We're off on vacation in a day or so... until then, I have a huge list of things that need to get done, so I'm busy, but then I'm looking forward to doing next to nothing for a week!
We've decided that each member of the family is responsible for researching and finding one activity to do on one of the days. So far, we've got an interesting mix of activities - can't wait to see what the last one looks like!
Catch ya later!
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Casting about
This week I sent off a chapter to my dissertation advisor, and a different one to my other committee members. So that feels good. And I've officially finished all the edits that I've gotten feedback for this summer.
But now I'm starting another chapter, and I'm casting about for a way to get into it. If you've ever seen a fly fisherman fish (or done so yourself), you know what I mean. In fly fishing, it's important to get the fly to land just right, so that it looks realistic as it sits atop the water. The more it looks like a real fly, the more likely you are to be successful in catching a fish.
What this means is that the fly fisherman will cast multiple times, until the placement looks right. The cast is always upstream so that the fly can float with the current, looking just like an insect that has landed on the water. Then the fly fisher waits, watching how the fly moves along with the flow of the water. If it doesn't look realistic, a re-cast is in order. If it looks good, the fisher lets the fly continue downstream till the line is taut and then recasts upstream again, casting until the placement looks right.
For me, starting a new chapter is a lot like fly fishing. I cast about for a way in, first trying this source, then that, contemplating if I should start with a re-read of the theory, a close reading of the primary source(s), a summary of the themes, or another chapter-specific method. What this means is that I tend to jump about a lot. I read a chapter here, another there, review some notes, jot some ideas down, and generally progress rather haphazardly. It's not that I don't know what I want to say or do in the chapter, I just don't know what I need to do to get me started.
When this happened each time I started to write the first few chapters, I got quite concerned. I figured that if I didn't know where to begin, I had no business trying to write a dissertation. Even now, I'm struggling with accepting that this is the way that I find my way into the chapter. I berate myself by comparing myself to all those (possibly imaginary) dissertators out there who sit down with a clear plan of attack for their chapter and start writing, pouring out wisdom every time they sit down at the keyboard.
I'm sure there are dissertators out there who don't need to cast about like I do. They probably finish their dissertations in a year or two, rather than the 3+ that it's taken me to write this thing (so far). But I'm not one of them. I flounder when I begin a new chapter, trying to figure out what will help me get started.
I'm not despairing. After all, I've discovered that this seems to be the way I need to work to get started writing. I tell myself it is not a colossal waste of time if it results in a successful defense at the end. But I sure am jealous of those people who don't cast about time after time before finally getting a bite worth working for!
But now I'm starting another chapter, and I'm casting about for a way to get into it. If you've ever seen a fly fisherman fish (or done so yourself), you know what I mean. In fly fishing, it's important to get the fly to land just right, so that it looks realistic as it sits atop the water. The more it looks like a real fly, the more likely you are to be successful in catching a fish.
What this means is that the fly fisherman will cast multiple times, until the placement looks right. The cast is always upstream so that the fly can float with the current, looking just like an insect that has landed on the water. Then the fly fisher waits, watching how the fly moves along with the flow of the water. If it doesn't look realistic, a re-cast is in order. If it looks good, the fisher lets the fly continue downstream till the line is taut and then recasts upstream again, casting until the placement looks right.
For me, starting a new chapter is a lot like fly fishing. I cast about for a way in, first trying this source, then that, contemplating if I should start with a re-read of the theory, a close reading of the primary source(s), a summary of the themes, or another chapter-specific method. What this means is that I tend to jump about a lot. I read a chapter here, another there, review some notes, jot some ideas down, and generally progress rather haphazardly. It's not that I don't know what I want to say or do in the chapter, I just don't know what I need to do to get me started.
When this happened each time I started to write the first few chapters, I got quite concerned. I figured that if I didn't know where to begin, I had no business trying to write a dissertation. Even now, I'm struggling with accepting that this is the way that I find my way into the chapter. I berate myself by comparing myself to all those (possibly imaginary) dissertators out there who sit down with a clear plan of attack for their chapter and start writing, pouring out wisdom every time they sit down at the keyboard.
I'm sure there are dissertators out there who don't need to cast about like I do. They probably finish their dissertations in a year or two, rather than the 3+ that it's taken me to write this thing (so far). But I'm not one of them. I flounder when I begin a new chapter, trying to figure out what will help me get started.
I'm not despairing. After all, I've discovered that this seems to be the way I need to work to get started writing. I tell myself it is not a colossal waste of time if it results in a successful defense at the end. But I sure am jealous of those people who don't cast about time after time before finally getting a bite worth working for!
Monday, August 18, 2008
Grateful
My neighbor's house burnt down last night.
Right down.
I've been lucky in life so far to not be so close to a house fire. I've been near grass fires, and even helped fight one (I was pretty young, so I don't know I did much good, but I did whatever I was told to do). But this house went up fast. The flames were shooting up 30 m above the housetop within minutes and the fire had spread to the second house before the fire trucks even got here, and they were pretty quick.
We're three houses down from the original house and two from the one that the fire spread to, but when you look out my kitchen window, you realize how close the second house it to ours. If the next house had caught, ours would've gone because we're very close on that side to our neighbors house. But it didn't. They did have some water damage through an open window, and they say their house smells of smoke like ours does - we all had our windows open; it was 30 degrees yesterday - but the damage is minimal for them, and everyone is safe. I didn't talk to the other neighbors who were involved, but the policeman we spoke to said they were fine and had called family etc.
One of the boys in the original house was slightly burned and his father had a bad gush on his arm that we helped wrap up till he could get over to the paramedics, but no one was seriously hurt. Considering how fast that house went up, that could easily have not been the case.
We were in the middle of a thunderstorm when the fire broke out, (but the rain stopped just after that unfortunately!) Since there'd been a crash of thunder that seemed very close just before the fire broke out, I assumed the house had been hit by lightning. But the paper said two teens were messing around in the garage with matches and gasoline. That would explain why I saw the 13 year old being led away in tears by a policeman.
Because we were so close, we were evacuated from the house while the fire crews worked the fire.
I had always wondered why police showed up at a fire. Fire crews and paramedics I could understand, but I never really understood why the police showed up until yesterday. They come to manage people. They were the ones who told us to get out, and they went through our house to make sure everyone was out. (We figured that out when we returned and bedroom doors that hadn't been open earlier were standing open. Good thing we followed fire protocols and left the door unlocked so they could get in to check without breaking in.)
The police also commandeered a city bus for us to sit in while we waited, got water and food for evacuees if they needed it, and kept the crowds of onlookers back. And there were crowds! We of course evacuated out the front door, and we stood about ten houses away, behind the police cordon watching for a long time. When it looked like they had the fire under control in the front, we went around the back to see what the damage was like there.
It looked a carnival or something going on.
There's a major thoroughfare running behind our house and we back onto a large parkland area (yes, it's very nice). The place was covered in people. Covered. It looked like they were all there for a festival or something. There were people sitting on the hill watching, standing on the bike path, on the boulevard, across the street, and up the road. There were people everywhere. There were also cars everywhere. The entire boulevard was covered in cars that people had parked on the grass, stopping to watch, but even though some of them had pulled over, two full lanes of traffic going one way was at a standstill. As we watched, police had to come and clear all the vehicles out of the way and then cordon off the road to allow additional rescue vehicles through.
Three hours later, with the sun down and not much to see, I could still just make out groups of people sitting on that hill watching, I don't know what, since there wasn't much left to see.
Even this morning, the place is busy with onlookers, not just the fire crews finishing up their cleanup and inspection. And even though all the news crews were out last night - hubby was interviewed and made the evening news - they are all here again this morning. It's quite the show. I understand human curiosity, but it was still surprising to see how many people spent their entire evening watching someone else's tragedy unfold. I'm just glad it was only property that was damaged. That can be fixed. People can't.
Right down.
I've been lucky in life so far to not be so close to a house fire. I've been near grass fires, and even helped fight one (I was pretty young, so I don't know I did much good, but I did whatever I was told to do). But this house went up fast. The flames were shooting up 30 m above the housetop within minutes and the fire had spread to the second house before the fire trucks even got here, and they were pretty quick.
We're three houses down from the original house and two from the one that the fire spread to, but when you look out my kitchen window, you realize how close the second house it to ours. If the next house had caught, ours would've gone because we're very close on that side to our neighbors house. But it didn't. They did have some water damage through an open window, and they say their house smells of smoke like ours does - we all had our windows open; it was 30 degrees yesterday - but the damage is minimal for them, and everyone is safe. I didn't talk to the other neighbors who were involved, but the policeman we spoke to said they were fine and had called family etc.
One of the boys in the original house was slightly burned and his father had a bad gush on his arm that we helped wrap up till he could get over to the paramedics, but no one was seriously hurt. Considering how fast that house went up, that could easily have not been the case.
We were in the middle of a thunderstorm when the fire broke out, (but the rain stopped just after that unfortunately!) Since there'd been a crash of thunder that seemed very close just before the fire broke out, I assumed the house had been hit by lightning. But the paper said two teens were messing around in the garage with matches and gasoline. That would explain why I saw the 13 year old being led away in tears by a policeman.
Because we were so close, we were evacuated from the house while the fire crews worked the fire.
I had always wondered why police showed up at a fire. Fire crews and paramedics I could understand, but I never really understood why the police showed up until yesterday. They come to manage people. They were the ones who told us to get out, and they went through our house to make sure everyone was out. (We figured that out when we returned and bedroom doors that hadn't been open earlier were standing open. Good thing we followed fire protocols and left the door unlocked so they could get in to check without breaking in.)The police also commandeered a city bus for us to sit in while we waited, got water and food for evacuees if they needed it, and kept the crowds of onlookers back. And there were crowds! We of course evacuated out the front door, and we stood about ten houses away, behind the police cordon watching for a long time. When it looked like they had the fire under control in the front, we went around the back to see what the damage was like there.
It looked a carnival or something going on.
There's a major thoroughfare running behind our house and we back onto a large parkland area (yes, it's very nice). The place was covered in people. Covered. It looked like they were all there for a festival or something. There were people sitting on the hill watching, standing on the bike path, on the boulevard, across the street, and up the road. There were people everywhere. There were also cars everywhere. The entire boulevard was covered in cars that people had parked on the grass, stopping to watch, but even though some of them had pulled over, two full lanes of traffic going one way was at a standstill. As we watched, police had to come and clear all the vehicles out of the way and then cordon off the road to allow additional rescue vehicles through.
Three hours later, with the sun down and not much to see, I could still just make out groups of people sitting on that hill watching, I don't know what, since there wasn't much left to see.
Even this morning, the place is busy with onlookers, not just the fire crews finishing up their cleanup and inspection. And even though all the news crews were out last night - hubby was interviewed and made the evening news - they are all here again this morning. It's quite the show. I understand human curiosity, but it was still surprising to see how many people spent their entire evening watching someone else's tragedy unfold. I'm just glad it was only property that was damaged. That can be fixed. People can't.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Job market search
Yesterday I made a binder of all the stuff I've been collecting about conducting an academic job search. There's a lot of information provided both by my department and out there on the web, but all of it says the same thing, and none of it answers the magic question "Will I find an academic job I like this year?"
I guess I'll only know the answer to that question by the time next year's hiring season rolls around, at which point, I'll either be moving, or preparing to do the whole thing all over again.
The more official sources talk about how the "big" list starts coming out September 15th with dossiers due in October and interviews (if you get them) at the conference in December. But the more I read, the more I realize there's a lot of hiring that goes on outside that schedule. For instance, on the Canadian academic sites, there are already a couple of listings that fit my qualifications.
But before I get to the point where I'm ready to start sending out materials, there's a lot to be done. I'd been forewarned by my lovely friend who went through this process a couple of times already, so I've started some of it, but there's still much to be done.
The dossier requires a c.v., which is up-to-date except for those two articles I edited this summer which I'll need to see if I can find a publishing ETA for. So that's pretty much done. It also requires a teaching summary of student evaluations and a teaching philosophy. My advisor likes the teaching philosophy I wrote, so that's pretty much good to go, and I just need to enter the last of the student evals. Then I just need to write cover letters for each position as I find them.
The bigger problems are the writing sample, and the letters of recommendation. Two of my committee members are willing to write letters and said so when I met with them last month. The third committee member has much less confidence in me, probably because we haven't worked together as much, and so I worry about what that letter will look like.
You see, I know that I have a very good chance of finishing on time, but because of the backlog of chapters I now have I don't know that they're convinced that I will be. And they need to indicate in their letters that they have confidence I will be finished by the time a job would start next September. So that might be a tricky negotiation.
The other concern is the writing sample. If they like your application enough to consider you for an interview, the first thing they will ask for is a writing sample. This should be about 20 pages and from the dissertation, which means I will need to do some serious editing of a selected chapter to get it to 20 pages since most of my chapters so far are in the 40-60 page range. It also has to be indicative of the kind of scholarship I'm doing, and so far, most of my writing has been in the chapters that set-up, or provide an alternate approach to the core of the dissertation's argument. Yes, for the purpose of the writing sample, this was not a good plan of action, but for the purpose of the dissertation, I think it was the perfect way to tackle the material. So if I get to the point of needing a writing sample, I'll have to do some serious scrambling. But no sense crossing that bridge till I come to it.
So I'm sitting here with a binder full of information that I'm going to hopefully fill with wonderful job opportunities that I will then apply for. I'm both nervous and excited... but mostly nervous...
I guess I'll only know the answer to that question by the time next year's hiring season rolls around, at which point, I'll either be moving, or preparing to do the whole thing all over again.
The more official sources talk about how the "big" list starts coming out September 15th with dossiers due in October and interviews (if you get them) at the conference in December. But the more I read, the more I realize there's a lot of hiring that goes on outside that schedule. For instance, on the Canadian academic sites, there are already a couple of listings that fit my qualifications.
But before I get to the point where I'm ready to start sending out materials, there's a lot to be done. I'd been forewarned by my lovely friend who went through this process a couple of times already, so I've started some of it, but there's still much to be done.
The dossier requires a c.v., which is up-to-date except for those two articles I edited this summer which I'll need to see if I can find a publishing ETA for. So that's pretty much done. It also requires a teaching summary of student evaluations and a teaching philosophy. My advisor likes the teaching philosophy I wrote, so that's pretty much good to go, and I just need to enter the last of the student evals. Then I just need to write cover letters for each position as I find them.
The bigger problems are the writing sample, and the letters of recommendation. Two of my committee members are willing to write letters and said so when I met with them last month. The third committee member has much less confidence in me, probably because we haven't worked together as much, and so I worry about what that letter will look like.
You see, I know that I have a very good chance of finishing on time, but because of the backlog of chapters I now have I don't know that they're convinced that I will be. And they need to indicate in their letters that they have confidence I will be finished by the time a job would start next September. So that might be a tricky negotiation.
The other concern is the writing sample. If they like your application enough to consider you for an interview, the first thing they will ask for is a writing sample. This should be about 20 pages and from the dissertation, which means I will need to do some serious editing of a selected chapter to get it to 20 pages since most of my chapters so far are in the 40-60 page range. It also has to be indicative of the kind of scholarship I'm doing, and so far, most of my writing has been in the chapters that set-up, or provide an alternate approach to the core of the dissertation's argument. Yes, for the purpose of the writing sample, this was not a good plan of action, but for the purpose of the dissertation, I think it was the perfect way to tackle the material. So if I get to the point of needing a writing sample, I'll have to do some serious scrambling. But no sense crossing that bridge till I come to it.
So I'm sitting here with a binder full of information that I'm going to hopefully fill with wonderful job opportunities that I will then apply for. I'm both nervous and excited... but mostly nervous...
Friday, August 15, 2008
Murata Boy, the Robot that can Ride Bicycles
So you thought it was cool when robots could walk? How about bike riding?
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
RBOC: Post-overwork edition
I have no energy for blogging coherent thoughts, so you get bullets today.
- I have just completed a HUGE content conversion job for an elearning client. It was exhausting because the content was boring and the project seemed to go on forever. But it is done. I am awaiting feedback from the client before I can proceed to the next stage. Part of me wants a response right away so I can finish it off; part of me really, really needs a break from the material!
- Shakespeare in the Park this year was unusual. We saw The Tempest last night, which had some Western touches that I think really nicely encompass the constantly shifting identity of this city. The show was sponsored by the local NHL team, yes, hockey sponsoring the arts - unusual, no? The storm in the production was provided visually and aurally by Aboriginal drummers/singers and dancers. This choice did a good job of conveying the chaos of the storm, but not the thunderous destruction of it. So it was an interesting interpretive choice. Shakespeare + Aboriginal music + hockey. Where else could you get such a combination?
- This has been the summer of editing. 2 articles and 3 chapters. It's not quite over, but I can finally see the end of it, which is a relief. I have not spent so much time just revising things at any point! I cannot wait to get back to reading and writing again!
- I had my first pedicure ever last weekend, thanks to oldest daughter's treat. Yes, I realize most women by the time they've reached my age have had at least one pedicure. But I never had. So it felt very decadent, and my toes look absolutely gorgeous now! Much better than when I do them myself. I'll have to do this again sometime...!
- We leave for family vacation in ten days and we'll be gone for another ten. I have not been on such a long vacation since hubby and I met. I do not count the two week trip to England because I spent at least a week of it in seminars and/or libraries (cool libraries, yes, but they were still libraries). And I had assignments I had to complete. So I don't count that one. We're renting a cabin on the coast and right now, we have no plans aside from the time we will arrive and the time we will leave. Awesome!
- Middle and youngest daughters leave tomorrow to visit grandparents, cousins et. al. I'd love to be going with them, but if I'm going to avoid working through the first extended family vacation we've had in ages, I will need to work like a fiend while they are gone. I'll have to find a way to get there this fall if possible.
Saturday, August 09, 2008
Beauty sometimes requires work to find it
It happens too often when you're undertaking something as large as a dissertation that to other people it sounds like it's nothing but trouble.
But that's not true.
There are times when it is beautiful.
There are times when you can see through the thick clouds out across the darkness to find something that satisfies your desire for a well turned phrase.
Like when you know there's a problem with part of a chapter and you know it needs to change but you have no idea how to do it. So you mess around with the paragraph(s), rewriting, tweaking, but all the while knowing that it isn't what you want. Hell, it isn't even good. And you get frustrated, yes, and that's usually the time when you hear it on a facebook update or in this blog.
But then, oh, then, you come across something. Maybe it's an idea that comes to you while you're washing dishes or running errands. Or you're flipping through notes or books you've read. And you get an idea. And that idea almost stops your breath because it seems just so ideal. And you fear that when you work it out, it won't be as perfect as it seems in that moment. But it's the idea that's going to fix that problem you have. Whether it fixes it beautifully, or just plain fixes it doesn't matter. The fact is, you've hit upon a solution for that problem paragraph that's been bugging you for days (maybe weeks!).
And it turns out to be exactly what you were looking for.
That's a thing of beauty.
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
Hindsight
Q: Is there a size limitation on the notion of a 'win-win' situation?
I've been thinking about decision making a lot lately. Part of it is because the content development I'm doing in my elearning job has a module about decision making. Another part of it comes out of that sense of displacement I felt returning to PhD city. A friend there commented that it seemed like I'd never left, which put things in perspective for me, making me realize that the weirdness that I felt was all in my head - for the people still there, it was not weird for me to be around.
What that comment also did was make me consider what how my life might look different had I stayed in PhD city instead of retreating to home-land for the dissertation writing phase of the degree.
That's when I came to the conclusion that the notion of WIN-WIN situation rarely seems to apply to the really big decisions. Little ones, like deciding on a hamburger pizza* when one person wants pizza and the other burgers for dinner are easy. Big ones... well, I just don't know.
If I had stayed, I would have regular contact with my advisor, other committee members, and other graduate students. I have no doubt that this regular contact would have been stimulating and perhaps provided me with answers/solutions to problems that I have to muddle through myself without that kind of community around.
Had I stayed, I would've continued teaching the same classes I had been, which would mean no new preps along with becoming more streamlined in my approach to those classes. This would've meant less time teaching the same amount. But it also would mean that I wouldn't have gotten to teach public speaking, or psychology, or teach at a very different institution than the one I was at in PhD city.
If I had stayed, I also would not have gotten a job like the elearning job I have, where I have learnt all kinds of new skills, and had some really interesting experiences creating the content for the programs we've put together. Then again, teaching and doing my online work take up a good deal of time during the week, so perhaps I would've made faster progress had I stayed.
We wouldn't have been able to buy a house if we'd stayed though, and it is really, really nice not to be renting anymore. So that's a plus on the moving side. But counter that with the added expense of flying across the border to attend conferences etc. (all of which are on the south side of the 49th). I had factored in the cost of flying back to PhD city as an added expense, and our higher income here and strengthening dollar have meant that the expense is manageable. But what I didn't count on is that instead of it costing me, say $300 to fly from one place to another within the U.S., it now costs me $500 or more to get across the border to these same conferences.
There are more things on both sides of the coin, and I suppose one can never know what life would've been like on the other side of things. So I'll never know what was the best decision. For my family, I think coming back was the best for them. For me, I don't know. That's why I wonder if there's such a thing as a WIN-WIN situation for such big decisions.
*If you have never had a hamburger pizza, you are missing out on one of the strangest and yet surprisingly delicious foods on the face of the earth. Yes, the first time I looked at a pizza with pickles on top, I thought the people who made it were insane. But, boy are they good!
I've been thinking about decision making a lot lately. Part of it is because the content development I'm doing in my elearning job has a module about decision making. Another part of it comes out of that sense of displacement I felt returning to PhD city. A friend there commented that it seemed like I'd never left, which put things in perspective for me, making me realize that the weirdness that I felt was all in my head - for the people still there, it was not weird for me to be around.
What that comment also did was make me consider what how my life might look different had I stayed in PhD city instead of retreating to home-land for the dissertation writing phase of the degree.
That's when I came to the conclusion that the notion of WIN-WIN situation rarely seems to apply to the really big decisions. Little ones, like deciding on a hamburger pizza* when one person wants pizza and the other burgers for dinner are easy. Big ones... well, I just don't know.
If I had stayed, I would have regular contact with my advisor, other committee members, and other graduate students. I have no doubt that this regular contact would have been stimulating and perhaps provided me with answers/solutions to problems that I have to muddle through myself without that kind of community around.
Had I stayed, I would've continued teaching the same classes I had been, which would mean no new preps along with becoming more streamlined in my approach to those classes. This would've meant less time teaching the same amount. But it also would mean that I wouldn't have gotten to teach public speaking, or psychology, or teach at a very different institution than the one I was at in PhD city.
If I had stayed, I also would not have gotten a job like the elearning job I have, where I have learnt all kinds of new skills, and had some really interesting experiences creating the content for the programs we've put together. Then again, teaching and doing my online work take up a good deal of time during the week, so perhaps I would've made faster progress had I stayed.
We wouldn't have been able to buy a house if we'd stayed though, and it is really, really nice not to be renting anymore. So that's a plus on the moving side. But counter that with the added expense of flying across the border to attend conferences etc. (all of which are on the south side of the 49th). I had factored in the cost of flying back to PhD city as an added expense, and our higher income here and strengthening dollar have meant that the expense is manageable. But what I didn't count on is that instead of it costing me, say $300 to fly from one place to another within the U.S., it now costs me $500 or more to get across the border to these same conferences.
There are more things on both sides of the coin, and I suppose one can never know what life would've been like on the other side of things. So I'll never know what was the best decision. For my family, I think coming back was the best for them. For me, I don't know. That's why I wonder if there's such a thing as a WIN-WIN situation for such big decisions.
*If you have never had a hamburger pizza, you are missing out on one of the strangest and yet surprisingly delicious foods on the face of the earth. Yes, the first time I looked at a pizza with pickles on top, I thought the people who made it were insane. But, boy are they good!
Friday, August 01, 2008
The difference a year can make
Remember when you were a kid, or even a teenager, and a year seemed like forever?
When you get older, it seems like the years blend into each other, which means that you don't realize how time is passing. Sometimes this means you try to do things you could 10 years ago and realize you no longer can. Sometimes it means that you look at nieces or nephews you haven't seen in a few years and try to match the image in your head with the stranger in front of you.
But a year can make a big difference.
Just a few days ago, I was in a minor panic because I had convinced myself I had not idea how to write a dissertation. All that feedback I got last month had caused me to worry that I didn't know what I was doing.
But today, I realized that although I might not know what I need to do, I'm getting closer.
I sat down today to take on the next task on my list - edit the very first chapter I wrote... over a year ago. After it was reviewed last year, I made some notes, but decided I needed to write the two chapters that precede it before editing. Now that I've finished those two chapters, I'm returning.
I still am not sure that I know what a dissertation should look like. But I do know it doesn't look what I wrote a year ago. A year ago, I was still writing what really boils down to a really, really long seminar paper. And I know now that kind of writing just won't do.
So maybe I have figured out something over the last year.
It might not be much in the grand scheme of life, but that year has made a big difference in how I see my work now. I suppose now is the time to end with some platitude about old dogs and new tricks...
When you get older, it seems like the years blend into each other, which means that you don't realize how time is passing. Sometimes this means you try to do things you could 10 years ago and realize you no longer can. Sometimes it means that you look at nieces or nephews you haven't seen in a few years and try to match the image in your head with the stranger in front of you.
But a year can make a big difference.
Just a few days ago, I was in a minor panic because I had convinced myself I had not idea how to write a dissertation. All that feedback I got last month had caused me to worry that I didn't know what I was doing.
But today, I realized that although I might not know what I need to do, I'm getting closer.
I sat down today to take on the next task on my list - edit the very first chapter I wrote... over a year ago. After it was reviewed last year, I made some notes, but decided I needed to write the two chapters that precede it before editing. Now that I've finished those two chapters, I'm returning.
I still am not sure that I know what a dissertation should look like. But I do know it doesn't look what I wrote a year ago. A year ago, I was still writing what really boils down to a really, really long seminar paper. And I know now that kind of writing just won't do.
So maybe I have figured out something over the last year.
It might not be much in the grand scheme of life, but that year has made a big difference in how I see my work now. I suppose now is the time to end with some platitude about old dogs and new tricks...
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