As an optimist, I've always thought the sentiment "you can't go home again" was awfully pessimistic. Even when I moved back to the city I'd left 4 years earlier, I still retained the hope that you could indeed go home again. Sure, some of the people I had known were gone, but the city itself was still there, the restaurants that I loved, and even some new places.
But traveling back to PhD city after moving away almost 2 years ago has felt weird. Very weird. It's all recognizable. But everything has changed. Even though many of the same people are here, the relationships are all changed.
It's more than just a wall where a door used to be.
I feel like I don't belong.
And I suppose I don't. I've been so long away from all the usual activities, I suppose I shouldn't actually expect to feel like I belong. But I did. And the shock of realizing I was wrong threw me for a bit of a loop earlier this afternoon.
You CAN'T go back. Maybe it's not a bad thing. But it's definitely true.
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