Never Ceases to Amaze

I've experienced this before (and probably blogged it before as well), but there's this strange moment as a developing scholar when you read something you wrote and think, "who wrote that?" with a sense of admiration only to remember that you did. It still blows me away.

(You'll just have to take my word for it that I'm erudite in print. This blog certainly does not indicate that I'm even competent with the language, let alone proficient)

Moments like that never cease to amaze me, but they also make me realize that all the years of training, and all the hours spent thinking, writing, revising, were actually doing something other than just taking time. I haven't been working for years just to reach a goal - PhD - but I've also been developing a vocabulary and academic style that really is different from everyday speech.

It's a strange skill to develop (and mine is by no means WELL developed), but I guess it's one that I'm on my way to having.

Cool.

Busy days ahead

I've got a dissertation date set. Which is very good news.

It also means I've got an awful lot of work to do before the end of April. There are revisions that need to be made in order to get the final version to the committee in time to read before that date. That's the first thing on the list. The good news is that I'm almost finished those revisions.

Through misfortunate timing, I also have a conference paper that I'm presenting next week. It was modified from an article I had been working on, so I got it into pretty good shape during Reading Break. But it still needs some trimming and shaping, which I suspect will need to be done on the plane.

I know people who do that. But I've never had enough confidence in my ability to get something done on such a short schedule to try it. Guess there's a first time for everything!

Wish me luck...!

Does Anyone Actually Watch Survivor Anymore?

Welcome to Rejection Row

I'd like to say I've been feeling like I'm on a roller-coaster, you know, up and down. Because there are days when I feel like I'm up and then down.

But if I was on a roller-coaster, it would be one that's really, really close to the ground. Disappointments seem to abound in my life these days and it's starting to get hard to ignore.

A few weeks ago, the tt-position I had applied for as an internal candidate (and which I figured I had at least a good shot at) was cancelled because of budget cuts. Then the full-time temp position that the department would normally offer (same position I'm in this year) was also cut for the same reason. So I've got part-time work at best next year.

Being resourceful, I started talking about teaching another course for another department. When I spoke to the coordinator last week, he suggested they would definitely need people. Now it's not clear that they will have as many sections of the class (again, the budget) so there are fewer to go around. Which of course means that if you only have enough for current faculty, you won't hire any new ones.

Bummer.

In the meantime, I'm thinking I need a plan B and I need to do as much networking as possible. So I make contact with some people I've done contract work with in the past, reminding them that I'm still around, available, pleasant to work with etc. So that's all to the good.

As part of the networking plan, I register to be considered as a volunteer board member for local non-profits. And I get a call from a place. I'm a little puzzled because although they say they want someone in education, they seem to cater more to K-12. I tell them this. They say, that's okay, we think you'll be good. So I forward my resume and wait for a call for an interview. Then they call and say, no, actually we will go with someone in K-12.

So why did you tell me otherwise first?

And I'm still waiting after two weeks for my committee to agree on a defense date. And I can't get an answer.

Awfully frustrating...

Edited to add: Just after posting this, I got a call from a colleague about some freelance work, so maybe my networking hasn't all been a waste. Then I finally heard this morning from my committee and we've set a date! Nice that things at least aren't all bleak.

Convergences

Earlier this week I had two students in two very different classes mention the same film on the same day. That was a bit weird.

But then I started thinking about it and the more I thought about it the less weird it got. The film was The Invention of Lying. One class was a technical writing class where we were talking about ethics and technical writing. The other was a literature class in which we were talking about Oscar Wilde's The Importance of Being Earnest.

Seems to me that ethics, wit and lying probably do have a good bit in common after all.

So much time - so few words

Lots of things going on in the last month. Some good. Some not so great.

The highlights are that the dissertation is on track to be complete in another month or so. That's great news. But it means a whole lotta work in the next little while.

The lowlight then I guess is that the provincial budget means we need to cut our budget at the school I'm working at. That means I now have no idea what kind of work I'll do next year. That's not so great news.

I have yet to decide the fate of this blog. I have enjoyed it so much in the past - it's just been so terribly busy lately and I've been so unhappy about the job situation that I haven't had the motivation. But I'm feeling better about it now, so perhaps now's the time to revive it.

Struggle... wait... struggle... wait

Struggling through dissertation revisions.

This whole doctoral degree thing-y has sure been a long haul. Most of the time it hasn't felt bad, but the last half year has been extremely frustrating.

Part of that frustration is my difficulty in making sense of what I'm trying to say. So the revisions continue, ad infinitum it seems, and I see the product of those labours. But they're labours nonetheless.

Most of my frustration comes from the slow pace at which I'm getting chapter revision suggestions however. One reader was fabulously quick. Another surprisingly slow. And another (not unsurprisingly) even slower yet. Which means we're going on six months of waiting.

Did I mention I'm not good at waiting?

The auto industry puzzling? Naaah...

Question: Why is it that car commercials these days seem to focus almost exclusively on gadgets? You can change the colour of your cupholders, talk to your CD player to choose which song to listen to, or call someone by pressing buttons on your steering wheel.

All wonderful little things.

But why are these the main selling points in ads today? What happened to discussions of fuel efficiency or safety or even cost? The primary purpose of the automobile is still its mobility, no? So why is it the perks that suddenly seem more important?

Holiday leftovers

Usually holiday leftovers consist of turkey and stuffing, but in my case, the leftovers consist of editing work that needs to be done.

I finally have feedback from one of my readers at least and can begin editing the dissertation draft in earnest. But I've been away from it for so long that it seems almost unreal to return to it. Remembering what I was doing is a task that seems to be much more difficult than it should be.

But the holidays were good and the end of last term (and December more generally) seemed hectic, so it was good to relax and do very little writing. But now it is time to get back to it. I'm still waiting for one reader's comments, but idealistically, I'm hoping that a full edit before those comments might make them more manageable, and might actually anticipate some of those final comments.

Here's to a new year and the hope that I'll add three letters to the end of my name!

Happy Holidays!

Even if your holidays are a mixed-bag of events and activities like mine, I hope that you enjoy yours as much as I do mine! Merry Christmas.

Whoa!

What a roller coaster of a few weeks it's been.

Thing is, it's been busy, busy, but not exciting, exciting. Well, maybe, annoying, annoying. But that's another story for another day (I don't think I can blog about the elearning job till it's over or my head will pop off. Let's just say I'm seriously considering quitting)

But academia went off the rails last month. Part of this was because this term I agreed first to a book review (easy, right?) but then to submit a paper to a collection. The article for the collection was one I'd been really stoked about earlier this year and then it seemed to have dried up, so when the opportunity came to resurrect it, I was excited! But it meant a lot of work at the end of the semester. Not really stress-inducing (that was the elearning stuff), but a lot of extra work.

On top of that, I had to head back to grad institution for a weekend in order to keep my student visa active. I made the most of my time there, but I really could've much better used that weekend to write the book review!

So I'm finally at the end of the semester. The review is still in pieces but the article is submitted. The last exam was on Saturday, so it's graded and final grades are calculated. They just need to be entered into the system.

But then the syllabi need to be written. And in a pique of frustration at both my introductory comp and tech writing texts, I changed them both for this upcoming term. BOTH! What WAS I thinking??

And I've got a new prep, with majors.

I am my own worse enemy.

So that dearth of posts lately? It will either continue because I'm working like a madwoman. Or I'll post more because I'm burying my head in the sand about just how much work needs to happen over the break. Which it will be remains to be seen...

Teaching Collaboration

I know it might sound remiss to suggest that I've not really collaborated with others in teaching before, but I think it's nonetheless fair to say that I haven't done much collaboration before.

I did receive teacher training in the introductory writing course that I was required to teach in my first year of the doctoral program, however it wasn't what I'd call collaboration as much as instruction. We did compare papers and did some group marking, but it wasn't collaborative in the way that everyone contributed equally to the process.

Over this last week, I had the opportunity to talk about tech writing with another instructor. I've always felt like my course is a bit different from others because I don't require the students to write a resume. Just about every tech writing textbook I've ever reviewed includes a chapter on resume writing, and I never really could figure out how I justify the writing of one to be an academic enterprise since there are so many other people out there willing to teach the skill. (I also have come to realize that my experience working in HR means that I often disagree with a lot of the advice that floats around out there, so I wonder if I would do the genre justice.)

But the other tech writing instructor told me she uses the resume as a way of starting to talk about the report project. I hadn't thought of using that way before. But it makes some sense. I don't know that I'm convinced that I should incorporate resume writing into my course, but I can see a use for them that I never have before.

I was excited about talking with another colleague who said she was teaching the Brit lit II course for the first time this coming semester. She is far more comfortable in the first half of the course, while I am in the last, so it seemed absolutely beautiful to talk with each other and use each other's strengths.

Unfortunately she is no longer teaching the course, so we won't have the same incentive to collaborate, though she did give me some suggestions for the pre-1900 material, which was helpful.

All this talk of collaboration makes me wish that I was in one of those disciplines that placed a higher value on collaboration, but perhaps I'll just have to keep my eyes open for opportunities when they do emerge.
*brit lit II - different strengths

I'm tired. How tired...?

I'm so tired that words fail me.

Or, to put it another way. I've doubted my ability to perform the scholarly work that I've undertaken in the PhD more than once during the process. I don't doubt I have the academic chops to do this work anymore. But I am starting to wonder if I have the stamina...!

Whew!

RBOC: Light at the End of the Tunnel Version

Three weeks to go.

• I have six more 8 am classes to teach. Not that I don't like my 8 am class - the students are great! and they're the one group that is still mostly all working and attending. But I really hate getting up early enough to get there for that class. So it will be nice when I don't have to do that any longer.
• I've had three 'date to withdraw' conversations with students. Two will probably stay, and one is deciding. Two more who should have the conversation with me are avoiding class and email contact. Their loss.
• I am saddened and depressed by the thought that the days will continue to get shorter for another five weeks. As much as I love those loooong summer evenings, we sure do pay in the winter.
• I am attending a conference for the first time in many, many years just as a participant. It's in two weeks, and although the timing is less than ideal, I will get to see some friends and hopefully pick up the draft of my dissertation from one of my readers. That means I can see how bad the state of things are, and get cracking on revisions. Good news.
• In another three weeks, I have to finish a book review and polish off the draft of an article. The timeline's tight, but doable if nothing goes wrong. Here's hoping the pigs don't infect me!
• I'm learning to juggle! I'm really, really bad at it right now. I can only manage a couple of passes with two balls without losing them. But it's kinda neat, and I'm sure with practice, I'll get much better at it. Who says you can't teach old dogs new tricks?

Joy of Teaching #16

One of the best things about teaching are the conversations you have with students who have made a conscious decision to attend.

The students I'm talking about are usually a little older (but sometimes only a year or two out of high school). They usually haven't tried something else and are now in their plan B position, but sometimes they are.

The students I'm talking about are the ones who are absolutely delighted with the idea of learning. They have decided to attend school for deliberate reasons (which do not involve 'getting a job' or 'making money') and they know what they want: an education.

I've had several of these students before, but this semester I have one who is eager to learn (but with enough wisdom not to monopolize classtime like some eager-beavers).

That's why it almost broke my heart to grade this student's last paper at a 'C' level because it failed to properly cite sources. It was a brilliant paper, well-written, nicely balancing the different tasks assigned for the paper. But it totally blew the citations. So I had to grade it down.

I hated it, but I couldn't in good conscience give it a higher mark with citation problems. Then I'd have to let everyone slide a bit, and then they'd never think it was important. And it is. I'm not just towing the party line on this one - I think citation is critical to academic work. So I lowered the grade.

The student got it. Although disappointed with the mark, the student told me it was a mistake that would not be repeated, which is a kind of learning I suppose. I hated that it came with such a high price tag - an 'A' paper earning a 'C' grade - but it was a lesson learned. And sometimes those tough lessons are the ones that stick with us. But it was a hard grade to assign.

The student? Absolutely engaged, eager to learn, and understanding that sometimes the mistakes we make cannot be overlooked and they have to hurt in order to be remembered. A student like that is one of them that makes teaching worthwhile, knowing that what you are saying and doing is not just interpreted as 'what the teacher wants' but 'what the expert says I need to do'.

Perhaps I enjoy such students because they validate my own sense of expertise in the classroom. I admit that could very well be a big part of what joy I get from teaching such students. But I'd like to think I enjoy teaching them because they get why I do what I do in the classroom, that it's not about me, but about showing them the way to their own expertise.

The students who are there, wanting to learn, not just pass the course, are ones that bring joy to teaching and make all the other grade grubbing, complaining, plagiarizing ones worth while. Not that there are many of those, but they do drag you down, especially since they tend to come in waves...

You know what's the worst thing about grading?

We talk a lot about how much we dislike grading. I have yet to meet someone who likes that part of the job.

But the worst part about grading?

The sneaking suspicion that despite everyone else's grumbling about it, they still are able to do it faster than you. Oh, and of course they write more erudite comments than I ever seem to be able to.

I just wanted to get that off my chest.

Halfway there!

Yes, we're halfway through the semester. Even if you count exam period, you can pretty much say the semester is half over.

Unfortunately more than half of the work of the course still needs to be completed, especially when I consider the mountain of papers that will still cross my desk before it's over.

But we're halfway.

The other thing that's halfway is my job letters. Yes, I'm almost halfway through my application list.

Of course, if additional postings come up over the next few weeks, that list might grow (that would be good!), but right now I'm halfway through.

But, boy, oh boy! do those application packages take a loooong time to assemble! When every posting wants something slightly different, and each letter needs to be tailor-crafted to the school, there's a lot of time that goes into these things.

The worst part isn't the time though... it's that niggling voice in the back of your head that tells you all these hours of work will come to nothing because no one will call for an interview and you'll be scratching around for work next year.

Man! I hate that voice.

I tell it to shut up all the time, but it just. doesn't. listen.

Today it's practically shouting. I'm thinking sleep might help, but wonder if it might just invade my dreams instead.

Here's hoping it doesn't!

Being pulled in multiple directions

I haven't posted in ages.

It's not that I don't have interesting things to say... I just don't seem to have time to organize my thoughts. Or more precisely, that the only thoughts I have time to organize are the ones directed squarely at clear and measurable aims that have nothing to do with blogging.

It's been a really strange feeling over the last month to be searching for a new job at the same time that I've been trying to throw myself into my brand-new job and do really great at it! But such is the nature of the academic market. I have a ten month term job, but if I want one to follow it once this one ends, I need to start applying right now.

Strange.

At the same time, there's the rather ironic observation that I've been making that throwing myself into a full-time position has actually given me a better appreciation of the kinds of positions I'm applying for in the next academic year.

Doesn't make it any easier to keep two mindsets going at the same time. The only way I can do so is to think of my new job during the weekdays, and my potential job for next year on the evenings and weekends. But it's still a weird division that clashes in my mind occasionally (and has led to some really, really strange dreams, but that's another story!)

I am loving my new job and even survived the week in which 85 papers had to be marked and returned. (It wasn't a pretty week, but I managed it.) We have some really interesting things going on at the school which are exciting, though of course being neck-deep in the middle of the semester sometimes makes it hard to focus on them.

But I wouldn't trade this for a lighter load - I'm learning way too much about how things work to wish the experience away! Here's hoping I find a bit better balance in November so I can return to posting.

Buried

Pick your metaphor, but the long and short is that I'm buried in work and writing letters. It's all so very important, all so very demanding, and all so (just sometimes) disheartening.

I promise to emerge soon... I'm hoping later this week!?

The benefits of just sitting on it

Last year around this time, I submitted a paper proposal on the social effects of zombies in Fido to both a panel at a conference and a call for chapters in an edited volume.

It didn't get picked up. This fact took me a while to get used to - I'm only human, and no one likes rejection - but I got used to it and started brainstorming which journal might suit it. I didn't get very far in the brainstorming because it is an article that doesn' really readily fit into a single category, and really seemed best suited for a special edition (or an edited collection!)

Well, I just got an email from the people I originally proposed it to, telling me they'll be putting out a second related volume, and would I be interested in contributing to that one?

Yes. Yes, yes, yes!

So my sitting on this, trying to figure out where to place it instead actually worked out well, since now I have a venue!

(I also have a two month deadline, but at least I have a venue...!)

Maybe a little procrastination isn't so bad after all!