Hindsight

Q: Is there a size limitation on the notion of a 'win-win' situation?

I've been thinking about decision making a lot lately. Part of it is because the content development I'm doing in my elearning job has a module about decision making. Another part of it comes out of that sense of displacement I felt returning to PhD city. A friend there commented that it seemed like I'd never left, which put things in perspective for me, making me realize that the weirdness that I felt was all in my head - for the people still there, it was not weird for me to be around.

What that comment also did was make me consider what how my life might look different had I stayed in PhD city instead of retreating to home-land for the dissertation writing phase of the degree.

That's when I came to the conclusion that the notion of WIN-WIN situation rarely seems to apply to the really big decisions. Little ones, like deciding on a hamburger pizza* when one person wants pizza and the other burgers for dinner are easy. Big ones... well, I just don't know.

If I had stayed, I would have regular contact with my advisor, other committee members, and other graduate students. I have no doubt that this regular contact would have been stimulating and perhaps provided me with answers/solutions to problems that I have to muddle through myself without that kind of community around.

Had I stayed, I would've continued teaching the same classes I had been, which would mean no new preps along with becoming more streamlined in my approach to those classes. This would've meant less time teaching the same amount. But it also would mean that I wouldn't have gotten to teach public speaking, or psychology, or teach at a very different institution than the one I was at in PhD city.

If I had stayed, I also would not have gotten a job like the elearning job I have, where I have learnt all kinds of new skills, and had some really interesting experiences creating the content for the programs we've put together. Then again, teaching and doing my online work take up a good deal of time during the week, so perhaps I would've made faster progress had I stayed.

We wouldn't have been able to buy a house if we'd stayed though, and it is really, really nice not to be renting anymore. So that's a plus on the moving side. But counter that with the added expense of flying across the border to attend conferences etc. (all of which are on the south side of the 49th). I had factored in the cost of flying back to PhD city as an added expense, and our higher income here and strengthening dollar have meant that the expense is manageable. But what I didn't count on is that instead of it costing me, say $300 to fly from one place to another within the U.S., it now costs me $500 or more to get across the border to these same conferences.

There are more things on both sides of the coin, and I suppose one can never know what life would've been like on the other side of things. So I'll never know what was the best decision. For my family, I think coming back was the best for them. For me, I don't know. That's why I wonder if there's such a thing as a WIN-WIN situation for such big decisions.

*If you have never had a hamburger pizza, you are missing out on one of the strangest and yet surprisingly delicious foods on the face of the earth. Yes, the first time I looked at a pizza with pickles on top, I thought the people who made it were insane. But, boy are they good!