I went to school yesterday not wanting to teach this semester. I walked into the classroom feeling that way. I walked out of the classroom feeling that way. I contemplated taking their first assignments home to read feeling that way. I answered e-mail from one of my students still feeling that way.

I'm sure that I remained entirely professional in the execution of my duties, but I had no enthusiasm for the task. Usually I do. Perhaps I have a bit more enthusiasm today, but it's hard to say.

I think mostly I would just love to have one semester...one little semester...out of the multitude of semesters I have completed in the last decade where all I had to worry about was being a student. Not trying to balance student and employee. I think that's why I loved the summer session I taught - because there was no conflict with a student schedule - I could just be instructor without feeling like I was stealing time away from my own studies to do so. I want to feel just like student without stealing time away from that to be the teacher.

I know I'll never be purely a student...I doubt many students ever are just that... because I have a family to also take care of, but it would be nice just to worry about family and student stuff without working-type stuff too. It's great experience, but I feel like I neither do my own work well, or my teaching well, because I'm always dividing up too little time between them.