WMDs

Math teacher arrested at JFK.

At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered
to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight
while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide
rule, and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez said
he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement.
The FBI is charging him with carrying weapons of math instruction.

Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Gonzalez said. "They desire average
solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in
a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and
'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined
they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with
coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used
to say, 'there are 3 sides to every triangle'."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had
wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have
given us more fingers and toes".