Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Devious, yet depressing

So, youngest daughter walked into the room while hubby & I were talking & I said to her, "Tell D what you and your sister's got for me for Christmas so he doesn't get the same stuff" and she almost did! hehehe... she caught herself in time though. I guess that's one of the problems with them growing up - it's harder to catch them up on these things!

Apparently I'm a rather depressing book though....
1984
George Orwell: Nineteen Eighty-Four. You are the
classic warning against the threat of
totalitarianism. To you, politics and
philosophy are inseparable, auchtorities suck
and the reality might not exist outside our
imaginations.


Which literature classic are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Inadvertent gift

Just got an email from the woman who does class scheduling for us - she's taken away my 8 am class and replaced it with a noon class for next term. How nice.

Monday, December 19, 2005

He's got a point

We need to begin by casting doubt on the legitimacy of the notion of literature. The mere fact that the word exists, or that an academic institution has been built around it, does not mean that the thing itself is self-evident.

Tzvetan Todorov, Genres in Discourse

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Saved from embarassment... again!

So I went to a holiday party last night, even though it was the only night ALL season long that I was gonna get to see the Flames on tv ('cause they were playing the Bruins of course). The party was so worth it!

I joked that I would only come to the party if I could turn the tv on, but once there (with daughter at home watching & taping the game for me after hubby persevered in figuring out why the VCR wasn't taping - moment of panic!) I decided it would certainly be better to avoid sharing with all my friends my hockey watching behaviour.

Let's just say, I make many non-linguistic vocalizations.

Oldest daughter has threatened to tape me and play it back for my her amusement. I watch her very carefully anytime she comes into the room while I'm watching in order to detect any suspicious bulges in her pockets, you can be sure!

But what a game! OMG! That 2 minute window in the first period was amazing! 3 goals in less than 2 minutes - what a way to start the game! Sure, the second period lagged, but the fast pace of the third one made up for it. And what a nice way to start a Sunday morning, watching hockey. I think they should change hockey games to Sunday mornings just for that reason, because it's really rather a delightful way to start your day.

And thanks to my patience, it is only my family who heard me "cheer" the game last night.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Partial reporting

According to this recent study, I'm right on track - although I drink on a fairly regular basis, it's usually not more than a couple of drinks in any given day.

But, I really have got to say it's an awful report. I don't know whether it was the researchers, or the reporter, but the "news" isn't very well researched. It left me with a lot of questions. Like whether or not they considered sociological or psychological factors.

The report indicates that moderate drinkers were 54% less likely to be obese than teetotalers. But heavy drinkers are 46% more likely to be obese than non-drinkers, with binge drinkers even more likely to be obese.

Ummm, I'm no scientist, but I hardly find it surprising that someone who engages in binge drinking might also be obese, particularly since overeating and binge behaviors are both strongly correlated with low self esteem and even depression. But there's no mention whatsoever in the report about potential social or psychological factors contributing to the trend. It's written as if the writer (again, I don't know if it's the reporter or the authors of the report) believed that our bodies are nothing but machines that respond to what we put into them and that's all. Like, "put in X amount of Y and you will get Z result" which ignores the "H" factor in human physiology.

And yes, I'm still reading that book about computers and cyborgs and human bodies, why do you ask?

Should I be panicking?

Today's a weird day.

I feel like I should feel much busier and panicked about time because we leave for vacation in a week. But I don't.

I do feel sad. But that's only 'cause I had this really vivid dream that the place I was living (nowhere I recognize) was flooded, the whole area was in fact, but it was kinda beautiful with the water all around (that's weird). The flooding separated me from my family, and although I 'knew' in the dream they were fine, I felt alone and adrift (couldn't resist that pun) and I woke up feeling incredibly sad about the whole thing.

I'm jealous of people who say they don't remember their dreams. I don't always remember all the details of my dreams, and sometimes the things that happen in them don't make any sense at all, but I often awake in the grip of very powerful emotions that they've evoked. (It's a bit like the way a good movie or book can affect you by eliciting an emotion that then stays with you, even after you put the book down or the movie stops.) These emotions are often very powerful though, and it colours the rest of my day.

Anyway, I've got a list of things to do over this next week. It's not long, which I think is why I'm not panicking about it, but some of the things on it, like shopping, could take a very long time to do, which is why I feel like I should be panicking. But like I said, I'm not, which makes me feel like I'm forgetting something important that will give me good reason to panic.

That's just perverse.

And why do I always look at the "panicking" and think it's misspelled?

Thursday, December 15, 2005

This isn't putting me in the holiday spirit

I'm getting sick. After being sick only three weeks ago, I'm starting to feel horrible again.

I can only assume it has to do with the stress of the exams.

And maybe with being dragged out of the house in the middle of the night. Night before last, I awoke at 4:30 am to the sound of my neighbor yelling her head off. Her toilet sprung a leak and she couldn't figure out how to make it stop, so she just started yelling (all it needed was to turn off the knob at the back to stop the water). Disturbing part was that she didn't recognize me as the neighbor when I went over but dragged me in anyway to fix it. I don't think someone who is getting that old, who becomes immobilized at the sight of damaged plumbing and isn't capable of remembering what the neighbors look like even after several encounters, should necessarily be living all alone. And sharing a wall with other people. This time it was water, what if next time it's fire?

I know assisted living isn't an inexpensive option, but it exists for a reason. There at least, the person who has to come turn the water off in the middle of the night is hired for the job based on their qualifications to handle the situation. I'm just the neighbor trying to sleep.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Wandering through the maze also known as the junkheap of my mind

I've been reading this interesting book, How We Became Posthuman by N. Katherine Hayles but I must admit that it's really slow going, because I keep stopping to think about the implications of her argument. Now, I know that sounds weird - of course I realize that one of the aims of this academic game is to think about the stuff we read - I drill this into my students for gods' sakes! But this one is getting me thinking after every second or third page, often involving long digressions into thinking about past research projects, current ones, and even my teaching (which feels REALLY odd since all I get to teach is Comp!)

For example, this comparison of books and the human body stopped me for a while:
Once encoding in the material base has taken place, it cannot easily be changed. Print and proteins in this sense have more in common with each other than with magnetic encodings, which can be erased and rewritten simply by changing the polarities.

It reminded me of a favored argument that my students liked to make the couple of times I taught Jorge Louis Borges' short story, "The Library of Babel". If you don't want to read the story, the premise is that the entire world is a library and that within this library, there are an infinite number of books. From this a 'librarian' observed that all the books, no matter how diverse they might be, are made up of the same elements: the space, the period, the comma, the twenty-two letters of the alphabet. He also alleged a fact which travelers have confirmed: In the vast Library there are no two identical books. From these two incontrovertible premises he deduced that the Library is total and that its shelves register all the possible combinations of the twenty-odd orthographical symbols. You can already see how this starts to sound like DNA and people, right? Well, it continues on with fanatics destroying books, pilgimages, the rumors of the perfect librarian, "The Man of the Book" and such. My students loved the idea that the books were people and though it's a slightly reductive argument (what then are the librarians for example?), it got them thinking, which frankly, is sometimes hard to generate in these classes!

The other thing that quotation got me thinking about is translation or adaptation, you know, when books get made into movies, movies into books, movies into video games, video games into comics, comics into movies... well, the list goes on and on, right? That's another thing we worked on a bit in the class that's just wrapped up at the end of the term here: "Constructing Narratives Across Media". Although we didn't look specifically at any adaptations, we did question the way the structure or form of a narrative affected the possibilities for representation.

One of the most effective ways of getting students to think about how the media in which art is created affects the kinds of stories it can tell (or at least the way it can tell them) is to get them to talk through how a scene from a book would look if you had to put it to film, or vice versa. The translation of a film scene to writing is actually slightly easier for them to envisage, so I often get them to write out a scene from the film we watch. It gets them thinking about how the media structures the kind of story they can tell.

Which of course led me to one of my current/former projects (I haven't decided whether I'm going to follow up on it or drop it) about the palimpsest. When texts used to be written on vellum, if you wanted to reuse the piece of sheep skin for something else, you had to actually scrape off the top layer where the ink penetrated to get a clean surface. Problem is, it's pretty much impossible to do that (try scraping the ink off a thick piece of paper) - you get most of it, but there are still often shadows or impressions left by the previous writing. The palimpsest. I used the image to argue in a paper that a writer trying to rewrite myth for new purposes had to contend with these shadows that cannot be fully erased.

What does this have to do with becoming posthuman? In the quote, Hayles talks about the magnetic strip that can be erased and re-recorded. As far as I know, there is no kind of ghost in the machine thing that happens with erasing a disk and rewriting it - it's a complete wipe and no trace of what was once on there is left to contaminate whatever is overwritten in the way the palimpsest affects subsequent writing. Even the language makes that evident - simply reverse the polarity - the orientation one might say - and everything that came before is now gone.

This kind of complete erasure is unique in the history of human development both of print and within the human body itself. The palimpsest of early written texts shows through when you try to do something new with the vellum. The human body isn't a perfect system built custom made from the ground up - we're an accumulation of mutations that modified already existing systems, thus, as well as the human body does work for us, there are parts of it that certainly could be more efficient if one were to start from the beginning - knee caps for example, do a good enough job in most cases of protecting the joint they're supposed to, but the number of ACL reconstructive surgeries performed every year leads one to wonder what a custom designed knee could look like. That's a flight of fantasy now, isn't it? Not used to thinking of the human body as custom made.

Or erasable. Which is why the idea of the magnetic recording device is so alien, so posthuman. Hayles argument moves into a discussion of signification in Neuromancer which now makes me want to reread the book, and also leads me into considering Pattern Recognition and some of the discussions we've been having over at Read, Think, Write, particularly Beatrice's question about Cayce's Sartrean type of nausea (which I'm still trying to fully suss out myself).

You see why it's taking me forever to read this book? A simple statement noting the difference between embodiment and the electronic text has me wandering through pedagogical technique, a revisionist archetypal critique paper, evolutionary theory (I just did finish reading parts of The Origin of Species last month) and finally to book club and cyberpunk. At this rate, I'll get to my next exam sometime in 2007.

Still getting by

So, what's been happening you wonder?

Well, I wrote my exam - it's over, but I'm not feeling as confident about it as I did the first one, which I hope does not mean problems for me.

I've done absolutely nothing intellectually stimulating since Friday.

I've marked all my students' papers - and while it requires concentration, I wouldn't classify it as intellectual, hence I am not contradicting myself.

Not much else going on around here. I'm looking forward to the break, but for it to really feel like a break, I think I'll need to get some serious work done before then, so that it actually feels like a break from work.

Pathetic post really.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

I wonder where this will go?

Got lots of questions, and I'll be curious to see what happens after this event:

US air marshalls kill bomb alert passenger

Killing a mentally ill man, for making a bomb threat strikes me as a bit extreme. Incapacitating a man who might have a bomb: yes. Firing 4-5 shots, at least one of which is fatal: necessary? I wonder. Considering that "The air marshals say they are held to higher standards of handgun accuracy than officers of any other federal law enforcement agency. "Historically, the air marshals have been known as the best shots," said Joseph Gutheinz, a former military pilot and retired agent in NASA's inspector general office" one would assume that the fatal shots were indeed intentional. Which makes me wonder whether such deadly force was necessary in this case.

I'm not at the scene. I'm not trained in these kinds of things. There may be details that aren't being reported right now that will emerge later. But my first reaction is shock at the level of response in this incident.

It's the little things

Yep, as predicted, all those little things I had to get done have worn me out. Probably doesn't help that I ate shitty take-out food for lunch because I went suddenly from content to ravenous in about fifteen minutes. Which is why I made the mistake of thinking spicy food would be a good idea - usually, not a problem - when I'm worried, yes, it becomes a problem.

I cannot wait for Friday afternoon to arrive!

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Brain drain

I just finished writing out a practice question for the exam on Friday. I hit most of the points I had on my outline - but forgot a couple of books and one character's name (I called him Alex instead of Rex... probably 'cause Alex is a much nicer name), so if I spend the next couple of days tweaking the outline and memorizing it, I'll be good for that one question.

There are three more though. I had hoped to practice write one more tonight, but I'm feeling really drained right now, so I'm going to put it off till tomorrow. Which means I'll need to practice at least two of them tomorrow. Which usually wouldn't be a problem, but in addition to going in to teach, I also have a bunch of stupid little errands that can't be put off till next week, so I'll be walking around to them as well tomorrow. Which sucks. I hope it doesn't snow or rain tomorrow since I have to do this, but I guess looking on the bright side, it doesn't matter that I don't have time for the gym 'cause at least I'll be doing a bunch of walking.

Monday, December 05, 2005

I'm a bad blogger

I've thought of so many blog posts over the last week that I just haven't posted. And I really should blog the kick-ass Disturbed concert on Saturday.

But I'm so anxious about this exam, worried I'll run out of time... or brain cells... It's a different kind of anxiety than the first one. The first one, I was just anxious because I wasn't sure what to expect. This one, I'm anxious because I know what to expect and don't think I'm up to it.

Hey, you know, that's about how I felt about childbirth. The first one, I didn't know what labour would be like, so I was nervous. The second one, I knew what it was like and was nervous because of that! But that means good news for the third exam - during third labour I felt like I was getting the hang of it... and I had nitrous! ooohhhh wouldn't comprehensive exams go so much better with nitrous? ... maybe I'll need to find someone who can prescribe it... hey, wait a sec! I think I know just the person!

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Sometimes I just need some f2f time

Today, I was in a right royally annoyed mood arriving at school. Nope, nothing spectacularly horrible happened - that was the problem - it was just the usual too much to do, having to do things the hard way, lots of little things to keep track of, waiting for other people to do their thing, kind of stuff. Annoyed. Not pissed off, just annoyed.

But then I spoke to two friends who I saw while I was there.

And I went home feeling happy, and yes, I'll say it, near blissful. ahhhhhhhhh

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

I apparently lean both to the left and to the right

...or something like that.

I lean to the left politically - okay, probably didn't have to tell you that.

But I seem to lean to the right hockey-ally.

I'll explain.

I've been listening this year - on and off - to Flames games on internet radio, since there's no way they'll broadcast them here... there's only one game that I know I'm gonna get to see on tv during the season. Anyway, listening rather than watching a hockey game requires a level of concentration I was at first unused to, and it took me a while to get the hang of it. But I did. What I realized, just tonight though, is that when I'm visualizing the game in my head, the Flames are always to the right. Kiprusoff is always tending net on the right side of the rink. Every time. Weird, eh?

Wonder what that means?

Brains and viscera

I am so fuzzy headed today! No, my hair isn't frizzy... but it feels like my brain is. I don't know why - today should be a day where I get a kick ass amount of work done. Instead, I'm finding it almost impossible to concentrate on anything... and my exam is only ten days away!

I got a good amount of sleep, am not dehydrated, and have had several cups of coffee - physiologically, there's nothing wrong. But I'm still having great difficulty concentrating.

All I can say I've accomplished all morning is to pay bills (with money I don't have) and register for a remote ballot for the next federal election. Hopefully they won't take two months to process it, or the registration will be for nought. I did find myself disturbed in a strange way by the part of the application that says that if I've been out of the country for five years, I lose my right to vote. Why? Is it presumed that I am too out of touch with the politics of the land that I have no right to decide my country's fate? Does being gone so long hurt my nation's feelings and thus it withdraws any affiliation with me? (I'm sure it will still require me to pay my taxes though...) But the idea that I'll no longer be able to participate in the political process if I stay away too long rocked my boat a bit. It's not like I lose citizenship, but I lose one of the responsibilities that citizenship entails, and that feels like a part of me is being cut off from my national identity.

Maybe I'm just overthinking this... maybe I've been reading too much about nationalism in general in preparation for these exams... but it's not just a thought experiment that's disturbing me - the thought of not being able to vote (whether I exercise that right/responsibility or not) struck me a little more viscerally. Not being a particularly political person, I wonder why it bothers me?

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Nothing between the ears

I have nothing to say. With a long weekend, and all the things I've done (none terribly exciting though) you'd think I'd have something to say. But I don't. I keep thinking about how long it's been since I posted, and feeling like I should post something for the three of you who visit regularly. But there's just nothing going on upstairs and I have nothing useful to say. Maybe this week. But nothing right now.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Yep, I'm a geek

Although I can only lay claim to reading 11 of the 20 books on the "Top 20 Geek Novels" list, I can say I've read the top 8, you know, the ones that got the highest percentage of votes... and 2 others on the list are on my shelf, waiting for the day that I pick them up and read them.

1. The HitchHiker's Guide to the Galaxy -- Douglas Adams 85%
2. Nineteen Eighty-Four -- George Orwell 79%
3. Brave New World -- Aldous Huxley 69%
4. Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? -- Philip Dick 64%
5. Neuromancer -- William Gibson 59%
6. Dune -- Frank Herbert 53%
7. I, Robot -- Isaac Asimov 52%
8. Foundation -- Isaac Asimov 47%
9. The Colour of Magic -- Terry Pratchett 46%
10. Microserfs -- Douglas Coupland 43%
11. Snow Crash -- Neal Stephenson 37%
12. Watchmen -- Alan Moore & Dave Gibbons 38%
13. Cryptonomicon -- Neal Stephenson 36%
14. Consider Phlebas -- Iain M Banks 34%
15. Stranger in a Strange Land -- Robert Heinlein 33%
16. The Man in the High Castle -- Philip K Dick 34%
17. American Gods -- Neil Gaiman 31%
18. The Diamond Age -- Neal Stephenson 27%
19. The Illuminatus! Trilogy -- Robert Shea & Robert Anton Wilson 23%
20. Trouble with Lichen - John Wyndham 21%

As an aside, I also own - not just have seen - 5 movies based on books on the list.

Any other geek's out there? How'd you fare?

Sometimes there's just no other good way of saying it

I've been reading a lot about Victorian poetry lately (that exam thingy's to blame) and realized that I really like these two poems; mostly its their poetry, but I also like the speaker's perception and use of imagery to convey what is, after all, a rather bleak outlook. Even though they were written almost a hundred years apart, they really do say the same thing... and it seems to me that this apocalyptic vision still appeals to me today in my bleaker moments.

The Kraken

Below the thunders of the upper deep;
Far, far beneath in the abysmal sea,
His ancient, dreamless, uninvaded sleep
The Kraken sleepeth: faintest sunlights flee
About his shadowy sides: above him swell
Huge sponges of millennial growth and height;
And far away into the sickly light,
From many a wondrous grot and secret cell
Unnumber'd and enormous polypi
Winnow with giant arms the slumbering green.
There hath he lain for ages and will lie
Battening upon huge seaworms in his sleep,
Until the latter fire shall heat the deep;
Then once by man and angels to be seen,
In roaring he shall rise and on the surface die.
- 1830

The Second Coming

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,

Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony steep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?
- 1920

Don't think the idea of putting these two together is solely mine. I've been reading Carol Christ's Victorian and Modern Poets, and although she doesn't juxtapose these two particular poems, she does talk about Yeats' relationship to Tennyson, something I think is certainly evident in these two poems.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Feelin' special

My friend who's getting married this summer (and I thought we were done with weddings!) just asked me to be the piano player for her wedding. Cool! I'm excited. I'm also a little nervous about it (and I think it showed in my yes) cause I don't want to mess it up. But it will be a really good excuse to dust off the keys & practice up. And it also makes me feel special and honored and all that, just to be asked.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Prophetic?

As democracy is perfected, the office represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. We move toward a lofty ideal. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.
- H. L. Mencken, in the Baltimore Sun, July 26, 1920.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Monday, November 14, 2005

Just another example of how daytime tv sucks

Last week, I had a half hour to kill and since I wasn't at home, there was really only daytime tv to amuse me... turning it on, there's Dr. Phil and I think, "this might at least be interesting".

Dr. Phil is an ass.

During a segment on dating, he had a picky woman blindfolded while she talked to three guys who she then had to decide upon - without seeing them of course. Then they brought each of the men out so she could see what they look like. But of course she's not just picky about good looks or anything - apparently she doesn't date black men and she kept trying to trip up the men she was talking to into revealing whether they were black by saying certain things (two of the guys were white and another black, as she was). When she met the black guy and said sorry you're not my type, Dr. Phil grabbed each of their hands, laid them side by side for the camera, and said "you've got something in common"

??????!

Like I said, Dr. Phil is an ass.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Here we go again

Just set the date for my second exam in early December. I'll now disappear into a hole until a desperate need for procrastination drives me back.... prob'ly won't be long!

You know the thing about the 20 words for snow that the Inuit have?

This is just too funny

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

You can call me Pavlov's dog

Everytime I sit down to mark papers, my head starts to ache and I start to feel sick... can you say psychosomatic kids?

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Gas and Wind

Furnace inspecting guy just left - said he was surprised our furnace even ran at all 'cause it's so old. Also warned us of CO levels. But we've already got that one under control.

The shelf tag for the CO detector we bought last week speaks to either the sad lack of science education in North America, or to the rather carefree use of the English language by its users, because it identified the device we were about to purchase as a CO2 detector.

I really don't think I need to be alerted each time a detector senses CO2 in the air, though perhaps some people might like that.

Presumably the same people who would like an alarm that went off everytime it detected CO2 in the air are the same people who might like hearing car alarms that go off all night long. At one point in my life, I lived down the street from a car dealership. This was in the early days of car alarms, when many of them were overly sensitive and everytime there was a major windstorm (and this was on the prairies after all) all the car alarms would go off. Got to be a nightmare during storm season. This was also the place where the most convenient road for accessing the parking lot was steep enough that at choice times in the winter, the car simply could not make it all the way up before losing traction and sliding back down the hill. Looking back, I wonder what in the hell was the attraction of the place... oh yeah... right... the rent was cheap. Ahhhh, the good ol' days of cheap rent and shabby houses. Wait a second....

Monday, November 07, 2005

Death of an Author

John Fowles has died. That's sad. I liked A Maggot, which is the only thing of his I've read (no, I haven't read The French Lieutenant's Woman) but there will be no more books from John Fowles.

However, Salman Rushdie does have a new book, and he's managed to stay alive despite all that fatwah nonsense after The Satanic Verses. It's not just media propoganda either - I can vouch that he's alive and sounding very articulate with a polished speaking voice and really quite sensible answers to audience questions... or at least he was two hours ago when I left the reading/signing for Shalimar the Clown. Now I just need time to read the book, but it looks and sounds very interesting!

Friday, November 04, 2005

Figures

You are a

Social Liberal
(83% permissive)

and an...

Economic Liberal
(18% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Socialist




Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid
Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test


You should not be the least surprised.

A Virtually Nice Day

Even though I have spoken to no other (adult) human being yet today - which, let's face it, is pretty odd for me - I've had a nice virtual day. I opened my inbox to find an email from a friend wondering how I'm doing, another from someone I haven't seen in absolutely years (which was cool), read through two sequences of emails regarding upcoming social events... one of which made me laugh right out loud... and tried composing another email to a friend who needs an answer (though it's still in draft form, 'cause it's gonna be a long one!)

I also got about 3/4 of a book of criticism read (skimmed), which makes me feel productive, and had fun burning a series of CDs of favorite songs that I've been wanting to put together for months now.

Productive and pretty fun day given that I've been squirreled away in my room... but now I need movement and fun and people or my brain & body will start to decompose right where I sit!

Monday, October 31, 2005

This makes me feel better

Apparently, being a mother has made me smarter... gee, I'd hate to think what a dumbkoff I would've been if I hadn't had kids!

Happy Halloween!

This weekend was so nicely restful... perhaps a bit too much because today it seems like there's lots of little things that I've been putting off for the last two weeks that urgently need to be done. *sigh* But that's life, right?

I've started obsessively checking my email as of last night. When I wrote my exam on Friday, my supervisor said to email it so she'd get it before Monday, which I took to mean she intended to look at it before Monday. But I haven't heard from her and it's Monday. So I'm starting to worry that this is a bad sign. I'm hoping she just had a busy weekend.

But it is certainly on my mind.

Maybe I'll go have lunch and try to take my mind off it.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Done and done

Well, obviously, the big exam is over and I survived. I actually felt pretty good while I was writing it and after (though I think feeling good after was just the lingering influence of adrenaline caused by the stress of not having enough time to say everything that I felt like I could have said).

I did almost nothing on Friday night afterwards, and then Saturday was filled with running around to soccer, SAT class, shopping, prepping food, hauling stuff over to the house where the party was actually going to be held, picking up family members from all over town and then finally starting to relax during the Halloween party itself.

Overall, it went fairly well, but we had a freak snowstorm here last night that kept a lot of people from farther away from attempting to drive in - understandably so. And my tropical costume ended up a bit chilly by the end of the night and I started putting layers on so that my costume didn't much look like a costume by the end of the night. The snow also meant that the kids couldn't do some of the activities we'd planned outside, though I think my two oldest daughters who organized and ran the kids activities did a great job of it. Kudos to them!

Now I have to mark papers that I've put aside while prepping for the test and the party - ugh - though I must say the drafts that I saw were fairly well done, so it should go quickly. Oh, and I guess I'd better buy more candy for tomorrow night too.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Countdown

Down to the last day before this exam. My memory improved slightly overnight and I've been able to remember the characters as I think of them, which is good. Now I'm trying not to worry that what I do remember will not be enough to pass the exam.

Spent the morning studying and was feeling a bit overwhelmed by everything, so I decided I would take a break (sort of) and go in to school, do some more work there before teaching, then come home and do some more - my theory is that breaks are good and necessary.

Problem is, because of the MBTA's complete and utter inability to adhere to anything remotely approaching their published schedules, it took me over two hours to get to school - thank god I'd left early! But now I've only got a few minutes between now & heading over to start up class. My plan to write out one of the questions before I teach (in about an hour, since that's the time I'll have allocated to do it during the exam) is shot. I studied the whole two hours, but the thing that pisses me off is that had I not left early, I would've been late for wherever I was going.

Riding the bus around here is an absolutely demeaning experience - there seems to be an attitude with the transit company that only low-life losers ride it. Not adhering to published schedules, which means you either wait around a lot, leave early for places because you can't trust that you'll get there in the advertised time, or be late for stuff isn't the only problem. Frankly, I really resent what this implies - that I am not worthy of the respect or consideration of the transit company. As a customer, I'm not important. My time is not important. My comfort is not important. Getting my money's worth is not important.

I've had bus drivers close the door in my face as I run up and refuse to re-open, even though I am right there and they are not moving (what's the rush, you're not on some kind of schedule or something, are you?). I've been on a bus where the air conditioning system leaked all over the rear half of the bus, and continued to leak onto the passengers who were trying to squeeze into the clean spaces - two waiters, in their white shirts who were heading to work had less-than-white crap all over their uniforms before escaping that bus. This doesn't include the countless missed transfers, missed stops, late arrivals, and even non-existent buses.

No wonder this is the land of the car - no one can trust anyone else to get them where they need to go on time.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

This can't be good

I just spent twenty minutes trying to remember the first name of an author whose book I will need to quote in all three of my exam questions. I really hope this doesn't happen during the exam!

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Stress management

Okay, just keep repeating "stress avoidance is not the same as stress management... stress avoidance is not the same as stress management... stress avoidance is not the same as stress management"

Okay, now back to work....

Friday, October 21, 2005

Exam fever

So, if you've been reading for a while, you know I started this blog while preparing to write the preliminary comprehensive exams a two years ago. Now I'm preparing for the big ones, the REAL comprehensive exams, and although it feels great to say, "I think I've read enough books that I can write this exam" the anxiety has cranked up a notch (or two or three or twenty) now that I've set a date.

Yep, this time, a week from now, I'll be frantically trying to remember everything I'm trying to review between now and then.

I'm very nervous.

I've started having trouble getting to sleep - not insomnia per se - but just trouble clearing my mind of everything to the point where I can sleep. My body's tired. My eyes are tired. But my brain's still going 100 miles an hour thinking about all the stuff I just read and worrying about whether I can put it all together during the exam. I'm seriously considering picking up drugs that will help me fall asleep, but I'm also worried about trying a drug I've never taken before at a critical time like this in case my body doesn't respond well to it.

Last night I managed to sleep without drugs through a combination of actually having someone beside me as I went to sleep (not having him around is no doubt exacerbating the not-sleeping problem) and watching the 'extras' on Land of the Dead until 12:30 in the morning. Did you know that Simon Pegg (Shaun of the Dead) had a cameo in the movie? I didn't. Never would've figured out it was him either, if they hadn't put it on the DVD.

Watching movies sure reduces the stress... at least while I'm watching. When I stop and realize how much time I just spent staring at the tv, the panic comes back though. And who said grad school couldn't be exciting?!

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

He's everywhere!

Dracula, that is... I just finished reading The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova, which is about a hunt for Dracula, and I've been reading Stoker's Dracula online as a blog.

Just now on the bus, I saw a guy with two puncture wounds complete with droplets of blood tatooed on his neck... now that's just weird!

Monday, October 17, 2005

I actually miss this life

A good friend forwarded me this article "Meet the Life Hackers" which at first glance, sounds kind of threatening since hacking disrupts the integrity of the program. But the article is all about how our work lives are 'hacked' up by interruptions in the workplace.

All this made me feel much better. I've obviously been watching too many zombie movies lately, and reading too many novels about Dracula because the title spooked me at first!

I realized as I read it, that it wasn't psychotic or strange that I missed the job I held before I started this doctoral program, even though it drove me nuts sometimes because there was just so much to do! The article explains what multitasking does to us:
The upshot is something that Linda Stone, a software executive who has worked for both Apple and Microsoft, calls "continuous partial attention": we are so busy keeping tabs on everything that we never focus on anything. This can actually be a positive feeling, inasmuch as the constant pinging [from incoming email messages] makes us feel needed and desired. The reason many interruptions seem impossible to ignore is that they are about relationships - someone, or something, is calling out to us. It is why we have such complex emotions about the chaos of the modern office, feeling alternately drained by its demands and exhilarated when we successfully surf the flood.

"It makes us feel alive," Stone says. "It's what makes us feel important. We just want to connect, connect, connect. But what happens when you take that to the extreme? You get overconnected." Sanity lies on the path down the center - if only there was some way to find it.

The article focuses on Microsoft, because it is some of their programmers who they interviewed for the article, but it notes later that many of the 'life hackers', people trying to reduce the chaos in their working lives, actually prefer Apple because of its simpler, more user-friendly designs. Microsoft has focused on performance, but from the standpoint of the program, not the user.

Microsoft had sold tens of millions of copies of its software but had never closely studied its users' rhythms of work and interruption. How long did they linger on a single document? What interrupted them while they were working, and why?

To figure this out, [Mary Czerwinski] took a handful of volunteers and installed software on their computers that would virtually shadow them all day long, recording every mouse click. She discovered that computer users were as restless as hummingbirds. On average, they juggled eight different windows at the same time - a few e-mail messages, maybe a Web page or two and a PowerPoint document. More astonishing, they would spend barely 20 seconds looking at one window before flipping to another.

Why the constant shifting? In part it was because of the basic way that today's computers are laid out. A computer screen offers very little visual real estate. It is like working at a desk so small that you can look at only a single sheet of paper at a time. A Microsoft Word document can cover almost an entire screen. Once you begin multitasking, a computer desktop very quickly becomes buried in detritus.

This is part of the reason that, when someone is interrupted, it takes 25 minutes to cycle back to the original task. Once their work becomes buried beneath a screenful of interruptions, office workers appear to literally forget what task they were originally pursuing. We do not like to think we are this flighty: we might expect that if we are, say, busily filling out some forms and are suddenly distracted by a phone call, we would quickly return to finish the job. But we don't. Researchers find that 40 percent of the time, workers wander off in a new direction when an interruption ends, distracted by the technological equivalent of shiny objects. The central danger of interruptions, Czerwinski realized, is not really the interruption at all. It is the havoc they wreak with our short-term memory: What the heck was I just doing?

How many times have you asked yourself that question? I know I have more times than I can count. So, interruptions are okay, they make us feel vitalized and in charge, but they're also inefficient, causing us to forget what it was that we were doing before we were interrupted. Part of that disruption arises because of how and when we are disrupted.

In the 1920's, the Russian scientist Bluma Zeigarnik performed an experiment that illustrated an intriguing aspect of interruptions. She had several test subjects work on jigsaw puzzles, then interrupted them at various points. She found that the ones least likely to complete the task were those who had been disrupted at the beginning. Because they hadn't had time to become mentally invested in the task, they had trouble recovering from the distraction. In contrast, those who were interrupted toward the end of the task were more likely to stay on track.

Gloria Mark compares this to the way that people work when they are "co-located" - sitting next to each other in cubicles - versus how they work when they are "distributed," each working from different locations and interacting online. She discovered that people in open-cubicle offices suffer more interruptions than those who work remotely. But they have better interruptions, because their co-workers have a social sense of what they are doing. When you work next to other people, they can sense whether you're deeply immersed, panicking or relatively free and ready to talk - and they interrupt you accordingly.

So why don't computers work this way? Instead of pinging us with e-mail and instant messages the second they arrive, our machines could store them up - to be delivered only at an optimum moment, when our brains are mostly relaxed.

One afternoon I drove across the Microsoft campus to visit a man who is trying to achieve precisely that: a computer that can read your mind. His name is Eric Horvitz, and he is one of Czerwinski's closest colleagues in the lab. For the last eight years, he has been building networks equipped with artificial intelligence (A.I.) that carefully observes a computer user's behavior and then tries to predict that sweet spot - the moment when the user will be mentally free and ready to be interrupted.

Some of the programs they're working on are really interesting, and seem to promise to maximize a worker's productivity at his or her individually attuned screen, though it appears that much of the testing has involved employees in technologically-heavy workplaces, who are very savvy about computers and probably use them quite efficiently in the first place. I'd be curious to see how that might change in a less technologically savvy workplace (such as the last one I was at - many employees did not turn their computers on till half way through the day, and there was only one machine isolated from the internal network that connected to the internet - yeah, they were paranoid and not willing to spend money on protecting the whole system).

But I still actually miss the busy office life, where I interacted with dozens of other people every day, either electronically, or in person. These days, I'm lucky if I talk to three people all day who aren't family or students (not quite the same kind of interaction). Being a grad student is such a solitary activity, I'd actually relish some interruptions once in a while!

Sunday, October 16, 2005

There I go, scaring myself again

Just sent off a message to my supervisor requesting a date for the first comprehensive exam. Ack! I don't know that I'm ready for it, but I've read everything, made some questions, and my supervisor says go for it, so here I go!

Friday, October 14, 2005

Things that go bump in the night

Heard the strangest sound last night at about 1 o'clock in the morning.

You the sound that a bug zapper makes when a bug flies into it? Well, that sound, but multiplied by about 100. The sound happened twice in a row, and since it reminded me of a bug zapper, it made me wonder just pests my neighbors might be trying to get rid of.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

The challenges of inside out

Right now I'm trying to talk about Americana with my freshmen students and getting them to try to step outside of their own country to take a look at it from another perspective. I suppose subjecting them to Jean Baudrillard's "Utopia Achieved" chapter from America might be a difficult way to do that, but with the requirements for the course, it's one of the few options that I can use to do so.

I'm discovering in part, that some of it is really hard for the usual reasons, that it's hard to see your own country for what it is, but also because many of my students know so little about their own country.

We were talking about American icons and symbols today (they watched Pulp Fiction last week, which at least gave us a starting point) and it struck me that although they're finding the Baudrillard reading difficult, an outsider's view is what it just might take to get them stretching themselves ouside their comfort zones to critically look at these icons. I've been trying to convey to them the use of the outsider's view for getting you to look beyond your assumptions, but some of them aren't buying it.

Speaking of the outsider's point of view, I ran across an interview with Neil Gaiman (and Susannah Clarke) in which he talks about how he came up with some of the ideas for American Gods, and I think he summarized the experience well.
For me, my previous adult novel, "American Gods," was very much about what happens when you're English and you come to stay in a country that you've seen in movies and on TV and think you know everything about, and suddenly you're noticing these odd little bits that nobody else notices because they grew up with it. And you think it's weird....The English grow up with pickle-flavored potato chips, so I probably wouldn't think to put them in a story.

I know for myself, even coming from a country whose popular culture is often indistinguishable from that of the U.S., that there have been times when I've been surprised by little differences, and other times when I've said something, or made reference to something that I thought was a common cultural reference, only to find out that people here don't know what I'm talking about.

Of course, most of my cultural references mean nothing to my students since I'm almost a generation older than they are, but I still think they can only begin to understand the Baudrillard essay by stepping out of their own comfortable space in order to engage with it in a way that doesn't take umbrage at the things he says in the essay. There is one student in the class who was born elsewhere, and the majority have travelled outside of the U.S., so I have hope that it will be possible to get them out of the headspace in which they simply assume that their way of life is universal, but it's just very difficult.

It will be interesting to see whether they manage to accomplish this when I get their drafts next week.

I'm such a lit geek

I'm so excited! I just got a ticket to go hear Salman Rushdie discuss his new book, Shalimar the Clown... and guess who's interviewing him... guess... Homi K. Bhabha! I almost can't believe it!

I may pay through the nose for rent living in this place, but there are compensations about living near to Harvard, like listening to these two guys together... it makes it almost worth it!

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Horror-ific weekend

Spent much of the weekend at Rock and Shock, more for the shock than the rock. Neither of us recognized any of the bands playing, and the kind of music that usually accompanies horror conventioneers isn't usually my style anyway.

It was definitely a Romero-fest, which why I was surprised that I didn't see my zombi-phile buddy there, because I first heard about it from him.

Since I've never been to a horror convention before, I was interested, not only in the offerings of the convention, but in fan watching as well. There's something about genre fans that fascinates me - the whole identificatory emulation/adoration that seems to be driven by a desire for power. What's interesting about horror fans, is that unlike sf/f fans, who identify with the hero, in order to identify with the power, the horror fan must identify with the monster. If you know me in real life, I've probably yakked about genre fans before, but this up-close and personal view gave it a new twist.

There were definitely some fun bits - we went to a few Q&A's - Day of the Dead cast, The Fog cast (original) and Land of the Dead cast + Romero, where the man said some very interesting things about the politics of Land (you can catch them on the extras section of the upcoming DVD), and the philosophy of, and I quote, "You stop killing us and we'll stop eating you" that drives the ending of the movie. And yes, he left it open ended in the hopes that there would be demand for a sequel, though the box office numbers have likely ruled that out.

We also watched the original The Fog introduced by Adrienne Barbeau (which yes, I realize I could've just gone and rented), the unrated original version (not the sanitized DVD version) of Re-Animator, which had a couple of shocking extra scenes, and the slightly longer than theatre-version of Land of the Dead that will be available on DVD next week. So overall, it was worth it. I especially appreciated being able to see Land, because when it came out, I was busy enough in the two? weeks that it actually played around here, that I didn't get to see it before it was gone.

A fun weekend, considering the weather was horrific the whole time!

Friday, October 07, 2005

Yeah, it sucks

Being poor is knowing exactly how much everything costs. Some of the things being poor is about:

Being poor is thinking $8 an hour is a really good deal.
Being poor is never buying anything someone else hasn't bought first.
Being poor is having to keep buying $800 cars because they're what you can afford, and then having the cars break down on you, because there's not an $800 car in America North America that's worth a damn.
Being poor is six dollars short on the utility bill and no way to close the gap.
Being poor is hoping the register lady will spot you the dime.
Being poor is people who have never been poor wondering why you choose to be so.
Being poor is knowing how hard it is to stop being poor.

I would add a couple of other things to the list:

Being poor is walking home from the grocery store with a backpack instead of paying $3 for a cab ride 'cause you need that money for more food.
Being poor is hating television because it's free, but it's depressing because no one on it seems to have the problems you do.
Being poor is knowing the kids will be disappointed with the gift you could afford.
Being poor means saying no to invitations because you don't want to ask how much it will cost.
Being poor is hoping the kids don't get sick enough to stay home from school.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Good friends

There's been a song running through my head for much of the day, which goes like this:

Make new friends, but keep the old
One is silver and the other gold

Yes it's short. I learnt it at camp when I was younger and we used to sing it as a round (you know, where half the people start singing the first line and the other half start the first line after the first group reaches the second one). It's nice as a round, though when it's stuck in your head, it gets a touch annoying because it's so short.

But it got me thinking about friends and being very happy for the ones I have. In the last three days, I've been offered a ride (twice), been taken out for lunch, gotten a long email detailing my friend's life, gotten invited to dinner, and had one really, funny forward sent to me.

Maybe not monumentous occasions or events, but really nice gestures from friends, of both the new and old type.

A bit of silver and a bit of gold.

To my friends, thanks for being you.

The joys of graduate school

Not only are we stacked 5 or 6 deep in our tiny offices, but now someone in an office nearby is playing some of the most god awful sentimental music and it's making it hard to concentrate.

And to think I took my walkman out of my bag this morning to make room because I didn't think I'd need it to drown out annoying noises - yeah, right...

Sunday, October 02, 2005

New Language developments at the EU

A European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English"..

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German lik zey vunted in ze forst plas.

Friday, September 30, 2005

I am no longer hideous! YES!

Babysat for friends yesterday and was surprised and happy that it went well. At one point during the young man's life, he would scream bloody murder if his mom or dad left the room, leaving him behind with me (even if I was on the other end of the room from him). Yesterday, he liked me.

Yeah, that's right... I'm now cool with the under-2 set.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Odd

Apparently, giant squid are not just the stuff of Jules Verne's imagination. Sure, their body parts have washed up on shore before, and we've seen them before, but now, apparently the first footage of a live, giant squid feeding have been captured.

A Japanese research team got the photos; "We believe this is the first time a grown giant squid has been captured on camera in its natural habitat," said Kyoichi Mori, one of the marine biologists on the project.

Interesting job these guys have.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

the latest meme

The latest meme reads something like this:

1. Go into your archive.

2. Find your 23rd post (or closest to).

3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).

4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.

My results:

"I've really enjoyed the study periods that we've had as a group and it saddens me that the kind of collaborative work that we are doing in preparing for this test is rare in the profession of my choice."

I wrote this two days before the preliminary comprehensive exam - which seems like an eternity ago - and which didn't go well for me. Perhaps I enjoyed the study sessions too much? But it got me thinking and talking about collaboration, the isolation of academia, and then into a strange tangent about co-workers and a rant about dogmatic people, about the only people who I've ever had problems getting along with.

But since writing that sentence, I've become very involved in a Grad student colloquium at school, which, while it isn't collaboration, is at least an opportunity to share the work that we're doing with our colleagues. Looking back, I've realized that's one of the things that will be a drawback for me in academia - that sense of cooperation that comes from being part of a well-run work team. I will miss that feeling. (I won't miss the equally strong but much less pleasant feeling of being part of a team that doesn't work however!)

Pseudo-procrastination

It seems ironic to me that the moment I can see the end of the comps prep in sight and actually start thinking about writing them, a whole host of other things crop up to get in the way of actually finishing off the reading so I can write.

I think it's a subconscious thing, in part 'cause I'm scared shitless of writing them and flunking.

Some of it is inevitable family stuff, and other parts of it are inevitable fixing stuff kind of stuff, but I also seem to have found so many other worthwhile academic projects to do in the meantime. One of them is a conference paper I've been wanting to write for a long time now - the urbanization of the zombie film - I keep talking about it but haven't put any serious effort into writing even an abstract, though if I want to submit it to PCA next year, I'll need to do that real soon. It grows out of an interest in representations of the city in literature and film, which is of course one of the conference papers I presented last year.

My interest in urban literature was renewed on Friday because I went to see Neil Gaiman talk, and it was his Neverwhere that got me interested in the very specific ways that place functions in literature. He's a very amusing speaker, personable and articulate, with a fabulous reading voice. I could listen to him for hours - I think the next time he does one of his own audio books, I'll pick it up.

I did miss out on the Zadie Smith reading and signing today downtown. I had wanted to go, but I also needed to fix the car, and by the time I finished what I needed to do, I'd missed the time frame for doing what I wanted to do - too bad, I really like her work too.

I can't complain though - a lot of these distractions were very pleasant, like Book Club on Sunday night and dinner with some neighbors on Saturday night. Or like listening to Margaret Cho last night - what an irreverant woman - I loved it!

I'm hoping as October approaches, the pace of commitments to other things slows down enough for me to get back on track so that these things that keep delaying me - I don't want to say that I'm procrastinating, 'cause I'm not intentionally avoiding work, but they are delaying my progress. Wish me luck!

Saturday, September 24, 2005

reading, writing & 'rithmetic

I read a blogger's response to a Globe and Mail article about Canadian universities' responses to incoming students who lacked basic English and Math skills.

The 'doctor' writes:
The "then" "than" issue is mentioned, as are concerns about organisation. I would add that students often fail at basic comprehension. Summarise? That they can often do. But assess importance of content? Mmmm, not so much.

Further examples drawn from my own students over the last 4 years. Even though they all had 80's in maths, and I flunked out of grade 11 algebra 3 times... they cannot understand how the following is true:

(.5x + x) = y Therefore: x = (2/3y). Alternately 1.5x = y Therefore x = (2/3y)

This is a fundamental point that they just can't get, and it only gets worse from there.


The blog entry ends with a call for some kind of testing to ensure students are prepared for the rigors of academia, but not for a universal SAT or GRE type of test.

Then I had the Globe and Mail's version of the same story forwarded to me, and found the differences between the two perspectives interesting.

The Globe and Mail focuses on the effect this phenomena has on schools - how the number of students accessing writing centres are up and how some schools are targeting students who lack skills with intervention to keep them succeeding in school. This sounds a lot like what we're doing here. We have an early warning system to target students in trouble in core Math and English courses, and our department has been bending over backwards trying to find ways of supporting students who are in danger of flunking out.

As a teacher, I see this all the time. There's a huge difference in some of my classes between student skill levels, and here I think the problem is exacerbated by the difference between public and private school educations.

As a parent though, I also have serious doubts about my own children's preparation for post-secondary education. The Globe & Mail article notes: "I have seen students present high school English grades in the 90s, who have not passed our simple English test. And I don't know why," said Ann Barrett, managing director of the University of Waterloo's English language proficiency program. I can attest that good grades in English (even if all my children were attaining them) are not necessarily indicators of skills in writing, let alone reading, comprehension, ability to analyze, and all the other skills that you need to develop in order to write coherent prose.

The topic seems oh-so-relevant today, as I work my way through the first batch of writing my students have probably ever done at the post-secondary level, and I generate comments like, "The assignment requires you to do something you haven't done here" or "Quotations are dropped into the essay without any connection to your own words" and so on. These are those basic skills that I assumed students would have, and I was very shocked the first term that I taught to find out that I needed to teach all these things because many of them didn't know how to do these things.

And now I have to teach my kids to do this, 'cause their teachers aren't.

Friday, September 23, 2005

Got tagged

You can find previous answers to one of these getting to know you things here, a version about books here, and a version about things I've done that you might not have here.

Welcome to the spring 2005 edition of getting to know your friends.
What you are supposed to do is copy (not forward) this entire e-mail
and paste it on to a new e-mail that you'll send.
Change all the answers so they apply to you, and then send this to a
whole bunch of people including the person who sent it to you. The
theory is that you will learn a lot of little things about your
friends, if you did not know them already.

1. What time did you get up this morning? 9:30 (I'm sick dammit!).
2. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds - I don't think I'm classy enough to pull off wearing pearls.
3. What was the last film you saw at the movies? The Exorcism of Emily Rose. I like it, but it's not The Exorcist. I think that's why I liked it.
4. What is your favorite TV show? This is a hard one. Probably toss up between That 70s Show, Family Guy, and The Daily Show.
5. What did you have for breakfast? Coffee.
6. What is your middle name? Darlene. I'm named after a dead Aunt.
7. What is your favorite cuisine? Pretty much anything I don't have to cook myself. In that category, probably pub grub... yep, like I said, I'm *real* classy.
8. What foods do you dislike? Don't like nuts.
9. What is your favorite chip flavor? Really depends on the mood... almost anything but Dill Pickle.
10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? I'm rediscovering my love of GBS.
11. What type of car do you drive? Domestic POS.
12. Favorite sandwich? Tim Horton's chicken salad. Runzas are good too.
13. What characteristics do you despise? Procrastination (without good reason)
14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you
go? Australia.
15. What color is your bathroom? Rental off-white - ugh!
16. Favorite brand of clothing? Is 'I got it on sale' a brand?
17. Where would you retire to? Cripes! I haven't even started a career yet and you're asking me where I'd retire to? I don't know if I'll ever really retire. I'm hoping to build a career where I make so many opportunities to travel and enjoy myself throughout that I'll never feel the need to really stop.
19. Favorite time of the day? Just before dawn on a warm fall day. Maybe it's my favorite 'cause I hardly ever see it!
20. What was your most memorable birthday? My 33rd. Some very good friends took me out to celebrate when I really needed it. I was feeling old, my marriage was falling apart, and they took me out, made me feel like myself again (though I don't quite look like it in the photos).
21. Where were you born? Regina, Saskatchewan.
22. Favorite sport to watch? Hockey! They're back!
23. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? Not applicable.
24. Person you expect to send it back first? I would say Beckler, but she tagged me.
25. What fabric detergent do you use? Varies - what's on sale this week?
26. Coke or Pepsi? Coke.
27. Are you a morning person or a night owl? Night owl.
28. What is your shoe size? With wide feet, it ranges from 7 1/2 for running shoes to 9 for dress sandals.
29. Do you have any pets? Nope. Last thing I need to worry about right now.
30. Any exciting news you'd like to share with your family? ??? Why would they not already know any exciting news I have? But I just saved a bunch on my car insurance...
31. What did you want to be when you were little? Depends on how little... first teacher, then pianist, then interpreter for the U.N., then photographer for National Geographic.
32. Siblings/Ages? Two sisters: 36 & 34.
33. What did you do last weekend? Belated back to school shopping, grocery shopping, watched aforementioned movie, studied... yeah, I know, pretty boring.
34. First Street address you ever had? Don't know - we moved when I was 1.
35. Family? Have my original family - mom, dad & 2 younger sisters. Have the family I made - hubby, three daughters. What more did you want from this question?
37. Favorite magazine? Dunno.
38. Favorite store to shop? second hand bookstores!
39. What's your house like? Three story condo - red brick, kinda cute. Mostly retired neighbors, so I think when our family moved in, they got a bit of a shock. Hate the yard guys though - they're really loud and annoying.
40. Favorite season? Summer.
41. Favorite Holiday? Anything with a BBQ involved.
42. Favorite Activity? Running, drinking, reading...
43. If you could build a second house anywhere, where would it be? Probably in the mountains (the Rockies that is)
44. Favorite kitchen appliance? Capuccino maker.
45. If you could play any instrument, what would it be? Since I play piano, I'm not sure of the question. I'd like to play better...
46. Sports car, mini van, or SUV? Sports car.
47. Do you believe in the after life? Yes, but not for everyone.
48. Favorite children's book? Charlotte's Web, almost any of Shel Silverstein's stuff, Where the Wild Things Are, Dr. Seuss.
49. Favorite ice cream? Chocolate mint
50. Favorite color? Red.

Okay, that took a long time. Now I need to go work.

Telecommunications suck sometimes

Usually, I'm all for email, voice mail, instant messaging... but not when people use it as a way of avoiding responding to my requests for things.

I'm starting a slow burn of annoyance at the people in my life right now who are not responding to my messages.

Just answer me, damnit! and I'll leave you alone!

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Uninspired

I should be working. I had planned to be working this morning.

But I'm really feeling unfocused and uninspired this morning. Maybe part of it has to do with the brilliance of the papers presented at the colloquium last night. I walked away from it feeling stupid in retrospect.

But part of it also is that I don't want to teach this afternoon. It will be a short class because they'll all be exhausted from finishing their drafts and the biology exam that the majority of the class also has today. I also keep looking at the clock when I do try to read because I worry that I'm going to lose track of time and be late to leave. I could leave early, but since I want to drive (what luxury!) I also can't leave too early because then I won't have enough money to plug the meter.

So I sit here frazzled, uninspired, unintelligent, feeling annoyed at my three day a week schedule, not looking forward to getting drafts, and wondering if I should try going to the gym even though my workout yesterday exhausted me.

Grrrrr.

Monday, September 19, 2005

Pins and Needles

My head's been in my ass more often than usual lately... when I start to worry about the future, that kind of thing tends to happen.

What was bugging me wasn't much, just the whole finishing school thing, no biggie, right? Problem is, I really want to finish - I've got an awful lot invested in this. And it's not just me - our whole family is invested in this joint education venture - we've worked hard to get as far as we have, we've done without things, we've gone deep deeeeep into debt, we've lived what has felt like a precarious existence for the last three years to get as far as we have.

And we're close enough now to taste it - I can actually imagine the dissertation (which is something that I haven't been able to do before) and D is entering the home stretch - he's written qualifying exams, he's completed all his course work, he's done most of the practical qualifications he needs to graduate, and will be there in less than a year.

So when I found out that my loan application had been declined, what I felt I can't quite describe - disbelief, fear, desperation, despair, anxiety - or something that was a bit of all of them, and it preoccupied my thoughts for much of the past few weeks. People who I met often said I looked tired, but I think it was just that I was worn out with trying to figure out what was wrong.

Because there was no good reason that I could see for the decision. My credit rating looks exactly the same as it did last year when I applied for the same loan (which I got), so it couldn't be that. I checked my credit record, but there was no incorrect information on there that would've affected it. It took several days to track down the information I needed to find out what was wrong, all the time, I tried not to imagine what we'd have to do if I didn't sort this out.

You know what was wrong?

When my school emailed the confirmation of enrollment to the lender, they neglected to actually fill out the form and sent it out blank. So the lender thought that meant I wasn't registered and rejected the application. But the kicker was that it took over a week to get anyone to tell me why the loan was rejected, and then another three days, four phone calls, and a personal visit to the person in charge to get them to understand that this needed to be fixed.

Now I'm sitting here with my fingers crossed, hoping that nothing else goes wrong before they get the money to me...

I hate it when I can't tell dreams from reality

Last night I dreamt I needed to send out four very important and urgent emails.

Question: Is this just a general anxiety dream and the emails are just an expression of anxiety, or did my brain insert emails into the dream because I really do need to email people and have forgotten who?

I hate it when I can't tell my dreams from my reality.

Friday, September 16, 2005

They're getting closer!

The Tim Hortons, that is... there are now 3 in Massachusetts (though none are still very close by).



The quintessential Canadian donut shop is slowly infiltrating the corner of the continent that I live in and I'm psyched (even if I don't ever order the double double). In fact, Boston could be one helluva great coffee mecca if they manage to even get to the suburbs, because then I could have either Tims or ABP anywhere I go! How ideal would that be!?

After all, who can't help but love a donut shop that's penetrated the halls of academia, with a dissertation by Steven Penfold at York U. in 1999 on the sociology of Tim Hortons: "The social life of donuts: commodity and community in postwar Canada".

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

International moments

Today, the bus driver recognized my accent, asked where I was from and told me he was from Nova Scotia.

Later in the day, I passed a man wearing a T-shirt emblazoned with "MooseJaw Saskatchewan" on the front.

Imagine that.

That's gonna be me in the back row!

I'm happy to say that I managed to get a ticket to the sold out reading by Neil Gaiman next Friday in Cambridge. This will be very cool! Coming from where I grew up, there weren't many writers stopping by town on book tours, and though I've caught a few people before, Gaiman is definitely the coolest reading I'll ever have been to!

Monday, September 12, 2005

Connections

Booker novelists have expressed outrage at Turkey's charges against author Orhan Pamuk of "public denigration of Turkish identity" for his statements about the Armenian genocide. Turkey has actually updated its penal code regarding freedom of speech in recent years to bolster its attempt to join the EU, but this charge will likely hurt them in their application.

Connections:

I live in a town in which I've been told the largest concentration of Armenians outside Armenia itself reside. There's an Armenian library in town and the anniversary of the genocide is commemorated here.

I read lots of Booker Prize winners and I value freedom of speech for everyone (even if I don't agree with what is being said - which isn't the case this time).

The first advanced writing course I taught was to international business majors, one of whom wrote about Turkey's bid to enter the EU... so I actually know a little about it, and it doesn't look like much has changed from when this student wrote about it two years ago.

Ivory Tower-itis

As I started reading this article by Thomas Benton on the death of secondhand bookstores, my first thought was, "Cambridge has the best used bookstores! That's where I always go. What's he talking about?" Then I realized that he hadn't said "Cambridge", only "in the vicinity of Harvard". Aaah! Well, that's different. 'Tis a pity that Harvard has so few used bookstores in its vicinity.

As I continued to read, the back part of my brain that's always categorizing and labelling told me this was one of those opinion pieces heavy on the nostalgia, though accepting of the fact that the world changes. Then I realized when I got to the end, that it was not nostalgic or accepting, but calling for change! A rallying of the universities to save the rapidly disappearing used bookstores!

Oh! See I was mistaken. When I read the author's statement that "Online bookstores are wonderfully convenient, particularly now that I live far from a major city. These days, I can obtain nearly any book I want, including rarities, on relatively short notice" I thought he was waxing nostalgic but only that. I guess I didn't take the "live far from a major city" part seriously since he'd already indicated that when he was at Harvard, "Two or three times a year, my long-suffering wife and I would take to the road in a rented car, traveling north to Gloucester and Newburyport in Massachusetts, Exeter and Portsmouth in New Hampshire, and Portland in Maine (being sure not to miss the Douglas N. Harding rare-book warehouse on Route 1 near Wells)" which seemed to indicate that he wasn't averse to travelling to obtain books. It also seems it paid off: "I probably acquired more than 2,000 books -- scholarly and antiquarian -- by the time I finished graduate school seven years later."

Imagine my surprise at the end when he writes, "If influential and wealthy people -- perhaps the kind who collect books themselves -- can be convinced of the importance of secondhand bookstores to an academic community, perhaps money could be found to subsidize their continuing existence in places such as Cambridge" Seems like a plan, or at the least a proposal.

I wonder who those influential book collectors might be? Hmmmm?

Sunday, September 11, 2005

The idiocy continues

The library home page at my university was recently revamped, which means menus aren't where they used to be. And it is not evident from what is on the front page what links I would need to access the OED. After several unsuccesful links, I spot the "Search" function. Of course! I'll type in "OED" and it will take me to the link.

Only the "Search" function is "Coming Soon!" - so wait, let me get this straight. You rearrange the site then don't have a working search function? THAT was a good idea!

Saturday, September 10, 2005

I like meeting new people (well, most of the time anyway)

Met the new group of doctoral students this year - there are 9 of them, which is by far the biggest class admitted in many, many years. Makes me a bit jealous - there's only two of us left from my class - they all get to go through the same stuff together at the same time. Some don't have MAs though, so they'll still be on a different track, so I guess it's not really that big a change in the numbers.

I do know I was looking forward to meeting them when I woke up yesterday morning, but then, I felt so drained (no good reason) by the time the meet 'n greet started, that I really didn't feel like being 'on' for meeting new people... you know, making nice conversation, remembering names, asking polite questions etc....

Not that I needed to worry - they were all cool and within about two minutes, I was actually enjoying the shindig. (though I would've enjoyed it even more if the department could've sprung for at least one free drink!)

The experience was a bit like I feel about teaching. Usually when I'm heading in, I'm not enthusiastic, but within a couple of minutes of starting class, I'm psyched and actually feel energized after teaching.

Same kind of thing with meeting new people. I actually worry that I'll look or sound like a dork. Which is stupid. Not because I'm not a dork. But because when I think about it, I really just don't give a damn. Well, mostly don't...

*pfft* Okay, so I do. But I also don't. And no, I DON'T need to make up my mind. I'm gonna have it both ways.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Back into the swing of things

Going to school in the morning was an odd, and slightly disorienting experience after all the movement of travelling halfway across the country and back.

The morning started well - I was psyched about the class I was teaching, looking forward to the possibility of shadowing and working with the new prof in the department, and just really sailing through on the aftereffects of several days of no work (not to say I didn't get tired during the trip - I'm exhausted - but I didn't do anything intellectual, which was a nice break!)

Unfortunately, things started going downhill pretty much as soon as I arrived at school. I had an immediate disappointment in not being able to shadow, but it was countered by a kind of schadenfreude-relief of finding out in a non-annoying kind of way that it wasn't going to happen. Then I had some bad/worrying news that I need to follow up on to try and correct. Then I went to the department meeting... though that was kind of a neutral event.

My biggest disappointment came the moment I walked into my classroom. I walked in to the tiniest classroom I've ever seen (the functional part of it is probably the size of my bedroom... which has never had thirteen people in it before) and announced "I'm here for English 111 - Constructing Narratives across Media. I hope you all are here for that too". I was rewarded by nothing but blank looks.

Apparently, the twelve people in the class who I thought had all signed up because they were psyched about studying multiple media for their comp class didn't exist. What did exist were twelve nursing students whose advisors had just scheduled them into the class - they had not selected my class because they were interested in the topic - they just ended up in my class.

That threw me for a loop, because I felt like I needed to explain what the class was about and how it was different from the regular class and how it was the same. I almost cried in frustration - if I have to teach the freshman comp, I wanted to teach students who were excited about the concept of this special topic course and motivated to talk about it and write neat papers about it.

So I'm very disappointed... and worried... I guess I just have to wait and see if the class warms up to the material and if I can fix the problem I learnt about in the morning. Wish me luck

Nebraska

Okay, so first off, I just gotta say... DAMN! this country is big! Almost as big as mine! I have car butt now from sitting in a moving vehicle for soooo long! But it was worth it!

Corn, corn, corn

There's lots of corn grown in this country... or at least in the country I travelled through. Corn and soy. Different from the endless wheat fields I'm used to seeing. But if you squint, it looks exactly the same. Felt like I was driving across Saskatchewan and Manitoba most of the time.

Nebraskan fast food

In Nebraka, there's a fast food chain, Runza's Restaurants, that make runzas. What's a runza, you ask? It's a whole bunch of ground beef with cheese wrapped in dough that's then cooked. And it's damn good - too bad there aren't any of them here 'cause they'd probably get added to my list of favorite fast food places.

The wedding

Only one word describes this wedding: beautiful. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful! They are a fabulous couple and their happiness was a delight to see. Congratulations!

We are such geeks!

At the wedding reception, when people are supposed to be drinking and having a good time, someone at our table of eight mentioned Bentham's Panopticon... and we all nodded our heads 'cause we're all geeks who've read Foucault. Sheesh! I felt the need to drink after that just 'cause we were obviously thinking too hard!

There is such a thing as too much

Six states and fourteen hours of driving is just too much: Nebraska, Iowa, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania.

Holy Toledo!

So, now I know where the expression comes from... because we decided on the way back home that we'd have dinner in Toledo. We saw the sign for the Toledo zoo - probably not a great place for dinner, so we keep driving. And driving. About ten minutes later, it dawns on us that we must've blinked real hard and missed it, 'cause there ain't no Toledo to be seen, hence "Holy Toledo! We missed it!"

State Troopers

These are scary dudes, and I really don't ever want to meet one, which is why I was really glad that I got lucky in New York with them. No, not that kind of lucky. I mean that I didn't have to talk to one of them. I was in the left lane following this dude from Kansas who wasn't going as fast as I wanted him to but wasn't moving over to the right lane to let me pass. Well, we go past a cop on the side of the road who flips his lights on just after we pass him - he's after one of us. So I back off and shift to the right lane. Kansas didn't see him or something, 'cause he kept going at the same speed. Cop pulled past me and nailed Kansas instead. I'm sure some state troopers are really nice people, but I'm happy to say I have yet to meet one!

Home again, home again, jiggedy, jig

Three thousand miles of travelling under our belts, we run into our only snag a half hour out of Boston. A tractor trailer flipped, blocking two lanes of traffic. At least that's what the radio said. I believe it, 'cause when we turned off onto a side route that would go nearby my house anyway, we say nothing but stopped traffic for a couple of miles ahead. That last half hour actually took an hour and a half - a bit of a frustration after such a long travel!

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

ROAD TRIP!

I am off to Nebraska for a wedding, so don't expect posts for a while. Three of us are driving... and yes, it's a LONG way!

You can start placing bets on survival, sanity, arrival times etc. now.

So far I've been lucky

The 'helicopter' parent phenomena is one that I've mostly managed to avoid, though I've certainly heard the stories. I remember talking to a woman who works in the Registrar's Office who fielded a call from a mother asking if she would check that her son was eating his vegetables. That's just wrong on so many counts, I don't know where to start.

But the more disturbing part about it is the consumer mentality that is creeping into higher education (particularly here in the U.S.). Going to school is seen as a rite of passage and a necessity to obtaining a good job. In a private institution like the one I teach at, the vast majority of freshman are just that "fresh" out of high school with little or no life experience to speak of. In all the freshman classes I've taught, I've only once encountered a student who hadn't come straight from high school, and he was still only 20.

With this mentality, students come to see their education as a product that can be consumed and if they've paid for it, they expect to get out of it a passing grade, an 'A', a credit, whatever it is that they've decided they should get out of it. In other words, I'm supposed to deliver whatever it is they think they are entitled to after they've paid their tuition. It's a weird attitude to encounter and it cheapens the learning experience.

If any of you ever see me acting like a helicopter parent when my kid goes off to school next year, slap me upside the head... hard, ok?

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

One more thing that can go wrong

Got an electronic memo today:

During the summer, the Office of the Registrar worked closely with Information Services to develop electronic rosters (E-Rosters) for the semester undergraduate day courses. Faculty who are assigned to teach these courses in the fall and are on the University's faculty file will have the ability to print their rosters as often as they wish until the grade sheets are generated. These E-Rosters will reflect the student add/drop activity that was processed at the close of business on the previous business day.

While I understand the rationale behind this, it fills my heart with trepidation. Before it was just that (incorrect) electronic files messed with my ability to work out or access the library. Now there's the possibility that those same kinds of mistakes will screw with my work. Great!

Monday, August 29, 2005

This might actually be enjoyable!

Since I'm going away to a wedding on Wed. night and not coming back till the day before classes start, I figured I should do some work on my course materials etc.

I'm teaching one course this term and two next term, the reverse of what is usually required of us, but I asked for the arrangement so that I would have time to write those damn exams that are still looming over my head during the fall term. Let's hope I get them written, otherwise, I'm gonna be screwed come spring term!

Anyway, the uni has decided to try and make freshman writing more interesting by creating special topic sections of the required freshman course. So I submitted a proposal and it was accepted. It was a series of sequences that I pretty much already was working with, and all but one I've already tried out and found they worked pretty well.

So anyway, I'll be teaching a freshman writing course in "Constructing Narrative Across Media" which means we get to 'read' a whole bunch of stuff that isn't just books. We'll be 'reading' painting, film, and, you guessed it, blogs! Their final project has them revisiting the work they've been doing all term, which means one option is to create a blog of their own - the last time I tried this with students, most of them 'got' it, though some of them really didn't put much effort into it.

The course is great because I get to talk about narrative, which is something I study and actually know something about. And I get to talk about film and blogs... two things I also know a little about. The only thing I don't know much about is painting, but it's the first thing we do, so it's not like the students are ready to start rebelling yet and usually works out pretty good. It also means we get a field trip to the Museum of Fine Arts across the street (another reason why it's going to be more fun than sitting in the classroom all the time).

I suspected that there might be an added benefit to the class, and there certainly was - when I logged onto the webCT for the course, I saw that I only have 12 students signed up yet! Alright! Now, sure, that could change before the term starts, but a small class would make this an even better course to teach. It's always easier to get students talking, and everyone talking, when there aren't too many people in the class.

I still need to re-read a bunch of the essays and stuff, and write at least one more assignment before the term begins, but it's looking like this could actually be a pretty cool class!

Sunday, August 28, 2005

My imagination fails me

Today while driving, I was cut off by a car pulling out of a liquor store parking lot. I was behind it for a few blocks until it turned off again... into a cemetery.

????

I fail to see the connection.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

My Private School Days

Betcha didn't know I ever went to private school, did you? But I did. The only reason I did was because my dad and mom both worked for the school, otherwise, I wonder that they ever could've afforded it.

Besides, when you live in Brasil and don't speak very good Portuguese yet, you're probably best going to a school where the language of instruction is English. So I was playing with Google Earth (which is another in a long line of useful things to do when you're procrastinating about doing the work you're supposed to), and I managed to find the school! Here's the aerial shot:



And before you get all jealous, the pool was under construction when we left. That big green space? A real futbol field. The structure at the top of the picture was the elementary/junior high classrooms and the cafeteria/administrative offices are in the light colored building next to the pool.

Now I just need to find the house we lived in!

Thursday, August 25, 2005

It's good to know your limits

How much caffeine would it take to kill me?


After 104.76 cups of Brewed Coffee, you'd be pushing up daisies

Now I know. Do you want to know your limits?

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

There and back... again

This has been a summer full of travel, well, for my family at least. I've pretty much stayed put aside from a brief foray across the border in search of comedy.

Our family hasn't been together much this summer - they've all been off here and there, back and forth, to and fro, well, you get the picture.

The day after school ended, we sent daughters 2 & 3 off on a jet plane. The next day daughter 1 left. Then nothing much happened for about a month. Then daughters 2 & 3 came back. Two days later, daughter 2 left again. Eleven days later daughter 1 came home. Two days after that daughter 2 came home. Three days later, husband left, and three more days after that, daughter 3 left again.

Today husband gets home, and then in another three days daughter 3 gets home. Four days after that I leave and by the time I get home, school starts.

So, did you manage to keep track there? I did (though I guess I can cheat cause I have the calendar with everyone's travel plans on it in front of me). That makes three days together as a family so far and four next week. In the two months of summer, we only managed to be together for a total of a week!

Is this a having teenagers kind of thing, or just my travel bug family?