More nervous than I have a right to be

On Friday I got a phone call for a job interview, and since then I've been trying to decide if I even mention it here. You see, I've got this fear that if I mention the interview, I'll jinx it, not get the job, and then feel like a big loser for not getting it.

But it's also been consuming much of my waking thoughts over the last several days. Perhaps just because something is consuming all my thoughts isn't enough reason to blog. But then again, blogging is a slightly narcissistic activity, so why isn't all-consuming-thought a good reason for a post?

Anyway, it's a one-year teaching job here in town. The thing that's freaking me out is the teaching demo. I have to prepare a 10-12 minute lesson on transitions for a first year writing class.

Sounds simple.

It is.

But I'm still a little weirded out by it. It's not like I'm nervous about the idea of teaching - I'm not. Nor is it that I don't know how to teach such a lesson - I do. I've actually planned out the lesson for within the allotted time. I'm just nervous about trying to do it in front of an audience who I KNOW aren't students. Particularly since it will be an interactive activity. I just know that the killer for the teaching demo will be if I allow myself to dwell on the fact that the "students" for this demo are the people judging whether I'm a good teacher or not!

I know students evaluate our classes, but they don't really know anything about pedagogy and, really, for all the groaning we as adjuncts might do about student evals, there isn't that much riding on them (or at least, not JUST on them).

But it's hard to teach to people who you know already know the material. Especially if you suspect they actually know the material BETTER than you do! I've done workplace training before where I've known some of the trainees already knew the material - it's an awkward experience at best.

I tell myself it doesn't matter if I don't get the job (though it would be nice). I tell myself that the interview and demo itself are great experience, since this certainly won't be the last time I do either.

But that doesn't make me any less nervous.

All I can do is keep practicing the demo and answers to sample questions. And try not too think about how much I really would like this job!