Scurry... Christmas... Scurry

Christmas came early to our house - almost a week early - since we opened gifts this morning. I got some cool stuff, some stuff I wanted, and some stuff I totally didn't expect - which is a pretty nice combination, don't you think?

We opened presents from mom & dad, even though we're seeing them in a few days. They didn't know we were coming home for Christmas (neither did we) when they were here at Thanksgiving (the Canadian one), so they left gifts at that time.

My mom is very organized.

So is my dad come to think of it.

Hmmm... so what mutant gene did I get? Shouldn't organization be (at least in part) genetic?

So now this afternoon everyone is frantically doing laundry and packing, while I'm heading out to my book club to discuss... how right is this?... A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens.

God bless us, everyone!

Hard at work, or hardly working?

I suppose from an external view, someone watching me working (writing) might think it doesn't like very hard - no sweating, no blisters, no painful personality clashes with office mates...

But I find it hard. I get anxious. I find it hard to sit still. I rewrite the same sentence again and again. Other sentences I completely gloss over because I don't even want to look at them, I'm convinced they're just that bad, beyond redemption. I wonder if what I'm writing right now fits with the rest of the paper. I wander off in tangents and start talking about things that detract from my central point... I mean, really detract. I wonder how I'm going to explain myself (especially hard when I don't know what I'm talking about!) I think of all the things I could be doing instead.

Writing is the absolute worst part of my job - especially when I'm under a time constraint.

And I just heard the "good" news that another paper was accepted. So that's two definites and a maybe for this year.

Pathetic thing is, it's the maybe that's driving me nuts right now.

Sprechen Sie Englisch? Nein!

Studies show that the Chinese and Japanese both consume a low fat diet and fewer die of heart attacks than Americans or the British.

The French eat a relatively high fat diet but still have fewer die of heart attacks than Americans or the British.

Drinking red wine has been shown to be good for your heart. The Italians drink a good deal of red wine and fewer die of heart attacks than Americans or the British.

Japanese people do not drink much red wine, but they still have fewer die of heart attacks than Americans or the British.

The moral of the story?

It doesn't matter what you eat or drink. It's speaking English that kills you!

How small can you go?

Five years ago when I last bought a cell phone, I picked the smallest one available.

It looks monstrously huge beside my new phone - I'm afraid I'm gonna lose the thing - it's that small - makes me wonder how much smaller they can get - it really is just slightly larger than a man's sports watch.

Goddamn FedEx!

Sitting here perched on the edge of my couch trying to get work done while I wait for the sound of the FedEx truck that's supposed to deliver new cellphones (Christmas present to ourselves).

Why am I perched here, watching the reflections from the street in the blank tv screen out of the corner of my eye while listening for the slightest rumble that would indicate a truck is pulling up? Because yesterday they claimed that no one was home when they tried to deliver when someone was indeed home and the delivery guy was too lazy to ring the doorbell or something. So I'm poised to pounce on him when he arrives so that I don't have to go through this bullshit again tomorrow.

I wouldn't even mind missing the guy and going to pick up the package at the depot, but its way the fuck out in Needham, which is a good half hour away - probably more like an hour if I tried it during rush hour.

I'm extra bitchy 'cause I have too much work - though that's mostly my fault. Monday night, my neighbor reminded me of the village christmas party, so I went (won a cool origami kit - hehe), but that transmuted into checking out 'the best wings in Watertown' - which were pretty damn good I must admit - and continuing with the Merlot. Then last night, I was at the department thing - which migrated to a dive bar near campus - four beer taps : two of which were Budweiser *shudder* - so I didn't get home till late. Maybe now that the afternoon is starting to trickle away, I'll actually get started on this week's work.

Or then again, maybe not...

But what are we without bodies?

Reading an essay by Brian Aldiss on machines in SF when he describes a novel as follows: "In Tom Maddox's novel Halo, several characters are ingested by Aleph, a controlling artificail super-intelligence installed on an orbiting satellit. Jerry Chapman is one such character. He asks Aleph what became of his body. 'It was...recycled. A robot tended your remains...'"

How is Jerry Chapman a character? He exists, presumably, as a series of memories, ones that belonged to him when his body was living. But he owes his existence to a machine. Even when he tries to recall those memories, he needs the machine to do so since he doesn't exist outside the machine. Even if his memories are 'his', they belong to a 'him' that existed with a body. Once they are stored in a machine, can he really be said to be different from the machine? Isn't claiming that Jerry is a character a bit like reducing him to the level of a computer program? He can "run" while he's in the computer - talk, remember, reason - but without the computer, he can't do anything, can he? He's not independent. Can he be considered a character if he doesn't have an independent existence? If he can't do anything, in essence, can't be detected as existing outside the computer, is he not then just one dimension of that computer?

Does any character exist without a body? Or is it just the characters with bodies that make the most interesting characters - otherwise it's just all self-involved stream of consciousness drivel...

Small increments

I just spent five minutes waiting for the scanner to finish so that I could unplug the scanner cord and move the computer over 5 inches - yes, five! - so I could plug into the printer to print what I just scanned. Sheesh!

Just when you thought the world was going to hell in a handbasket...

...there comes a woman like this - amazing!

I know I would've been very, very tempted. My student loans are at least twice that right now, and the thought of not having to work till I'm 80 to pay them off would've tempted me bad... though I also have a fully functioning guilt complex, so I guess I wouldn't have kept it either.

Reading about that lady makes up for the penny-pinching jerks today at Old Navy - I hate Old Navy - why did I even go into the store? But I did. And I found something I actually liked (christmas shopping don't you know) so that forced me to actually locate a cash register at the front in order to pay for it... but, as is usually my luck, I end up behind someone who starts pulling everything BACK out of her bag, checking tags because she thinks the cashier is ripping her off.

So I go to the next line, 'cause I can see it's gonna take a while. Then the lady at the front of that line starts whining about how she can't use both of her discount cards on one purchase and insists on separating her items into two purchases... after they've already been rung in! Grrrrr. Geez lady, its Old Navy, whatcha gonna save $2? Tell you what, I'll buy you a latte and we'll call it even, k?

Bah humbug!

I hate New England

well, at least during weather like this - rain in winter - wtf is that all about anyway?

the worst isn't even the cold, or the fact that my house and car both leak when it rains... what sucks the most is this cheap-ass town doesn't have street lighting and I found myself stomping through puddles that I couldn't even see on the way home...

grrrrrrrrr

Boston and St. John's

Listening to GBS's "Boston and St. John's" and feeling homesick, even if I come from the other end of the country.

Hear it.

Boston and St. John’s
Released June 1999
(written by Doyle)

Girl, don’t tell me that it’s morning
Can we keep the curtains drawn
I haven’t given you fair warning
But our ship, she sails at dawn

Chorus
It’s true I must be going but I swear I won’t be long
There isn’t that much ocean between Boston and St. John’s
I’m a rover and I’m bound to sail away
I’m a rover can you love me anyway?

And if some suitor comes approaching
Will you let him through your door
And what if I return half broken
Will you still want me anymore?

Chorus

Bridge
Close your eyes and dream
Tell me what you see
Tell me what you want
Just tell me that you’ll wait for me

Chorus
From GBS site

Happy Holidays?

ack! I just realized there are only two more weekends till Christmas... and not only have I only bought 1 - one! - gift, but I also have to prepare for international travel right after the second weekend.

Oh, no, not so jolly a thought, this is... not so jolly at all!

Please don't get my hopes up for nothing

Please, please, please, don't get me excited and still not resolve the lockout. Please.
The NHLPA says it's ready to go back to the bargaining table - I'm almost afraid to watch....
If they talk and then it breaks down again anyway, it would be almost as bad as it was to watch the Flames lose the cup last year.

Post turkey blues

I figured I could take advantage of the long weekend we have to make some progress on not only reading, but rationalizing my lists for the comps. After all, aside from spending Thursday cooking, then eating and hanging out with friends who were nice enough to invite us to their Thanskgiving dinner, I had nothing planned for the weekend.

So, this is what I've got:

Things I need to do:
Develop a primary text reading list
Research secondary sources
Gather secondary sources from multiple places
Read primary and secondary texts
Submit a proposal (including reading list)
Get the proposal back with suggested changes
Resubmit proposal
If lucky, get proposal back with only minor changes
If unlucky, repeast proposal submission and changes multiple times
Do this for all three areas
Submit final proposal
Study!
Write the tests (4)

I could put a checkmark next to the first item on the list for one area, but not much more. *sigh* No wonder it's so difficult to do this in a year. Why they officially require us to do all this in a single year is beyond my comprehension.

It depresses me just thinking about it.

A little knowledge is a dangerous thing

Some folks in California got worried a while back about a substance in their community - dihydrogen monoxide - and took efforts at banning use of it in their city. According to news reports, city councillors in Aliso Viejo in Orange County almost passed a bill to ban the substance but stopped short of doing so when someone pointed out that dihydrogen monoxide was also known by another name: H20 a.k.a water.

Apparently someone in the legal department found this website calling for a ban on the material. What is funniest about the site is that aside from not providing the easily recognizable H20 formula, what they say on the site is absolutely true. For example, in a section outlining the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide, the following dangers are described:

Each year, Dihydrogen Monoxide is a known causative component in many thousands of deaths and is a major contributor to millions upon millions of dollars in damage to property and the environment. Some of the known perils of Dihydrogen Monoxide are:
Death due to accidental inhalation of DHMO, even in small quantities.
Prolonged exposure to solid DHMO causes severe tissue damage.
Excessive ingestion produces a number of unpleasant though not typically life-threatening side-effects.
DHMO is a major component of acid rain.
Gaseous DHMO can cause severe burns.
Contributes to soil erosion.
Leads to corrosion and oxidation of many metals.
Contamination of electrical systems often causes short-circuits.
Exposure decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes.
Found in biopsies of pre-cancerous tumors and lesions.
Often associated with killer cyclones in the U.S. Midwest and elsewhere.
Thermal variations in DHMO are a suspected contributor to the El Nino weather effect.

Sounds dangerous, doesn't it? I especially like the MSDS (Material Safety Data Sheet) attached to the site.
Thanks to Rob for the tip.

Once upon a time....

...long, long ago and far, far away, Michele used to go out and have fun.

At least, that's what it feels like - long ago and far away. Tried to change that last night - my supervisor's boyfriend is in a band and she invited us to hear them. They're a good bar band - played a nice mix of covers and original stuff, though my friend is convinced I was getting hit on by another band member since we of course were introduced to all of them.
She might be right.
Now there's something else that last happened long ago and far away!

Progress vs. productivity

So my output for today, even though I pretty much worked most of the day resulted in about a quarter of a page of writing. Not much in volume but I'm hoping it will help me focus and save time and energy in this whole comps exam process.

What did I write, you wonder? I'll tell you. I wrote about twenty lines which consist of two potential chapter outlines for the disseration. The dissertation! you ask, how can you be outlining your disseration already? Well, I don't quite know how, but I came to the realization that I've been reading pretty randomly and getting distracted by reading all kinds of other stuff - a bit of this, need to know some more about that, need to read more of this author, ooh that looks interesting... etc. - and at this rate, it will take me years to prepare for the comps. I need to get more organized.

So I need to focus - which is why I wrote two outlines - one would be 5 chapters and the other 8.

Have I written anything that could go into them? No! Have I read the things I'd need to to write them? Hell, no! But maybe, just maybe, I can keep my head on straight and start to make some progress on compiling a reading list. If not, well, I guess I just wasted most of today.

At least there's turkey to look forward to tomorrow.

More Good Bad

Bought a wireless card for my computer (to go with the wireless router we bought a few weeks ago when the old one went kaput) so it is super cool to be able to access internet anywhere in the house! I wonder if it extends out into the yard too? Sit in the shade, drinkin' a margarita and surfing next summer? That even beats out the grading papers by the pool!

BUT damn thing loses connection every once in a while and has to reestablish - it cut out just as I was publishing the last post. Poof! No more post.

And I'm too miffed to rewrite it, so you will forever be without my musings on its subject... not that that's a big loss or anything...

Good Bad

Bad is that I'm sick. Ugh. Makes it difficult to work or play!

Good... well, there's lots of good, but the one that I'm most impressed with is that my students are finally coming around to the third project that I assigned, the one that asks if blogging is literature, and if so, is it also art? I got their final papers yesterday, and from flipping through them, I'd say they've at least got some interesting things to say about it and it made them have to think - which is the whole point of the course!

I always give the students three options for the final project - two of the options are standard 'revise an earlier paper' kind of options, but the third one I usually try to base on one of the sequences, something that I would've had them all do if we'd had the time. This time, the third option is for them to create their own blog and then critically analyse what's going on in it (including comments) from one of the critical points of view we discussed during this last sequence. About half the class has chosen this option, so it should make for some interesting final projects at least. Interesting is good when it comes to first year papers since they all tend to sound a bit the same.

Well, she did ask for it....

Today during a meeting for all the instructors of introductory writing, the director of the writing program began by commenting that this was one of the few times we had everyone in the same room and were there any general questions, concerns or comments before we began?

One of the T.A.s stuck up his hand and said, "There are cockroaches in Holmes Hall"

It doesn't have anything to do with teaching English, but she did ask for it.

(and yes, there are cockroaches in our building - Holmes Hall - and some good stories to go with, but that's another post)

Playing with Irony

Does this post from a discussion listserv strike anyone else as ironic?

Mikel, your critique of anti-essentialism is way too
simplistic.
Ben

Good eats and seats

Had brunch at Fenway Park today in the .406 club. The food was very good (it included smoked salmon and some fabuous rolled french toast) and the view of the field was awesome (even if it is being torn up to put in a new drainage system). The guest speaker has led a very interesting life, even if sometimes he described it in a bit too much detail, but I felt a special affinity with a dentist who became VP of PR for the Red Sox, since my career has certainly taken a few right-angle turns like that as well.

Pretty nice way to spend a Sunday morning.

Book club in the evening was really nice too - I made deviled eggs (for the first time) since the women in the book brought deviled egss to their book club. (though ours of course is way cooler!)

We're going to read Charles Dicken's A Christmas Carol for next month, and maybe even catch a touring players group that's also putting it on - sounds like fun! Since it's Victorian, I can read it guilt free by also putting it on my comps reading list - so I don't have to feel like I'm taking time away from the things I have to read.

I have great friends

Just got the most fabulous email from a friend a couple of hours ago, and it picked me up after trudging home in the sleet and cold after a semi-frustrating day teaching. It was so perceptive and articulate and entertaining (and the compliment at the end was nice!) that it made my day.

Thanks! (you know who you are)

Wouldn't it be great?

Went running today for the first time in the last, oh, probably three weeks. No doubt I'll feel like an old woman tomorrow; which made the lyrics of the Great Big Sea song I was listening to even more relevant.

Consequence Free
(written by Alan Doyle / Séan McCann)

Na na na, na na neh ah na na
Oh, Na na na, na na neh ah na na

Wouldn't it be great, if no one ever got offended
Wouldn't it be great to say what's really on your mind
And I have always said, "All the rules are made for bending"
And if I let my hair down, would that be such a crime?

CHORUS:
I wanna be consequence free
I wanna be where nothing needs to matter
I wanna be consequence free
Just sing - Na na na, na na neh ah na na
Oh, Na na na, na na neh ah na na

I could really use to lose my Catholic conscience
'Cause I'm getting sick of feeling guilty all the time
I won't abuse it, yeah I've got the best intentions
For a little bit of anarchy but not the hurting kind

CHORUS

I couldn't sleep at all last night 'cause I had so much on my mind
I'd like to leave it all behind, but you know it's not that easy
Oh, for just one night

Wouldn't it be great, if the band just never ended
We could stay out late and we would never hear last call.
We wouldn't need to worry about approval or permission,
We could slip off the edge and never worry about the fall

CHORUS

What a fabulous fantasy for adults, is it not? I mean, I'm pretty sure the last time I felt consequence free was when I was about five... maybe six.

Wouldn't it be great...?

I am far too Canadian

Was told today I'm far too polite on my blog - not enough dirt or something like that.

'Fraid to say that's cause I have very little curiosity and imagination, which means I'm not usually part of any rumor mill... or if someone tells me something, I usually don't think of passing it on, which kind of defeats the purpose of scandalous rumor, doesn't it? My lack of imagination also makes my creative writing endeavours something more akin to pathetic drivel than engaging storytelling.

Those who can't... critique.

Would bitchier help? I can do bitchy. I just need to turn the self-censor off.

For example, I'm going to Calgary for Christmas but that mostly just pisses me off instead of making me glow with joy and delight because of the way I fucked up getting us there.

I'm pissed with airlines, banks, credit card companies, online booking software, and my apparent inability to pay attention when I need to. Fuckin' Air Canada, fuckin' broke ass bank account, fuckin' useless computer, fuckin' dumb ass scheduling.

How's that? Less Canadian?

It's that time again

No, not THAT time. [I have a one cramp-related post a year limit]

That is, it's that time of the semester again - the time when we have made it past the halfway mark, but there seems to be so much to do that it feels like it's impossible and you are tempted to respond to the overwhelming workload by crawing into a hole with a big bottle of vodka and not coming out till spring... or wait, maybe that's just me who would drag a bottle of vodka along... but I think the crawling into a hole part is an accurate way of describing how all students feel at this point.

I know my students are feeling it. Hell, I'm even feeling it and I'm not registered in any courses, just dealing with my own self-imposed deadlines.

The exhaustion that comes at the ten week mark isn't physical - well, at least not only physical - and it can't be solved by more coffee. Or more beer/wine/hard liquor/other mood-altering substances. Even the healthier option of exercise and plenty of water doesn't seem to do the trick. A swift kick in the ass might work. But I suspect even that would only be a temporary remedy.

Why? Why, oh why, oh why does student life have to feel like this? What perverse mind decided that fifteen weeks was an optimal time frame for educating adults? Hmmmm? It just don't work. At least not for me.

Thing is, it's really hard for me to motivate my students when I feel like my own motivation level is dragging in the dirt. How can I convince them that they need to keep at it even when they don't feel like it, when all I want to do is crawl into a hole (sans bottle even if necessary)?

ARGH!

I am SO stupid!

Okay, so, title like that, you're thinking I'm gonna tell you how I missed a deadline because I wrote down the wrong date, or walked into a door and broke a toe or something, right?

Wrong - it's much more invidious than that. Stupid might not be quite the right word, but dense or slow might do just as well.

Over a year ago, I read this book Anatomy of Criticism by Northrop Frye. In it (or at least part of it), he argues that you can understand literature only by creating a theory of literature that arises from itself, not borrowed from other disciplines like psychoanalysis, history etc. (Well, part of his argument anyway) What he finds when he turns to literature to develop a theory is that literature falls into various "modes": tragic, comic, ironic, mythic and romantic. These are ways that the story gets told. For example, a tragedy written in romantic mode will have the god/supernatural hero die (e.g. Beowulf, Roland - yes, the one I'm writing about). Seemed pretty straightforward to me. Even used the book in, not one, but TWO papers last year. Always read other people's work that talked about Frye's "modes" as different from other writer's use of "genres".

Just now, as I was reading an excerpt from The Rise of the Novel, it finally dawned on me HOW modes are different from genres. A year after reading Frye. Only after reading someone else (who doesn't even mention Frye). After using his work in two papers. NOW I finally get it. DUH! How stupid is that? Modes are more about what happens, and genres about how it happens (not necessarily just structurally, but the details through which the author presents the story) - roughly speaking.

apology If that didn't make sense to you, it's okay. Hell, it took me a year to get it, and I was reading someone who knows how to write. It was just such an epiphanic moment, I had to write it down.

More election response - I am amused

Got this in an email yesterday - I think it's just all around better this way, don't you (well, except for the part about declaring war on Quebec - a bit too close to home for me)?

Notice to Americans of Revocation of Independence from the Government of
Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II



To the citizens of the United States of America: In the light of your
failure to elect a sane President of the USA and thus to govern
yourselves with consideration for the rest of world, we hereby give
notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which
she does not fancy.

Your new prime minister (The Rt Hon, Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of
you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your
borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for
further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be
circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
rules are introduced with immediate effect

You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then
look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed
at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should
raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using
the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as
"like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
communication. Look up interspersed".

There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on
your behalf.
Arrest Mel Gibson for treason.
You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen",
but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get
confused and give up half way through.

You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of
football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good
game.

The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your
borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You
will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper
football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It
is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be
allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does
not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full
Kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at
least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.
Stop referring to the "World Series" of Baseball and instead call it the
"USA, Cuba and Japan Championship."
Learn to enjoy warm flat beer and steak and kidney pudding. Train
waitresses to be more aggressive with customers and not to tell you
their names before you eat.

You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if
they give you any merde.

The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your
borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the
bad guys. "Merde" is French for "sh*t". July 4th is no longer a public
holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in
England. It will be called "Indecisive Day." Driving on the left is now
compulsory - recall all cars to effect the change immediately.

Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to

ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).
Thank you for your cooperation and...Have a nice day!


And while we're at it, we should redraw the map of North America:

Who wants to marry an American?

Okay, so I'll admit it. Even though my students might be thoroughly disgusted with their weblog paper, their reports have provided me with some very amusing links.

Apparently, some concerned and generous Canadians are willing to save liberal Americans by marrying them and bringing them north of the border - check out the pledge!

Woes

Woes list:
1. Blogger hates me... at least it has for the last few days. This is the first time I've been able to access my blog recently. Hence, no posts lately.
2. My freshmen class began a writing project on blogs. They seem to be alternately hating it/confused by it. I don't know why.
3. The crazy man is back for another 4 years.
4. This might be a bad thing for international students.
5. There's a cold wind blowing today that reminds me that the windows in my house suck ass. And it's gonna be a cold winter.
6. Daylight savings kicked in which means it's now dark at 4 pm. Depressing for those of us who prefer evenings to mornings.
7. After getting so close to catching up that I could taste victory, I am again two weeks behind in my reading list.
8. I still haven't made any progress on the paper that I started revising in April.
9. I also still have 2 of the 3 things on my New Year's resolution list to accomplish - and it's now November.
10. Did I mention that the crazy man is back for another four years? That's not only depressing, but a little scary.

My feelings exactly!

Today's Piled Higher and Deeper comic is pretty much right on in expressing my own feelings as an alien in the U.S. during election week.

I was talking to a friend about the undecided voters and we were wondering why people were having a difficult time making up their minds since the candidates are so diametrically opposed on almost every point. Even I know who I would be voting for - and I can't even vote!

crazy busy crazy busy crazy busy

So much going on.

We're hosting a Halloween party this Saturday... well, actually two parties. I sent out invites to an evening party and realized that the people who weren't saying whether they were coming or not all had kids.
So my kids decided they would like to throw a party for the kids before the adult party.
Interesting how I've ended up with most of the preparation!
But it's fun to plan parties, so I'm not complaining... just busy.

We need costumes if we're hosting a party, so the sewing machine got pulled out and dusted off and now I'm struggling with yards of muslin - the angel and garden (yes, she's dressing as a garden) are done, the dead bride needs just some minor touches, the wench is almost complete, but the pirate still needs most of his costume... crazy.

My reading list is looming large. Bleak House took WAY longer to read than I estimated (well, it is 1000 pages long) and now I need to catch up... more busy.

To top it, the Red Sox are in a position to win their first World Series (don't get me started about the misnomer!) in 80 some years. Pretty much a 'must see'... crazy!

Reversal

Was it all a dream? Did this last year really happen?
I thought I saw the Red Sox win the ALS. Was I dreaming?

Michael Bérubé reports that the Yankees actually won the ALS.

And apparently the Astros won the NLS as well.

Amusing!

Guess who's going to San Diego?

Okay, so it's not for a while yet, but that's good, because that way I'll have time to write the paper that I've proposed to present at the 2005 PCA/ACA Conference. But I'm psyched anyway! It's always cool when you get a paper accepted, even when you know the competition wasn't that stiff.

This was the abstract I submitted:

Roland the Gungslinger’s Generic Transformation

In the Afterword of The Gunslinger, Stephen King describes how Robert Browning’s poem “Child Roland to the Dark Tower Came” was his inspiration for Roland the Gunslinger. In the Dark Tower series, King transposes Roland from this eighteenth-century Romantic poem to a twentieth-century dark fantasy. Across genres, the details of the story change as do Roland’s responses to those elements, and thus the character himself changes as he moves from one genre to the next. While the family resemblance may be indefinite at times, Roland is old; the knight Roland in the eleventh century French epic The Song of Roland is a stalwart knight, whose actions speak louder than his words. In Orlando Furioso in the fourteenth-century, he follows conventions of the Romance to become a chivalrous but love-stricken madman.

Through each change, Roland’s character is transformed. These changes as Roland is transposed from genre to genre reflect the demands and conventions of those genres, the expectations of their audiences across the centuries, and the changing values that the hero embodies in each culture. Heroes of stories are heroes because they embody particular characteristics and it is these characteristics that the culture relating the story values most. The hero of the story is a model and performs a pedagogical function in holding up a mirror of what that culture values. In Stephen King’s incarnation of Roland, the character reflects the values of contemporary Western culture, just as each Roland before has embodied his culture.

[This does however mean that I should read the last two novels in the series, The Talisman (which explains about the levels of the tower) and maybe even Black House before writing the paper. !!! ]

Not only am I presenting a paper, but because I'm presenting a paper, I can get funding to offset the cost of the trip. If I can get a hostel and crash as many 'hospitality' suites as possible, my only out of pocket expenses might be souveniers. Bonus!

The best part about doing this is that the paper will give me a venue to make a kind of trial run with some of the theories I've been reading this year in Narrative Theory (a study that I haven't really had much experience with before) - I'm hoping the paper will let me get my sea legs so to speak in this area. Particularly since I'm trying to revise a paper I wrote for a class last year, with narrative theory in mind, for publication - which is a far bigger challenge than presenting at a conference.

Either way, it's probably a good bet that the weather in California for that weekend in March will be nicer than in New England!

Word of the Day

maunder \MON-duhr\, intransitive verb:
1. To talk incoherently; to speak in a rambling manner.
2. To wander aimlessly or confusedly.

As in, it isn't the mumbling as much as the maundering that makes my teenage daughter's speech near impossible to understand.

Is that allowed?

Are you allowed to call someone a dick on national tv?

I was so disappointed last week when I tuned into the Daily Show (sometimes the most reliable source for news) and found that the episode was a rerun, from way, way back. I wondered where Jon Stewart was? Was he sick? Abducted by aliens? Recovering from being mugged?

No, he was on Crossfire and challenging the integrity of that 'news' show. The transcript of the program as well as audio and/or video clips are available here. Jon attempts to ask some serious questions, even as he gets the laughs, and they just evade, evade, evade. It's an amazing display of journalistic maneouvering.

I especially like the part where he calls his host a dick. Classic!

Ball drop

Watertown, MA (AP UNR*)

Tragically this week, the balls were dropped in Michele's Fabulous High Flying Juggling Act.

While attempting to juggle work, school, and family life, a trick the Marvelous Michele has performed effortlessly over the past few years, Michele seemed to lose control of the situation when the fourth ball was thrown into the mix. It was as if she somehow had not expected to have to juggle four balls and was totally unprepared for it.

Consequently, Michele not only dropped the fourth ball, but the previous three as well, leaving her running across the stage floor trying to recapture the balls.

This reporter would like to remind everyone that this incident underscores the importance of only allowing highly trained jugglers to handle more than three balls at a time. Safety while juggling is of paramount importance.

*unimportant news release

We spent a really, really nice weekend with my parents, who had come down from their month long tour of the Maritimes to visit us.

We had turkey for a Canadian thanksgiving and we did all kinds of touristy things, including taking in the history of the Freedom Trail, a ferry boat ride (a first for the girls) and a Duck Tour (which is far less tacky and a lot more fun than it sounds).

But now I have even more work to catch up on!

The latest micro trend

Seems to be that blogging about the monthlies is a hot topic of late. I can empathize having just been down that road myself.

My friend Allie describes her own Over-Reaction-Day every month. And this rant is absolutely superb!

I have to say, I really have mixed feelings about the whole business. Part of me understands the frustration of having your emotions messed up every month by something that is so powerful, its damn near impossible to control. But that just pisses me off more, 'cause I know that the next time I'm truly and righteously angry, there's a good chance that some guy's gonna dismiss it as 'she's on the rag' which of course just verifies that he was a douchebag to cause my righteous anger in the first place!

It's hard to keep on top of PMS and not let it absolutely ruin your day (and that of everyone around you). I used to know that the time to bleed was right around the corner when I would inexplicably feel like throwing the salt shaker across the dinner table at my husband while he was talking.

Then I started running and that feeling came less and less often. So I suppose it is true that exercise helps - just don't ask me to give up my caffeine - far nastier things than PMS would happen if Michele doesn't have caffeine.

Though come to think of it, I also left my husband, so maybe it wasn't all PMS doing the talkin' when I had those homicidal urges...

Electronic mail from beyond

Now you can send email when you're dead.

This strikes me as just a little bit eerie. Can you imagine how it would feel to receive an email from someone who has just died?

Or even sending email to people when you die is just plain odd. Why send a death email? Why not tell people what you think right now? What purpose could delaying saying something serve? What would you need to say at your death that you wouldn't say before? Confess a crime, a passion, a sin that you couldn't bear to tell while alive?

Obviously, I can't see any need to sign up for this service, but I'm very curious about how people might use it. I'd love to know what people who set up the service are thinking when they sign up for it (and what they write about to whom) and how it feels to people who receive those emails. I'd love to be an electronic fly on the wall of that email server!

Never thought the muppets would make me think

... but I guess I'm more of an egg head than I thought....


You are Dr. Bunson Honeydew.You love to analyse things and further the cause of
science, even if you do tend to blow things up
more often than not.
HOBBIES:Scientific inquiry, Looking through microscopes,
Recombining DNA to create decorative art.QUOTE:"Now, Beakie, we'll just flip this switch and
60,000 refreshing volts of electricity will
surge through your body. Ready?"
FAVORITE MUSICAL ARTIST:John Cougar Melonhead
LAST BOOK READ:"Quantum Physics: 101 Easy Microwave
Recipes"
NEVER LEAVES HOME WITHOUT:An atom smasher and plenty of extra atoms.

What Muppet are you?



Or maybe this quizilla stuff is just arbitrary (but highly amusing) fluff as I've frequently suspected.

Next week is Banned Books Week

Hearing about banned books always shocks me in the way that sticking a knife in a toaster might. For me, the thought that a book, any book, should not be read, shocks me in the way that you would be shocked if your grandmother told you she was an international spy - not in the past, but right now. It's the kind of thing that doesn't even enter into my imagination.
Sure, there's lots of books that I don't like (see my description of She under Books that I'm reading), and other books that I think are really a waste of paper. There are books that bore me to death (I never have finished Moby Dick, though I've tried more than once), or that I don't understand (Gravity's Rainbow) and consequently make my head hurt. But I never doubt that there's someone in the world who loves these books... hell, for these two examples, I know people personally who love them.
But just because I'm disgusted, or bored, or confused by a book, is no reason to try to impose my taste on someone else. So banning books always puzzles me - I can't understand the motivation.
Most challenges to books come from parents who think their kids shouldn't read them.
Yes, there are plenty of books that should only be read in an age-appropriate context - kids have to be ready for the themes of some young adult and adult fiction (no, not "adult" but for-people-over-ten kind of adult fiction).
But some of the challenges go beyond questions of age appropriateness. One, a challenge brought by a mother on behalf of her daughter who asked to ban Huck Finn because of its rampant use of 'nigger' produced an interesting discussion on the part of the court justices who set down their decision. The excerpt follows:

We close this part of our discussion with two observations.First, we view with considerable skepticism charges that read-ing books causes evil conduct. It is all too easy to allegecause-and-effect when one event follows another. Here, forexample, Monteiro alleges that racial harassment, includingverbal insults, increased "as a result of" the assignment ofHuckleberry Finn and A Rose for Emily. The "as a result" linkis wholly unsupported by any factual allegations. If racialharassment indeed increased during the school term, there aremany other more likely causes that all of the interested partiesmight do well to explore. Second, the function of books andother literary materials, as well as of education itself, is tostimulate thought, to explore ideas, to engender intellectualexchanges. Bad ideas should be countered with good ones,not banned by the courts. One of the roles of teachers is toguide students through the difficult process of becoming edu-cated, to help them learn how to discriminate between goodconcepts and bad, to benefit from the errors society has madein the past, to improve their minds and characters. Those whochoose the books and literature that will influence the mindsand hearts of our nation's youth and those who teach youngpeople in our schools bear an awesome responsibility. We canonly encourage them to exercise their authority wisely andwell, and to be sensitive to the needs and concerns of all oftheir students.

I especially like what they say about good and bad ideas. After all, that's what education is all about, isn't it?
Last year, our department fielded a complaint from the parent of a student about an essay written by Edward Said from States asking us not to teach the essay because of controversy surrounding Said, his political beliefs, and questions regarding the validity of his facts. We were told that if we want to teach the piece, we should warn our students and discuss the issue with them in class.
Well of course we should! Just as I warned students about the controversy provoked in Smith's Dogma about his depiction of the church - it produced some interesting talk and I think the controversy made the whole experience much more valuable for the students... at least for that discussion period. Makes me want to use Said's essay simply because it will get students thinking and talking.
You can find a list of the top ten challenged books last year at the ALA website.

Rain

Poetry slumbers within the busy soul.

Or in other words:

In his discussion about how stories are passed on, oral stories that are rapidly disappearing from our culture in favor instead of the printed word, the novel, information, Walter Benjamin describes how the listener makes the story her own:
This process of assimilation, which takes place in depth, requires a state of relaxation which is becoming rarer and rarer. If sleep is the apogee of physical relaxation, boredom is the apogee of mental relaxation. Boredom is the dream bird that hatches the egg of experience. A rustling in the leaves drives him away. This nesting places - the activities that are intimately associated with boredom - are already extinct in the cities and are declining in the country as well.

Walter Benjamin, "The Storyteller" Illuminations (1955)

Drowning

I was so delighted when I found that I had a two day a week teaching schedule this term. I imagined how much work toward my exams I would get done the other three days of the week - three days! luxurious time! - but as with all dreams, reality is much different.

Last week I went into Boston five days of the week - that's 5 times the 3 hour round trip - 15 hours of walking to the bus, waiting for the bus, riding the bus, walking from the bus.... well, you get the idea. But I consoled myself that I would have three whole days of study to look forward to this week.

Ha!

Things that are stealing away my study time:
groceries
auto inspection (due by Thursday)
soccer game
dentist appointment (2 - one for me and one for a child)
wine transferring (it will be vinegar if I don't deal with it soon)
haircut (DESPERATELY overdue!)
winterizing supplies
mandatory (extremely annoying) and long teaching meeting
marking papers
weeding the garden before the rain forecast for the rest of the week
laundry
covering someone else's class

That doesn't even include the things that I would enjoy having cut into my study time like going to the gym, watching movies, watching my kids' sports, writing, answering email from friends who must think I'm dead, spending time with my great husband....

All I can do is hope that next week I have my three days free.

Now here's a question...

I'm on the bus coming home when I hear sirens. My book is pretty boring anyway, so I look up to see a fire truck coming toward us on the street.

Then I realize an ambulance is coming up behind us.

My question: Who gets the right of way?

Answer: I still don't know, but in this case, the fire truck went first.
Is that just 'cause he's bigger, or because he had his lights and siren going and the ambulance only had lights on?

How do they decide?

Something to ponder next time you're stuck in line at the DMV.

Spelling woes

Forwarded to me via email:

John Kerry said that the W. in George W. Bush stands for "Wrong" -- "wrong choices, wrong judgment, wrong priorities, wrong direction for our country." The Bush campaign responded saying that it was just the opposite, that the W. actually stands for "Write".

Ouch!

You can test whether you're a better speller than Dubya at the Guardian's spelling quiz

I'm afraid I have to admit I didn't get them all right... I guess I, like many others, have gotten way too dependent on spellcheck.

What the hell?

I dreamt about doing laundry last night... It wasn't even my laundry, or anything that I would recognize as something that I own, and for some reason I spilled water all over the floor when I opened the machine.

What the hell was that about?

Mood: Good

I realize "good" is a pretty plain word, but as I tried to insert other words, they all fell short of what I was feeling. I'm just feeling good.

Spent most of yesterday surrounded by the smell of ripe grapes (not the sterile, tasteless and odorless kind you get in the supermarket) that I first picked, then destemmed, and finally crushed. It's a heady scent.

Guess why?

Wine, of course!

First time I'm trying to make grape wine from scratch, so wish me luck...

And the night before, I felt at least partially vindicated for losing the Stanley cup with Canada winning the Worlds! Really fun game to watch too - mostly fair calls, no dirty fights (well, no fights at all), and some really good skill-work and a couple of dynamic checks. A great game!

Today, I get down to work. I'm hoping to put a big dent in my schedule this week and maybe recoup some of the speed I lost this summer and the early part of the month.

Weird part is, I'm actually looking forward to it!

Status: Busy

Wow! Leave town for a week and all hell breaks loose!

Found out when I got back that I had to entirely rewrite the syllabus (you've already heard this one) I'd prepared on the plane to accomodate department requirements that were unknown to me at the time (the email came in on Monday and because I was away, I didn't see it till Wednesday)

Rewrote the syllabus (which took much longer than I expected and involved the wee hours of one morning)

Attended two meet 'n greet type functions (one at BU and the other for NEU) in two days. Lots of smiling and making nice.

Started panicking about book reveiw due on Monday (yes, tomorrow). I think I bit off more than I can chew with this book review, and although I finished reading the book weeks ago, I'm having difficulty writing anything that doesn't sound entirely too elementary to make a good impression.... hell, at this point I'll go for not looking like a complete fool.

I asked to review the book because I'd read the previous volume put out by these editors and thought this one would be interesting - which it is. Problem is, I feel under-qualified to comment on the position of the text within the scholarship that it represents. So I'm not writing as confidently as I otherwise would - which annoys me.

Also tallied up the losses from working dumb ass summer jobs. I'm now three full weeks behind on the reading list I set up at the beginning of the summer... mind you, losing a week to unexpected travel and the prep for it accounts for part of it, though I'm still a good two weeks behind. F***.

If I don't post for a while, it's likely that I'm not dead, just attending to all this stuff and the people in my life who I see face to face instead of virtual.

More drivin'

Okay, so it's not my imagination - ranked in order of difficulty to naviagate as a driver:

Bert Sperling's Top 10 Most Difficult Cities to Navigate
1. Boston, MA
2. Washington, DC
3. San Francisco, CA
4. Baltimore, MD
5. New York, NY-Northeastern NJ
6. Ft. Lauderdale-Hollywood-Pompano Beach, FL
7. Los Angeles, CA
8. Seattle-Everett, WA
9. Providence, Pawtucket RI-MA
10. Norfolk-Newport News-Virginia Beach, VA

At least I don't feel so bad about how many times I've gotten lost in this city.

Info from Sperling's Best Places.

Drivin' me ______

You fill in the blank....

It was only five days, but driving in Calgary for five days was long enough for me to really notice the difference when I headed out to the grocery store - had to brake for a guy running a red.

In only five days I'd gotten used to (again) people actually following traffic laws.

Back home

The weekend was full of activity, people, and emotions.

The girls came through with (what looks like) flying colors being on their own. Yeah!

111 emails.

One of which requires me to entirely rewrite the syllabus I put together on the plane and with a timeframe for the first assignment that is so tight, I have no idea how to implement it.

*sigh*

Weird intersections

Games.

They seem to be everywhere: the latest fiction book I'm reading The Player of Games, an sf novel about a perpetual game player; I watched David Cronenberg's eXistenZ the other night; and the library just emailed me to tell me a book I asked them to hold about four months ago is now available: Rules of Play: Game Design Fundamentals.

Not that I know much about game theory, or am even terribly good at playing the things, but its weird how some things come in threes.

From eXistenZ:
Ted Pikul (disgruntled game player): I don't like it here. I don't know what's going on. We're both stumbling together in this unformed world whose rules and objectives are largely unknown seemingly indecipherable or even possibly non-existent. Always on the verge of being killed by forces that we don't understand.
Allegra Geller (game designer): Sound like my game alright.
Pikul: Sounds like a game that's not gonna be easy to market.
Geller: But it's a game everybody's already playing.

Sad news

We learnt yesterday that Dwayne's mother died. We were expecting it (see last month's archives), but it doesn't make it any easier, particularly since now he has no parents.

I'm gonna share mine with him.

So... we wanted to get out of the city for the Labor Day Weekend - looks like we're gonna get really far out now. If anyone's gonna be in Calgary this weekend, maybe I'll see you there.

Good advice

I must remember this tip for saving my ass. With my paranoia about this place, it may just come in handy.

Thanks Jen!

I'm early but I'm celebrating!

I know I have one more excruciatingly looooong day tomorrow of being nice to strangers, but I feel free! I am no longer selling my body for dollars. (believe, it has really only ever been my body that's engaged in these jobs) I felt so good about it, I started studying this afternoon.

[How's that for a bizarre reward....!]

Countdown!

Only one more week of wage-slaveness! Whoopee! It will be very nice to actually have to hunker down with books again and use my brain. I'm afraid it's starting to shrivel like a grape left in the sun too long!

16 more hours unpacking boxes/running a scantron & 14 1/2 more hours answering telephones and being nice to customers (that last one's the hardest part - I can do it, but it takes an awful lot out of me to sustain niceness for more than a few hours at a time).

Then I can get back to being a poor student instead of just a poor wage-slave.

Water fountains and Pay phones

Two things that seem to be harder to find the older I get. Maybe that's because people mostly drink bottled water and use cell phones. But for somebody who rarely does either, the dearth of pay phones and water fountains is an irritation.

The Eastern Time Zone is big!

How big is it?

The sun went down in Buffalo almost a half hour later than it did here even though we're in the same time zone. Wish we had the later sunlight here - maybe we should join Newfoundland and get the extra half hour back.

Well worth it!

Rush was definitely well worth the full day of driving to get to it and back.

While there were plenty of songs I wish they would have played but didn't, I'm not complaining since if they were to play every Rush song that I like or think is essential to their oeuvre, they would've been on stage for six hours. And there wasn't anything they played that I thought was a waste of their time.

Their stage show was very cool too - low key, not huge props etc., but a great pyrotechinics and laser light show combined with clever video. A good rocker stage show.

Their latest album is a cover album, and except for one song that I'm just not sure of yet, I like Rush's version of the song better than the original in every case.

But maybe that's 'cause I'm a Rush fan.

Driving through upstate New York was nice too - lots less traffic on the Interstate, and fewer trees - you could actually see something other than trees as you travelled. I think that's the thing that bugs me most about travelling in MA - you only ever seem to see trees - exit - trees - exit - trees - exit - trees... well, you get the idea.

Maybe its just 'cause upstate NY looks a lot more like home.

Being with Dwayne all day was cool too - when we're at home, there's always something that needs to get done, kids that need (or think they need) attention, stuff to get done, but in a car for fourteen hours, all that goes away. It was a very nice escape.

And I discovered that I'm not too old to stay up all night - we drove back right away and got in at 6:30 this morning. I was hoping to catch the sunrise, but it's cloudy and overcast. Good day to catch up on reading before working twice as long at work tomorrow to make up for taking today off.

Survival and Reward

So, survived tax holiday day - mostly because everyone made such a big deal about it that they planned ahead... and put extra staff on.

My reward will be seeing Rush in concert tomorrow in Buffalo, NY. We've been wanting to see them for two years. Last time they toured, they were in Boston when we were still in Calgary, and in Calgary once we got to Boston (yeah, the timing sucked).

Yes, it's a seven hour drive, but to see Rush it will be worth it.

A good reason NOT to get up in the morning

Tomorrow is a sales tax holiday in Massachusetts - no one will have to pay the 5% sales tax tomorrow.

I work Saturdays in a tile showroom - our customers typically spend thousands of dollars with each order... I'm guessing lots of our customers would like to save money on such large purchases... The rest of the staff is guessing the same.

I'm not looking forward to work tomorrow. It's likely to be busy, which means lots of grouchy people - and I'm at the frontlines.

The good news is, by the end of tomorrow, I will be halfway through my summer-work-arrangements-from-hell. The end is in sight.

Perspective

My friend's brother was killed earlier this week. He was being a good Samaritan, doing the right thing, but he was hit and killed by a car doing it.

My petty griping is put into its place - there's nothing more to say.

Lesson in change

All inhabited space bears the essence of the notion of home.

Gaston Bachelard The Poetics of Space

Ugly Day

So far, today has been ugly. Not in a bad/disastrous/I'll look back on this and laugh kind of way, but in a dull/boring/wasted kind of way. There is nothing memorable - good or bad - and I feel like I'm prostituting myself with work, doing anything to pay the rent. That's a horrible feeling.

Pressure

Right now I'm timing out a Practice SAT exam for Sandy. She'll need to write the exam this year if she wants to apply to any U.S. schools, so she needs to begin practicing writing the standardized test.

She's getting a bit annoyed at the process. Well, frustrated and angry are probably better words to use. I believe during the last break she said the test was "hella stupid" and while I might agree that standardized tests don't necessarily measure how smart you are, if you want to succeed in North American society, you're going to have to write some kind of standardized test at some point.

So, we practice.

She also told me that she just wasn't going to apply to U.S. schools if she had to take the stupid test. And while I would certainly be absolutely fine with her going to a Canadian school (tuition is SO much lower!), if she wants to get an atheletic scholarship to a U.S. school (which she does), she'll need to write the SAT to get in. And if she gets a scholarship and wants to go that route, I'm all behind her too. I just want her to keep her options as open as possible.

So it looks like we'll need to do more practicing over this year. Another thing I'm going to make her do that she doesn't want to do.

Guess that's what parenting's all about though, right?

Lovely day

Trying desperately to stay awake and get something accomplished this evening... though if the coffee dosn't kick in within the next hour, I think I'm going to give it up as a lost cause and go watch a movie or something equally thought-less.

I should've known all that sun today would make me feel sleepy. The girls and I went to Hampton Beach in New Hampshire. The place was pretty crowded, and although we started getting our stuff together early, by the time we got there we had to park out along the highway.

But we enjoyed ourselves. I'll have to see if I can get pictures to attach properly and show you - but please don't be too disappointed if my meager technological skills mean I can't manage it.

I got a bit more sun than I wanted to - in part because the girls decided they needed 'one more swim' and that put me in the red zone - hence, the tiredness. But I will persevere with the coffee and try to write up the latest book I read Bringing Down the House at the link to your left. If you don't see it till later, well, you know I gave up and curled up with a good book instead (or a mindless movie - sometimes that's just as good!)

Rhetoric

Watched Kerry's nomination acceptance speech at the DNC last night (on tv, not there obviously). The consensus in the room was that he hit on some of the issues he needed to (though the room was entirely Democratic, so that was to be expected).

I was struck by one thing he said, that internationally, America needs to recover its position as a nation that people look up to, not just fear. I wonder how true that sentiment might actually be of international politics.

Caveat: I only know my sense of things - and I'm no expert in international politics.

Sometimes as a Canadian, looking to the U.S. feels a bit like watching the pit bull in the neighbor's yard - you're pretty sure the fence is secure, but it still makes you a bit nervous. Being here sometimes feels a bit like standing behind the bully of the playground. As long as he isn't looking at you, you're okay. But when he turns around - all hell's gonna break loose.

But maybe that's just me.

Sorry kiddo

Oldest daughter: People always say I look like my mom when she was younger.  What do you think?
Her boyfriend: (looking first at her, then at me, then back to her) Yup.
Daughter: (grimacing) Ugh!
Me: Sorry kiddo!

Chins up and all that jolly good stuff...

I'm trying hard to stay positive about the way my summer has turned out.  But mostly it's not so good - at least, I sure figured some of it would be better.  One of the things I hadn't figured on was the kind of job I've got.

When it gets bad, I console myself with the thought that there are thousands of other people like me who are working well below their capacity in America. 

(But it doesn't really help)

Don't get me wrong - the people I work with are really nice - they're all very dedicated and eager to help and show me stuff.  And it beats digging ditches, or working retail, or waitressing.  But the job is, well, it's not really the kind of thing I imagined I'd be doing, even if only for a few weeks.  Today, I spent most of the day putting stickers in books.  That should give you some idea of what the job is like.  I'm not exactly taxing my brain.

Then again, that means I have plenty of brain power left in the evening for studying. 

But since I'm depressed at my relative lack of job-getting, I hardly feel motivated to do anything more intelligent like what I'm actually here to do.

 

Coincidence

At a birthday party last night, a friend told me about an interesting coincidence.

She's volunteering for the DNC here next week and during training they had one of those icebreaker/learn to talk to strangers kind of exercizes where she was paired with an Irish man who had been at Northeastern.  So, having taught English classes there herself, she asked if he'd taken any and he'd said he took the Middler class last year.  And because the exercize required them to keep talking, she asked who his teacher was... you guessed it, yours truly!

Weird coincidence!  I really enjoyed that class, most of my students were international students (and most of them were Irish).  I learnt a lot from them, and at least from the report of this student, they learnt some from me too.  But it was an interesting coincidence.  Out of all the volunteers for this convention (and there's lots!), these two sat beside each other and each knew me. 

Kinda cool. 

Beginning and End

Sunday afternoon, I drove two towns over to a friend’s house to see their brand new baby.  He was not quite three weeks old. 
 
He was sleeping when I arrived, and I looked down at him, marveling and being reminded at how small newborn babies are… they grow so fast, it’s easy to forget how little they are when they’re born.  [When you’re having them though, they feel huge!]
 
He woke up a short time later, and my friend passed him to me.  His mother said something about how neat it is to see someone who knows what they’re doing pick up a baby, but I didn’t respond because I was almost overwhelmed by the memories that I was feeling.  Yes, I did mean feeling.  It wasn’t that I was remembering particular instances of holding a baby, but holding babies in general.  Which is a visceral thing – my body was remembering what it felt like to hold such a small baby, to carry it, to nurse it, to care for it.  It was a bit overwhelming to tell the truth.
 
I was there a bit longer than I had expected, which was still a rather short visit, but during my short time there, a host of other memories were dug up by our conversation.  I was… well, I’m not sure of the right word for it – jealous is too strong a word since it’s now after-the-fact and there’s no reason to wish things were otherwise for me – nostalgic might be the right word, though nostalgic in the sense of longing for something in the past that you never had in the first place.  You see, they both share so equally in the childcare duties, everything possible short of sharing the breastfeeding duties.  Even that, they work at sharing with dad giving his son a bottle on a regular basis.
 
I never had that.  Though in all fairness, I never expected that.  I grew up expecting there was a rigid gender division in household and childraising duties = the woman did all the work and dad got the fun stuff.  So I can’t really say I’m jealous, because my life has changed and I no longer feel like I’m flying solo in childrearing, but it’s not really nostalgia either, since I never had or expected equality when the kids were younger.
 
But that aside, it was a very satisfying experience to see their son, to see them working together, to see their happiness and pride (behind the slight sheen of exhaustion).
 
Sunday night, I answered the phone to find my husband’s brother on the other end.  I was a bit surprised since we had just gotten an email from him a few days before and calls weren’t too frequent, but it was nice to briefly chat with him before handing the phone over.
 
When my husband came down the stairs asking if he could direct dial to his cousin’s house in Saskatoon (we recently changed long distance providers, so he wasn’t sure what plan I’d gotten), I knew it was bad news.  And probably about his mom.  Though since he didn’t look particularly upset, I guessed that she had just taken a turn for the worse.  My guess was right.
 
He’s now gone to see her.  She’s been ill for a long time now and while I didn’t know her and she didn’t know me because of it, it’s still hard because I know how hard this is on him.
 
Life – we use this word so frequently and casually as in “it’s my life” “what are you doing with your life?” “that’s life!” that it’s easy to forget what it represents until you’re reminded of its beginning and its end.  And sometimes it feels like it will never end… like when you’re stuck in a line, or a boring job, or waiting for something to happen… but it does.  And we tend to forget that.  We don’t want to think about the end because we’re supposedly having such a great time living it that we don’t want the downer of thinking about when it all stops. 
 
Our reluctance as a society to talk about death, even to name it – we have way too many euphemisms for it – does us all a disservice because it is true that you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.  But if it’s you’re life, after it’s gone, you have no way of appreciating that sage piece of advice.  And if you don’t see other people die, if we don’t talk about it, if we don’t think about it, then we can’t really appreciate the life that we have, can we? 
 
Even when birth reminds us of the beginning of life, a child’s potential and all of that, it still is easy to think about other things than life when someone has a baby.  When I saw my friend’s baby, it reminded me not of life, it’s beginning, it’s potential, but of me, of how tired I was for the first months, how shocking it was to find oneself a parent, how much my life changed.  Even for my friends, I am thinking about how their lives have changed, how they’re working together, how they’re adjusting.  I am thinking almost nothing about their son’s life. 
 
Maybe the difficulty is that it’s so hard to tell how someone’s life will turn out, to predict what choices they’ll make, what experiences they might have.  And maybe part of the problem in even thinking along those lines, trying to guess what a child’s life will be like, depends so much on class issues that we’re afraid to talk about it.  We’re afraid to recognize that there are class differences.  That the dream that “anyone can grow up to be President” is in fact a falsehood.  Class is very real in North America, even if we don’t name it like the Brits do.  Not everyone has the same advantages.  No matter how hard you try to change that.
 
My children have never grown up with money.  They have had every advantage I have been able to afford them, and I’ve been lucky in some ways in the way my life turned out because I was able to access resources that they and I might otherwise not be able to afford.  Living in the break-even housing at the University meant I paid just a little less for rent than others and had the extra $50 to enroll them in gymnastics class or swimming lessons at the same place.  And they went to an inexpensive summer camp for a few summers because I knew about it because I had been to the same camp when I was young.  But there are still things that my children have not had.  Experiences they have not had that other children have.  I’m not complaining, I think I did well with what I had, and they certainly have had more experiences than other children have.  But to predict their lives as infants would have meant taking my income into consideration.  And that would mean recognizing that I was living below the poverty line.  And recognizing poverty in North America is an unpopular sport.
 
But life happens, every minute, every day whether we think about it or not.    

Coming and going

I pick up my daughter from the airport at 6:30 tonight.  She's been gone for a month and it will be nice to have her home.
 
I will be there three hours earlier to drop my husband off.  His mother is dying and he is flying home to see her.
 
It'll be nice to see the daughter who I've been missing, but now I'll be missing my husband.

To amuse and delight...

Found one of those interminable questions about getting to know you that seemed rather amusing (well, okay, the first line is what caught my eye, but I'll give you the whole thing):
 
1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4 Write down what it says: "paint-and-plaster medieval jumble" it's a book of poetry that I'm trying to write a paper on.
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first? my Running Room CD holder (courtesy my good friend Allie, who I think about everytime I put it on) and running hat
3. What was the last thing you watched on TV? South Park's "Extreme weekend"
4. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? Fan.  The bedroom tends to be hot, even with the a/c on.
5. When did you last step outside? To cook chicken and baked potatos for dinner.
6. Before you came to this website, what did you look at? Email - invite to a birthday party... poor sucker, he's only turning 30 and stressing over it... wait till he's facing 40!
7. What are you wearing? Khaki short with spagetti strap stretch T - as I said, it's hot today.
8. Did you dream last night? Don't remember the details, but I woke up feeling disappointed.
9. When did you last laugh? At Angela and her friend's antics playing at the pool this afternoon.
10. What is on the walls of the room you are in? Beige - it's a rental.
11. Seen anything weird lately? Can't say I have.  Oh, well, if you include coincidence.  Yesterday on the way to work, I followed a silver Porsche SUV from Minnesota through the square going out of town... and followed the same vehicle on my way back from work!  Can't be too many silver Porsche "Cayenne" SUVs from Minnesota out here in Massachusetts, can there?
12. What do you think of this quiz? Better than some, worse than some
13. What is the last movie you saw? Theatre: Spiderman; Video: The Thirteenth Floor (if you liked Dark City or Lawnmower Man, you might get a kick out of this one too)
14. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first? Car that works.
15. Tell me something about you, that I don't know? Since most everyone who reads this is a good friend, and I like to talk, this could be hard... I wrote a short story this week... how's that?
16. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics what would you do? Eliminate the idea of 'nation' - it's at the root of way too many problems.
17. Do you like to dance? Yes, but I'm not too good at it.
18. George Bush is he a power-crazy nut case or someone who is finally doing something that needs to be done for years? Just nut-case....
19. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? Since she was, her name is Sandra.
20. If he's a boy? Since I've had a tubal... fat chance.  But when I was having kids, I wanted to name a boy Anthony.
21. Would you consider living abroad? Since I have, and I am right now, Yep!

I am Ghandi

According to the Famous Leader test, I am Ghandi

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com


Ghandi... does that mean I have to go on a fast/hunger strike? *shudder*

Summer sun and spicy beans

Dreamt last night I was walking with friends down 4th street back home and we stopped in a Original Joe's to enjoy the long summer night with one of their fabulous spicy bean Caesars (mmmmm).

*sigh*

Missing people, missing familiar places, missing long summer nights. The sun is down here at around 8:30 these days. 8:30! I really am missing those long Calgary summer evenings!

When the kids were little, they were actually a pain in the ass 'cause the kids didn't want to go to sleep while it was still light. But as an adult (especially one who likes spending evenings with good conversation and good drinks) I really miss those leisurely evenings. Gets too dark too fast here.

Not that I actually have any sort of social life anyway...

Gendered books?

I ran across this story in the Guardian written by Rachel Cooke about how bibliophile couples need to work together to minimize the number of books they take on vacation.

Okay, a little boring, but I'm procrastinating actually writing the paper proposal that I'm supposed to be sending off today...

What got me wondering is the fourth rule: "There are many books that he might like but which you definitely won't, and must therefore be banned: anything by Paul Auster; sci-fi by Philip K Dick; anything involving Nearly Falling Off a Mountain; all 'cyber-punk' (whatever that is); Titus Groan; business books. Then again, if he wants to pack any of the above, ditch him and go away with a Carol Shields-loving girlfriend instead."

Except for the business books, the rest of it sounds very appealing. Are my reading tastes wrongly gendered? Or am I just not Rachel Cooke's 'type'?

Just more work

Talked to my supervisor... who is making it pretty clear she doesn't want to be the dissertation supervisor... about what direction I should take in compiling these goddamn reading lists for next year. It was a good conversation, but it didn't really get me any farther ahead than I already am. In fact, in some ways, it feels like I now have more work to do.

The two contradictory aims of these exams are to: develop broad competancy in an area, and to prepare for the dissertation. I had a pretty good idea of how I might actually achieve the broad competancy in an area by arranging the century into eras. But she's suggested the dissertation preparation is more important, and that means I need to rearrange the list. Which also means I need to read a huge pile of novels in order to know which ones should go onto the list (and the new categories that I need to arrange the list into).

And I've had to fight with the library just to get access this summer.

Apparently, in this capitalist fun-for-all that is private post-secondary education, if you're not registered for classes, you're persona non grata in the library.

Even if other parts of the university think you're important enough to invite down from another country AND give money to! Grrrrr.

I also do not have gym access. Okay, I can buy that - it's not necessary like the library. But if I want to optionally purchase it for the summer, it'll cost ~$400! At U of C it was what... $20? ...to add on gym access for the summer.

Coming from a country with a strong socialist background (and I use the term in the nicest, humanitarian sort of sense, where you take care of your citizens instead of throwing them to the dogs), I never gave it much thought. But my experience here is bringing out the latent socialist in me. The 'everyone pays all of the time' mentality here really pervades absolutely everything.

I've acclimatized pretty good - I can actually navigate without a map much of the time! - but I still experience culture shock at having to pay for everything all of the time.

Bear Calling

Got a letter today from the oldest daughter.

In it she describes the nice dog at Basecamp and the time she called the dog to come to her from out of the woods only to realize it wasn't the dog but a black bear she was trying to call.

I sure hope she comes back in one piece!

Fixed!

I can blog again! Yeah!

I have managed to fix the problem that was keeping me off blogger and in limbo. (It was also keeping me away from my Favorites list, so now I've got some serious catching up to do as well.) What was very odd was that it was also preventing me from loading my bank webpage - bank and blogger - I would never have put them together on a list of similar sites.

My only problem is that I ended up getting rid of my pop up stopper in the process and I desperately need a new one. So off I go to hunt - if you have recently discovered an excellent - and free - popup stopper, let me know!

Long weekends are great!

Yes, not very imaginative post title I agree.

But I thought I should post something since I have access. That love/hate relationship with Blogger? It's turned into an all-hate relationship. I'm hoping blogger, or the guys at BU tech tomorrow can help me figure out what the problem is.

Went to a fun Independence Day BBQ yesterday - you can see the pics here - no they're not mine... but there are several amusing/humiliating ones of me. Way out of town - took an hour to get there. Nice little town though - wouldn't mind living in a space like that... just wouldn't like the commute. Played kickball and soccer. Man! Have we ever got to get back to the basketball, 'cause the long distance running does not get me in the right shape for the kind of short sprinting that those sports require.

I was talking to another guest there about marathoning. He ran his first marathon this spring. He made the training sound so easy, I'm actually considering prepping for one next year. No, not the Boston Marathon - way too many people - tough to get into also. No, the one he ran was in Maine - mostly level course, only a couple hundred participants.

I'll have to think about it - I think I came into the running game too old to be able to take up something like that now. We'll see.

Other than the two BBQs, it's been a nice relaxing weekend. Not too much work - lots of down time. What a fabulous change from the usual!

Happy Canada Day!

Yes, I know I'm a day late posting, but my computer seems to have a love/hate relationship with Blogger and refused to load the page yesterday.

We did have a great Canada Day BBQ though... yes, Canada Day in Boston. My American friends were amused. And most of them are like me - any excuse for a party! You can see pics of the night here.

The only thing missing was fireworks.

But I imagine I'll get those on Sunday with the celebrations for the Fourth. I saw the barge had been set up in the middle of the Charles River for launching the fireworks here. But we're going to be in southern Mass at another BBQ - I don't think you can ever have too many BBQs in summer, do you? - so I don't know if they'll be any fireworks there.

Maybe I'll just wish everyone a blanket Happy-independence-from-England/Europe-day!

Do you ever wonder

what your life would've been like if you'd gone the other way for one decision?

I spent Saturday proctoring a practice MCAT exam. Seeing all those wanna-be-s reminded me of taking the exam myself; many of the students in the room looked like my peers who I wrote the exam with. None of them really looked like me though.

I never even considered taking an MCAT prep course - not at $1500. I settled for buying a second hand copy of a prep book for $20 - that was more my speed. [I actually made out okay - my physical science mark was average, but verbal reasoning and bioscience were above average, and I rocked the written part - 99th percentile!] I found myself wondering as I watched the students sweating it out (it's a seven hour exam) what they were thinking about the class, their desire to be a doctor, whether they were footing the bill for the class, or if someone else was. I find it hard to believe that students might have that kind of money themselves, though I'm sure there are some who do.

That's when I got to thinking about decisions.

When I was in grade eleven, my father sat me down and told me that he would not pay for my university education. He said that I would value it more if I paid for it myself.

I suppose I have valued it more since I'm the one footing the bill... but my bill would've been so much smaller if I had gone to university after high school instead of after I already had three kids and a husband on Workmen's Comp. But then I wondered. Would I have been unappreciative if he had helped me pay for university? Would I have made different choices?

I know at the end of high school, I wanted to go to university to study social work (hehe... and what did I end up working in for many years? human services jobs... no coincidence I suppose). Part of the reason I didn't apply was because I didn't have a lot of money saved up (I had some, but not enough for the whole bill) and I was a bit intimidated because I had heard the social work program at U of R was tough to get into. [I should note that I just assumed that meant I wasn't good enough to try to get in - I didn't even try applying]

Since I didn't think university was in the picture, I saw myself with two other options that I wanted: go to trade school in photography, or start a family - those were the only other two things that I wanted.

The rest I suppose is history. I got married - moved to a city that didn't have the kind of technical photography program I wanted, had children, and then came to the slow realization that the Leave it to Beaver life that I had tried to create wasn't working.

I wonder how many of those students I sat watching will actually make it into med school?

Dear....

To the person who created the virus(es) infecting my computer -

I have kept the address of this letter intentionally definitive instead of descriptive or imaginative. I am sure there are many other titles you would rather be known by, but in an effort to be as inclusive as possible of a subgroup within society, I am refusing labels and merely describing the actions of the person or persons who I wish to address.

As you can also likely tell by this point, I know far less about computers than you do. I'm willing to admit it. You know much more than I do. I do know a bit more than simply how to turn it on, and I can do more than just play Solitaire, but I'm sure I know far less about computers, their systems, their software, and their operation than you.

If your goal in creating computer viruses and sending them out to unsuspecting people is to demonstrate your knowledge, you have done so. I concede.

The damage to my computer has been minor. Most of the cost associated with the viruses it was infected with involved me spending some time deleting, cleaning, and reformatting parts of my computer. It was annoying I'll admit, but I didn't lose any data (in part because I backup on a regular basis and use virus detection tools and such to minimize such disruptions).

If your goal in creating computer viruses and sending them out to unsuspecting people is to create broad and highly disruptive chaos, you haven't done so, at least not for me.

During my quest for solutions to the problems I encountered as a result of the viruses my computer contracted, I learnt some new things. This is because I am highly intelligent - I may not be as knowledgeable as you about computers, but I'm very, very good and finding and decoding information. It's what I do for a living.

If your goal in creating computer viruses and sending them out onto unsuspecting people is to increase fear and stress for users, you haven't done so, at least not for me. And by the way, thanks for creating the opportunity for me to learn more about my computer.

The only reason I can think for why you create computer viruses and send them out to unsuspecting people is because you're bored. That's the only other reason I can think of. I have a hard time believing it, but it's the only rational explanation I can come up with. I'm not sure why someone would do what you do, since there are so many other amusing things in the world. I certainly am never bored enough to sit down and plan how I might disrupt someone else's life - there are far more interesting and rewarding things for me to do with my time.

But then again, that may just be because I'm a highly intelligent, sociable, skilled and eloquent person. I don't know what you are like. Do you have other skills? Perhaps you can correct me if I'm wrong about your motivation. If there is some reason other than boredom and a lack of any other useful skills why you create computer viruses, please let me know.

Stop right there!

My life seems to have come to a screeching halt.

Last week, I was teaching four days a week, working the Writing Centre another two days every week, tutoring, and working that boring-ass reception job on Saturdays. Plus helping three kids organize their lives and finish up the school year.

Now I have no demands on my time.

I sent off the oldest child on a plane yesterday (don't ask, it wasn't pretty), the next one is babysitting today, and the youngest and I are staring at each other wondering what we're going to do all day.

I have nothing but reading to do.

And I've done it... for ten hours.

And now I'm bored of it.

I suppose I could go grocery shopping. Not that we really need anything, but it would be something to do.

Compliments make the world go round

Three people today said they liked the dress I was wearing.

That made me feel pretty good 'cause I made it myself.

It's a long green sundress with a flounce at the bottom and an abstract leaf/water design. I have christened it my "mermaid" dress because of its color and shape.

It feels nice to know people like my creation.

Mood: Brown

Not Black, 'cause that would be a bit more fatalistic than I tend to... but not sunny, happy yellow either. But maybe that kind of brown you get when you mix the two - actually, it tends to be a brownish-grey come to think of it.

Anyway, I'm in a bit of a funk... nothing in particular has set it off. Maybe I just "woke up on the wrong side of the bed". What does that mean anyway? I always get out the same side of the bed 'cause someone else sleeps on the other side and I'd either have to roll across a lot more bed to gain the floor, or roll over him to get out, so the side I'm sleeping on is easiest one to roll out of.

I suppose it just refers to those days (like today) when nothing seems to go right, but it's all just little shit not worth griping about. When from the moment you open your eyes (or even before, if the first thing you're aware of is kinesthetic or aural) everything seems to be more annoying than usual. But why?

So is it something that you dream and forget about that puts you in the kind of mood that predisposes you to be annoyed by the kinds of life-annoyances that would ordinarily just wash over you? I wonder.

Either way, it's still an odd saying.

Now I shall go work on increasing my zen-ness and recuperating the afternoon.

Snippets of conversation

Oldest child to youngest child: "You smell like a balloon"
Youngest child: "That's because I'm rubbery"

Networking isn't just for geeks

So in my desperation over the state of my finances this summer, I emailed everyone I could think of who I know in the area telling them I'm looking for work and if they have leads to pass them on.

And I got one! Okay, so it's only a part-time gig, but they're looking only for summer which is ideal for me... the pay isn't as much as temping, but it's flex hours, and a lot of independent work, which suits me just fine. The office is real casual, and I already know two of the staff. Pretty cool, eh?

I can fit the hours in over two or three days a week, which means I could still take the occasional one or two day temp job if I really want the money. Or I can take those extra days off to spend time with the girls since they'll be around all summer, or to study, which I need to get on pretty quick anyway.

You know, it's not ideal, but at this point, I think it's the best offer I'm gonna get.

The Pros and Cons of Work

So the job I worked on Saturday was okay (well, as okay as receptionist work can ever be - it's just really not my thing). I'm scheduled to go back next week.

While there, one of the staff mentioned they are looking for someone for the month of August.

Hmmm... now do I want to take a job like this if they offer it?

Pros: Money, what else!
It's near home
It's steady work

Cons: It's boring work
It pays less than most other temp jobs (but better than minimum wage)
I won't have much time for study

I hope they don't request for me too soon - I'd like to hold out for the miracle-job that I know I won't get for a little longer. (Yes, I do occasionally play psychological games with myself - far less crueler than messing with other people's minds though, wouldn't you say?)

Work sucks!

Busy house

This is going to be a busy weekend... but that's like most weekends around here. Wanna hear about it?

Today, I hugged my oldest daughter and told her I would see her on Sunday morning. She's participating in a 24 hour relay to raise money for cancer. Her shifts runs from this evening till about 9 am tomorrow morning when she runs over to the Children's Theatre dress rehearsal to photograph it. She has a couple hours off in the afternoon and then has to tape the performance over the evening.

I'm at home tonight (obviously, right?) "reading" (i.e. blogging)... but I am reading too... but tomorrow the temp agency's sending me out on a job and then I'm going straight to a dinner in the evening that is likely to go for most of the night. So I won't likely see her till Sunday morning.

Even though I have to work early, I can't go to bed till late 'cause I have to pick up the next daughter from her bus when it gets in at 11:30. She's been in Washington for the whole week on the end-of-middle-school field trip. And I know she'll be very talkative when she gets here, so we won't go to bed early.

My husband will work all day tomorrow too, so the youngest two will have the day to themselves (to clean up that never-ending mess of a room is my goal for them... their goal is to put off cleaning it up for as long as possible).

My youngest daughter has her last soccer game of the season tomorrow - I'm sorry I'll miss it, but I've enjoyed the season so far... well, mostly, anyway.

On Sunday morning, I'll need to get groceries for our picnic, and I should weed the garden, and then we'll go to the end of the season soccer party. The oldest daughter will go to a friend's grad party. Then in the afternoon, we'll go out to the beach (with the picnic and her friends) in a delayed birthday celebration.

If we get home early enough, I'm going to have to rack off the wine too.

Whew! When did things get so hectic? Is this what the rest of the teen years are all going to be like? No wonder people go gray when they have teens... between the mood swings and the schedule I'm surprised parents dont' spontaneously combust!