Post turkey blues

I figured I could take advantage of the long weekend we have to make some progress on not only reading, but rationalizing my lists for the comps. After all, aside from spending Thursday cooking, then eating and hanging out with friends who were nice enough to invite us to their Thanskgiving dinner, I had nothing planned for the weekend.

So, this is what I've got:

Things I need to do:
Develop a primary text reading list
Research secondary sources
Gather secondary sources from multiple places
Read primary and secondary texts
Submit a proposal (including reading list)
Get the proposal back with suggested changes
Resubmit proposal
If lucky, get proposal back with only minor changes
If unlucky, repeast proposal submission and changes multiple times
Do this for all three areas
Submit final proposal
Study!
Write the tests (4)

I could put a checkmark next to the first item on the list for one area, but not much more. *sigh* No wonder it's so difficult to do this in a year. Why they officially require us to do all this in a single year is beyond my comprehension.

It depresses me just thinking about it.

A little knowledge is a dangerous thing

Some folks in California got worried a while back about a substance in their community - dihydrogen monoxide - and took efforts at banning use of it in their city. According to news reports, city councillors in Aliso Viejo in Orange County almost passed a bill to ban the substance but stopped short of doing so when someone pointed out that dihydrogen monoxide was also known by another name: H20 a.k.a water.

Apparently someone in the legal department found this website calling for a ban on the material. What is funniest about the site is that aside from not providing the easily recognizable H20 formula, what they say on the site is absolutely true. For example, in a section outlining the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide, the following dangers are described:

Each year, Dihydrogen Monoxide is a known causative component in many thousands of deaths and is a major contributor to millions upon millions of dollars in damage to property and the environment. Some of the known perils of Dihydrogen Monoxide are:
Death due to accidental inhalation of DHMO, even in small quantities.
Prolonged exposure to solid DHMO causes severe tissue damage.
Excessive ingestion produces a number of unpleasant though not typically life-threatening side-effects.
DHMO is a major component of acid rain.
Gaseous DHMO can cause severe burns.
Contributes to soil erosion.
Leads to corrosion and oxidation of many metals.
Contamination of electrical systems often causes short-circuits.
Exposure decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes.
Found in biopsies of pre-cancerous tumors and lesions.
Often associated with killer cyclones in the U.S. Midwest and elsewhere.
Thermal variations in DHMO are a suspected contributor to the El Nino weather effect.

Sounds dangerous, doesn't it? I especially like the MSDS (Material Safety Data Sheet) attached to the site.
Thanks to Rob for the tip.

Once upon a time....

...long, long ago and far, far away, Michele used to go out and have fun.

At least, that's what it feels like - long ago and far away. Tried to change that last night - my supervisor's boyfriend is in a band and she invited us to hear them. They're a good bar band - played a nice mix of covers and original stuff, though my friend is convinced I was getting hit on by another band member since we of course were introduced to all of them.
She might be right.
Now there's something else that last happened long ago and far away!

Progress vs. productivity

So my output for today, even though I pretty much worked most of the day resulted in about a quarter of a page of writing. Not much in volume but I'm hoping it will help me focus and save time and energy in this whole comps exam process.

What did I write, you wonder? I'll tell you. I wrote about twenty lines which consist of two potential chapter outlines for the disseration. The dissertation! you ask, how can you be outlining your disseration already? Well, I don't quite know how, but I came to the realization that I've been reading pretty randomly and getting distracted by reading all kinds of other stuff - a bit of this, need to know some more about that, need to read more of this author, ooh that looks interesting... etc. - and at this rate, it will take me years to prepare for the comps. I need to get more organized.

So I need to focus - which is why I wrote two outlines - one would be 5 chapters and the other 8.

Have I written anything that could go into them? No! Have I read the things I'd need to to write them? Hell, no! But maybe, just maybe, I can keep my head on straight and start to make some progress on compiling a reading list. If not, well, I guess I just wasted most of today.

At least there's turkey to look forward to tomorrow.

More Good Bad

Bought a wireless card for my computer (to go with the wireless router we bought a few weeks ago when the old one went kaput) so it is super cool to be able to access internet anywhere in the house! I wonder if it extends out into the yard too? Sit in the shade, drinkin' a margarita and surfing next summer? That even beats out the grading papers by the pool!

BUT damn thing loses connection every once in a while and has to reestablish - it cut out just as I was publishing the last post. Poof! No more post.

And I'm too miffed to rewrite it, so you will forever be without my musings on its subject... not that that's a big loss or anything...

Good Bad

Bad is that I'm sick. Ugh. Makes it difficult to work or play!

Good... well, there's lots of good, but the one that I'm most impressed with is that my students are finally coming around to the third project that I assigned, the one that asks if blogging is literature, and if so, is it also art? I got their final papers yesterday, and from flipping through them, I'd say they've at least got some interesting things to say about it and it made them have to think - which is the whole point of the course!

I always give the students three options for the final project - two of the options are standard 'revise an earlier paper' kind of options, but the third one I usually try to base on one of the sequences, something that I would've had them all do if we'd had the time. This time, the third option is for them to create their own blog and then critically analyse what's going on in it (including comments) from one of the critical points of view we discussed during this last sequence. About half the class has chosen this option, so it should make for some interesting final projects at least. Interesting is good when it comes to first year papers since they all tend to sound a bit the same.

Well, she did ask for it....

Today during a meeting for all the instructors of introductory writing, the director of the writing program began by commenting that this was one of the few times we had everyone in the same room and were there any general questions, concerns or comments before we began?

One of the T.A.s stuck up his hand and said, "There are cockroaches in Holmes Hall"

It doesn't have anything to do with teaching English, but she did ask for it.

(and yes, there are cockroaches in our building - Holmes Hall - and some good stories to go with, but that's another post)

Playing with Irony

Does this post from a discussion listserv strike anyone else as ironic?

Mikel, your critique of anti-essentialism is way too
simplistic.
Ben

Good eats and seats

Had brunch at Fenway Park today in the .406 club. The food was very good (it included smoked salmon and some fabuous rolled french toast) and the view of the field was awesome (even if it is being torn up to put in a new drainage system). The guest speaker has led a very interesting life, even if sometimes he described it in a bit too much detail, but I felt a special affinity with a dentist who became VP of PR for the Red Sox, since my career has certainly taken a few right-angle turns like that as well.

Pretty nice way to spend a Sunday morning.

Book club in the evening was really nice too - I made deviled eggs (for the first time) since the women in the book brought deviled egss to their book club. (though ours of course is way cooler!)

We're going to read Charles Dicken's A Christmas Carol for next month, and maybe even catch a touring players group that's also putting it on - sounds like fun! Since it's Victorian, I can read it guilt free by also putting it on my comps reading list - so I don't have to feel like I'm taking time away from the things I have to read.

I have great friends

Just got the most fabulous email from a friend a couple of hours ago, and it picked me up after trudging home in the sleet and cold after a semi-frustrating day teaching. It was so perceptive and articulate and entertaining (and the compliment at the end was nice!) that it made my day.

Thanks! (you know who you are)

Wouldn't it be great?

Went running today for the first time in the last, oh, probably three weeks. No doubt I'll feel like an old woman tomorrow; which made the lyrics of the Great Big Sea song I was listening to even more relevant.

Consequence Free
(written by Alan Doyle / Séan McCann)

Na na na, na na neh ah na na
Oh, Na na na, na na neh ah na na

Wouldn't it be great, if no one ever got offended
Wouldn't it be great to say what's really on your mind
And I have always said, "All the rules are made for bending"
And if I let my hair down, would that be such a crime?

CHORUS:
I wanna be consequence free
I wanna be where nothing needs to matter
I wanna be consequence free
Just sing - Na na na, na na neh ah na na
Oh, Na na na, na na neh ah na na

I could really use to lose my Catholic conscience
'Cause I'm getting sick of feeling guilty all the time
I won't abuse it, yeah I've got the best intentions
For a little bit of anarchy but not the hurting kind

CHORUS

I couldn't sleep at all last night 'cause I had so much on my mind
I'd like to leave it all behind, but you know it's not that easy
Oh, for just one night

Wouldn't it be great, if the band just never ended
We could stay out late and we would never hear last call.
We wouldn't need to worry about approval or permission,
We could slip off the edge and never worry about the fall

CHORUS

What a fabulous fantasy for adults, is it not? I mean, I'm pretty sure the last time I felt consequence free was when I was about five... maybe six.

Wouldn't it be great...?

I am far too Canadian

Was told today I'm far too polite on my blog - not enough dirt or something like that.

'Fraid to say that's cause I have very little curiosity and imagination, which means I'm not usually part of any rumor mill... or if someone tells me something, I usually don't think of passing it on, which kind of defeats the purpose of scandalous rumor, doesn't it? My lack of imagination also makes my creative writing endeavours something more akin to pathetic drivel than engaging storytelling.

Those who can't... critique.

Would bitchier help? I can do bitchy. I just need to turn the self-censor off.

For example, I'm going to Calgary for Christmas but that mostly just pisses me off instead of making me glow with joy and delight because of the way I fucked up getting us there.

I'm pissed with airlines, banks, credit card companies, online booking software, and my apparent inability to pay attention when I need to. Fuckin' Air Canada, fuckin' broke ass bank account, fuckin' useless computer, fuckin' dumb ass scheduling.

How's that? Less Canadian?

It's that time again

No, not THAT time. [I have a one cramp-related post a year limit]

That is, it's that time of the semester again - the time when we have made it past the halfway mark, but there seems to be so much to do that it feels like it's impossible and you are tempted to respond to the overwhelming workload by crawing into a hole with a big bottle of vodka and not coming out till spring... or wait, maybe that's just me who would drag a bottle of vodka along... but I think the crawling into a hole part is an accurate way of describing how all students feel at this point.

I know my students are feeling it. Hell, I'm even feeling it and I'm not registered in any courses, just dealing with my own self-imposed deadlines.

The exhaustion that comes at the ten week mark isn't physical - well, at least not only physical - and it can't be solved by more coffee. Or more beer/wine/hard liquor/other mood-altering substances. Even the healthier option of exercise and plenty of water doesn't seem to do the trick. A swift kick in the ass might work. But I suspect even that would only be a temporary remedy.

Why? Why, oh why, oh why does student life have to feel like this? What perverse mind decided that fifteen weeks was an optimal time frame for educating adults? Hmmmm? It just don't work. At least not for me.

Thing is, it's really hard for me to motivate my students when I feel like my own motivation level is dragging in the dirt. How can I convince them that they need to keep at it even when they don't feel like it, when all I want to do is crawl into a hole (sans bottle even if necessary)?

ARGH!

I am SO stupid!

Okay, so, title like that, you're thinking I'm gonna tell you how I missed a deadline because I wrote down the wrong date, or walked into a door and broke a toe or something, right?

Wrong - it's much more invidious than that. Stupid might not be quite the right word, but dense or slow might do just as well.

Over a year ago, I read this book Anatomy of Criticism by Northrop Frye. In it (or at least part of it), he argues that you can understand literature only by creating a theory of literature that arises from itself, not borrowed from other disciplines like psychoanalysis, history etc. (Well, part of his argument anyway) What he finds when he turns to literature to develop a theory is that literature falls into various "modes": tragic, comic, ironic, mythic and romantic. These are ways that the story gets told. For example, a tragedy written in romantic mode will have the god/supernatural hero die (e.g. Beowulf, Roland - yes, the one I'm writing about). Seemed pretty straightforward to me. Even used the book in, not one, but TWO papers last year. Always read other people's work that talked about Frye's "modes" as different from other writer's use of "genres".

Just now, as I was reading an excerpt from The Rise of the Novel, it finally dawned on me HOW modes are different from genres. A year after reading Frye. Only after reading someone else (who doesn't even mention Frye). After using his work in two papers. NOW I finally get it. DUH! How stupid is that? Modes are more about what happens, and genres about how it happens (not necessarily just structurally, but the details through which the author presents the story) - roughly speaking.

apology If that didn't make sense to you, it's okay. Hell, it took me a year to get it, and I was reading someone who knows how to write. It was just such an epiphanic moment, I had to write it down.

More election response - I am amused

Got this in an email yesterday - I think it's just all around better this way, don't you (well, except for the part about declaring war on Quebec - a bit too close to home for me)?

Notice to Americans of Revocation of Independence from the Government of
Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II



To the citizens of the United States of America: In the light of your
failure to elect a sane President of the USA and thus to govern
yourselves with consideration for the rest of world, we hereby give
notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which
she does not fancy.

Your new prime minister (The Rt Hon, Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of
you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your
borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for
further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be
circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
rules are introduced with immediate effect

You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then
look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed
at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should
raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using
the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as
"like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
communication. Look up interspersed".

There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on
your behalf.
Arrest Mel Gibson for treason.
You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen",
but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get
confused and give up half way through.

You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of
football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good
game.

The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your
borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You
will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper
football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It
is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be
allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does
not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full
Kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at
least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.
Stop referring to the "World Series" of Baseball and instead call it the
"USA, Cuba and Japan Championship."
Learn to enjoy warm flat beer and steak and kidney pudding. Train
waitresses to be more aggressive with customers and not to tell you
their names before you eat.

You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if
they give you any merde.

The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your
borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the
bad guys. "Merde" is French for "sh*t". July 4th is no longer a public
holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in
England. It will be called "Indecisive Day." Driving on the left is now
compulsory - recall all cars to effect the change immediately.

Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to

ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).
Thank you for your cooperation and...Have a nice day!


And while we're at it, we should redraw the map of North America:

Who wants to marry an American?

Okay, so I'll admit it. Even though my students might be thoroughly disgusted with their weblog paper, their reports have provided me with some very amusing links.

Apparently, some concerned and generous Canadians are willing to save liberal Americans by marrying them and bringing them north of the border - check out the pledge!

Woes

Woes list:
1. Blogger hates me... at least it has for the last few days. This is the first time I've been able to access my blog recently. Hence, no posts lately.
2. My freshmen class began a writing project on blogs. They seem to be alternately hating it/confused by it. I don't know why.
3. The crazy man is back for another 4 years.
4. This might be a bad thing for international students.
5. There's a cold wind blowing today that reminds me that the windows in my house suck ass. And it's gonna be a cold winter.
6. Daylight savings kicked in which means it's now dark at 4 pm. Depressing for those of us who prefer evenings to mornings.
7. After getting so close to catching up that I could taste victory, I am again two weeks behind in my reading list.
8. I still haven't made any progress on the paper that I started revising in April.
9. I also still have 2 of the 3 things on my New Year's resolution list to accomplish - and it's now November.
10. Did I mention that the crazy man is back for another four years? That's not only depressing, but a little scary.