"Glacial" just seems too fast for such responsiveness

Got two job rejection letters today. Two. To which I applied, oh, seven months ago. Seven.

For goodness sake! I know that you only sent out all the rejection letters once you had a signed contract in hand with your selected candidate, but really, if I didn't make your first cut, why couldn't you have mentioned so then? That would've been what, November? maybe December?

In the real world when I worked HR, we either advertised that we would not contact unsuccessful applicants, or contacted them after we set the first interview schedule. Because, really, if you didn't make the cut the first go round, we don't really want you. We always first-interviewed 6-8 people for one position, and if you made it into that first pool, there was no guarantee you'd make it to the second interview or to an offer. But more importantly, if, for some bizarre reason, I interviewed 8 people in a first interview and found them all ill-suited to the position, I wouldn't go back to my pile. I'd repost. Now, I realize that's not quite possible in the academy because you risk losing the line if your search isn't successful, but seriously, if you went through a dozen first interviews and then selected three for campus visits, what would be the chances you would return to the original pile if none of those worked?

I'm willing to bet zero.

So, seriously people, it's almost insulting to get a letter this late in the game, like you thought I still had a chance. I'm not that dense. I got the message loud and clear when I didn't hear from you by January (and when the job wiki made it clear you'd contacted interviewees a month before that).

While we're on the topic, don't be so cheap that you send a letter that is on a photocopied sheet of your letterhead. Seriously, how much would it cost to at least use the real deal? I did. Why can't you?