there are limits...

Metadissertating: Comprehensives and Dissertations

In my continuing fascination with this whole dissertation writing process, I've been thinking about the PhD process in general as well. Although the dissertation has taken a long time to draft, it's been a valuable experience, which made me realize how frustrating some of the other parts of the whole process have been.

I'm specifically thinking of the comprehensive exams process. The way that my department has it structured, we have one year after coursework to write the comps. Of course before you can write the comps, you have to read all the things on your list. The thing that gets me about my department is that it also requires you to create the list before you can begin to read it.

When I was doing the comps, they weren't too stringent about the one year rule. They've gotten much more militant about keeping people to the limit lately , and I have to say, I'm just glad that I did my comps when I did, or I would've been screwed. It took me a year and a half before I finished writing mine, and I feel like I busted my ass to get them done in time.

I honestly don't think I could've come up with the reading lists for three areas and read everything on those lists in a year. I don't mean that I wasn't willing to do so, or thought it was too much work. Obviously, I undertook the work needed to complete those lists and read them all. But I cannot imagine how I could've done it in a year. I just can't imagine it.

I have done this whole PhD the hard way though. I came into the program thinking I would study one primary area and one secondary area. After the first year, I was told that neither area was feasible (even though on the books, both would've been). So I really had to kind of start all over again to figure out what area(s) I wanted to specialize in. So even by the end of my coursework, I had no idea what I really wanted to do.

I think if I had known from the start and been able to stick with my plan, perhaps the comprehensives wouldn't have been such a huge pile of work. I know some of my colleagues have started thinking about them in the second year of coursework and started working on their lists. I suppose that's the thing that a person would have to do in order to take the comps in a year. That, or designate one of your areas based on your Master's thesis (which is another thing I didn't do - I was a little disillusioned with it at the time).

I understand the rationale behind having students create their own list is to become 'experts' in a field - actually three fields - but to have to discover what makes one an expert by having to create those lists in the first place seems a trifle unfair. I do find myself wondering whether an informal network of existing lists will crop up in an effort by student to stick within the one year limitation. I know I've shared my lists with people who have asked. I hope others do too.

But what has become even more apparent to me since then is how much more valuable the dissertation has been to creating expertise than the comps ever were. The comps were great because I've now read a whole bunch of stuff. But I don't feel they gave me an expertise in any of it. That came with the dissertation.

The dissertation (understandably) has forced me to become an expert in the topic. Which of course means I've read a lot of books. And I would say that 80% of those books were not in my comprehensives lists (and 95% of the important ones were not). So in essence, the dissertation reading was like it's own kind of comprehensive reading list.

But just as much as the dissertation had me reading things in a particular area, it also taught me HOW to write up all that work. There's a monumental difference between writing a series of seminar papers, and writing the dissertation. I would suspect that even for people who strung together seminar papers for their dissertation, that a considerable amount of effort went into making it all hang together. That's the tricky part - to see the whole in its entirety, not just the little snippets of scholarship that the seminar paper, article, or (even shorter) conference paper require.

What I suppose I'm saying is that if I was asked to design a PhD program, I would change the way the comprehensive exams and the dissertation were structured so that the comprehensives were less critical and the dissertation more so. Perhaps my experience is unusual and others have felt the comprehensives to be more - or as - useful as the dissertation. But for me, they're just a huge storehouse of work I've read. They help me understand other people's projects far more than they helped me understand my own. Until I'm part of that big academic party that tt-faculty represent, I don't know how much good that big storehouse actually is...

Post conference downer

There's something extremely exciting and satisfying about conferences that seems to evaporate when you return to everyday life.

A week of warm weather, stimulating conversation, fabulous seafood and lots of new ideas was replaced this morning with an early commute, teaching, a huge stack of marking, snow (!), and a seemingly endless list of unattended emails.

Welcome back to reality!

Happy blogversary!

Six years of blogging. That's actually quite a long time when you think about it. And yet, I'm still working on the degree that I was when I started, so maybe it's not so long... !

I really hope I finish it before the next blogversary!

There have been several times that I've thought about abandoning the blog over those years, but I keep coming back to it, even after extended absences. I haven't quite figured out why. I suspect a large part of it is because I know there are readers who follow even when they don't comment, and I guess I want to stay in touch with the people I know and care about. Sometimes it's just a great place to try out an idea. To those of you who have suffered through those - kudos to you!

I have found the occasional germ of a blog post emerging in my work either for conferences or for the dissertation. I also think that combined with the non-academic clients I write for in the elearning job, the blog has helped me better understand the different kinds of writing that different audiences require. Being more aware of audience has translated back to the dissertation as well, so that's a benefit of the blog.

But mostly it's my readers. Thanks for hanging in there through the droughts and the dullness to keep coming back for more. You're the primary reason why this blog exists, and I thank you!

Doing my work for me

Once I crawled out from the mountain of grading and online work this last week, I started fretting about the conference paper I'm to deliver next week.

The argument in the paper has to be supported by sufficient plot description so that the argument makes sense, but because part of the argument about Fido is that the visual effects of the film create the actual argument, it also requires a lot of scene description.

Anyone who has written a conference paper knows how hard it is to make an argument in twenty minutes. It's even harder when you have to spend some of that time describing the source on which the argument is based.

So in my frustration with trying to put this together, I distracted myself by reading through the conference program online.

The meet and greet for the area that is sponsoring my panel always shows a movie on the first night.

Guess which movie they're showing this year?

Awesome!

Turning back the clock

Yesterday, I helped my oldest daughter move back into our house.

I'll let you think about that one for a moment. I know I did when she first proposed it.

The rationale is that a temporary retreat to home will help her save some money for school. I can't argue with such a desire. After all, I'd like to see her return to school as well.

The part that I find myself wondering about is the changing family dynamics. When she moved out, they changed, so I imagine the same will happen moving back in. But I also wonder how she'll manage going from independence to a house full of people she's used to being in a more dependent relationship with.

It doesn't help that she's literally in a dependent situation because she's hobbling around on crutches after a sprained ankle on the weekend.

She's a smart cookie. We all are for that matter. So we'll readjust. But it will be a little odd for a while I'm sure.

I will be happy to see her more often though!

If you can't sound good...

Conference flight is one week away and the paper needs to be presented a couple more days after that.  Which means I need to prepare.

So what did I do today?

Went shopping.  Gotta look good after all...!

Actually I lucked out at my (new) favorite clothing retailer.  I found several items on the clearance rack that were then discounted an additional 50%.  A pair of jeans, 3 pairs of pants, a skirt, sweater, two shirts, cami and belt came to just over $80 with the tax.

How cool is that?

What's even better than nice new clothes, are nice new clothes that fit much better than some of the old stuff I am still hanging on to.  Although my weight hasn't changed much, my body shape has (shifting the plump around, I guess?!), so I've been finding some of my clothes less comfortable than in the past.

So I'll be rockin a couple of new outfits without having broken the bank.  I like that.

Metadissertating: Product and Process

Having finished a full draft of the dissertation, I've started thinking a lot more about the process of getting to this point.

I've been contemplating the relationship between process and product.

To earn the PhD, I need to finish the product - the dissertation. Doing so demonstrates competency and the earns me the title of Doctor of Philosophy.

Of course getting to the point of writing a dissertation means that you've jumped through several other hoops. In my program those consisted of:

• a set of preliminary comprehensive exams
• two language tests
• two years worth of coursework
• the comprehensive exam process
• approval of a dissertation prospectus

When you write it all down, it really does seem like the dissertation is just one small thing at the end of that list. But as anyone who has ever attempted to write one knows, "small" rarely seems the appropriate word for the undertaking.

The difference between the way the dissertation looks as just one of a list of tasks to complete, and the experience of writing it is a nice way of distinguishing between product and process. The product - the dissertation - is just one of many tasks to complete, but the process of creating it - the research and writing - is a major, no, the major, task of the PhD.

Particularly as I start to figure out where to begin my editing, I'm realizing that the person/writer/scholar I was when I began the project is a very different person from who I am now. When I look at that first chapter, I can see how much more mature and developed my thinking on the topic is compared to when I began. (I suppose if I looked at early drafts of the prospectus, the difference would be even more apparent. Though it might also be a bit embarassing to see how rough and simplistic my thoughts were then.)

The process of producing the dissertation, while not really counting for anything in the end, is what actually makes the final product worthwhile. If I had not spent the last three and a half years (okay, I'm fudging a bit...) working with the same topics, the same texts, the same material, I would not have been able to produce the dissertation that I have (in draft form anyway).

And I haven't gotten there yet. All the process to this point will mean nothing if I cannot finish editing and defend my work. If I walked away now (not likely!), I would be someone with a M.A. The work over the last seven years would count for nothing, at least as far as my cv and the world are concerned.

I have a good friend who has expressed the opinion that all the effort should count for something - that I've "worked hard". I won't deny I've worked hard. Sometimes I think I've worked harder than others in my position, but that's only because I'm a little thick at times and have to do things wrong before I see the right way! But just working hard doesn't count. My committee doesn't care about what my life has been like while writing this; they just care about what I've produced.

And after all, I need to practice what I preach. I tell my students it doesn't matter how many hours they worked on a writing task, or how much harder it was than anything else they've been working on. If they don't do it, they don't do it. Doesn't matter how hard you work. If you can't produce what's needed, then it's pretty much the same as if you didn't do it at all.

I won't be PhD till the product is acceptable. No matter how many hours I've put in, it won't count until I get those signatures of approval and file that bundle of paper with the university library. The process of creating that product has been a valuable and necessary process. But it won't count for a hill of beans in the real world unless it amounts to a finished product.

The dissertation is a strange interrelationship between the process and the product. You really can't have one without the other!

RBOC: Haven't blogged in a while version

Those of my readers who work in post-secondary institutions know the peculiar kind of intensity that arises around this point in the semester. If you don't, take it from me, from mid-March on, the students tend to get a little frazzled, as do the instructors!

• Been busy this week holding extra office hours for students before handing in their second draft of the mondo-report they're doing this term. I was surprised by how many of them got the date or time wrong. Have they not heard about daytimers? Or is that too old-fashioned?!
• Also wrapped up final content development on our latest project. Completing two full elearning programs from scratch in three months is definitely too fast. There were a lot of places where I felt rushed, and although I think we still turned out a useful product that the client will be happy with, there were things I would've done differently had we the usual time frame to work in.
• The above two bullets mean I now have to work through the weekend to even hope of catching up. All those second drafts need marking, and I have a conference paper to deliver in less than 10 days which needs to be more than the notes it currently is!
• The conference paper is on the movie Fido, which I've blogged about before. Yes, it's a zombie flick. But the fact that the zombies are zombies is incidental to the plot - they could be represented by another class of "people". In fact, this is what my argument will be - that zombies replace other oppressed classes in the alternative history within the film. The fact that they are zombies emphasizes their sub/un-human nature, which clearly demonstrates how oppressed classes are dehumanized.
• Or something like that. Like I said, it's just notes right now!
  
• I'm getting pretty tired of winter. March here has been characterized by one or two 'teaser' spring days followed by blasts of winter. Our road hasn't actually ever gotten clear of the snow. The ice/snow begins to melt, then just as it's about to disappear, it snows again. I'm really hoping April is more springlike!
• Even if April isn't nicer, I can't complain that I get to escape to a much warmer city for that upcoming conference. And I'll get to see two grad school friends who I haven't seen in a long time (since the last conference!), as well as all my usual conference-related friends. The paper line-up looks pretty interesting too!
  

There's some other stuff going on, but I'm having difficulty working through it because I have conflicting emotions about it. You'll also notice there's no mention of the dissertation. Not that it isn't on my mind, but now that I've finished drafting, I'm not sure where I want to start with editing. I also don't feel guilty about taking a bit of a break - I've earned it. Perhaps a reward is in order too?... hmmmm.

Getting more cynical? Or just smarter?

There is a general truism that people become more cynical the older they get. This bit of common wisdom seems to make sense to us because it seems rational to think that the older you get, the more disappointments you suffer, the more experienced you become. These disappointments would then add up to make one more cynical about those experiences.

William Blake did oppose Innocence to Experience after all.

This month, in the course of preparing some material for one of our elearning clients, I had the opportunity to take a form of the Myers-Briggs personality type test. The test gauges people along four dimensions:

introvert - extrovert
iNtuition - sensing
thinking - feeling
judging - perceiving

The first division is self-evident. The second, the difference between intuition and sensing represents the way that the person receives information. Those who score on the intuition range, tend to accept abstract or theoretical information, and tend to focus on how the information might be used in the future while those on the sensing end want to see concrete results and tend to be more focused on the present.






Thinking and feeling describe decision-making functions. Obviously thinking personalities rationalize decisions while those who score on the feeling end base decisions more often on emotion.

Judging and perceiving are a kind of meta-comment on the particular combination of the other three variables. What it does is define the strength of relation between the other three variables.

About a decade ago I took the Myers-Briggs type test and scored as INTJ. This shouldn't surprise anyone who knows me. But when I took the test this month, I scored as ISTJ. Now the 'S' percentage was low, which meant that I barely fit into the category. But the fact that my personality had shifted at all is fascinating.

I attribute the change to one of two things:
1) I have gotten more cynical and less future oriented (perhaps less optimistic/idealistic about the future?) over the last decade.
2) The ten years of continuing post-secondary studies led me to overthink the questions, giving an incorrect picture of my personality.

Either possibility is interesting. Either way, things have changed in my life, and I've obviously integrated those things into my life, including the way I take these kinds of silly tests!

Two milestones

The snow made it easy to stay home and do the work I'd planned for today. I didn't even miss my workout since the snow shovelling took a good hour and a half!

Although I slightly misjudged the numbers, so that my dissertation meter reads 98% instead of 100%, I have finished the draft of the final chapter! Yay for me!

There's much editing to do of course, and one of the things that you come to realize after several years of working on a single project is the stuff you wrote two years ago no longer matches to the stuff you've just been writing. But the good news is that the whole structure has been laid out. Now I just have to make it look pretty!

Oh, and apparently this is my 1000th post. So cool on that milestone too!

Bad timing

The subject line on the email from my local grocery store read:

Who says you can't BBQ in March?

Ummm, the view out my window this morning?

Lunch in the stairwell

Today I found myself feeling overworked while sitting in my office and decided that I needed to get out of it. So I took my lunch and started looking for a different place to eat it. I thought of going to the faculty club, but along the way, noticed a seat built into one of the large stairwells near the library.

So I sat in the stairwell to eat lunch.

Perhaps it's a bit strange to put seating arrangements in a stairwell, but that's the way it is. I picked a spot in a large stairwell with a seating nook that faced out so that I could see the traffic on both the first and second floor. Since the stairwell was L-shaped and at the corner of two hallways, so I could see a lot of people as they went by.

As I sat there, I began to think about the space I was sitting in. Stairwells are really just nether spaces. When you think of a stairwell, you don't think of a space to spend time in. It's a space that you move through. After all, when was the last time you stopped and sat in a stairwell?

Watching everyone go by, the liminality of the stairwell was reinforced by the way in which everyone moved. Everyone seemed very intent on navigating their way through the space, and certainly, no one else stopped. The stairwell was just a place to move through.

Space fascinates me. I don't mean the outer space kind. I mean the way that the people and spaces interact. I find space so interesting that I proposed an independent study on space during my coursework and ended up with a reading list that was about three times as long as the standard graduate course. There were over 20 books and another 20 articles and films, which meant that I read far more than anyone who might have taken a more standard course. But what it did was instill in me a continuing fascination with space.

The layout of a space affects how people feel about it and move through it. I've lived in old spaces that depress me, and small spaces that frustrate me, and beautiful spaces that inspire me (not so many of those last ones, but the older I get, the better I'm able to find those comfortable or beautiful spaces).

Spaces also are created by the people who move through them. Michel deCerteau talks about how pathways through a city for example, are actually created by the people using them. This happens regardless of their original design. Space is a construction that is created by the way in which people actually use those spaces.

People also make spaces work for them, even if the space isn't ideal. If you live in any place where more than a handful of people have come together to live in proximity, you've found spaces that don't work the same way that they were obviously designed. Some spaces make me wonder what the architect was thinking - they just seem awkward, like ill-fitting clothes. At the same time, people take those kind of awkward spaces and adapt them for uses that suit their purposes, regardless of what the architect may have desired.

Despite my reminisces and letting my mind wander through the implications of space, lunch was over too quickly. I returned to my corner of a shared office without a window...

Class scheduling and classroom dynamics

Our campus is rapidly growing, which means we have growing pains. Even though our department is housed in a brand new building (it wasn't there when I left this city six years ago), we're being squeezed for space.

The squeeze makes itself felt in scheduling. I've had difficulty getting a lab classroom for the one day this term we need lab access, and we were told last week that there will be more 8am class slots in the future. Which got me thinking about my early morning classes and how they've been fundamentally different from my afternoon classes this year.

For the last two terms, I've had a morning section and an afternoon section of the same class, and I'm finding it a bit eerie how the dynamics of each classroom have unfolded.

In the first meeting of the semester, both semesters, my morning classes seemed like they were filled with excited, engaged students. Right from the first couple of days, students seemed interested in asking engaged questions about the content, and not at all shy about talking to each other.

Meanwhile, in both semesters, the first meeting with the afternoon class was filled with questions about grading policies and whether I accepted late papers, as well as asking how harsh a grader I was, and how much work they could expect.

In each semester, I found myself worn out by the drilling I got the first day from the afternoon class, but energized and excited about the morning class. For the record, I'm not a morning person, so I would think that the morning class would be more exhausting just because I'm not as alert, wouldn't it?

Over the term, each class seemed to morph though. The afternoon class settled down, got to work, and started producing good work, while the morning class started slacking off, and attendance dropped rapidly. Now, I can understand the low attendance for the 8am morning class, but last semester, my morning class didn't start till 10am, so one would think that the early start wouldn't necessarily be the problem.

Of course I recognize that each classroom's dynamics is going to be different and that it would be foolish of me to expect that each class will come together in the same way as another. So I don't expect each classroom dynamic to look the same and I work hard at making sure I don't let what happens in the early class colour the responses I expect from the second class. I don't expect the class discussions to go at all the same (except for the points that I know I'm going to work in), but I am nonetheless baffled by the collective behaviour difference between the morning and afternoon sections in each of these terms.

The most challenging part has been planning daily activities. I know if the activities I undertake in the morning class take up all of the class period that I will be pressed for time fitting all of it into the afternoon class because they ask far more questions and contribute far more to class discussions. Part of this is sheer numbers - although both classes have the same enrollment, there are at least 40% more students attending every afternoon class.

But it's leaving me with a dilemma. Either I let the morning class go a little early every day and keep the afternoon class for the full time, or I keep the morning class for the full time and go overtime in the afternoon class (or rush through material - don't know which is worse). I suppose the other option is to tailor what we do to each class, but that doesn't seem right because I would have to have "more" activities for the morning class. Besides, that would require maybe not two preps, but at least one and a half. Work I don't really feel I have time to undertake.

The symmetry between my afternoon classes both semesters and my morning classes both semesters is the oddest thing though. I realize it may just be coincidence, and I've never seen this before in my teaching, but it has me wondering (and now I'm wondering aloud blog-style).

Today I did the second Q&A of the semester. This is where I pass out a cue card and require each student to write an anonymous question (or questions) about the class that I then answer. It's not as intimidating as it sounds, since a lot of students seem to ask the same question everytime I do this. Today's afternoon class got personal though, and wanted to know about my education, family, and "what I thought of this class" The first two were easy, but the last one was a bit odd. I wasn't sure what they wanted, though I expect the question writer secretly wanted to be told the class was wonderful.

But I didn't feel that would be honest to say that.

This is the class that practically mutinied when no one got an A on the first assignment, which certainly did not endear me to them, and the fact that one of the questions was less of a question than a challenge: "I work hard so why can't I get an A in this class?" didn't help dispose me to telling them they were wonderful.

I did tell them that I like teaching this particular kind of class because the work they do is relevant to real life and I know they'll use the skills they develop in the class. And I did tell them that I have enjoyed reading the drafts of their research papers because they have all found different, interesting things to write about. But I stopped short of telling them that I like them as a class.

It's not that I don't like them. Now that they've settled down to work and we've lost some of the slackers after the final withdrawal date, they are a likeable group. But I don't think they need to hear that from me. I said I liked their work. But that's all I said. I couldn't quite bring myself to say I liked them.

I don't know. Maybe I sold them short? What would happen to the class dynamics if I said they were a great group? Would they think they had me in their pocket and slack off? Or would they be so delighted they'd work harder? Given what's happened in the class, I suspect the former, but maybe I'm being too harsh. What do you think?

btw: It will be interesting to see course evals for this one. Not only did they start the semester hating me, but the evaluator came in just after I finished answering that question about what I thought of them.

What timing!

Stuck

I've got a million and one things to do (including finishing grading), about seven unfinished drafts of blog posts, and yet I can't seem to finish a single one of them today.

What's wrong?

The life/love of the mind

Over at the Chronicle there is an interesting follow-up essay by Thomas Benton about why professors should be discouraging graduate students from entering the profession. Some of his arguments makes sense, especially this one:

Some reasonably conscientious advisers tell students that they should go to graduate school only if they "could not consider doing anything else," but the students haven't tried anything else — and neither have most of the professors. Given professors' lack of information, students' naïve trust, and the overall ambiguity of the future, the easiest thing to do is fall back on our faith in doing what you "love."

I heard that advice myself when I was considering graduate school. But Benton's point that the advice only is effective if students know what they DON'T want to do is a corollary that I think should be tacked on more often.

Part of the reason I even went back to school as an undergrad was because I'd had other jobs, and didn't like any of them. It wasn't that I was just stuck in service either - I'd worked as a photographer, a glass installer, a daycare worker and even in management. Didn't like any of them. So I went back to school. Since then, I've held jobs that I could've made a career at - non-profit management, human resources, even the elearning gig I have right now.

But none of them satisfy me like the research and teaching (even if teaching nothing but composition is getting a little tiring). So, I can't say I can't imagine myself doing anything else, because I have. But I can say I can't imagine myself being as satisfied doing anything else.*

When you put it that way, I feel inspired and invigorated about my work, and I'm eager to find a full-time job in a career that satisfies me so fully! Will this mean that I will be incredibly disappointed if I don't get one? Sure. But I know I can do those other kinds of jobs - it's not like I'd starve if I couldn't be a professor. But I know which career is going make me happy because I know which ones won't. I think that's a nice thing to keep in mind for this coming year.

*this is not to say that I think everyone who wants to become a professor needs to go slog it out in the trenches first in order to be fully prepared. I think some people are better than I at knowing exactly what they want without putting themselves through the pain of horrible jobs that I did. I'm just a little dense, and needed that pain to figure it out!

Medieval Vampires

New Scientist is reporting a medieval vampire skeleton found. Of course they're not claiming the woman was actually a vampire, just that gravediggers thought she was one.

Still an interesting read.

And according to this mathematician, vampires are a mathematical impossibility. Dr. Efthimiou calculated that if once a month, a vampire fed off a human, turning that human into a vampire, the world's population would've all been turned by now. True. But very few contemporary vampire stories propose that all who are bit are turned. Most create a vampire who feeds without turning people (symbiotic relationships) or a vampire who feeds and kills. Lots of dead humans, but only rarely is one turned into a vampire.

Just in case you were curious...

A missed opportunity

Yesterday, my office mate at work overheard me trying to contact the international student office at my home institution to update my file there. So he asked where I was studying and that led to asking what I was writing the dissertation on.

Turns out his partner is writing on many of the same writers, and some similar themes, but her dissertation is organized around a quite different (but fascinating) set of questions. She even has a chapter coming out in the next few months on one of the novels that I'm writing about!

As I'm having this conversation, I'm thinking, "How grand! I would love to speak to this person, and share ideas." My office mate tells me his partner is like me - writing a dissertation from a distance. I get even more excited when I realize that this might be the academic connection that I've been trying to make in this town since we got here two and a half years ago! Here's someone else who not only is as academically isolated as me (and presumably would love more connection), but is also working in my area!

Then my office mate tells me his partner's flying out tomorrow to her home institution for the next 5 to 6 months.

Damn.

Another way elearning content development is like academic writing

"Quality assurance" is a bit like editing.

You've spent hours and hours with the content, shaping it, going over it, again and again.

And then you have to do it. one. more. time.

Renovating the ivory tower

You know what the problem is with the ivory tower?

It's a tower.

One of those big honkin' tall things, that spreads a dark (but thin!) shadow across the land surrounding it. But the biggest problem is that sometimes, the thing is so tall, that looking out of it, the other people of the world look like little ants, scurrying around the base.

One of the things I appreciate the most about working for the elearning company is that it reminds me that my world is not the only world. It reminds me that there are worlds out there that I only have fleeting glimpses of, whose areas of activity have just as many issues, and hierarchies, and struggles as mine.

They have their own iconic images, their own in-jokes, their own associations, their own traditions, their own rivalries, and all of them seem just as important as mine do to me.

There are times that I wonder whether I should continue the elearning work. I could use those hours to do more writing, or perhaps even more relaxing! But then I turn to a part of the project that is new and different from the kind of work I do when I write or teach, and I realize I'm not ready to give that up just yet. Even when those other worlds start to get boring, and I realize why I don't belong to those worlds, I still value them because they remind me that the ivory tower might better serve us if it was an ivory bungalow, or ranch-style abode.

RBOC

Things have been strange around here - an odd combination of novelty and routine, that have kept me busy but also surprisingly unable to describe these events in a coherent way. So here go the bullets

• I know everyone hates doing their taxes. But there is something soothing about organizing everything and accounting for everything. Because I use my vehicle part of the time to earn money, I also now know that I spent $461 on fuel last year. Not bad. I don't drive everyday, but even with that, I'm delighted that the number was that low. Of course that was also diesel fuel, which for most of the year was cheaper than gas.


• I've had really good conversations with my committee members lately, so I'm feeling good about the dissertation. This unfortunately is coinciding with a huge amount of other work that takes me away from it however.


• Even though I'm teaching two sections of the same course, there are vastly different dynamics developing in each classroom. This makes it hard to deliver the same content to these two very different classes.


• I've requested spring teaching, but am ambivalent about it. I like the idea of teaching (and of course the bit of money this brings) but also have a lot of writing that needs to get done. Perhaps I wouldn't be so ambivalent if I felt like I had a bit more time available for working on the dissertation and other writing projects.


• We're planning on doing some home improvements over the next several months. I know it's a recession, but we've been talking of these things since we moved in, and the announced tax credit for house renos has made those conversations take on a more pragmatic tone. At the same time, I'm a bit reluctant to commit to them. So we'll see.


• I will have to clear out the library/playstation room downstairs sometime over the next few weeks. Say, that could be the punchline to a joke. What do you get when a geek marries one of the cool kids? A playstation/library!
  


• I feel weirdly disconnected from the things going on around me. I don't know if it's some kind of strange after-effect of being sick this last week, or a more garden-variety ennui, but it's really messing with my planning. It's hard to put together a plan for the day, or the week, or the project, when you don't feel like any of it is relevant.
  

I suppose that last bullet is why I'm having problems writing as well. "Strange" is definitely the watchword for this week, that's for sure.