- Been busy this week holding extra office hours for students before handing in their second draft of the mondo-report they're doing this term. I was surprised by how many of them got the date or time wrong. Have they not heard about daytimers? Or is that too old-fashioned?!
- Also wrapped up final content development on our latest project. Completing two full elearning programs from scratch in three months is definitely too fast. There were a lot of places where I felt rushed, and although I think we still turned out a useful product that the client will be happy with, there were things I would've done differently had we the usual time frame to work in.
- The above two bullets mean I now have to work through the weekend to even hope of catching up. All those second drafts need marking, and I have a conference paper to deliver in less than 10 days which needs to be more than the notes it currently is!
- The conference paper is on the movie Fido, which I've blogged about before. Yes, it's a zombie flick. But the fact that the zombies are zombies is incidental to the plot - they could be represented by another class of "people". In fact, this is what my argument will be - that zombies replace other oppressed classes in the alternative history within the film. The fact that they are zombies emphasizes their sub/un-human nature, which clearly demonstrates how oppressed classes are dehumanized.
- Or something like that. Like I said, it's just notes right now!
- I'm getting pretty tired of winter. March here has been characterized by one or two 'teaser' spring days followed by blasts of winter. Our road hasn't actually ever gotten clear of the snow. The ice/snow begins to melt, then just as it's about to disappear, it snows again. I'm really hoping April is more springlike!
- Even if April isn't nicer, I can't complain that I get to escape to a much warmer city for that upcoming conference. And I'll get to see two grad school friends who I haven't seen in a long time (since the last conference!), as well as all my usual conference-related friends. The paper line-up looks pretty interesting too!
Saturday, March 28, 2009
RBOC: Haven't blogged in a while version
Those of my readers who work in post-secondary institutions know the peculiar kind of intensity that arises around this point in the semester. If you don't, take it from me, from mid-March on, the students tend to get a little frazzled, as do the instructors!
Monday, March 23, 2009
Getting more cynical? Or just smarter?
There is a general truism that people become more cynical the older they get. This bit of common wisdom seems to make sense to us because it seems rational to think that the older you get, the more disappointments you suffer, the more experienced you become. These disappointments would then add up to make one more cynical about those experiences.William Blake did oppose Innocence to Experience after all.
This month, in the course of preparing some material for one of our elearning clients, I had the opportunity to take a form of the Myers-Briggs personality type test. The test gauges people along four dimensions:
introvert - extrovert
iNtuition - sensing
thinking - feeling
judging - perceiving
The first division is self-evident. The second, the difference between intuition and sensing represents the way that the person receives information. Those who score on the intuition range, tend to accept abstract or theoretical information, and tend to focus on how the information might be used in the future while those on the sensing end want to see concrete results and tend to be more focused on the present.
Thinking and feeling describe decision-making functions. Obviously thinking personalities rationalize decisions while those who score on the feeling end base decisions more often on emotion.
Judging and perceiving are a kind of meta-comment on the particular combination of the other three variables. What it does is define the strength of relation between the other three variables.
About a decade ago I took the Myers-Briggs type test and scored as INTJ. This shouldn't surprise anyone who knows me. But when I took the test this month, I scored as ISTJ. Now the 'S' percentage was low, which meant that I barely fit into the category. But the fact that my personality had shifted at all is fascinating.
I attribute the change to one of two things:
1) I have gotten more cynical and less future oriented (perhaps less optimistic/idealistic about the future?) over the last decade.
2) The ten years of continuing post-secondary studies led me to overthink the questions, giving an incorrect picture of my personality.
Either possibility is interesting. Either way, things have changed in my life, and I've obviously integrated those things into my life, including the way I take these kinds of silly tests!
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Two milestones
The snow made it easy to stay home and do the work I'd planned for today. I didn't even miss my workout since the snow shovelling took a good hour and a half!Although I slightly misjudged the numbers, so that my dissertation meter reads 98% instead of 100%, I have finished the draft of the final chapter! Yay for me!
There's much editing to do of course, and one of the things that you come to realize after several years of working on a single project is the stuff you wrote two years ago no longer matches to the stuff you've just been writing. But the good news is that the whole structure has been laid out. Now I just have to make it look pretty!
Oh, and apparently this is my 1000th post. So cool on that milestone too!
Bad timing
The subject line on the email from my local grocery store read: Who says you can't BBQ in March?
Ummm, the view out my window this morning?
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Lunch in the stairwell
Today I found myself feeling overworked while sitting in my office and decided that I needed to get out of it. So I took my lunch and started looking for a different place to eat it. I thought of going to the faculty club, but along the way, noticed a seat built into one of the large stairwells near the library.
So I sat in the stairwell to eat lunch.
Perhaps it's a bit strange to put seating arrangements in a stairwell, but that's the way it is. I picked a spot in a large stairwell with a seating nook that faced out so that I could see the traffic on both the first and second floor. Since the stairwell was L-shaped and at the corner of two hallways, so I could see a lot of people as they went by.
As I sat there, I began to think about the space I was sitting in. Stairwells are really just nether spaces. When you think of a stairwell, you don't think of a space to spend time in. It's a space that you move through. After all, when was the last time you stopped and sat in a stairwell?
Watching everyone go by, the liminality of the stairwell was reinforced by the way in which everyone moved. Everyone seemed very intent on navigating their way through the space, and certainly, no one else stopped. The stairwell was just a place to move through.
Space fascinates me. I don't mean the outer space kind. I mean the way that the people and spaces interact. I find space so interesting that I proposed an independent study on space during my coursework and ended up with a reading list that was about three times as long as the standard graduate course. There were over 20 books and another 20 articles and films, which meant that I read far more than anyone who might have taken a more standard course. But what it did was instill in me a continuing fascination with space.
The layout of a space affects how people feel about it and move through it. I've lived in old spaces that depress me, and small spaces that frustrate me, and beautiful spaces that inspire me (not so many of those last ones, but the older I get, the better I'm able to find those comfortable or beautiful spaces).
Spaces also are created by the people who move through them. Michel deCerteau talks about how pathways through a city for example, are actually created by the people using them. This happens regardless of their original design. Space is a construction that is created by the way in which people actually use those spaces.
People also make spaces work for them, even if the space isn't ideal. If you live in any place where more than a handful of people have come together to live in proximity, you've found spaces that don't work the same way that they were obviously designed. Some spaces make me wonder what the architect was thinking - they just seem awkward, like ill-fitting clothes. At the same time, people take those kind of awkward spaces and adapt them for uses that suit their purposes, regardless of what the architect may have desired.
Despite my reminisces and letting my mind wander through the implications of space, lunch was over too quickly. I returned to my corner of a shared office without a window...
So I sat in the stairwell to eat lunch.
Perhaps it's a bit strange to put seating arrangements in a stairwell, but that's the way it is. I picked a spot in a large stairwell with a seating nook that faced out so that I could see the traffic on both the first and second floor. Since the stairwell was L-shaped and at the corner of two hallways, so I could see a lot of people as they went by.
As I sat there, I began to think about the space I was sitting in. Stairwells are really just nether spaces. When you think of a stairwell, you don't think of a space to spend time in. It's a space that you move through. After all, when was the last time you stopped and sat in a stairwell?
Watching everyone go by, the liminality of the stairwell was reinforced by the way in which everyone moved. Everyone seemed very intent on navigating their way through the space, and certainly, no one else stopped. The stairwell was just a place to move through.
Space fascinates me. I don't mean the outer space kind. I mean the way that the people and spaces interact. I find space so interesting that I proposed an independent study on space during my coursework and ended up with a reading list that was about three times as long as the standard graduate course. There were over 20 books and another 20 articles and films, which meant that I read far more than anyone who might have taken a more standard course. But what it did was instill in me a continuing fascination with space.
The layout of a space affects how people feel about it and move through it. I've lived in old spaces that depress me, and small spaces that frustrate me, and beautiful spaces that inspire me (not so many of those last ones, but the older I get, the better I'm able to find those comfortable or beautiful spaces).
Spaces also are created by the people who move through them. Michel deCerteau talks about how pathways through a city for example, are actually created by the people using them. This happens regardless of their original design. Space is a construction that is created by the way in which people actually use those spaces.
People also make spaces work for them, even if the space isn't ideal. If you live in any place where more than a handful of people have come together to live in proximity, you've found spaces that don't work the same way that they were obviously designed. Some spaces make me wonder what the architect was thinking - they just seem awkward, like ill-fitting clothes. At the same time, people take those kind of awkward spaces and adapt them for uses that suit their purposes, regardless of what the architect may have desired.
Despite my reminisces and letting my mind wander through the implications of space, lunch was over too quickly. I returned to my corner of a shared office without a window...
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Class scheduling and classroom dynamics
Our campus is rapidly growing, which means we have growing pains. Even though our department is housed in a brand new building (it wasn't there when I left this city six years ago), we're being squeezed for space.
The squeeze makes itself felt in scheduling. I've had difficulty getting a lab classroom for the one day this term we need lab access, and we were told last week that there will be more 8am class slots in the future. Which got me thinking about my early morning classes and how they've been fundamentally different from my afternoon classes this year.
For the last two terms, I've had a morning section and an afternoon section of the same class, and I'm finding it a bit eerie how the dynamics of each classroom have unfolded.
In the first meeting of the semester, both semesters, my morning classes seemed like they were filled with excited, engaged students. Right from the first couple of days, students seemed interested in asking engaged questions about the content, and not at all shy about talking to each other.
Meanwhile, in both semesters, the first meeting with the afternoon class was filled with questions about grading policies and whether I accepted late papers, as well as asking how harsh a grader I was, and how much work they could expect.
In each semester, I found myself worn out by the drilling I got the first day from the afternoon class, but energized and excited about the morning class. For the record, I'm not a morning person, so I would think that the morning class would be more exhausting just because I'm not as alert, wouldn't it?
Over the term, each class seemed to morph though. The afternoon class settled down, got to work, and started producing good work, while the morning class started slacking off, and attendance dropped rapidly. Now, I can understand the low attendance for the 8am morning class, but last semester, my morning class didn't start till 10am, so one would think that the early start wouldn't necessarily be the problem.
Of course I recognize that each classroom's dynamics is going to be different and that it would be foolish of me to expect that each class will come together in the same way as another. So I don't expect each classroom dynamic to look the same and I work hard at making sure I don't let what happens in the early class colour the responses I expect from the second class. I don't expect the class discussions to go at all the same (except for the points that I know I'm going to work in), but I am nonetheless baffled by the collective behaviour difference between the morning and afternoon sections in each of these terms.
The most challenging part has been planning daily activities. I know if the activities I undertake in the morning class take up all of the class period that I will be pressed for time fitting all of it into the afternoon class because they ask far more questions and contribute far more to class discussions. Part of this is sheer numbers - although both classes have the same enrollment, there are at least 40% more students attending every afternoon class.
But it's leaving me with a dilemma. Either I let the morning class go a little early every day and keep the afternoon class for the full time, or I keep the morning class for the full time and go overtime in the afternoon class (or rush through material - don't know which is worse). I suppose the other option is to tailor what we do to each class, but that doesn't seem right because I would have to have "more" activities for the morning class. Besides, that would require maybe not two preps, but at least one and a half. Work I don't really feel I have time to undertake.
The symmetry between my afternoon classes both semesters and my morning classes both semesters is the oddest thing though. I realize it may just be coincidence, and I've never seen this before in my teaching, but it has me wondering (and now I'm wondering aloud blog-style).
Today I did the second Q&A of the semester. This is where I pass out a cue card and require each student to write an anonymous question (or questions) about the class that I then answer. It's not as intimidating as it sounds, since a lot of students seem to ask the same question everytime I do this. Today's afternoon class got personal though, and wanted to know about my education, family, and "what I thought of this class" The first two were easy, but the last one was a bit odd. I wasn't sure what they wanted, though I expect the question writer secretly wanted to be told the class was wonderful.
But I didn't feel that would be honest to say that.
This is the class that practically mutinied when no one got an A on the first assignment, which certainly did not endear me to them, and the fact that one of the questions was less of a question than a challenge: "I work hard so why can't I get an A in this class?" didn't help dispose me to telling them they were wonderful.
I did tell them that I like teaching this particular kind of class because the work they do is relevant to real life and I know they'll use the skills they develop in the class. And I did tell them that I have enjoyed reading the drafts of their research papers because they have all found different, interesting things to write about. But I stopped short of telling them that I like them as a class.
It's not that I don't like them. Now that they've settled down to work and we've lost some of the slackers after the final withdrawal date, they are a likeable group. But I don't think they need to hear that from me. I said I liked their work. But that's all I said. I couldn't quite bring myself to say I liked them.
I don't know. Maybe I sold them short? What would happen to the class dynamics if I said they were a great group? Would they think they had me in their pocket and slack off? Or would they be so delighted they'd work harder? Given what's happened in the class, I suspect the former, but maybe I'm being too harsh. What do you think?
btw: It will be interesting to see course evals for this one. Not only did they start the semester hating me, but the evaluator came in just after I finished answering that question about what I thought of them.
What timing!
The squeeze makes itself felt in scheduling. I've had difficulty getting a lab classroom for the one day this term we need lab access, and we were told last week that there will be more 8am class slots in the future. Which got me thinking about my early morning classes and how they've been fundamentally different from my afternoon classes this year.
For the last two terms, I've had a morning section and an afternoon section of the same class, and I'm finding it a bit eerie how the dynamics of each classroom have unfolded.
In the first meeting of the semester, both semesters, my morning classes seemed like they were filled with excited, engaged students. Right from the first couple of days, students seemed interested in asking engaged questions about the content, and not at all shy about talking to each other.
Meanwhile, in both semesters, the first meeting with the afternoon class was filled with questions about grading policies and whether I accepted late papers, as well as asking how harsh a grader I was, and how much work they could expect.
In each semester, I found myself worn out by the drilling I got the first day from the afternoon class, but energized and excited about the morning class. For the record, I'm not a morning person, so I would think that the morning class would be more exhausting just because I'm not as alert, wouldn't it?
Over the term, each class seemed to morph though. The afternoon class settled down, got to work, and started producing good work, while the morning class started slacking off, and attendance dropped rapidly. Now, I can understand the low attendance for the 8am morning class, but last semester, my morning class didn't start till 10am, so one would think that the early start wouldn't necessarily be the problem.
Of course I recognize that each classroom's dynamics is going to be different and that it would be foolish of me to expect that each class will come together in the same way as another. So I don't expect each classroom dynamic to look the same and I work hard at making sure I don't let what happens in the early class colour the responses I expect from the second class. I don't expect the class discussions to go at all the same (except for the points that I know I'm going to work in), but I am nonetheless baffled by the collective behaviour difference between the morning and afternoon sections in each of these terms.
The most challenging part has been planning daily activities. I know if the activities I undertake in the morning class take up all of the class period that I will be pressed for time fitting all of it into the afternoon class because they ask far more questions and contribute far more to class discussions. Part of this is sheer numbers - although both classes have the same enrollment, there are at least 40% more students attending every afternoon class.
But it's leaving me with a dilemma. Either I let the morning class go a little early every day and keep the afternoon class for the full time, or I keep the morning class for the full time and go overtime in the afternoon class (or rush through material - don't know which is worse). I suppose the other option is to tailor what we do to each class, but that doesn't seem right because I would have to have "more" activities for the morning class. Besides, that would require maybe not two preps, but at least one and a half. Work I don't really feel I have time to undertake.
The symmetry between my afternoon classes both semesters and my morning classes both semesters is the oddest thing though. I realize it may just be coincidence, and I've never seen this before in my teaching, but it has me wondering (and now I'm wondering aloud blog-style).
Today I did the second Q&A of the semester. This is where I pass out a cue card and require each student to write an anonymous question (or questions) about the class that I then answer. It's not as intimidating as it sounds, since a lot of students seem to ask the same question everytime I do this. Today's afternoon class got personal though, and wanted to know about my education, family, and "what I thought of this class" The first two were easy, but the last one was a bit odd. I wasn't sure what they wanted, though I expect the question writer secretly wanted to be told the class was wonderful.
But I didn't feel that would be honest to say that.
This is the class that practically mutinied when no one got an A on the first assignment, which certainly did not endear me to them, and the fact that one of the questions was less of a question than a challenge: "I work hard so why can't I get an A in this class?" didn't help dispose me to telling them they were wonderful.
I did tell them that I like teaching this particular kind of class because the work they do is relevant to real life and I know they'll use the skills they develop in the class. And I did tell them that I have enjoyed reading the drafts of their research papers because they have all found different, interesting things to write about. But I stopped short of telling them that I like them as a class.
It's not that I don't like them. Now that they've settled down to work and we've lost some of the slackers after the final withdrawal date, they are a likeable group. But I don't think they need to hear that from me. I said I liked their work. But that's all I said. I couldn't quite bring myself to say I liked them.
I don't know. Maybe I sold them short? What would happen to the class dynamics if I said they were a great group? Would they think they had me in their pocket and slack off? Or would they be so delighted they'd work harder? Given what's happened in the class, I suspect the former, but maybe I'm being too harsh. What do you think?
btw: It will be interesting to see course evals for this one. Not only did they start the semester hating me, but the evaluator came in just after I finished answering that question about what I thought of them.
What timing!
Monday, March 16, 2009
Stuck
I've got a million and one things to do (including finishing grading), about seven unfinished drafts of blog posts, and yet I can't seem to finish a single one of them today. What's wrong?
Friday, March 13, 2009
The life/love of the mind
Over at the Chronicle there is an interesting follow-up essay by Thomas Benton about why professors should be discouraging graduate students from entering the profession. Some of his arguments makes sense, especially this one:
I heard that advice myself when I was considering graduate school. But Benton's point that the advice only is effective if students know what they DON'T want to do is a corollary that I think should be tacked on more often.
Part of the reason I even went back to school as an undergrad was because I'd had other jobs, and didn't like any of them. It wasn't that I was just stuck in service either - I'd worked as a photographer, a glass installer, a daycare worker and even in management. Didn't like any of them. So I went back to school. Since then, I've held jobs that I could've made a career at - non-profit management, human resources, even the elearning gig I have right now.
But none of them satisfy me like the research and teaching (even if teaching nothing but composition is getting a little tiring). So, I can't say I can't imagine myself doing anything else, because I have. But I can say I can't imagine myself being as satisfied doing anything else.*
When you put it that way, I feel inspired and invigorated about my work, and I'm eager to find a full-time job in a career that satisfies me so fully! Will this mean that I will be incredibly disappointed if I don't get one? Sure. But I know I can do those other kinds of jobs - it's not like I'd starve if I couldn't be a professor. But I know which career is going make me happy because I know which ones won't. I think that's a nice thing to keep in mind for this coming year.
*this is not to say that I think everyone who wants to become a professor needs to go slog it out in the trenches first in order to be fully prepared. I think some people are better than I at knowing exactly what they want without putting themselves through the pain of horrible jobs that I did. I'm just a little dense, and needed that pain to figure it out!
Some reasonably conscientious advisers tell students that they should go to graduate school only if they "could not consider doing anything else," but the students haven't tried anything else — and neither have most of the professors. Given professors' lack of information, students' naïve trust, and the overall ambiguity of the future, the easiest thing to do is fall back on our faith in doing what you "love."
I heard that advice myself when I was considering graduate school. But Benton's point that the advice only is effective if students know what they DON'T want to do is a corollary that I think should be tacked on more often.
Part of the reason I even went back to school as an undergrad was because I'd had other jobs, and didn't like any of them. It wasn't that I was just stuck in service either - I'd worked as a photographer, a glass installer, a daycare worker and even in management. Didn't like any of them. So I went back to school. Since then, I've held jobs that I could've made a career at - non-profit management, human resources, even the elearning gig I have right now.
But none of them satisfy me like the research and teaching (even if teaching nothing but composition is getting a little tiring). So, I can't say I can't imagine myself doing anything else, because I have. But I can say I can't imagine myself being as satisfied doing anything else.*
When you put it that way, I feel inspired and invigorated about my work, and I'm eager to find a full-time job in a career that satisfies me so fully! Will this mean that I will be incredibly disappointed if I don't get one? Sure. But I know I can do those other kinds of jobs - it's not like I'd starve if I couldn't be a professor. But I know which career is going make me happy because I know which ones won't. I think that's a nice thing to keep in mind for this coming year.
*this is not to say that I think everyone who wants to become a professor needs to go slog it out in the trenches first in order to be fully prepared. I think some people are better than I at knowing exactly what they want without putting themselves through the pain of horrible jobs that I did. I'm just a little dense, and needed that pain to figure it out!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Medieval Vampires
New Scientist is reporting a medieval vampire skeleton found. Of course they're not claiming the woman was actually a vampire, just that gravediggers thought she was one.Still an interesting read.
And according to this mathematician, vampires are a mathematical impossibility. Dr. Efthimiou calculated that if once a month, a vampire fed off a human, turning that human into a vampire, the world's population would've all been turned by now. True. But very few contemporary vampire stories propose that all who are bit are turned. Most create a vampire who feeds without turning people (symbiotic relationships) or a vampire who feeds and kills. Lots of dead humans, but only rarely is one turned into a vampire.
Just in case you were curious...
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
A missed opportunity
Yesterday, my office mate at work overheard me trying to contact the international student office at my home institution to update my file there. So he asked where I was studying and that led to asking what I was writing the dissertation on.
Turns out his partner is writing on many of the same writers, and some similar themes, but her dissertation is organized around a quite different (but fascinating) set of questions. She even has a chapter coming out in the next few months on one of the novels that I'm writing about!
As I'm having this conversation, I'm thinking, "How grand! I would love to speak to this person, and share ideas." My office mate tells me his partner is like me - writing a dissertation from a distance. I get even more excited when I realize that this might be the academic connection that I've been trying to make in this town since we got here two and a half years ago! Here's someone else who not only is as academically isolated as me (and presumably would love more connection), but is also working in my area!
Then my office mate tells me his partner's flying out tomorrow to her home institution for the next 5 to 6 months.
Damn.
Turns out his partner is writing on many of the same writers, and some similar themes, but her dissertation is organized around a quite different (but fascinating) set of questions. She even has a chapter coming out in the next few months on one of the novels that I'm writing about!
As I'm having this conversation, I'm thinking, "How grand! I would love to speak to this person, and share ideas." My office mate tells me his partner is like me - writing a dissertation from a distance. I get even more excited when I realize that this might be the academic connection that I've been trying to make in this town since we got here two and a half years ago! Here's someone else who not only is as academically isolated as me (and presumably would love more connection), but is also working in my area!
Then my office mate tells me his partner's flying out tomorrow to her home institution for the next 5 to 6 months.
Damn.
Monday, March 09, 2009
Another way elearning content development is like academic writing
"Quality assurance" is a bit like editing. You've spent hours and hours with the content, shaping it, going over it, again and again.
And then you have to do it. one. more. time.
Sunday, March 08, 2009
Renovating the ivory tower
You know what the problem is with the ivory tower?
It's a tower.
One of those big honkin' tall things, that spreads a dark (but thin!) shadow across the land surrounding it. But the biggest problem is that sometimes, the thing is so tall, that looking out of it, the other people of the world look like little ants, scurrying around the base.
One of the things I appreciate the most about working for the elearning company is that it reminds me that my world is not the only world. It reminds me that there are worlds out there that I only have fleeting glimpses of, whose areas of activity have just as many issues, and hierarchies, and struggles as mine.
They have their own iconic images, their own in-jokes, their own associations, their own traditions, their own rivalries, and all of them seem just as important as mine do to me.
There are times that I wonder whether I should continue the elearning work. I could use those hours to do more writing, or perhaps even more relaxing! But then I turn to a part of the project that is new and different from the kind of work I do when I write or teach, and I realize I'm not ready to give that up just yet. Even when those other worlds start to get boring, and I realize why I don't belong to those worlds, I still value them because they remind me that the ivory tower might better serve us if it was an ivory bungalow, or ranch-style abode.
It's a tower.
One of those big honkin' tall things, that spreads a dark (but thin!) shadow across the land surrounding it. But the biggest problem is that sometimes, the thing is so tall, that looking out of it, the other people of the world look like little ants, scurrying around the base.One of the things I appreciate the most about working for the elearning company is that it reminds me that my world is not the only world. It reminds me that there are worlds out there that I only have fleeting glimpses of, whose areas of activity have just as many issues, and hierarchies, and struggles as mine.
They have their own iconic images, their own in-jokes, their own associations, their own traditions, their own rivalries, and all of them seem just as important as mine do to me.
There are times that I wonder whether I should continue the elearning work. I could use those hours to do more writing, or perhaps even more relaxing! But then I turn to a part of the project that is new and different from the kind of work I do when I write or teach, and I realize I'm not ready to give that up just yet. Even when those other worlds start to get boring, and I realize why I don't belong to those worlds, I still value them because they remind me that the ivory tower might better serve us if it was an ivory bungalow, or ranch-style abode.
Friday, March 06, 2009
RBOC
Things have been strange around here - an odd combination of novelty and routine, that have kept me busy but also surprisingly unable to describe these events in a coherent way. So here go the bullets
- I know everyone hates doing their taxes. But there is something soothing about organizing everything and accounting for everything. Because I use my vehicle part of the time to earn money, I also now know that I spent $461 on fuel last year. Not bad. I don't drive everyday, but even with that, I'm delighted that the number was that low. Of course that was also diesel fuel, which for most of the year was cheaper than gas.
- I've had really good conversations with my committee members lately, so I'm feeling good about the dissertation. This unfortunately is coinciding with a huge amount of other work that takes me away from it however.
- Even though I'm teaching two sections of the same course, there are vastly different dynamics developing in each classroom. This makes it hard to deliver the same content to these two very different classes.
- I've requested spring teaching, but am ambivalent about it. I like the idea of teaching (and of course the bit of money this brings) but also have a lot of writing that needs to get done. Perhaps I wouldn't be so ambivalent if I felt like I had a bit more time available for working on the dissertation and other writing projects.
- We're planning on doing some home improvements over the next several months. I know it's a recession, but we've been talking of these things since we moved in, and the announced tax credit for house renos has made those conversations take on a more pragmatic tone. At the same time, I'm a bit reluctant to commit to them. So we'll see.
- I will have to clear out the library/playstation room downstairs sometime over the next few weeks. Say, that could be the punchline to a joke. What do you get when a geek marries one of the cool kids? A playstation/library!
- I feel weirdly disconnected from the things going on around me. I don't know if it's some kind of strange after-effect of being sick this last week, or a more garden-variety ennui, but it's really messing with my planning. It's hard to put together a plan for the day, or the week, or the project, when you don't feel like any of it is relevant.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Darling dissertation
It might not seem like much - it is only an increase of 1% after all - but I broke the 100,000 word mark on the dissertation! Of course I'm hyperaware that even when I reach my goal, that is only for the draft. There's still much editing work to be done after that point.More importantly than the word count is the way I'm feeling about the whole thing right now. Two weeks ago I was ready to chuck it all in. Not because I didn't like the work anymore, or because I'd become bored with it, or even because I'd hit any kind of writer's block.
I had just lost faith. My plan to keep soldiering on after last fall's setback was good in that it kept me going through a period where I could easily have gotten mired in self-doubt. But it didn't make that doubt disappear, and over the last month, as I experienced delay after delay in hearing back from committee members, their lack of communication began to reinforce that doubt.
I told myself it was just because they were busy. And they were. But the lack of communication allowed self-doubt to creep in. I think if I'd still been in the middle of the dissertation, that simply continuing to churn out writing would've enabled me to keep going without that feedback. But as you can see, I'm within inches of finishing the first full draft, and looking beyond the last few pages of writing, I could see nothing but question marks because I hadn't gotten this feedback.
Not having any idea how to shape the whole monstrous draft into a finished product froze me. And when I froze, the doubt about whether I could even do it crept in.I thrashed around in confusion and frustration for a while, but then I realized that what I really needed wasn't so much feedback on the specifics of what I'd written, but a conversation about the project as a whole. What I really needed was a bit of support. I needed to talk about strategy, but more importantly, I needed to hear from one of my committee members that I could do this.
It pains me to write that last sentence because I don't like having to ask for help. Especially when that help is of an emotional nature. I am an emotional creature, sure, and I can cry at the drop of a hat. But my academic persona doesn't like to show emotional need. But that's what it was. I had an emotional need for the people who are deciding my academic fate to let me know that they think I can do it.
What I needed was to swallow my pride and call for help. So I called one of my committee members and had a good conversation. Our talk wasn't even that long, and at no point during it were the actual words "you can do it" uttered, but just having my ideas heard, and getting suggestions for managing the editing beast that will soon raise it's head helped immensely!
Ironically, two days after this call, I got one from another committee member, and had another very useful conversation. There was one minor part that was disappointing, but the rest was good. Now I'm psyched. It may not be as good as being within an academic community, as I would be had I stayed at my home institution, but for now, it's as good as I've got. Being at 95% of my goal also helps!
So the next time you hear me whining about needing something from my committee, remind me of this post and tell me to suck it up and ask!
Friday, February 27, 2009
RIP Philip Jose Farmer
I was saddened to hear that Philip Jose Farmer died on Tuesday. I remember reading his Riverworld series as a teenager (I never did read the World of Tiers series that he is also well known for, but might in the future). I was impressed by the imagination he showed in juxtaposing people from all different eras of human existence and then working through what kind of interactions they might have. I found that sort of thought experiment fascinating, and this series, along with the Foundation series and Fountains of Paradise are some of the first books to really impress upon me the power that speculative literature has to create new worlds in which we can examine some of our most cherished beliefs about humanity.I do wonder what would happen if I read the books now. Would I be as impressed? Possibly not. Possibly I would be even more impressed. Regardless of whether they are great literature by any one else's standards, I remember the novel series being one that was very formative for me, and in some small ways set me on a path that has led to the scholar that I now am.
For that, thank you Mr. Farmer.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Back again
Ah, yes. Back to the land of snow and cold. Well, okay, it's not terribly cold today, but the forecast is for snow. It is hard to believe that just a couple of days ago I was walking around barefoot and feeling very warm. It really makes you realize how big our world is - I didn't even go a quarter of the way around this huge globe, and yet the conditions there and here were so very, very different!The culture and people are different too. The same, but different. As one might expect, there is a more laidback attitude in Barbados than in North America. And people are friendlier. As you drive down the street, you hear horns honking, but it's not the irritated lean-on-the-horn honking you hear here - it's a hi-i'm-here kind of honking. And it was very strange to drive around here yesterday seeing all these huge, bloated vehicles that we drive. It seems just so wasteful after being reminded of how small a vehicle can be and still be incredibly comfortable. Even the shuttle vans are narrow, but spacious inside - like they were designed to be means for moving people around rather than means for intimidating others on the road.
But that's beside the point.
It's wonderful to be home again, but the vacation was an absolutely necessary break from the usual. The break between terms was filled with travel and frustration, so when I suggested we still needed a vacation, my wonderful spouse jumped at the idea and made all the arrangements for us. How sweet! So all I had to do was show up! Which was really nice, since the last couple of weeks before our break were all-out pedal-to-the-metal breakneck work speeds.
I also had been getting very depressed about my progress and feedback on the dissertation and I was really struggling to keep working on it. I've had tough spots before, but this was the worst by far. Although I can't say for sure that everything is absolutely fine, getting away from everything has given me some perspective on the whole project, and I feel hopeful that this will translate into a renewed effort and inspiration.Let's hope so!
We got our open water scuba certification while we were down there. So now we're officially divers! I'm still waiting to get photos back, but if any turn out, I'll post them. It was tricky getting in all the dives we needed to in order to get certified, but now we can go to other neat places to see other neat things. I'm looking forward to adding diving to the list of things we can do while on vacation because it really is a memorable experience. There's something simultaneously terrifying about breathing underwater (that part of the reptilian brain that keeps screaming that IT'S ALL WRONG!) and something incredibly peaceful and beautiful about it.
We saw a lot of wildlife you don't get to see when you're on land, and I think just for that factor, it was worth it. The one day we saw a ray, and the next a turtle, and both were just such majestic creatures as they swam through the water. It's a strange relationship we have with water - it's an incredibly unnatural environment for us, and yet so vital to our survival. Dangerous and beautiful. I'm really looking forward to our next opportunity to dive!
Friday, February 13, 2009
Break
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I am both ready and not ready for a vacation. I am ready in the sense that I really need a break. I am not ready in the sense that I leave too much work behind which will just be waiting when I get back.
I realize this is one of the least substantive posts I have ever made, but right now it's all I can manage. I had a really good conversation today with one of my committee members, and although I'm still struggling with the dissertation, I think a break from it and the advice in this conversation will give me a new perspective on it when I get back.
Here's hoping! Happy Family Day and Reading Break to everyone!
Monday, February 09, 2009
Flawed human beings
It's been a busy couple of weeks, and in trying to keep up with everything, I've found myself frustrated and disappointed in my performance at times. I've been trying to learn a new set of skills, and found myself becoming frustrated several times when I wouldn't be able to replicate the action my instructor had just demonstrated the first time I tried (or in some cases, the second and even third time!)I've also been desperately trying to stay on top of a work project that has mushroomed over the last few weeks. I knew it was a large project when we started, but it seems like the simplest part of it is exponentially larger than I expected.
On top of that, I finally got some feedback from some of my dissertation committee. The only problem is that I'm having trouble interpreting what some of the comments mean. There are also comments that I understand, but I don't see how they quite fit with everything else that I've been doing, so I'm not sure how to implement them.
What all this activity has done is increased my awareness of my own flawed nature to a level that I obviously don't think about most of the time. Most of the time, things go smoothly, according to plan, and I suppose I attribute that to my own intelligence, or foresight, or ability, rather than the combination of luck, serendipity and a bit of innate talent that it really consists of.The irony is not lost on me that the topic of my dissertation - posthuman figures like cyborgs and clones - are pretty much the opposite of flawed humans. In fact, one theorist suggested that a criteria for defining the human in opposition to other artificial creatures would be that the human makes mistakes (this is also one of the warrants in the Turning test). So I suppose all this flawed-ness that I'm experiencing lately at least has the benefit of confirming that I'm human!
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Favorite movies meme
I received this meme through email, but thought I would share it in a wider venue. The meme? Name a favorite movie for every letter of the alphabet.
Here goes.
A Alien Quadrology - In all fairness, I should choose just one, but they're all interesting. I suppose I'm partial mostly to the first and last ones.
B Blade Runner of course - original edition, the one with the voiceover, not the Director's cut. Close second is the Birdcage - I need to get this on DVD instead of my old VHS copy, but I just love Nathan Lane's performance in this one.
C Children of Men - I tend to be drawn to films about apocalypse or impending doom. One of the earliest memories I have of watching a film was a post-nuclear-holocaust film. (This isn't as traumatic as it sounds, since film watching was not a part of my childhood experience)
D Dogma - Irreverent, dark comedy. I suppose there are several other favorites in the list that might also be described this way too.
E Equilibrium - I heard about this film through someone else, but enjoyed it as a fairly simple, but visually interesting film in which an experiment to eliminate all human emotion fails, but not in a spectacular way; rather, it seems just a bit sad. Eastern Promises is probably a better film, and definitely a favorite as well, but I do like the ideas in Equilibrium better.
F Fido - So my first thought was Fight Club, and it probably would still be in this slot if Fido hadn't come along, but who can resist an alternate history zombie movie anyway? Carrie Ann Moss is fabulous, as is Billy Connelly. This is one of those movies that I impose a ration on, otherwise I would watch it all the time.
G GATTACA - I've enjoyed this film since it came out and recently replaced the VHS with the DVD because I like it that much. I'd also really like to find a venue or reason to write about this particular film.
H Hot Fuzz - I could watch this movie over and over again. The combination of the pretense, the dialogue, delivery and just outright hyperbole gets me every time. The Hitchhiker's Guide the the Galaxy comes a very, very close second here with High Fidelity running a close third.
I In Bruges - Dark comedy. We've already established I like these kinds of movies...
J Jaws, I guess. This one is a tough one and I'm coming up a bit shorthanded here.
K Kill Bill. Again, I'm not delighted by this one but can't think of anything else that starts with K. I do like the visual effects of the film and (grudgingly) admire its over-the-top nature.
L Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels - I've had to watch this film several times just to figure out the dialogue, but the plot and acting are well worth the effort.
M The Matrix - Yes, I know it's probably overly represented in lists of favorites, but I do like ideas within this movie. I don't mean so much the simulacrum of virtual reality versus lived reality, but the way that people live in Zion in this futuristic movie and the way that they've set up this alternate culture.
N Nightwatch - Russian vampire movie. Need I say more? Actually, I will. It's more than a vampire movie because there are witches and sorcerers and shapeshifters and all sorts of wonderful characters. I suspect the movie isn't as good as I think of it in my mind, but since it's based on a wonderful set of novels, the memories of a sense of delight in the novels colours my watching of the movie (over and over...)
O O Brother Where Art Thou? "My hair!" Adaptation, excellent performances, and a strange series of plot twists all combine to make a movie that I love watching over and over.
P The Princess Bride - Old, but still a favorite. One of these days I need to replace it on DVD because my VHS player is going to die someday and I'll no longer get to shout out along with the dialogue: "Inconceivable!"
Q Quills - Although there aren't many movies that begin with 'Q', even if there was a large selection, I would probably still pick this movie. Fascinating plot and excellent acting. I would recommend it (but it is quite graphic, so if you have a weak stomach, you might want to pass).
R Run Lola Run - NO, I'm not trying to be artsy-fartsy, but I really love Franka Potente's versatile performance in this particular film. REC, the Spanish horror flick that Quarantine was based on, is a close second.
S Sexy Beast - Sir Ben Kingsley's character in this movie is just so over-the-top that even after watching it an knowing how it ends, I still am tense with expectation. Ray Winstone's performance is also stellar, and quite out of character for the work he usually does, which gives the whole movie an aura of the fantastical. Shaun of the Dead gets honorable mention and would win out in some cases, depending on my mood.
T Trainspotting - what can I say? Between the baby on the ceiling and the worst toilet in Scotland scene, how can you not delight in the pathos an absurdity of this story?
U The Usual Suspects - Unlike some suspense movies, I still enjoy this one all the way through even though I know the twist. The Sixth Sense is similar - I can still enjoy it knowing the twist... "What a twist!"
V V for Vendetta - Yes, probably a predictable choice. But I just love the complicated treatment of social unrest in the movie.
W The whole nine yards - My appreciation of Matthew Perry went up significantly as a result of this movie, though I would also nominate Wag the Dog as a close runner up because of the acting in it as well.
X There aren't many movies that begin with 'X' but I do enjoy the X-Men movies. Coming up with a bit of a blank on this one.
Y Probably You Kill Me, again Ben Kingsley, who is one of those actors I whose perfomances I can watch over and over.
Z Really don't have any idea here. I did get a kick out of the Adam Sandler Zohan movie. Does that count?
Okay, that was harder than I thought. I seem to have many favorite movies, and each letter probably went through a couple of changes (and reversions back to my first choice) before I posted it.
Here goes.
A Alien Quadrology - In all fairness, I should choose just one, but they're all interesting. I suppose I'm partial mostly to the first and last ones.
B Blade Runner of course - original edition, the one with the voiceover, not the Director's cut. Close second is the Birdcage - I need to get this on DVD instead of my old VHS copy, but I just love Nathan Lane's performance in this one.
C Children of Men - I tend to be drawn to films about apocalypse or impending doom. One of the earliest memories I have of watching a film was a post-nuclear-holocaust film. (This isn't as traumatic as it sounds, since film watching was not a part of my childhood experience)
D Dogma - Irreverent, dark comedy. I suppose there are several other favorites in the list that might also be described this way too.
E Equilibrium - I heard about this film through someone else, but enjoyed it as a fairly simple, but visually interesting film in which an experiment to eliminate all human emotion fails, but not in a spectacular way; rather, it seems just a bit sad. Eastern Promises is probably a better film, and definitely a favorite as well, but I do like the ideas in Equilibrium better.
F Fido - So my first thought was Fight Club, and it probably would still be in this slot if Fido hadn't come along, but who can resist an alternate history zombie movie anyway? Carrie Ann Moss is fabulous, as is Billy Connelly. This is one of those movies that I impose a ration on, otherwise I would watch it all the time.
G GATTACA - I've enjoyed this film since it came out and recently replaced the VHS with the DVD because I like it that much. I'd also really like to find a venue or reason to write about this particular film.
H Hot Fuzz - I could watch this movie over and over again. The combination of the pretense, the dialogue, delivery and just outright hyperbole gets me every time. The Hitchhiker's Guide the the Galaxy comes a very, very close second here with High Fidelity running a close third.
I In Bruges - Dark comedy. We've already established I like these kinds of movies...
J Jaws, I guess. This one is a tough one and I'm coming up a bit shorthanded here.
K Kill Bill. Again, I'm not delighted by this one but can't think of anything else that starts with K. I do like the visual effects of the film and (grudgingly) admire its over-the-top nature.
L Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels - I've had to watch this film several times just to figure out the dialogue, but the plot and acting are well worth the effort.
M The Matrix - Yes, I know it's probably overly represented in lists of favorites, but I do like ideas within this movie. I don't mean so much the simulacrum of virtual reality versus lived reality, but the way that people live in Zion in this futuristic movie and the way that they've set up this alternate culture.
N Nightwatch - Russian vampire movie. Need I say more? Actually, I will. It's more than a vampire movie because there are witches and sorcerers and shapeshifters and all sorts of wonderful characters. I suspect the movie isn't as good as I think of it in my mind, but since it's based on a wonderful set of novels, the memories of a sense of delight in the novels colours my watching of the movie (over and over...)
O O Brother Where Art Thou? "My hair!" Adaptation, excellent performances, and a strange series of plot twists all combine to make a movie that I love watching over and over.
P The Princess Bride - Old, but still a favorite. One of these days I need to replace it on DVD because my VHS player is going to die someday and I'll no longer get to shout out along with the dialogue: "Inconceivable!"
Q Quills - Although there aren't many movies that begin with 'Q', even if there was a large selection, I would probably still pick this movie. Fascinating plot and excellent acting. I would recommend it (but it is quite graphic, so if you have a weak stomach, you might want to pass).
R Run Lola Run - NO, I'm not trying to be artsy-fartsy, but I really love Franka Potente's versatile performance in this particular film. REC, the Spanish horror flick that Quarantine was based on, is a close second.
S Sexy Beast - Sir Ben Kingsley's character in this movie is just so over-the-top that even after watching it an knowing how it ends, I still am tense with expectation. Ray Winstone's performance is also stellar, and quite out of character for the work he usually does, which gives the whole movie an aura of the fantastical. Shaun of the Dead gets honorable mention and would win out in some cases, depending on my mood.
T Trainspotting - what can I say? Between the baby on the ceiling and the worst toilet in Scotland scene, how can you not delight in the pathos an absurdity of this story?
U The Usual Suspects - Unlike some suspense movies, I still enjoy this one all the way through even though I know the twist. The Sixth Sense is similar - I can still enjoy it knowing the twist... "What a twist!"
V V for Vendetta - Yes, probably a predictable choice. But I just love the complicated treatment of social unrest in the movie.
W The whole nine yards - My appreciation of Matthew Perry went up significantly as a result of this movie, though I would also nominate Wag the Dog as a close runner up because of the acting in it as well.
X There aren't many movies that begin with 'X' but I do enjoy the X-Men movies. Coming up with a bit of a blank on this one.
Y Probably You Kill Me, again Ben Kingsley, who is one of those actors I whose perfomances I can watch over and over.
Z Really don't have any idea here. I did get a kick out of the Adam Sandler Zohan movie. Does that count?
Okay, that was harder than I thought. I seem to have many favorite movies, and each letter probably went through a couple of changes (and reversions back to my first choice) before I posted it.
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