Sunday afternoon, I drove two towns over to a friend’s house to see their brand new baby. He was not quite three weeks old.
He was sleeping when I arrived, and I looked down at him, marveling and being reminded at how small newborn babies are… they grow so fast, it’s easy to forget how little they are when they’re born. [When you’re having them though, they feel huge!]
He woke up a short time later, and my friend passed him to me. His mother said something about how neat it is to see someone who knows what they’re doing pick up a baby, but I didn’t respond because I was almost overwhelmed by the memories that I was feeling. Yes, I did mean feeling. It wasn’t that I was remembering particular instances of holding a baby, but holding babies in general. Which is a visceral thing – my body was remembering what it felt like to hold such a small baby, to carry it, to nurse it, to care for it. It was a bit overwhelming to tell the truth.
I was there a bit longer than I had expected, which was still a rather short visit, but during my short time there, a host of other memories were dug up by our conversation. I was… well, I’m not sure of the right word for it – jealous is too strong a word since it’s now after-the-fact and there’s no reason to wish things were otherwise for me – nostalgic might be the right word, though nostalgic in the sense of longing for something in the past that you never had in the first place. You see, they both share so equally in the childcare duties, everything possible short of sharing the breastfeeding duties. Even that, they work at sharing with dad giving his son a bottle on a regular basis.
I never had that. Though in all fairness, I never expected that. I grew up expecting there was a rigid gender division in household and childraising duties = the woman did all the work and dad got the fun stuff. So I can’t really say I’m jealous, because my life has changed and I no longer feel like I’m flying solo in childrearing, but it’s not really nostalgia either, since I never had or expected equality when the kids were younger.
But that aside, it was a very satisfying experience to see their son, to see them working together, to see their happiness and pride (behind the slight sheen of exhaustion).
Sunday night, I answered the phone to find my husband’s brother on the other end. I was a bit surprised since we had just gotten an email from him a few days before and calls weren’t too frequent, but it was nice to briefly chat with him before handing the phone over.
When my husband came down the stairs asking if he could direct dial to his cousin’s house in Saskatoon (we recently changed long distance providers, so he wasn’t sure what plan I’d gotten), I knew it was bad news. And probably about his mom. Though since he didn’t look particularly upset, I guessed that she had just taken a turn for the worse. My guess was right.
He’s now gone to see her. She’s been ill for a long time now and while I didn’t know her and she didn’t know me because of it, it’s still hard because I know how hard this is on him.
Life – we use this word so frequently and casually as in “it’s my life” “what are you doing with your life?” “that’s life!” that it’s easy to forget what it represents until you’re reminded of its beginning and its end. And sometimes it feels like it will never end… like when you’re stuck in a line, or a boring job, or waiting for something to happen… but it does. And we tend to forget that. We don’t want to think about the end because we’re supposedly having such a great time living it that we don’t want the downer of thinking about when it all stops.
Our reluctance as a society to talk about death, even to name it – we have way too many euphemisms for it – does us all a disservice because it is true that you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone. But if it’s you’re life, after it’s gone, you have no way of appreciating that sage piece of advice. And if you don’t see other people die, if we don’t talk about it, if we don’t think about it, then we can’t really appreciate the life that we have, can we?
Even when birth reminds us of the beginning of life, a child’s potential and all of that, it still is easy to think about other things than life when someone has a baby. When I saw my friend’s baby, it reminded me not of life, it’s beginning, it’s potential, but of me, of how tired I was for the first months, how shocking it was to find oneself a parent, how much my life changed. Even for my friends, I am thinking about how their lives have changed, how they’re working together, how they’re adjusting. I am thinking almost nothing about their son’s life.
Maybe the difficulty is that it’s so hard to tell how someone’s life will turn out, to predict what choices they’ll make, what experiences they might have. And maybe part of the problem in even thinking along those lines, trying to guess what a child’s life will be like, depends so much on class issues that we’re afraid to talk about it. We’re afraid to recognize that there are class differences. That the dream that “anyone can grow up to be President” is in fact a falsehood. Class is very real in North America, even if we don’t name it like the Brits do. Not everyone has the same advantages. No matter how hard you try to change that.
My children have never grown up with money. They have had every advantage I have been able to afford them, and I’ve been lucky in some ways in the way my life turned out because I was able to access resources that they and I might otherwise not be able to afford. Living in the break-even housing at the University meant I paid just a little less for rent than others and had the extra $50 to enroll them in gymnastics class or swimming lessons at the same place. And they went to an inexpensive summer camp for a few summers because I knew about it because I had been to the same camp when I was young. But there are still things that my children have not had. Experiences they have not had that other children have. I’m not complaining, I think I did well with what I had, and they certainly have had more experiences than other children have. But to predict their lives as infants would have meant taking my income into consideration. And that would mean recognizing that I was living below the poverty line. And recognizing poverty in North America is an unpopular sport.
But life happens, every minute, every day whether we think about it or not.
Thursday, July 22, 2004
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
Coming and going
I pick up my daughter from the airport at 6:30 tonight. She's been gone for a month and it will be nice to have her home.
I will be there three hours earlier to drop my husband off. His mother is dying and he is flying home to see her.
It'll be nice to see the daughter who I've been missing, but now I'll be missing my husband.
I will be there three hours earlier to drop my husband off. His mother is dying and he is flying home to see her.
It'll be nice to see the daughter who I've been missing, but now I'll be missing my husband.
Saturday, July 17, 2004
To amuse and delight...
Found one of those interminable questions about getting to know you that seemed rather amusing (well, okay, the first line is what caught my eye, but I'll give you the whole thing):
1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4 Write down what it says: "paint-and-plaster medieval jumble" it's a book of poetry that I'm trying to write a paper on.
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first? my Running Room CD holder (courtesy my good friend Allie, who I think about everytime I put it on) and running hat
3. What was the last thing you watched on TV? South Park's "Extreme weekend"
4. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? Fan. The bedroom tends to be hot, even with the a/c on.
5. When did you last step outside? To cook chicken and baked potatos for dinner.
6. Before you came to this website, what did you look at? Email - invite to a birthday party... poor sucker, he's only turning 30 and stressing over it... wait till he's facing 40!
7. What are you wearing? Khaki short with spagetti strap stretch T - as I said, it's hot today.
8. Did you dream last night? Don't remember the details, but I woke up feeling disappointed.
9. When did you last laugh? At Angela and her friend's antics playing at the pool this afternoon.
10. What is on the walls of the room you are in? Beige - it's a rental.
11. Seen anything weird lately? Can't say I have. Oh, well, if you include coincidence. Yesterday on the way to work, I followed a silver Porsche SUV from Minnesota through the square going out of town... and followed the same vehicle on my way back from work! Can't be too many silver Porsche "Cayenne" SUVs from Minnesota out here in Massachusetts, can there?
12. What do you think of this quiz? Better than some, worse than some
13. What is the last movie you saw? Theatre: Spiderman; Video: The Thirteenth Floor (if you liked Dark City or Lawnmower Man, you might get a kick out of this one too)
14. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first? Car that works.
15. Tell me something about you, that I don't know? Since most everyone who reads this is a good friend, and I like to talk, this could be hard... I wrote a short story this week... how's that?
16. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics what would you do? Eliminate the idea of 'nation' - it's at the root of way too many problems.
17. Do you like to dance? Yes, but I'm not too good at it.
18. George Bush is he a power-crazy nut case or someone who is finally doing something that needs to be done for years? Just nut-case....
19. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? Since she was, her name is Sandra.
20. If he's a boy? Since I've had a tubal... fat chance. But when I was having kids, I wanted to name a boy Anthony.
21. Would you consider living abroad? Since I have, and I am right now, Yep!
1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4 Write down what it says: "paint-and-plaster medieval jumble" it's a book of poetry that I'm trying to write a paper on.
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first? my Running Room CD holder (courtesy my good friend Allie, who I think about everytime I put it on) and running hat
3. What was the last thing you watched on TV? South Park's "Extreme weekend"
4. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? Fan. The bedroom tends to be hot, even with the a/c on.
5. When did you last step outside? To cook chicken and baked potatos for dinner.
6. Before you came to this website, what did you look at? Email - invite to a birthday party... poor sucker, he's only turning 30 and stressing over it... wait till he's facing 40!
7. What are you wearing? Khaki short with spagetti strap stretch T - as I said, it's hot today.
8. Did you dream last night? Don't remember the details, but I woke up feeling disappointed.
9. When did you last laugh? At Angela and her friend's antics playing at the pool this afternoon.
10. What is on the walls of the room you are in? Beige - it's a rental.
11. Seen anything weird lately? Can't say I have. Oh, well, if you include coincidence. Yesterday on the way to work, I followed a silver Porsche SUV from Minnesota through the square going out of town... and followed the same vehicle on my way back from work! Can't be too many silver Porsche "Cayenne" SUVs from Minnesota out here in Massachusetts, can there?
12. What do you think of this quiz? Better than some, worse than some
13. What is the last movie you saw? Theatre: Spiderman; Video: The Thirteenth Floor (if you liked Dark City or Lawnmower Man, you might get a kick out of this one too)
14. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first? Car that works.
15. Tell me something about you, that I don't know? Since most everyone who reads this is a good friend, and I like to talk, this could be hard... I wrote a short story this week... how's that?
16. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics what would you do? Eliminate the idea of 'nation' - it's at the root of way too many problems.
17. Do you like to dance? Yes, but I'm not too good at it.
18. George Bush is he a power-crazy nut case or someone who is finally doing something that needs to be done for years? Just nut-case....
19. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? Since she was, her name is Sandra.
20. If he's a boy? Since I've had a tubal... fat chance. But when I was having kids, I wanted to name a boy Anthony.
21. Would you consider living abroad? Since I have, and I am right now, Yep!
Thursday, July 15, 2004
I am Ghandi
According to the Famous Leader test, I am Ghandi
What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com
Ghandi... does that mean I have to go on a fast/hunger strike? *shudder*
What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com
Ghandi... does that mean I have to go on a fast/hunger strike? *shudder*
Monday, July 12, 2004
Summer sun and spicy beans
Dreamt last night I was walking with friends down 4th street back home and we stopped in a Original Joe's to enjoy the long summer night with one of their fabulous spicy bean Caesars (mmmmm).
*sigh*
Missing people, missing familiar places, missing long summer nights. The sun is down here at around 8:30 these days. 8:30! I really am missing those long Calgary summer evenings!
When the kids were little, they were actually a pain in the ass 'cause the kids didn't want to go to sleep while it was still light. But as an adult (especially one who likes spending evenings with good conversation and good drinks) I really miss those leisurely evenings. Gets too dark too fast here.
Not that I actually have any sort of social life anyway...
*sigh*
Missing people, missing familiar places, missing long summer nights. The sun is down here at around 8:30 these days. 8:30! I really am missing those long Calgary summer evenings!
When the kids were little, they were actually a pain in the ass 'cause the kids didn't want to go to sleep while it was still light. But as an adult (especially one who likes spending evenings with good conversation and good drinks) I really miss those leisurely evenings. Gets too dark too fast here.
Not that I actually have any sort of social life anyway...
Friday, July 09, 2004
Gendered books?
I ran across this story in the Guardian written by Rachel Cooke about how bibliophile couples need to work together to minimize the number of books they take on vacation.
Okay, a little boring, but I'm procrastinating actually writing the paper proposal that I'm supposed to be sending off today...
What got me wondering is the fourth rule: "There are many books that he might like but which you definitely won't, and must therefore be banned: anything by Paul Auster; sci-fi by Philip K Dick; anything involving Nearly Falling Off a Mountain; all 'cyber-punk' (whatever that is); Titus Groan; business books. Then again, if he wants to pack any of the above, ditch him and go away with a Carol Shields-loving girlfriend instead."
Except for the business books, the rest of it sounds very appealing. Are my reading tastes wrongly gendered? Or am I just not Rachel Cooke's 'type'?
Okay, a little boring, but I'm procrastinating actually writing the paper proposal that I'm supposed to be sending off today...
What got me wondering is the fourth rule: "There are many books that he might like but which you definitely won't, and must therefore be banned: anything by Paul Auster; sci-fi by Philip K Dick; anything involving Nearly Falling Off a Mountain; all 'cyber-punk' (whatever that is); Titus Groan; business books. Then again, if he wants to pack any of the above, ditch him and go away with a Carol Shields-loving girlfriend instead."
Except for the business books, the rest of it sounds very appealing. Are my reading tastes wrongly gendered? Or am I just not Rachel Cooke's 'type'?
Thursday, July 08, 2004
Just more work
Talked to my supervisor... who is making it pretty clear she doesn't want to be the dissertation supervisor... about what direction I should take in compiling these goddamn reading lists for next year. It was a good conversation, but it didn't really get me any farther ahead than I already am. In fact, in some ways, it feels like I now have more work to do.
The two contradictory aims of these exams are to: develop broad competancy in an area, and to prepare for the dissertation. I had a pretty good idea of how I might actually achieve the broad competancy in an area by arranging the century into eras. But she's suggested the dissertation preparation is more important, and that means I need to rearrange the list. Which also means I need to read a huge pile of novels in order to know which ones should go onto the list (and the new categories that I need to arrange the list into).
And I've had to fight with the library just to get access this summer.
Apparently, in this capitalist fun-for-all that is private post-secondary education, if you're not registered for classes, you're persona non grata in the library.
Even if other parts of the university think you're important enough to invite down from another country AND give money to! Grrrrr.
I also do not have gym access. Okay, I can buy that - it's not necessary like the library. But if I want to optionally purchase it for the summer, it'll cost ~$400! At U of C it was what... $20? ...to add on gym access for the summer.
Coming from a country with a strong socialist background (and I use the term in the nicest, humanitarian sort of sense, where you take care of your citizens instead of throwing them to the dogs), I never gave it much thought. But my experience here is bringing out the latent socialist in me. The 'everyone pays all of the time' mentality here really pervades absolutely everything.
I've acclimatized pretty good - I can actually navigate without a map much of the time! - but I still experience culture shock at having to pay for everything all of the time.
The two contradictory aims of these exams are to: develop broad competancy in an area, and to prepare for the dissertation. I had a pretty good idea of how I might actually achieve the broad competancy in an area by arranging the century into eras. But she's suggested the dissertation preparation is more important, and that means I need to rearrange the list. Which also means I need to read a huge pile of novels in order to know which ones should go onto the list (and the new categories that I need to arrange the list into).
And I've had to fight with the library just to get access this summer.
Apparently, in this capitalist fun-for-all that is private post-secondary education, if you're not registered for classes, you're persona non grata in the library.
Even if other parts of the university think you're important enough to invite down from another country AND give money to! Grrrrr.
I also do not have gym access. Okay, I can buy that - it's not necessary like the library. But if I want to optionally purchase it for the summer, it'll cost ~$400! At U of C it was what... $20? ...to add on gym access for the summer.
Coming from a country with a strong socialist background (and I use the term in the nicest, humanitarian sort of sense, where you take care of your citizens instead of throwing them to the dogs), I never gave it much thought. But my experience here is bringing out the latent socialist in me. The 'everyone pays all of the time' mentality here really pervades absolutely everything.
I've acclimatized pretty good - I can actually navigate without a map much of the time! - but I still experience culture shock at having to pay for everything all of the time.
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
Bear Calling
Got a letter today from the oldest daughter.
In it she describes the nice dog at Basecamp and the time she called the dog to come to her from out of the woods only to realize it wasn't the dog but a black bear she was trying to call.
I sure hope she comes back in one piece!
In it she describes the nice dog at Basecamp and the time she called the dog to come to her from out of the woods only to realize it wasn't the dog but a black bear she was trying to call.
I sure hope she comes back in one piece!
Fixed!
I can blog again! Yeah!
I have managed to fix the problem that was keeping me off blogger and in limbo. (It was also keeping me away from my Favorites list, so now I've got some serious catching up to do as well.) What was very odd was that it was also preventing me from loading my bank webpage - bank and blogger - I would never have put them together on a list of similar sites.
My only problem is that I ended up getting rid of my pop up stopper in the process and I desperately need a new one. So off I go to hunt - if you have recently discovered an excellent - and free - popup stopper, let me know!
I have managed to fix the problem that was keeping me off blogger and in limbo. (It was also keeping me away from my Favorites list, so now I've got some serious catching up to do as well.) What was very odd was that it was also preventing me from loading my bank webpage - bank and blogger - I would never have put them together on a list of similar sites.
My only problem is that I ended up getting rid of my pop up stopper in the process and I desperately need a new one. So off I go to hunt - if you have recently discovered an excellent - and free - popup stopper, let me know!
Monday, July 05, 2004
Long weekends are great!
Yes, not very imaginative post title I agree.
But I thought I should post something since I have access. That love/hate relationship with Blogger? It's turned into an all-hate relationship. I'm hoping blogger, or the guys at BU tech tomorrow can help me figure out what the problem is.
Went to a fun Independence Day BBQ yesterday - you can see the pics here - no they're not mine... but there are several amusing/humiliating ones of me. Way out of town - took an hour to get there. Nice little town though - wouldn't mind living in a space like that... just wouldn't like the commute. Played kickball and soccer. Man! Have we ever got to get back to the basketball, 'cause the long distance running does not get me in the right shape for the kind of short sprinting that those sports require.
I was talking to another guest there about marathoning. He ran his first marathon this spring. He made the training sound so easy, I'm actually considering prepping for one next year. No, not the Boston Marathon - way too many people - tough to get into also. No, the one he ran was in Maine - mostly level course, only a couple hundred participants.
I'll have to think about it - I think I came into the running game too old to be able to take up something like that now. We'll see.
Other than the two BBQs, it's been a nice relaxing weekend. Not too much work - lots of down time. What a fabulous change from the usual!
But I thought I should post something since I have access. That love/hate relationship with Blogger? It's turned into an all-hate relationship. I'm hoping blogger, or the guys at BU tech tomorrow can help me figure out what the problem is.
Went to a fun Independence Day BBQ yesterday - you can see the pics here - no they're not mine... but there are several amusing/humiliating ones of me. Way out of town - took an hour to get there. Nice little town though - wouldn't mind living in a space like that... just wouldn't like the commute. Played kickball and soccer. Man! Have we ever got to get back to the basketball, 'cause the long distance running does not get me in the right shape for the kind of short sprinting that those sports require.
I was talking to another guest there about marathoning. He ran his first marathon this spring. He made the training sound so easy, I'm actually considering prepping for one next year. No, not the Boston Marathon - way too many people - tough to get into also. No, the one he ran was in Maine - mostly level course, only a couple hundred participants.
I'll have to think about it - I think I came into the running game too old to be able to take up something like that now. We'll see.
Other than the two BBQs, it's been a nice relaxing weekend. Not too much work - lots of down time. What a fabulous change from the usual!
Friday, July 02, 2004
Happy Canada Day!
Yes, I know I'm a day late posting, but my computer seems to have a love/hate relationship with Blogger and refused to load the page yesterday.
We did have a great Canada Day BBQ though... yes, Canada Day in Boston. My American friends were amused. And most of them are like me - any excuse for a party! You can see pics of the night here.
The only thing missing was fireworks.
But I imagine I'll get those on Sunday with the celebrations for the Fourth. I saw the barge had been set up in the middle of the Charles River for launching the fireworks here. But we're going to be in southern Mass at another BBQ - I don't think you can ever have too many BBQs in summer, do you? - so I don't know if they'll be any fireworks there.
Maybe I'll just wish everyone a blanket Happy-independence-from-England/Europe-day!
We did have a great Canada Day BBQ though... yes, Canada Day in Boston. My American friends were amused. And most of them are like me - any excuse for a party! You can see pics of the night here.
The only thing missing was fireworks.
But I imagine I'll get those on Sunday with the celebrations for the Fourth. I saw the barge had been set up in the middle of the Charles River for launching the fireworks here. But we're going to be in southern Mass at another BBQ - I don't think you can ever have too many BBQs in summer, do you? - so I don't know if they'll be any fireworks there.
Maybe I'll just wish everyone a blanket Happy-independence-from-England/Europe-day!
Tuesday, June 29, 2004
Do you ever wonder
what your life would've been like if you'd gone the other way for one decision?
I spent Saturday proctoring a practice MCAT exam. Seeing all those wanna-be-s reminded me of taking the exam myself; many of the students in the room looked like my peers who I wrote the exam with. None of them really looked like me though.
I never even considered taking an MCAT prep course - not at $1500. I settled for buying a second hand copy of a prep book for $20 - that was more my speed. [I actually made out okay - my physical science mark was average, but verbal reasoning and bioscience were above average, and I rocked the written part - 99th percentile!] I found myself wondering as I watched the students sweating it out (it's a seven hour exam) what they were thinking about the class, their desire to be a doctor, whether they were footing the bill for the class, or if someone else was. I find it hard to believe that students might have that kind of money themselves, though I'm sure there are some who do.
That's when I got to thinking about decisions.
When I was in grade eleven, my father sat me down and told me that he would not pay for my university education. He said that I would value it more if I paid for it myself.
I suppose I have valued it more since I'm the one footing the bill... but my bill would've been so much smaller if I had gone to university after high school instead of after I already had three kids and a husband on Workmen's Comp. But then I wondered. Would I have been unappreciative if he had helped me pay for university? Would I have made different choices?
I know at the end of high school, I wanted to go to university to study social work (hehe... and what did I end up working in for many years? human services jobs... no coincidence I suppose). Part of the reason I didn't apply was because I didn't have a lot of money saved up (I had some, but not enough for the whole bill) and I was a bit intimidated because I had heard the social work program at U of R was tough to get into. [I should note that I just assumed that meant I wasn't good enough to try to get in - I didn't even try applying]
Since I didn't think university was in the picture, I saw myself with two other options that I wanted: go to trade school in photography, or start a family - those were the only other two things that I wanted.
The rest I suppose is history. I got married - moved to a city that didn't have the kind of technical photography program I wanted, had children, and then came to the slow realization that the Leave it to Beaver life that I had tried to create wasn't working.
I wonder how many of those students I sat watching will actually make it into med school?
I spent Saturday proctoring a practice MCAT exam. Seeing all those wanna-be-s reminded me of taking the exam myself; many of the students in the room looked like my peers who I wrote the exam with. None of them really looked like me though.
I never even considered taking an MCAT prep course - not at $1500. I settled for buying a second hand copy of a prep book for $20 - that was more my speed. [I actually made out okay - my physical science mark was average, but verbal reasoning and bioscience were above average, and I rocked the written part - 99th percentile!] I found myself wondering as I watched the students sweating it out (it's a seven hour exam) what they were thinking about the class, their desire to be a doctor, whether they were footing the bill for the class, or if someone else was. I find it hard to believe that students might have that kind of money themselves, though I'm sure there are some who do.
That's when I got to thinking about decisions.
When I was in grade eleven, my father sat me down and told me that he would not pay for my university education. He said that I would value it more if I paid for it myself.
I suppose I have valued it more since I'm the one footing the bill... but my bill would've been so much smaller if I had gone to university after high school instead of after I already had three kids and a husband on Workmen's Comp. But then I wondered. Would I have been unappreciative if he had helped me pay for university? Would I have made different choices?
I know at the end of high school, I wanted to go to university to study social work (hehe... and what did I end up working in for many years? human services jobs... no coincidence I suppose). Part of the reason I didn't apply was because I didn't have a lot of money saved up (I had some, but not enough for the whole bill) and I was a bit intimidated because I had heard the social work program at U of R was tough to get into. [I should note that I just assumed that meant I wasn't good enough to try to get in - I didn't even try applying]
Since I didn't think university was in the picture, I saw myself with two other options that I wanted: go to trade school in photography, or start a family - those were the only other two things that I wanted.
The rest I suppose is history. I got married - moved to a city that didn't have the kind of technical photography program I wanted, had children, and then came to the slow realization that the Leave it to Beaver life that I had tried to create wasn't working.
I wonder how many of those students I sat watching will actually make it into med school?
Monday, June 28, 2004
Dear....
To the person who created the virus(es) infecting my computer -
I have kept the address of this letter intentionally definitive instead of descriptive or imaginative. I am sure there are many other titles you would rather be known by, but in an effort to be as inclusive as possible of a subgroup within society, I am refusing labels and merely describing the actions of the person or persons who I wish to address.
As you can also likely tell by this point, I know far less about computers than you do. I'm willing to admit it. You know much more than I do. I do know a bit more than simply how to turn it on, and I can do more than just play Solitaire, but I'm sure I know far less about computers, their systems, their software, and their operation than you.
If your goal in creating computer viruses and sending them out to unsuspecting people is to demonstrate your knowledge, you have done so. I concede.
The damage to my computer has been minor. Most of the cost associated with the viruses it was infected with involved me spending some time deleting, cleaning, and reformatting parts of my computer. It was annoying I'll admit, but I didn't lose any data (in part because I backup on a regular basis and use virus detection tools and such to minimize such disruptions).
If your goal in creating computer viruses and sending them out to unsuspecting people is to create broad and highly disruptive chaos, you haven't done so, at least not for me.
During my quest for solutions to the problems I encountered as a result of the viruses my computer contracted, I learnt some new things. This is because I am highly intelligent - I may not be as knowledgeable as you about computers, but I'm very, very good and finding and decoding information. It's what I do for a living.
If your goal in creating computer viruses and sending them out onto unsuspecting people is to increase fear and stress for users, you haven't done so, at least not for me. And by the way, thanks for creating the opportunity for me to learn more about my computer.
The only reason I can think for why you create computer viruses and send them out to unsuspecting people is because you're bored. That's the only other reason I can think of. I have a hard time believing it, but it's the only rational explanation I can come up with. I'm not sure why someone would do what you do, since there are so many other amusing things in the world. I certainly am never bored enough to sit down and plan how I might disrupt someone else's life - there are far more interesting and rewarding things for me to do with my time.
But then again, that may just be because I'm a highly intelligent, sociable, skilled and eloquent person. I don't know what you are like. Do you have other skills? Perhaps you can correct me if I'm wrong about your motivation. If there is some reason other than boredom and a lack of any other useful skills why you create computer viruses, please let me know.
I have kept the address of this letter intentionally definitive instead of descriptive or imaginative. I am sure there are many other titles you would rather be known by, but in an effort to be as inclusive as possible of a subgroup within society, I am refusing labels and merely describing the actions of the person or persons who I wish to address.
As you can also likely tell by this point, I know far less about computers than you do. I'm willing to admit it. You know much more than I do. I do know a bit more than simply how to turn it on, and I can do more than just play Solitaire, but I'm sure I know far less about computers, their systems, their software, and their operation than you.
If your goal in creating computer viruses and sending them out to unsuspecting people is to demonstrate your knowledge, you have done so. I concede.
The damage to my computer has been minor. Most of the cost associated with the viruses it was infected with involved me spending some time deleting, cleaning, and reformatting parts of my computer. It was annoying I'll admit, but I didn't lose any data (in part because I backup on a regular basis and use virus detection tools and such to minimize such disruptions).
If your goal in creating computer viruses and sending them out to unsuspecting people is to create broad and highly disruptive chaos, you haven't done so, at least not for me.
During my quest for solutions to the problems I encountered as a result of the viruses my computer contracted, I learnt some new things. This is because I am highly intelligent - I may not be as knowledgeable as you about computers, but I'm very, very good and finding and decoding information. It's what I do for a living.
If your goal in creating computer viruses and sending them out onto unsuspecting people is to increase fear and stress for users, you haven't done so, at least not for me. And by the way, thanks for creating the opportunity for me to learn more about my computer.
The only reason I can think for why you create computer viruses and send them out to unsuspecting people is because you're bored. That's the only other reason I can think of. I have a hard time believing it, but it's the only rational explanation I can come up with. I'm not sure why someone would do what you do, since there are so many other amusing things in the world. I certainly am never bored enough to sit down and plan how I might disrupt someone else's life - there are far more interesting and rewarding things for me to do with my time.
But then again, that may just be because I'm a highly intelligent, sociable, skilled and eloquent person. I don't know what you are like. Do you have other skills? Perhaps you can correct me if I'm wrong about your motivation. If there is some reason other than boredom and a lack of any other useful skills why you create computer viruses, please let me know.
Thursday, June 24, 2004
Stop right there!
My life seems to have come to a screeching halt.
Last week, I was teaching four days a week, working the Writing Centre another two days every week, tutoring, and working that boring-ass reception job on Saturdays. Plus helping three kids organize their lives and finish up the school year.
Now I have no demands on my time.
I sent off the oldest child on a plane yesterday (don't ask, it wasn't pretty), the next one is babysitting today, and the youngest and I are staring at each other wondering what we're going to do all day.
I have nothing but reading to do.
And I've done it... for ten hours.
And now I'm bored of it.
I suppose I could go grocery shopping. Not that we really need anything, but it would be something to do.
Last week, I was teaching four days a week, working the Writing Centre another two days every week, tutoring, and working that boring-ass reception job on Saturdays. Plus helping three kids organize their lives and finish up the school year.
Now I have no demands on my time.
I sent off the oldest child on a plane yesterday (don't ask, it wasn't pretty), the next one is babysitting today, and the youngest and I are staring at each other wondering what we're going to do all day.
I have nothing but reading to do.
And I've done it... for ten hours.
And now I'm bored of it.
I suppose I could go grocery shopping. Not that we really need anything, but it would be something to do.
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
Compliments make the world go round
Three people today said they liked the dress I was wearing.
That made me feel pretty good 'cause I made it myself.
It's a long green sundress with a flounce at the bottom and an abstract leaf/water design. I have christened it my "mermaid" dress because of its color and shape.
It feels nice to know people like my creation.
That made me feel pretty good 'cause I made it myself.
It's a long green sundress with a flounce at the bottom and an abstract leaf/water design. I have christened it my "mermaid" dress because of its color and shape.
It feels nice to know people like my creation.
Monday, June 21, 2004
Mood: Brown
Not Black, 'cause that would be a bit more fatalistic than I tend to... but not sunny, happy yellow either. But maybe that kind of brown you get when you mix the two - actually, it tends to be a brownish-grey come to think of it.
Anyway, I'm in a bit of a funk... nothing in particular has set it off. Maybe I just "woke up on the wrong side of the bed". What does that mean anyway? I always get out the same side of the bed 'cause someone else sleeps on the other side and I'd either have to roll across a lot more bed to gain the floor, or roll over him to get out, so the side I'm sleeping on is easiest one to roll out of.
I suppose it just refers to those days (like today) when nothing seems to go right, but it's all just little shit not worth griping about. When from the moment you open your eyes (or even before, if the first thing you're aware of is kinesthetic or aural) everything seems to be more annoying than usual. But why?
So is it something that you dream and forget about that puts you in the kind of mood that predisposes you to be annoyed by the kinds of life-annoyances that would ordinarily just wash over you? I wonder.
Either way, it's still an odd saying.
Now I shall go work on increasing my zen-ness and recuperating the afternoon.
Anyway, I'm in a bit of a funk... nothing in particular has set it off. Maybe I just "woke up on the wrong side of the bed". What does that mean anyway? I always get out the same side of the bed 'cause someone else sleeps on the other side and I'd either have to roll across a lot more bed to gain the floor, or roll over him to get out, so the side I'm sleeping on is easiest one to roll out of.
I suppose it just refers to those days (like today) when nothing seems to go right, but it's all just little shit not worth griping about. When from the moment you open your eyes (or even before, if the first thing you're aware of is kinesthetic or aural) everything seems to be more annoying than usual. But why?
So is it something that you dream and forget about that puts you in the kind of mood that predisposes you to be annoyed by the kinds of life-annoyances that would ordinarily just wash over you? I wonder.
Either way, it's still an odd saying.
Now I shall go work on increasing my zen-ness and recuperating the afternoon.
Saturday, June 19, 2004
Snippets of conversation
Oldest child to youngest child: "You smell like a balloon"
Youngest child: "That's because I'm rubbery"
Youngest child: "That's because I'm rubbery"
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
Networking isn't just for geeks
So in my desperation over the state of my finances this summer, I emailed everyone I could think of who I know in the area telling them I'm looking for work and if they have leads to pass them on.
And I got one! Okay, so it's only a part-time gig, but they're looking only for summer which is ideal for me... the pay isn't as much as temping, but it's flex hours, and a lot of independent work, which suits me just fine. The office is real casual, and I already know two of the staff. Pretty cool, eh?
I can fit the hours in over two or three days a week, which means I could still take the occasional one or two day temp job if I really want the money. Or I can take those extra days off to spend time with the girls since they'll be around all summer, or to study, which I need to get on pretty quick anyway.
You know, it's not ideal, but at this point, I think it's the best offer I'm gonna get.
And I got one! Okay, so it's only a part-time gig, but they're looking only for summer which is ideal for me... the pay isn't as much as temping, but it's flex hours, and a lot of independent work, which suits me just fine. The office is real casual, and I already know two of the staff. Pretty cool, eh?
I can fit the hours in over two or three days a week, which means I could still take the occasional one or two day temp job if I really want the money. Or I can take those extra days off to spend time with the girls since they'll be around all summer, or to study, which I need to get on pretty quick anyway.
You know, it's not ideal, but at this point, I think it's the best offer I'm gonna get.
Monday, June 14, 2004
The Pros and Cons of Work
So the job I worked on Saturday was okay (well, as okay as receptionist work can ever be - it's just really not my thing). I'm scheduled to go back next week.
While there, one of the staff mentioned they are looking for someone for the month of August.
Hmmm... now do I want to take a job like this if they offer it?
Pros: Money, what else!
It's near home
It's steady work
Cons: It's boring work
It pays less than most other temp jobs (but better than minimum wage)
I won't have much time for study
I hope they don't request for me too soon - I'd like to hold out for the miracle-job that I know I won't get for a little longer. (Yes, I do occasionally play psychological games with myself - far less crueler than messing with other people's minds though, wouldn't you say?)
Work sucks!
While there, one of the staff mentioned they are looking for someone for the month of August.
Hmmm... now do I want to take a job like this if they offer it?
Pros: Money, what else!
It's near home
It's steady work
Cons: It's boring work
It pays less than most other temp jobs (but better than minimum wage)
I won't have much time for study
I hope they don't request for me too soon - I'd like to hold out for the miracle-job that I know I won't get for a little longer. (Yes, I do occasionally play psychological games with myself - far less crueler than messing with other people's minds though, wouldn't you say?)
Work sucks!
Friday, June 11, 2004
Busy house
This is going to be a busy weekend... but that's like most weekends around here. Wanna hear about it?
Today, I hugged my oldest daughter and told her I would see her on Sunday morning. She's participating in a 24 hour relay to raise money for cancer. Her shifts runs from this evening till about 9 am tomorrow morning when she runs over to the Children's Theatre dress rehearsal to photograph it. She has a couple hours off in the afternoon and then has to tape the performance over the evening.
I'm at home tonight (obviously, right?) "reading" (i.e. blogging)... but I am reading too... but tomorrow the temp agency's sending me out on a job and then I'm going straight to a dinner in the evening that is likely to go for most of the night. So I won't likely see her till Sunday morning.
Even though I have to work early, I can't go to bed till late 'cause I have to pick up the next daughter from her bus when it gets in at 11:30. She's been in Washington for the whole week on the end-of-middle-school field trip. And I know she'll be very talkative when she gets here, so we won't go to bed early.
My husband will work all day tomorrow too, so the youngest two will have the day to themselves (to clean up that never-ending mess of a room is my goal for them... their goal is to put off cleaning it up for as long as possible).
My youngest daughter has her last soccer game of the season tomorrow - I'm sorry I'll miss it, but I've enjoyed the season so far... well, mostly, anyway.
On Sunday morning, I'll need to get groceries for our picnic, and I should weed the garden, and then we'll go to the end of the season soccer party. The oldest daughter will go to a friend's grad party. Then in the afternoon, we'll go out to the beach (with the picnic and her friends) in a delayed birthday celebration.
If we get home early enough, I'm going to have to rack off the wine too.
Whew! When did things get so hectic? Is this what the rest of the teen years are all going to be like? No wonder people go gray when they have teens... between the mood swings and the schedule I'm surprised parents dont' spontaneously combust!
Today, I hugged my oldest daughter and told her I would see her on Sunday morning. She's participating in a 24 hour relay to raise money for cancer. Her shifts runs from this evening till about 9 am tomorrow morning when she runs over to the Children's Theatre dress rehearsal to photograph it. She has a couple hours off in the afternoon and then has to tape the performance over the evening.
I'm at home tonight (obviously, right?) "reading" (i.e. blogging)... but I am reading too... but tomorrow the temp agency's sending me out on a job and then I'm going straight to a dinner in the evening that is likely to go for most of the night. So I won't likely see her till Sunday morning.
Even though I have to work early, I can't go to bed till late 'cause I have to pick up the next daughter from her bus when it gets in at 11:30. She's been in Washington for the whole week on the end-of-middle-school field trip. And I know she'll be very talkative when she gets here, so we won't go to bed early.
My husband will work all day tomorrow too, so the youngest two will have the day to themselves (to clean up that never-ending mess of a room is my goal for them... their goal is to put off cleaning it up for as long as possible).
My youngest daughter has her last soccer game of the season tomorrow - I'm sorry I'll miss it, but I've enjoyed the season so far... well, mostly, anyway.
On Sunday morning, I'll need to get groceries for our picnic, and I should weed the garden, and then we'll go to the end of the season soccer party. The oldest daughter will go to a friend's grad party. Then in the afternoon, we'll go out to the beach (with the picnic and her friends) in a delayed birthday celebration.
If we get home early enough, I'm going to have to rack off the wine too.
Whew! When did things get so hectic? Is this what the rest of the teen years are all going to be like? No wonder people go gray when they have teens... between the mood swings and the schedule I'm surprised parents dont' spontaneously combust!
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