I'm makin' a list...

...and checking it twice, and then a third time, and a fourth, and a fifth, and a... well, you get the idea.

This list generating stuff is gonna drive me insane! I feel like I've just been thrown out into library stacks and told "pick good stuff" without any sense of rhyme or reason.

The stacks of books around my desk are piling up as I pull them off my shelves, or borrow them from the library, trying to figure out if they need to be included on a 'comprehensive' list that, if I read it, will presumably make me an expert in three clearly defined areas and give me permission to go on to the dissertation. [And I don't even want to think about the headaches that process will bring with it.]

You know, most of the time, I'm not at all jealous of Dwayne's work - the volume he has to read (and memorize! something I never have to worry about) is prodigious. But at times like this, I am jealous. He may have a lot to read, but at least he knows WHAT he's got to read to pass exams. I've not only got to read and respond to the questions at the end of this year, but I've got to guess right about what I need to read in order to make things profitable.

Grrrrrr. I've felt really unsupported by the department/faculty before, but this really feels like I'm being thrown to the lions.

There is one lining in the cloud - I won't call it silver, 'cause it's probably more like a kind of graphite-grey color (you know, the color of silver when it gets tarnished? or maybe the color of a new car?).

When I first sat down with these lists, I had no clue what to put on them. I would look at the topic and think "I know nothing about this", but then I would start with a title or two, or an author or two, which would lead to another, and then another, and then another,... which was kinda cool 'cause it made me feel smart (or at least well read). But after about a hundred 'anothers', I started to panic again. How do I whittle this huge list down to size? Ideally, I figure about 20 primary texts plus the same number of secondary sources in each of the three areas is going to be the maximum I can read while still taking my exams by next summer.

...Okay, so I checked and the list is actually only about 46, not a hundred... but that's still twice as big as it should be.

And I figure I should have a list of only about 12-15 when I submit it to my supervisor, 'cause I know she'll add to it. And if I give her a list with 30 things on it, I'll get a list with 50 back! [I learnt that lesson with that monster reading course I did last term.]

Speaking of which, I finally got an email back from the prof - something to the effect of "I just read through all of your bibliography and I'm glad I gave you an A 'cause this is good work" - note the past tense of the verb: "gave". Nice to know I'm getting good marks after careful consideration... or maybe he was just impressed by the number of pages I turned in...

There's three lists. The Victorian one, I'm pretty cool with - my supervisor for that area gave me some good suggestions, and with my own interests, I think I've rounded out the list of primary texts. I'll still need to read/re-read them, find secondary sources, read them to decide if they need to go on, and then compile that half of the list, but that will just be time-consuming. I at least know what I've got to do there.

The Narrative theory list will be fairly basic also, though it will take me a lot more time since I've only read a couple of the theoretical works. But I've got a clear plan of action. I'm going to read excerpts of the key writers from two anthologies, and then decide whether I need to read their full book, or just an article - that will then become my list. Straightforward, but a lot of time - even more than the Victorian I figure.

It's the third list that's got me buggered. I want to read and test in twentieth century British prose fiction.

Problem is, there's a helluva lot of British prose fiction written in the last hundred years. Even trying to fashion an area based on a potential thesis on the failures of realism in the British novel still leaves me a lot of categories to cover. I need to include the big names of the post-war period, Amis (both of them), Sinclair, McEwan, Swift, Banks, Barker, Rushdie, Byatt, etc. to name a few, but also can't totally gloss over the modernists like Joyce, Woolf, Conrad, and for continuity-sake with the Victorian, should include the Edwardian period (though I may try to shoehorn them into Victorian to balance out the lists, if I can figure out a way to justify that).

But I also want to look at sf, magic realism, and fantasy... something necessary if I'm going to discuss realist and non-realist text. So okay, maybe I include Lewis Carroll and Tolkien and C.S. Lewis (but you notice the children's lit angle beginning here? not a path I want to go down), but then I also want to include sf, which in some ways is fairly straightforward Aldis, Wyndham Lewis, Lessing,... but do I then also go into utopian/dystopian by including Orwell, Huxley etc.? I'm thinking of putting William Morris on the Victorian list, so if I include a Victorian utopic, do I need to include the twentieth century ones? After all, utopia/dystopia starts to leak into the political, which really has nothing to do with realism [anything you read into that is fully intended...]

But then with the magic realism you get into the thorny question of defining it, and when you start to define it, you start to define a postcolonial/colonial reading list, and then the list really does grow, because you start including Commonwealth stuff like Hulme, Carey, Achebe, Okri, Ishiguro, Lowry, Naipaul etc.... and that could be a list all on its own.

I suppose someone wise might advise me to go talk to my supervisor about all this, right? Right! That would be great advice!

Problem is, I've already talked to her twice about setting up this reading list. The first time, I got the distinct impression she was suggesting I find someone else to supervise this area. Second time, she told me that I needed to decide what I wanted on the list. Umm.. yeah,... that's kinda what I'm trying to do and having problems. Can you help?

Grrrr... for the second time in one post.

Perhaps something fantastical will happen and make this all a moot point... like a jet engine falling through the roof of my bedroom....