Vacation

I need a vacation. I'm so tired of working.

I've had two people in the same number of days tell me that I'm not looking or acting like myself lately.

And I know they're right. I feel like some kind of bizarre reading-machine that just takes in and takes in and takes in, compiling, and collecting little bits of information, collating them and filing them away into little corners where they'll likely be lost in a confusing mass of undifferentiated words and phrases all jumbling around in the back of my brain like the last apples in a barrel. And yet the stack of things to still be pumped into the reading-machine just keeps growing and growing because it seems almost impossible to pin down what is necessary and what isn't in the pile and I just keep reading and reading and wondering if it's really all worth while. After all, what really is it all for? It's not like I'm doing a degree in something useful, say, like, dentistry, where I know I'll come out with a job in the end.

Q: What do they call the guy who finishes last in dental school?
A: Dentist.

Can't say they same for all my studying - it all feels pretty futile.

Yesterday I managed to forget about being a student for a couple of hours, and it was like a weight came off my shoulders. I felt like a human being instead of a reading-machine, if just for a while. Wish I could get more of that.