D-I-S-S-E-R-T-A-T-I-O-N

It still seems unreal. I was typing the word today when it hit me that it's no longer something "out there" that I'll have to do "eventually" - it's here, and I'll be working on it for the next couple of years. It's scary in a way, committing myself to one project for several years... and what I write will dictate the kind of job I am qualified to apply for when I'm done.

I think I'm beginning to understand how easy it would be to get bogged down at this stage because it just seems so hugely intimidating! It's certainly bigger than anything I've ever undertaken before, and even though I've probably written a dissertation-sized amount of seminar papers in my coursework, all this writing has to hang together in a way that seminar papers never had to.

On the other hand, I HAVE written this much before, so I know I can write that much. The quality of this work needs to be better. The chapters need to be connected in some way to each other as well. But it's also the opportunity to explore something interesting to its farthest extent, which is something not possible in a seminar. In seminars, the paper comes at the end of the term whether you're ready for it or not. Here, I can spend as much time as I want on what is interesting me, without a deadline hanging over my head.

BUT I also have to find something that is original. In the words of the university's regulations, "Each doctoral student must complete a dissertation that embodies the results of extended research and makes an original contribution to the field.This work should give evidence of the candidate ’s ability to carry out independent investigation and interpret in a logical manner the results of the research". In other words, it has to sound smart. Not to mention, it has to be something that interests me enough to work on it for the next four or five years as I write it and then (hopefully) turn it into a book (presuming I get that far...) It seems like a tall order right now. I'm trying not to despair.