Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Devious, yet depressing

So, youngest daughter walked into the room while hubby & I were talking & I said to her, "Tell D what you and your sister's got for me for Christmas so he doesn't get the same stuff" and she almost did! hehehe... she caught herself in time though. I guess that's one of the problems with them growing up - it's harder to catch them up on these things!

Apparently I'm a rather depressing book though....
1984
George Orwell: Nineteen Eighty-Four. You are the
classic warning against the threat of
totalitarianism. To you, politics and
philosophy are inseparable, auchtorities suck
and the reality might not exist outside our
imaginations.


Which literature classic are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Inadvertent gift

Just got an email from the woman who does class scheduling for us - she's taken away my 8 am class and replaced it with a noon class for next term. How nice.

Monday, December 19, 2005

He's got a point

We need to begin by casting doubt on the legitimacy of the notion of literature. The mere fact that the word exists, or that an academic institution has been built around it, does not mean that the thing itself is self-evident.

Tzvetan Todorov, Genres in Discourse

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Saved from embarassment... again!

So I went to a holiday party last night, even though it was the only night ALL season long that I was gonna get to see the Flames on tv ('cause they were playing the Bruins of course). The party was so worth it!

I joked that I would only come to the party if I could turn the tv on, but once there (with daughter at home watching & taping the game for me after hubby persevered in figuring out why the VCR wasn't taping - moment of panic!) I decided it would certainly be better to avoid sharing with all my friends my hockey watching behaviour.

Let's just say, I make many non-linguistic vocalizations.

Oldest daughter has threatened to tape me and play it back for my her amusement. I watch her very carefully anytime she comes into the room while I'm watching in order to detect any suspicious bulges in her pockets, you can be sure!

But what a game! OMG! That 2 minute window in the first period was amazing! 3 goals in less than 2 minutes - what a way to start the game! Sure, the second period lagged, but the fast pace of the third one made up for it. And what a nice way to start a Sunday morning, watching hockey. I think they should change hockey games to Sunday mornings just for that reason, because it's really rather a delightful way to start your day.

And thanks to my patience, it is only my family who heard me "cheer" the game last night.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Partial reporting

According to this recent study, I'm right on track - although I drink on a fairly regular basis, it's usually not more than a couple of drinks in any given day.

But, I really have got to say it's an awful report. I don't know whether it was the researchers, or the reporter, but the "news" isn't very well researched. It left me with a lot of questions. Like whether or not they considered sociological or psychological factors.

The report indicates that moderate drinkers were 54% less likely to be obese than teetotalers. But heavy drinkers are 46% more likely to be obese than non-drinkers, with binge drinkers even more likely to be obese.

Ummm, I'm no scientist, but I hardly find it surprising that someone who engages in binge drinking might also be obese, particularly since overeating and binge behaviors are both strongly correlated with low self esteem and even depression. But there's no mention whatsoever in the report about potential social or psychological factors contributing to the trend. It's written as if the writer (again, I don't know if it's the reporter or the authors of the report) believed that our bodies are nothing but machines that respond to what we put into them and that's all. Like, "put in X amount of Y and you will get Z result" which ignores the "H" factor in human physiology.

And yes, I'm still reading that book about computers and cyborgs and human bodies, why do you ask?

Should I be panicking?

Today's a weird day.

I feel like I should feel much busier and panicked about time because we leave for vacation in a week. But I don't.

I do feel sad. But that's only 'cause I had this really vivid dream that the place I was living (nowhere I recognize) was flooded, the whole area was in fact, but it was kinda beautiful with the water all around (that's weird). The flooding separated me from my family, and although I 'knew' in the dream they were fine, I felt alone and adrift (couldn't resist that pun) and I woke up feeling incredibly sad about the whole thing.

I'm jealous of people who say they don't remember their dreams. I don't always remember all the details of my dreams, and sometimes the things that happen in them don't make any sense at all, but I often awake in the grip of very powerful emotions that they've evoked. (It's a bit like the way a good movie or book can affect you by eliciting an emotion that then stays with you, even after you put the book down or the movie stops.) These emotions are often very powerful though, and it colours the rest of my day.

Anyway, I've got a list of things to do over this next week. It's not long, which I think is why I'm not panicking about it, but some of the things on it, like shopping, could take a very long time to do, which is why I feel like I should be panicking. But like I said, I'm not, which makes me feel like I'm forgetting something important that will give me good reason to panic.

That's just perverse.

And why do I always look at the "panicking" and think it's misspelled?

Thursday, December 15, 2005

This isn't putting me in the holiday spirit

I'm getting sick. After being sick only three weeks ago, I'm starting to feel horrible again.

I can only assume it has to do with the stress of the exams.

And maybe with being dragged out of the house in the middle of the night. Night before last, I awoke at 4:30 am to the sound of my neighbor yelling her head off. Her toilet sprung a leak and she couldn't figure out how to make it stop, so she just started yelling (all it needed was to turn off the knob at the back to stop the water). Disturbing part was that she didn't recognize me as the neighbor when I went over but dragged me in anyway to fix it. I don't think someone who is getting that old, who becomes immobilized at the sight of damaged plumbing and isn't capable of remembering what the neighbors look like even after several encounters, should necessarily be living all alone. And sharing a wall with other people. This time it was water, what if next time it's fire?

I know assisted living isn't an inexpensive option, but it exists for a reason. There at least, the person who has to come turn the water off in the middle of the night is hired for the job based on their qualifications to handle the situation. I'm just the neighbor trying to sleep.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Wandering through the maze also known as the junkheap of my mind

I've been reading this interesting book, How We Became Posthuman by N. Katherine Hayles but I must admit that it's really slow going, because I keep stopping to think about the implications of her argument. Now, I know that sounds weird - of course I realize that one of the aims of this academic game is to think about the stuff we read - I drill this into my students for gods' sakes! But this one is getting me thinking after every second or third page, often involving long digressions into thinking about past research projects, current ones, and even my teaching (which feels REALLY odd since all I get to teach is Comp!)

For example, this comparison of books and the human body stopped me for a while:
Once encoding in the material base has taken place, it cannot easily be changed. Print and proteins in this sense have more in common with each other than with magnetic encodings, which can be erased and rewritten simply by changing the polarities.

It reminded me of a favored argument that my students liked to make the couple of times I taught Jorge Louis Borges' short story, "The Library of Babel". If you don't want to read the story, the premise is that the entire world is a library and that within this library, there are an infinite number of books. From this a 'librarian' observed that all the books, no matter how diverse they might be, are made up of the same elements: the space, the period, the comma, the twenty-two letters of the alphabet. He also alleged a fact which travelers have confirmed: In the vast Library there are no two identical books. From these two incontrovertible premises he deduced that the Library is total and that its shelves register all the possible combinations of the twenty-odd orthographical symbols. You can already see how this starts to sound like DNA and people, right? Well, it continues on with fanatics destroying books, pilgimages, the rumors of the perfect librarian, "The Man of the Book" and such. My students loved the idea that the books were people and though it's a slightly reductive argument (what then are the librarians for example?), it got them thinking, which frankly, is sometimes hard to generate in these classes!

The other thing that quotation got me thinking about is translation or adaptation, you know, when books get made into movies, movies into books, movies into video games, video games into comics, comics into movies... well, the list goes on and on, right? That's another thing we worked on a bit in the class that's just wrapped up at the end of the term here: "Constructing Narratives Across Media". Although we didn't look specifically at any adaptations, we did question the way the structure or form of a narrative affected the possibilities for representation.

One of the most effective ways of getting students to think about how the media in which art is created affects the kinds of stories it can tell (or at least the way it can tell them) is to get them to talk through how a scene from a book would look if you had to put it to film, or vice versa. The translation of a film scene to writing is actually slightly easier for them to envisage, so I often get them to write out a scene from the film we watch. It gets them thinking about how the media structures the kind of story they can tell.

Which of course led me to one of my current/former projects (I haven't decided whether I'm going to follow up on it or drop it) about the palimpsest. When texts used to be written on vellum, if you wanted to reuse the piece of sheep skin for something else, you had to actually scrape off the top layer where the ink penetrated to get a clean surface. Problem is, it's pretty much impossible to do that (try scraping the ink off a thick piece of paper) - you get most of it, but there are still often shadows or impressions left by the previous writing. The palimpsest. I used the image to argue in a paper that a writer trying to rewrite myth for new purposes had to contend with these shadows that cannot be fully erased.

What does this have to do with becoming posthuman? In the quote, Hayles talks about the magnetic strip that can be erased and re-recorded. As far as I know, there is no kind of ghost in the machine thing that happens with erasing a disk and rewriting it - it's a complete wipe and no trace of what was once on there is left to contaminate whatever is overwritten in the way the palimpsest affects subsequent writing. Even the language makes that evident - simply reverse the polarity - the orientation one might say - and everything that came before is now gone.

This kind of complete erasure is unique in the history of human development both of print and within the human body itself. The palimpsest of early written texts shows through when you try to do something new with the vellum. The human body isn't a perfect system built custom made from the ground up - we're an accumulation of mutations that modified already existing systems, thus, as well as the human body does work for us, there are parts of it that certainly could be more efficient if one were to start from the beginning - knee caps for example, do a good enough job in most cases of protecting the joint they're supposed to, but the number of ACL reconstructive surgeries performed every year leads one to wonder what a custom designed knee could look like. That's a flight of fantasy now, isn't it? Not used to thinking of the human body as custom made.

Or erasable. Which is why the idea of the magnetic recording device is so alien, so posthuman. Hayles argument moves into a discussion of signification in Neuromancer which now makes me want to reread the book, and also leads me into considering Pattern Recognition and some of the discussions we've been having over at Read, Think, Write, particularly Beatrice's question about Cayce's Sartrean type of nausea (which I'm still trying to fully suss out myself).

You see why it's taking me forever to read this book? A simple statement noting the difference between embodiment and the electronic text has me wandering through pedagogical technique, a revisionist archetypal critique paper, evolutionary theory (I just did finish reading parts of The Origin of Species last month) and finally to book club and cyberpunk. At this rate, I'll get to my next exam sometime in 2007.

Still getting by

So, what's been happening you wonder?

Well, I wrote my exam - it's over, but I'm not feeling as confident about it as I did the first one, which I hope does not mean problems for me.

I've done absolutely nothing intellectually stimulating since Friday.

I've marked all my students' papers - and while it requires concentration, I wouldn't classify it as intellectual, hence I am not contradicting myself.

Not much else going on around here. I'm looking forward to the break, but for it to really feel like a break, I think I'll need to get some serious work done before then, so that it actually feels like a break from work.

Pathetic post really.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

I wonder where this will go?

Got lots of questions, and I'll be curious to see what happens after this event:

US air marshalls kill bomb alert passenger

Killing a mentally ill man, for making a bomb threat strikes me as a bit extreme. Incapacitating a man who might have a bomb: yes. Firing 4-5 shots, at least one of which is fatal: necessary? I wonder. Considering that "The air marshals say they are held to higher standards of handgun accuracy than officers of any other federal law enforcement agency. "Historically, the air marshals have been known as the best shots," said Joseph Gutheinz, a former military pilot and retired agent in NASA's inspector general office" one would assume that the fatal shots were indeed intentional. Which makes me wonder whether such deadly force was necessary in this case.

I'm not at the scene. I'm not trained in these kinds of things. There may be details that aren't being reported right now that will emerge later. But my first reaction is shock at the level of response in this incident.

It's the little things

Yep, as predicted, all those little things I had to get done have worn me out. Probably doesn't help that I ate shitty take-out food for lunch because I went suddenly from content to ravenous in about fifteen minutes. Which is why I made the mistake of thinking spicy food would be a good idea - usually, not a problem - when I'm worried, yes, it becomes a problem.

I cannot wait for Friday afternoon to arrive!

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Brain drain

I just finished writing out a practice question for the exam on Friday. I hit most of the points I had on my outline - but forgot a couple of books and one character's name (I called him Alex instead of Rex... probably 'cause Alex is a much nicer name), so if I spend the next couple of days tweaking the outline and memorizing it, I'll be good for that one question.

There are three more though. I had hoped to practice write one more tonight, but I'm feeling really drained right now, so I'm going to put it off till tomorrow. Which means I'll need to practice at least two of them tomorrow. Which usually wouldn't be a problem, but in addition to going in to teach, I also have a bunch of stupid little errands that can't be put off till next week, so I'll be walking around to them as well tomorrow. Which sucks. I hope it doesn't snow or rain tomorrow since I have to do this, but I guess looking on the bright side, it doesn't matter that I don't have time for the gym 'cause at least I'll be doing a bunch of walking.

Monday, December 05, 2005

I'm a bad blogger

I've thought of so many blog posts over the last week that I just haven't posted. And I really should blog the kick-ass Disturbed concert on Saturday.

But I'm so anxious about this exam, worried I'll run out of time... or brain cells... It's a different kind of anxiety than the first one. The first one, I was just anxious because I wasn't sure what to expect. This one, I'm anxious because I know what to expect and don't think I'm up to it.

Hey, you know, that's about how I felt about childbirth. The first one, I didn't know what labour would be like, so I was nervous. The second one, I knew what it was like and was nervous because of that! But that means good news for the third exam - during third labour I felt like I was getting the hang of it... and I had nitrous! ooohhhh wouldn't comprehensive exams go so much better with nitrous? ... maybe I'll need to find someone who can prescribe it... hey, wait a sec! I think I know just the person!

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Sometimes I just need some f2f time

Today, I was in a right royally annoyed mood arriving at school. Nope, nothing spectacularly horrible happened - that was the problem - it was just the usual too much to do, having to do things the hard way, lots of little things to keep track of, waiting for other people to do their thing, kind of stuff. Annoyed. Not pissed off, just annoyed.

But then I spoke to two friends who I saw while I was there.

And I went home feeling happy, and yes, I'll say it, near blissful. ahhhhhhhhh