Isolation

When we made the decision to return home last year, I knew that writing a dissertation long distance would mean I would be more isolated from feedback and the advice/support of colleagues and advisors. I accepted this because the benefits of moving outweighed the disadvantages of it.

But I also assumed that the problems of isolation could be overcome by me if I made the effort to stay in touch. I figured that the problems would mostly arise if I didn't keep the communication lines open and keep on track.

I never really considered the possibility that my advisor or colleagues would adopt an "out of sight, out of mind" stance toward me.

But that's what's happened. It was a bit of a shock when I realized it.

Of course one of the lessons you learn in life is that there's nothing you can do to change someone else's actions. All you can do it change your response to them. My first response was a feeling of being hurt and rejected. Which of course makes it hard to contemplate continuing a relationship. While I still feel hurt by being ignored, I know the only thing I can do is to continue to make the efforts I've been making, to hold up my end of the bargain so to speak. Which I will do.

But it doesn't make the sense of isolation any easier, knowing that my communications may continue to be ignored. This is the struggle of the long distance dissertation writer I suppose. The distance makes it more evident exactly what value others place on your relationship. Perhaps it's good to know where I stand instead of assuming a support system that doesn't really exist. That way I can work to create the support system that I need.