Haven't blogged for a while...mostly because I've been spending most of my time wondering what heinous crimes I committed in another life that I'm paying for in this one - frankly, I thought being married to a compulsive liar who financially ruined me and continues to disappoint his children would've been enough penance for one life. For most of the week, I've felt like I must have done something really bad in a past life since I've been taking hits from almost every quarter in the past few days. With a little time, I realize that some of it maybe isn't all that bad, and I probably wouldn't have reacted so badly to each thing individually if they hadn't fallen one right on top of the other...so I've given up on wondering what evils I have committed in the past and am just trying to deal with the now.

Since most of the stuff that's been going on is out of my hands, my only option is to learn to deal with it and get on with other things. So in that spirit, I'm trying not to take it personally that my oldest daughter's nose is out of joint because I booked her a flight (with her sisters) to see her grandparents this summer, even though she's been talking about nothing else for the last few months, and it's money I really can't afford to spend. Apparently I didn't consult the princess on the 'when' of the flight, even though it was up to her grandparents 'when' they were willing/able to have them come up.

I'm also trying not to take it personally that my supervisor, even though I have discussed with her how desperate I am for funds and the limits to my employability in this country, hands a job that I had requested back in March to a couple of other students. The reason? I'm really not sure...though I suspect part of it may be because I got my s*** together and trained to teach a new class and she thought it might be overwhelming for me to do both. Ha! I'm used to being overworked...in fact, I usually don't know what to do with myself when I have extra time. My entire post-secondary education has been as a parent of 3 kids - part of it as a single parent - and last year I was working 30 hours a week downtown, TA-ing, AND writing my Master's thesis. I would prefer to be the one to decide how much work I can handle. If that's that case, it doesn't seem fair that my efforts to make myself as useful as possible in the department (to get a summer position) have come back to bite me on the ass.

And I know it's not personal when landlords repeatedly refuse to rent to a family of five...it's just really frustrating! The last one was especially annoying because I called the phone number listed for a place, and it turned out to be a real estate agent. Now normally I'm a little leery of agents because I've had ones that have been entirely unhelpful - either showing you places that are totally unsuitable, or ignoring you - but in this case, the place sounded nice enough that I thought I'd give it a try. Now I also know that many landlords have limits on the number of people, so one of the first things I mention is that I'm looking for five of us. Well, I played telephone tag with this guy for a few days, but finally we set up an appointment to meet the owner at the place. We toured the apartment (very nice apartment - palacial compared to what we're in now), figure out where all the cable hookups were, how to get the piano in etc. when the conversation turned to occupants and the landlord was horrified when I said there were five of us! She turned to the agent and said "I thought you said there were three roomates - I don't want more than three people in here" and he turns to me and echoes the same thing! What a jerk! I told him I had three children, not three roomates - what a waste of all of our time! And then on the drive home, we were both heading the same direction and he cut me off! So, needless to say, I am still leery of agents!

On top of all that are all the other usual complaints from the family, trying to teach that new course, and trying to finish a paper from last term. And now today I have a wicked headache, which not only hurts (of course!) but also makes me hesitant to go for a stress-relieving run in case the activity makes it feel worse!

I sure hope tomorrow goes better!